101 rules for Sweden to live by
1. No one else likes surströmming and I shouldn't expect them to.
2. –I shouldn't invite anyone to try it, to try to convert them, because it never works.
3. –I shouldn't say it's better than England's cooking.
4. –It can be used as a weapon of mass destruction, and I shouldn't argue when anyone says that.
5. I should stop assuming that everyone knows who I am.
6. I should stop assuming that I still have any influence.
7. I must resist telling America what the difference between communism and social democracy is.
8. –He doesn't care.
9. –He doesn't understand what I'm saying.
10. I should stop mumbling.
11. Finland is not my wife.
12. –He never was my wife.
13. –He can hit me surprisingly hard.
14. Germany doesn't remember the Thirty Years' War.
15. –It means I should stop fondly telling him how I used to strike fear in the hearts of Germans.
16. Bringing up Narva is only fun if Russia isn't there.
17. –Bringing up Narva when Russia is there is not fun because he will counter with everything else.
18. –Bringing up Narva and mentioning I could have crushed Moscow if I hadn't been busy elsewhere makes everyone laugh.
19. –Even if it's true.
20. Reminiscing about the Swedish Empire is fun, but always ends in a wish to get drunk.
21. –I shouldn't get drunk with Finland.
22. I shouldn't encourage Sealand's plans for world domination, nor should I help him.
23. Telling jokes about Norway is only fun to me.
24. –Telling jokes about Norway in his presence is not fun to anyone.
25. Suggesting Finland, Norway, Estonia, or Latvia should come live with me again is not a good idea.
26. –Even if Finland already does.
27. Finland is an independent country.
28. I should stop fighting with Denmark.
29. France's ideas are always bad and I shouldn't help him.
30. When I talk of Sigismund and Finland asks "Who?" he doesn't actually want to know.
31. –If I bring up the Polish-Swedish union ever again, I have to pay for Finland's therapy.
32. I should stop ignoring Denmark.
33. Denmark is not invisible, and will not go away no matter how much I try.
34. Making fun of Denmark because of Schleswig-Holstein is not actually funny.
35. –Not even if Prussia joins in.
36. Skåne is mine. I shouldn't feel tempted to hand it back to Denmark.
37. –I am not, nor have I ever been, tempted to hand back Skåne to Denmark.
38. Sealand should not drink coffee.
39. I must stop antagonizing Russia. He hasn't done anything for a while.
40. I played a small part in the Napoleonic Wars, and I shouldn't attempt to capitalize my efforts.
41. If anyone complains about World War II, I am not allowed to join in, unless I want to get hurt.
42. –No, I didn't suffer at all.
43. I should refrain from mentioning my humanitarian efforts during the war too, even if they were appreciated.
44. If England calls me "that coward country" I am not allowed to answer.
45. –Not even to say that I was being pragmatic.
46. I really shouldn't mention the war.
47. Denmark is and will always be a bad influence, and should not be allowed to watch Sealand ever again.
48. –Even if Sealand already has plenty of bad habits of his own.
49. I should try to be less frightening.
50. If Åland tries to get me to pick sides, I should ignore her.
51. –Even if it's bad parenting.
52. Hana-Tamago shouldn't play with Germany's dogs again.
53. –Says Germany.
54. I must refrain from hitting the Czech Republic over the head.
55. I must not say what I think of Peter the Great.
56. I must not say what I think of Frederick the Great either.
57. And certainly not what I think of Napoleon, even if most would agree with me.
58. Sápmi doesn't like it when we talk over her head.
59. –Even if it's a matter that concerns adults.
60. –I shouldn't actually tell her that.
61. I will not ask either France of Germany if no one has learnt from Karl XII.
62. –Even if it is fun to see France in tears.
63. –If do it to Germany he won't speak to me for weeks.
64. No one except me cares for Gustav II Adolf, and I should stop bragging.
65. The march across the Belts might have been a crowning moment of awesome, but Denmark will not appreciate being reminded of it.
66. –The look of shock on his face is still hilarious.
67. –The Treaty of Roskilde is, again, not appreciated by Denmark.
68. There hasn't been a Swedish Empire since 1809.
69. –And that's stretching the definition.
70. Poltava only results in a wish to get drunk.
71. –Getting drunk with Ukraine is a bad idea. She never stops crying.
72. –I'm really sorry.
73. I entered into the Kalmar union of my own force.
74. -Norway is right when he says I'm whinging.
75. I mustn't get annoyed when Norway says anything about Karl XII.
76. Poland dislikes any mention of any Polish-Swedish war ever fought.
77. –Fine, so do I.
78. I won't bring up Kievan Rus' to Ukraine.
79. –She was adorable though.
80. –She can still kick ass.
81. I shouldn't encourage Finland when it comes to Vikings.
82. –Should probably also stop telling him about the raids.
83. If Iceland refuses to watch Sealand I shouldn't bribe him to do it anyway.
84. –There's a reason he refuses.
85. Sealand shouldn't be left alone if I want the house to still be standing when I return.
86. If Norway suggests skiing, and bringing Denmark, I should say no.
87. –It wasn't funny the first time.
88. –Well, it was funny the first time.
89. –But he already spends a fantastic amount of time in hospitals.
90. I should keep my sword in a place Sealand can't find it.
91. –If he does find it, I shouldn't attempt to teach him how to use it on the basis that it is safer than the alternative.
92. –What I told Finland about weapons and children still stand.
93. Norway was never my wife.
94. –No, not even as a joke.
95. –We're brothers.
96. There was never anything between me and Denmark.
97. The Stockholm bloodbath is not a good excuse anymore. It probably never was.
98. I am not to get into arguements about hockey.
99. –Or football, or any other sport, for that matter.
100. I will not ask Finland to marry me.
101. I don't want him to say no.