Iruka walked in his class smiling. He was about to teach his students all they need to know to be a ninja in 1 day.

"Alright class, settle down. Today is just a 15 minute class because that is all it takes for me to teach you the mentality needed for being a ninja."

When everyone was quiet and paying attention, Iruka started:

"Here is all you'll ever need to know to be a ninja:

1. Every single problem can be solved with violence and emotional flashbacks.

2. Your enemy must always know what your super secret technique is going to do to them.

3. In order to do a technique, you must always announce it in a very loud and clear voice

4. Do not call a fat kid "fat". He might have steroids that can give him butterfly wings.

5. The most efficient way to carry out covert operations is by being dressed in bright colors and running around on trees.

6. Projectiles of any sort are useless. There is no such thing as firearms.

7. When pressed into a corner, close your eyes and have a flashback.

8. Child abuse and training are the same thing.

9. Don't bother to use fire-type techniques for they have but a 2 chance of being effective in the slightest way (An explanation could be pinned on the lack of grass, ice, bug, or steel-type ninja, but even then they prove useless).

10. Dolls, gigantic fans, flutes, and pieces of paper that explode make very good weapons.

11. If someone has a much cooler and deadly ability than you that is all in their family, then they are a villian.

12. You are helpless to turn the tables on an opponent as long as the cool music doesn't come on.

13. On the flip side, your instincts and ability to put up any sort of fight are immediately nullified the moment the scary music comes on. If you hear Lord Voldemort's fight theme (essentially Bach's Toccata and Fugue in D Minor on steroids) you're SCREWED.

14. It is common sense to send low-ranking twelve year olds to do battle against experienced terrorists.

15. Crushes NEVER go away on their own. And you MUST have one or you're not a complete human being. Pine, you pitiful Americans, pine.

16. You are powerless to make a difference without a tragic childhood to fuel your anger.

17. Never trust your family members, no matter how nice they seem. They are either 1. There to oppress and traumatise you, 2. There to go on killing sprees which may or may not include you, 3. Dead or 4. Any combination of the above.

18. 'Death' is merely a temporary condition of quantum superposition where it is unknown whether you are dead or not until finally a watcher collapses the wave function and you turn out to be alive after all. Exceptions are rare.

19. Ramen is the best Option if you want a quick, unhealthy meal.

20. Don't run away or go back on your word. It's your ninja way of life...

(haha, suckers)."

Everyone just stared.

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REVIEW, I COMMAND YOU!