Super Sped Bros.
By: Metal Sonic EX
Disclaimer: I don't own Super Smash Bros. or any of the related games.
Okay, here's how it's gonna go. This time, I broadening my target area of randomness. Instead of just one game, I'll parody twelve at the same time. This was inspired by several fan art pics from deviantART. Anyways, this is about the random and, dare I say, zany adventures of the Super Smash Bros. cast. So, here goes. Brace yourself for the randomness of Super Sped Brothers!!
Chapter One
Welcome To Your Final Destination
Master Hand - People say that knowing your enemy is a great advantage in battle. I say, like hell it is! How do you know your enemy if you can't predict if the next thing to exit their mouth is intelligent or not?! Here's your cast of specially-selected retards. We have Mario…
(Mario flexes his nonexistent muscles.)
Master Hand - …Luigi…
(Luigi flexes his nonexistent muscles.)
Master Hand - …Donkey Kong…
(Donkey Kong walks past the screen, but slips on a banana peel.)
Master Hand - …Ness…
(Ness hits a baseball and it flies into space. Moments later, a spaceship crashes in the field.)
Master Hand - …Samus Aran…
(Samus poses, then points her buster to the left without looking in that direction and shoots. A dead space pirate falls into the screen.)
Master Hand - …Pikachu…
(Pikachu scratches his ear.)
Master Hand - …Jigglypuff…
(Jigglypuff scratches her crotch.)
Master Hand - …Captain Falcon…
(Captain Falcon drives alongside the camera, waves at it, and drives into a wall.)
Master Hand - …Fox…
(Fox shoots the camera and it falls onto its' side.)
Master Hand - …Yoshi…
(Yoshi eats and pepper and a flame comes out of his butt.)
Master Hand - …Kirby…
(Kirby sucks in Donald Trump and a combed-over toupee appears on his head.)
Master Hand - …and Link!
(Link pulls out the Master Sword and throws it into a pile of Master Swords.)
Master Hand - Now, I shall take these morons and stuff them into one house. Why? 'Cause I'm bored and I need entertainment. Let us watch.
(All twelve characters suddenly appear in the living room of a random house. Everyone looks at each other and Mario is the first to speak.)
Mario - Who the crap are you?
Master Hand - After the introductions and crap like that are done, people begin adjusting. Sort of.
Captain Falcon - I think the DNA scanner in this newspaper is broken.
Samus - If you say so.
(Mario walks up to the bathroom and the door shuts.)
Mario - It's the green giant! Mamma mia! -plunging sounds-
Fox - Right… Well, if we're in a house together, we need someone to get the groceries.
(All eyes turn to Captain Falcon.)
Falcon - No one respects me anymore… -leaves-
Narrator - At the store…
Falcon - Stupid good-for-nothing… Huh? Four times the caffeine, huh? Hmmm…
Narrator - Later, at the house…
Luigi - Where's Falcon? He left an hour ago.
Samus - You can't count on men to do anything right.
(Falcon zips into the living room at supersonic speed with handfuls of groceries.)
Falcon - -with crazy look in eyes- Hiiiii…
Ness - Should I be worried?
(Falcon presents a box of Nutty Bars.)
Falcon - Ya want a Nutty Bar?
Luigi - We're go…
Falcon - They're homemade!
(A long silence follows.)
Samus - Um…
Falcon - Come on! Dig in!
Ness - I'll pass.
(Falcon dashed into the camera's view and begins rapidly doing squats while throwing his arms out to either side of him. He then zips out of the camera's view and the front door.)
Pikachu - Pika pikachu. (I feel special already.)
Ness - What'd he say?
Pikachu - Pika… (Lovely…)
(Jigglypuff rolls in.)
Jigglypuff - Jiggly… puff! (It's… me!)
Samus - What did she say?
(Jigglypuff gets that angry puffy face.)
Samus - Cute…
(Jigglypuff then began rapidly slapping Samus.)
Samus - Ah! Get this thing off me! You crazy… My health! No! AGH!!
(Jigglypuff storms off as all eyes turn to Samus, who's visor is cracked and something in her helmet is beeping. Suddenly, the noise flatlines.)
Ness - Um…
Mario - -comes downstairs- Who didn't flush?!
(Donkey Kong slowly raised his hand.)
Mario - No wonder I smell like bananas!
Pikachu - Pika pika. Pika pikachu! (What are you talking about? You smell like crap.)
Mario - What'd he say?
Samus - -respawns- He said something about crap.
(Falcon dashes in and begins dancing.)
Falcon - Crappity crappity! Crapcrapcrap! -zips off-
Samus - Something tells me we're gonna have a few notable adventures in this place.
Master Hand - You don't know the half of it… -evil, maniacal laughter-