The first of two drabbles for Danie (xPerfectlyImperfect) about Marlene and Sirius. This is the angsty one, chapter two is all fluff :D Hope you like it lovely :D

My Fault

I stand beside my best friend as he recites his vows, full of pride and happiness for him. Deeper down, in the place where I keep things I really don't want to deal with, is an aching sadness that it will never be me stood there. I'll never say those vows to the woman I love, never have her look at me the way Lily is looking at James. I'll never laugh with my friends about tan lines left by a gold band on my finger.

She looks beautiful, even more than she normally does. Lily has her dressed in a light shade of pink, and with her tanned skin and beautiful blonde hair, she looks like an angel. That's what she is to me, an angel, my guardian angel. She looks after me the way no other ever could. She gets me, she knows what I need when I need it. That's why when, after the wedding, I'll sit her down and tell her that we can't be together anymore, and she'll give me that sad smile that breaks my heart, and accept it.

I wish it didn't have to be this way. I wish I could marry her, and spend many years happily together, but I can't. My name, my family, they won't let me. They know. Reg told me that they know Marlene is my girlfriend, and they're after blood. Bellatrix in particular is slathering at the thought of my beautiful Marlene being at their mercy while I fail to fight through the hoards of cowards in cloaks to save her.

The thought fills my nightmares, I no longer dream. The same night terror comes every night, and though she doesn't know why, she comforts me. She holds me close, she whispers soothing words, she reminds me that, for the moment, she is safe. I'll miss that. I'll miss her. I love her. And I have to let her go, I have to save her.

James and Lily have their first dance and as tradition requires, I offer my hand to Marlene. She stands, and I can already see the resignation in her face. She knows what is coming just as surely as I do. I wrap my arms around her waist as she wraps hers around my neck. I try to look at her, but she has her face buried in my shoulder. My beautiful Marlene has succumbed to tears, and it is all I can do not to join her.

"I'm sorry," I whisper, and she looks up at me.

"Then don't do it," she whispers back, and I can't help but admire her.

"I have to."

xxxx

I broke up with her a week ago, and my life is empty. Flat. I don't know what to do with out her. I tell myself to eat, sleep, do something, but there's no point to any of it without her. I want to floo her, or even bang on her door, beg her to take me back. It would be my own fault if she laughed in my face. I can't do any of it. I can't be selfish. While she's not with me, she's safe. She told me I was being stupid. She told me we could work it out. She's wrong, but I love her for trying.

xxxx

It was James who told me. When he broke the news, Lily crying in the background, I heard a scream of pain and denial. I looked around the room, looking for whoever it was that thought they had the right to react so badly when I realised it was me. James had to be lying to me, he had to be. But as I looked at my best friend, my brother, I knew he would never lie about such a thing.

My Marlene, my beautiful, perfect guardian angel. I thought she would be safe. I thought she would live a long and happy life. Instead she was tortured and killed, all alone. Because I wasn't there to protect her. I was to self absorbed to realise she was the one who was right. She told me, shouted at me, that we would be safer together, we could protect each other. I told her no. I thought they would leave her alone if she wasn't with me.

Apparently I was wrong. My mistake. My fault. My Marlene is dead because I couldn't protect her. Because I sent her away. My fault. All my fault.