So, I wanted to make a series of one shots for a while now and the other day, while I was on my usual sabbatical 24 hours between a chapter and the other when I usually gather up the ideas for the next one, I out of boredom I started writing this. There's a lot to tell in the end and since it's told from Anakin's point of view, I couldn't many things because he did not know them. It won't be updated that often, probably, still I hope I can make a good work with the missing pieces and moments of Over The Hills And Far Away, and then for Red Rain and then again for Last Of The Runaways, the third installment of my own Star Wars Trilogy. Last of the Runaways will probably take a while to appear on the side, but, heck, I'm already working on it.

Anyway...

I wanted to write this scene probably since the day I wrote the 33rd chapter of Over The Hills And Far Away. I mean, a delirious Anakin making a fool of himself in front of Obi-Wan and his now personal surgeon talking about sex and masturbation? It was just too funny to remain only in my head! It's a short one, but heck, it's that kind of scene you must keep short or in the end it's not funny anymore! Enjoy!

Anesthesia

"Looks like somebody is waking up!"

A baritone voice echoed in the room. It was a hospital room, even if they weren't properly in a hospital, they were on one of the bigger freight of the Rebel Alliance in the hospital deck.

There was a man, laying on a stretcher. His chest was tightly bandaged to keep his nine damaged ribs (six were broken and three cracked) in place after the reconstruction, his right arm that up to one hour before had been a naked durasteel prosthetic limb was now covered with a realistic layer of synthflesh and synthskin newly applied and the spot where the synthetic skin connected with the real one, just below his elbow, was covered with a a thin band of bacta band aid just to prevent infection.

And last but not the least, his left leg had just underwent a very intensive reconstruction surgery and was now encased into a plastic orthopedic splint, holding it together and preventing any movement.

Well, there were a lot of other cuts and bruises on his body, most of all the large gash on his left temple that had stopped bleeding just moments before they started his surgery.

Beside him, clad in a greenish short-sleeved surgeon suit and a matching cap, stood the man that had practically saved his life twice, once back on Naboo when he performed another high risk emergency surgery on him in a non-sterile environment and second just an hour before, when he had managed to repair the extensive damage to his lungs, while a colleague worked her wonders on his leg and arm.

He stood there, his arms folded across his chest, smiling brightly down at his young and reckless patient, while his best friend and mentor sat in a corner of the room, watching over his young former Padawan while they waited for his bacta bath to be ready.

"How do you feel Anakin?"

He looked up at his trusted doctor and tried to smile, even though the remains of the strong anesthetic were impairing his perceptions and abilities. He made a strange smirk as he tried.

"Not...bad..." he whispered. His chest still hurt like hell and it was rather hard for him to breathe properly. At least breathe enough to speak. "Why is the room spinning?"

"Mmh, maybe you need this." Janu reached at his side and took an oxygen mask out of nowhere, placing it on the young Jedi mouth and nose, then he opened the flux of clear air.

Instantly, Anakin felt a lot better. "Thanks..."

"Not a problem. We're waiting for you bath to be ready. We have to heat it before we drop you in there or you'll freeze!" he told him, trying to distract him a little.

Anakin tried to smile but he failed miserably. "I hate bacta..."

"Oh, your Master told me. And he told me you've taken quite a lot of bacta baths in your life. Either partial or total body immersion..."

"Hey, I'm not one that remains in the background! Those were calculated risks!"

"Yeah, ok, like I believe it. Come on you're one of those guys who can't resist the urge to do something stupid as soon as they have the chance!"

From his corner, Obi-Wan chuckled soundly but remained silent.

"Maybe..." he took a deep breath and winced. His ribs were still hurting quite a lot, but at least it was bearable.

"Anyway, seriously, how do you feel?" asked again Janu. "I don't want to put you in there if you don't feel good enough to stand in there for an hour."

"Jany, I don't even know if I'm awake or if this is all a weird dream, do you think I knew how I feel?"

Sighing, Janu lifted his right hand holding out two fingers. "How many fingers do you see?"

Anakin squinted his eyes as if he was trying to focus on something far away from him. "Six?"

The surgeon dropped his hand and laughed. "Alright, he's totally hammered. I fear he won't remember a single word he said during this conversation!"

Obi-Wan chuckled again. "Better. He tends to be a little too expansive when he's under painkillers and other drugs!" he said from his corner. "I bet that if he doesn't fall asleep again soon, he's going to tell us something really embarrassing!"

"Really? Oh, that's just great! I love this kind of patients! They are just so fun to deal with!"

"Hey, are you two talking about me?" asked Anakin, his voice slurred and low.

"Oh yes Kid, there's no one else in here except from you!" replied Janu, grabbing a chair and sitting down beside the bed, after he had checked the temperature of the bacta. "You're the only one that needed surgery. All those who went through those doors either were DOA or needed some antiseptic and a stitch. You gave us enough work though."

"Hey, it's not my fault!" Anakin tried to say, but the result was a muffled and slurred sentence totally lacking the incision he had wanted to express.

"You were the one that flew down there alone!" replied Obi-Wan.

"Well, I wasn't planning to get back in these conditions!" this time Anakin managed to speak a bit better.

"I can bet on it!" said Janu, checking again the temperature of the bacta. "Damn, this thing is taking a lot of time to warm up!"

"New batch?" asked Obi-Wan.

He nodded. "Just opened. This is the inaugural bath of this tub actually."

"Then it will take a lot of time to heat it up, if that's the first time it's used!"

"Yeah...I just hope this Kid here will fall asleep again soon, I don't want to drug him even more to make him unconscious." said Janu typing something into a computer placed beside the stretcher. "Here, we've given him a huge amount of painkillers and anesthetics, we're just below the danger zone. Even during surgery this guy here started waking up...he gave really a hard time to our anesthesiologist."

"Now that you make me think about it if I remember correctly when he underwent surgery for his arm, he did something similar. After he almost woke up in the middle of the procedure, the anesthesiologist said he's one of those people who tend to metabolize drugs faster than the average." said Obi-Wan from his corner.

Janu made a face and chuckled. "It would have helped a lot to know it before we started his surgery. I mean, in the end everything went just fine but it would have saved a moment crisis back in that room."

At that point Anakin was just watching, even if his vision was rather blurred and split in three and listening as the two older men talked.

He didn't feel bad, that as true, but he did feel really numb and slightly nauseated. Janu had told him, hours earlier, just before he injected the first dose of anesthetic, that he had probably suffered from a commotion and his head was throbbing badly so it must have been true. The skin of his left temple seemed to be on fire and generally he didn't feel too good but not so bad either, everything considered.

He just felt stoned.

Totally stoned.

"How long will it take to be completely healed?" asked Obi-Wan, slowly walking towards the others.

Janu shrugged his shoulders. "I don't know. I mean, I'll have a more precise idea after he's taken this first bath. Doctor Koros, the orthopedic surgeon, said that the regenerating implant she installed in his ankle will take a while to rebuild the bones completely. Probably he'll have to walk with crutches and the splint for a week, add or take a day." he explained. "We're going to make him take this bath then we'll let him rest. After that, we'll see if he needs more therapy."

"Was he really so beaten up?"

"Well, to say the least, he was a wreck, when we started curing him. Nine damaged ribs, pulmonary contusion...that ankle was just torn into pieces. Yep, he was really beaten up!"

Anakin sighed rather noisily. "Oh, great! Fantastic! I had plans for tonight! Fuck it!"

Both Janu and Obi-Wan turned towards him.

"What plans?" asked Obi-Wan, curious.

Anakin smirked and groaned a bit as he felt his still sore ribs grit together. "What plans? I mean, I've been far away from my wife for eight fucking years! What do you think I wanted to do tonight?"

"Wow now this is interesting!" replied Janu.

"Interesting my ass! Fuck it! I'm tired of jacking off like a teenager!"

At that point Obi-Wan burst into such a loud and heartfelt laughter he literally doubled over.

"By the Force I can't believe he just said that!" he tried to speak through his laughter because he was really shaking, he could barely breath! "That was priceless!"

"Hey, what can I say! It's true! Damn it! I've missed many things during these eight years but let me tell you, sex was one of the things I missed most!"

Janu chuckled a bit. "Well, from a strict physiological point of view, I can understand that! You spent the statistically most sexually speaking intense years for men in prison or with a bunch of other guys. That's absolutely understandable!" he said as he sat down again and gestured Obi-Wan to take a seat beside the bed, so he could be an active part of the conversation and not just a simple observer.

He was still shaking so much from laughter that he barely managed to grab his chair and drag it towards the stretcher where Anakin laid without doubling over again with laughs.

"Yeah...I mean, eight fucking years. Dammit I swear I've never been one of those teenagers obsessed with jerking off, I didn't have much time or cared too much about it but, heck, once you discover the real deal...it's...nah, you can't understand!"

Janu and Obi-Wan exchanged an amused look. "Oh, I can't guarantee for your Master but I do. I have three children, I guess I understand what you mean rather well!"

"Then you can understand why I am a little pissed off by this hole situation!" snapped Anakin, though the last few words were more mumbled than spoken.

"I do, don't worry. I do...anyway but...did they allow you to do that kind of things while in prison?"

Anakin smirked again than coughed hard for a moment. "Yeah...well, I guess they didn't know because I was alone the whole time and the door was always closed. And it was a solid slab of durasteel, not one of those prison doors with bars and stuff like that."

"You were lucky then...if you can call that luck!"

"Could be worse..." whispered Anakin in reply. "The real problem is that I was used to my right hand when I was a teenager and when I started feeling the need again in prison, I had to get used to the other one. It wasn't easy in the beginning!"

"It's just a matter of practice in the end..." replied the surgeon in his very medically detached tone.

"I wish Master Yoda was here...just to see his reaction..." said Obi-Wan shaking his head. Then his eyes lit up for a moment as another idea came to his mind. "Now that we're speaking of this subject...when the hell did you find the time to stay with Padmè, during the War?" asked Obi-Wan. "I knew there was something going on between the two of you but...heck we've never been on Coruscant by the time the twins must have been conceived!"

Anakin tried to make a smug smile but it didn't result that way. He looked more like he was about to throw up. "You never asked her?"

The Jedi shook his head. "Heck no! I mean, I've always been curious but I was damn too ashamed to ask her this kind of things. Come on!"

The younger knight grunted for a moment.

"We had our ways. And other planets. We often met on Naboo when she wasn't on duty and I managed to escape from the sieges for a night or two. I can be very good at sneaking away from you!"

"So I noticed! You became really good with sneaking unnoticed into Imperial bases! Or out Imperial prisons too!"

Janu chuckled for a moment. "Too bad that every time you managed to show this great talent you get hurt!"

"Oh come on! Give me a break! I'm not perfect in the end!" he whined. "And I don't even pretend to be!"

Obi-Wan shook his head. "Too bad he's too stoned to remember this after he falls asleep again. The Anakin I left at the Temple eight years ago would never tell something like this!"

"People change, Master Kenobi. And after everything he went through, I would be very surprised if you wouldn't notice how much he has grown up." said Janu.

"I know. I noticed it the same moment I heard his voice on the comlink, before we started the attack."

"Hey you two I'm still here! Can you talk about me when I'm in that fucking tank? It makes me uncomfortable!" snapped Anakin.

Janu smirked for a moment. "Alright Kid...so, you said you had plans for tonight! Mind to share?"

"Oh I don't want to miss this!" stated Obi-Wan.

"I know I'm gonna regret this when I wake up..." mumbled Anakin. "Anyway, yes I had plans. I had some very epic plans for tonight! I was planning some very noisy fireworks and now I'm stuck here with a freaking broken leg! Fuck off!"

"Does he always get this gross when he's mad about something?" asked Janu.

"Not this bad. I mean, he curses a lot, he grew up among thieves and smugglers after all and they are not the best examples for a kid but when he was with me he always tried to keep himself from cursing like this. I think it's the anesthesia."

"Master, really, it's just me!" interjected Anakin. "I'm totally fucked up, stoned by I don't know how many drugs, I just risked my life to save five completely unknowns and my own wife...now he tells me tonight I can't make love with my wife because I have a fucking broken leg...listen, I've got any right to be very pissed off and to curse like this!"

"I never said you cannot have sex Anakin!" said Janu quite seriously, in a very detached and medical way.

He made a face and looked up at him. "What?"

"As long as you don't put too much weight on that leg and you don't force yourself to do something you clearly can't do with that leg in this condition, sex is absolutely allowed! No need to delete your plans. You just need to change them!"

Slowly, a sly smile made its way on Anakin's tired face. "Obi-Wan?"

"Yes?"

"Find a room far away from ours tonight. And I mean it! I'm gonna give her the best fireworks of her life!"

Obi-Wan could only try not to burst again laughing and just shook his head. "Alright Anakin. Just remember what Janu just said. Take it easy on that leg!"

"Look at my face! Do I look like someone who takes it easy?"

Both Obi-Wan and Janu stared at him for a moment. "You look more like a junkie at the moment!" stated the surgeon. "And thank the Gods this bath is almost ready."

Anakin sighed. "Alright...alright...I'll stop it here!" he said. "Damn, I'm sure I'm going to regret this in the morning. Why is the room spinning again?"

"Don't worry, you won't remember a thing when you wake up. And I'm sure your Master here will have a lot of fun when he tells you what you just said!" said Janu. "Now, close your eyes and sleep. You need it!"

Anakin tried to say something else but everything he could muster was an unintelligible groan before drugs took over his system again and sent him to dreamland for the next eight hours.

And Janu was right. When he woke up, hours later, he didn't remember a single word of that conversation. Fortunately for him!