Jaune wondered, not for the first time, if he was insane.
Such a thought would cause alarm in most individuals and lead to a series of reflective observations about their past actions to determine if they were, in fact, insane.
All Jaune had to do was merely watch as his cyborg-goats filled to the brim with high-yield explosives detonated the surrounding countryside to confirm, he was in fact, insane.
Jaune giggled.
Cyborg bomb goats.
A series of explosions rocked the castle, signaled by multiple metallic-sounding 'baa's.'
Jaune shuddered.
Cyborg bomb goats.
As Jaune had such riveting introspection onto the nature of self-propelled, quadrupedal, milk-producing, half-robotic, explosives- a team of Heroes entered his lavish throne room. Well, lavish was a bit of a stretch. His throne room had once been such an adjective, but, well...
Cyborg bomb goats.
Jaune fell into a fit of laughter as the Heroes closed in.
"How can you laugh at a time like this, Mad King?" The righteous one asked.
Jaune eased off his cackling as he wiped tears from his eyes. They were Heroes, after all. They deserved his utmost attention and respect. Therefore, he looked at the righteous one like she was an idiot.
"Uh, because it's funny? I mean, who the hell thinks cyborg goat bombs are an actual battle strategy?"
There was an awkward pause within the throne room.
"Uh, yourself?" The stoic one asked.
Jaune snorted. "How preposterous. Are you accusing me, the ruler of these lands currently being bombarded, of turning common farm animals into dangerous genetic experiments that have a tendency to detonate at unseemingly times? And then detonating said experiments over my holdings just for my own amusement?"
"Yes." The group deadpanned.
"Well, you're wrong. That was my evil-twin from my mother's brother's side who just so happened to escape right before you arrived. I'm forever thankful for your help in cleaning up the remnants of his experiments, and on behalf of the Crown, apologize for letting such an Evil slip into the Kingdom without my notice." Jaune said, his face set in the most severe expression he could muster and his voice stoic.
The Heroes, in the face of such an overwhelming charisma and charm, looked to each other in confusion before showing their true natures- they got into battle stances.
Jaune gasped.
"What is this?! Treason?! I am shocked, shocked, that the chosen of the Heavens would turn their backs on righteousness and the light just to seize mortal power! Oh, how far you have fallen! How dare you all bear the mantle of peace and prosperity when such bland temptations sway you. In light of this, I demand a trial take place immediately to determine your undeniable guilt. How do you plead, Traitors?!"
The Heroes just stared at Jaune like he was insane. Jaune snorted. Well, it took them long enough. He figured it out in the third sentence for crying out loud- the youth really needed more solid motivation in these trying times.
"Mad King, enough of your ramblings. We are here to slay you and restore peace onto these goat-torn lands!" The naive one said.
Ah, the naivety of youth. Believing just because the ruler has been disposed of means the rest of the goat-related problems will all just magically disappear without any hard-work or planning. Its why he disliked this stage, goat cyborgs aside.
Jaune's gaze turned dark. "Very well, Heroes. Since you insist on rebelling against your Benevolent King, it seems fitting to grant you all a swift death. Prepare."
The Heroes gripped their weapons tightly as Jaune smiled from his throne. He slowly raised his hand into the air and lazily snapped his fingers together-
-before putting on a bored expression and looking out the window.
They waited…
And waited….
And waited…
And waited…
And, then the giant cyborg goat beneath his castle exploded, and they all died.
Jaune opened his eyes and stretched lazily on the bench as the steady thrum of anti-gravity engines resounded within the hall. Ah, the point where it all began. The good ol airship to Beacon. Not that unexpected, really. The Gods had to keep him on his toes somehow, and it had been quite a few stages since he last saw these windowed halls.
He sighed as he thought back to his last play. He hadn't thought it would work, but he hoped his rampant insanity would have at least forced something to break. No such luck it seemed. It was also was rather...idiotic for the Hero-slaying contraption and the self-destruct function of his castle to have very similar triggers — not the brightest moment within his madness.
He gazed out the window of the airship he was oh, so familiar with. The sunlight reflected off the lake below as their destination loomed in the distance- the ever-present silhouette over Vale was quite striking in the morning sun. It was peaceful.
It wouldn't last.
As the usual actresses took the stage by the window overlooking Vale, Jaune denied himself his traditional role in the proceedings. Usually, this had some lasting consequences on future interactions, but he couldn't bring himself to care. He would fix anything that broke, as always.
As the actresses progressed their two-women play, Jaune's attention was focused onto a streak of red as she approached the ongoing duet. How unusual. Her part was usually within the next chapter, and even with the variations, this never happened.
There was something off with the way she was moving as well. She was usually much more composed and confident- her current state reminded him of his previous self. She walked towards the actresses that had their little play interrupted by a third-though the hologram offered nothing but exposition; it certainly provided a good spot to enter the conversation. Jaune clicked his tongue against the roof of his mouth. Nothing good would come from that, especially with the expression she was currently sporting. It would make things difficult later on.
"Ah, is that Pyrrah Nikos?!" a voice from the crowd shouted out that sounded suspiciously like Jaune's own, but raised in pitch. The ensuing mob that surrounded the poor redhead ended the possibility of her interfering with what little remained of the first act. The actresses finished their lines just as they began to land. His entrance was next, yet he stayed where he was.
He needed a break. A break from the constant theatrics, something he could embrace wholeheartedly. Something that would take the edge off this run, something to distract his mind and even possibly have some ideas for the next stage. He thought back and forth between his very first performance and his latest one, an idea forming within his head.
Yeah, that could work.
Jaune stretched, stood up, took two steps, and then forced himself to stumble and faceplant near the actresses he knew all too well. The younger one gasped and rushed to his side, while the older one winced, but stood back.
"Oh my gosh, are you alright?! That fall was bad. Uh, I mean it looked like it hurt. Uh, I mean-"
Jaune chuckled 'sheepishly' as he winced and stood back up. He dusted off his jeans even though there wasn't anything on them.
"I, uh, I'm fine. Sorry, I got in your way, just trying to...ah, ya know, not...faceplant?"
Oh, Gods, he missed this.
The girl chuckled nervously as she fidgeted with her black combat skirt, avoiding all eye contact with him. He did the same to her but snuck a glance at the older blonde to gauge her reaction.
Oh, the pure spectacle of watching Yang-Xiao Long visibly restrain herself as to not interfere in their awkward little dance of avoiding each other's eyes and twidling their respective thumbs meant he was most definitely going through with this idea. It would get quite a few laughs, cause more than one outburst of tears, and most certainly not lead to the answer he was looking for.
Yet, it would be the most fun he'd had in decades.
So, this is a thing. And that's all I can say for certain. The inspiration for this insanity (heh) was the very first line, just popped into my head while at work and the rest just wrote itself. I have some vague ideas about what I want to do with this, but most of this is very up-in-the-air and flexible. I'm planning on making the acting and play metaphors a long-running thing- if ya'll are confused by that, just message me any questions and I'll try to answer promptly.
Sorry for the lack of Phoenix and Dust, Finals and a lack of ideas have been kicking my ass. I might just go onto hiatus and build up a backlog so I can have a regular release schedule again if that's what ya'll prefer.
Oh, and anyone who gets the goat-bombs reference is an awesome person who has a great taste in Guides.
Review, Favorite and Follow if you enjoyed!
See ya next time!