Disclaimer: I don't own Hetalia.

My Hidden Tears

Iceland is used to being depressed and alone, but when he forced to live with norway and the other Nordics for a few days, can he hide it? Rated T for blood and because I'm paranoid.

Iceland used to be normal. He used to be happy, he used to know how to laugh, how to smile. Everyone used to be normal. Everyone used to skip around happily, not a care in the word. Iceland used to be surrounded by a family to warm him up in the cold, wintry nights of the Nordic region. But everything changed.

It began with fights. Iceland never knew, that their family would break off one day. It began with Denmark and Sweden bickering, but a day later, it would usually dissolve. But, then the fights got larger. Their quiet bickering turned to shouts, shouts turning into fistfight. Thankfully the others had been there to at least try to hold them back, try to comfort the young Nordic. But no one ever knew that the young Nordic cried himself to sleep every time they fought. Iceland learned to wear the mask at a young age. As he grew older, he tried to stop the fights before they began by asking if they would want to play or tell him a story. Little did he know back then, that the quarrelling nations made an effort not to fight in front of him, when he was sleeping, outside, or too focused on something else than them. But, how Iceland tried to smile again, how he tried to hide his worry for them, because that might erupt in another fight. One time, while the others thought he was asleep, he heard the nations fighting once more. He heard every slap of skin, every malice filled would, and it hit him hard like an icy whip. That day, he didn't sleep, looking at the abysmal darkness, softly crying and whimpering. Soon, he had stopped smiling, stopped laughing, stopped feeling, every fight numbing him to the bone. And soon, one by one, they all left Iceland, until he gained independance.

Once he gained independence, he solitude began.

Although he had made an effort to be happy once again, he couldn't bring himself to. He, although Iceland never wanted to admit it, had nightmares about his brother's fights. His head filled with what ifs. What if, I took off my mask and showed concern? Would we still be the same? What if? Soon, he started cursing himself for never trying hard enough, for not stopping them those night when they thought he was asleep. He took a small hunting knife, given to him by 'Big Brother' Norway before he left. He started cutting himself, every last piece of skin that could have saved his family. He was never concerned about the damage, being a nation, it would only cause a few scars here and there, then would heal. Iceland washed he hunting knife after every time, not wanting to raise unwanted questions. The first time, his tears fell onto the wounds, making them sting. But Iceland had always told himself that this was his punishment for not being a better brother, not holding his family tighter in his grasp. He didn't eat too often, had night terror, and sometimes, just hide in the snow, and watch his tears form beautiful crystallized droplets. He watched them shatter, like his sanity. He remember how, when he was little, how the others always treated him like glass. He was really more like metal. The glass lay in his sanity, broken glass.

When others would come to visit, he hid behind the same placid mask. He had learned, show any weaknesses, and the nations would exploit that weakness and use it against you. Every sad plea, every tear that came from his icy cold ice, hidden away by a placid mask that every nation learned to wear. It was like one of America's songs that the boisterous nation had forced him to listen to, but he remember the theme: Alone isn't the same thing as loneliness. He understood that. Even around the other Nordics, he was different. They all had blue eyes, he had violet. They had blond hair, he had white. He was always different.

Iceland lived in solitude, because of one thing he realized: you can't feel the pain of one being ripped away from you if you have no one.

~0~

AN: Alrighty! I wanted to try me first multi chapter fic today. All I have been writing so far have been one shots, so yeah. Quick shout out to That One Eccedentesiast from being my first review! It really helped! I want to hear more from you! Help me with the plot! Tell me grammar mistakes! Tell me some emotional trauma for Iceland! Anythings good, just please review!