A/N: This one started as a drabble... and ended up being much longer than I intended^^" I wrote it during Medieval Arts class so I'm sorry if it's not too good.
Hope you'd enjoy it anyway!
Disclaimer: As usual, nothing mine, bla bla bla
He always felt so naked around him. It wasn't that there was anything beyond professional between the two of them; no, that bastard was as strict as a ruler. It didn't matter that Ed burnt inside. No one even blinked when his insides tangled and made a mess out of themselves every single time he was around. That no good git would never say a word about it, but Ed could feel the mockery behind those dark eyes of him that always seemed to pierce right through him and reach the deepest parts of his soul. Sometimes, it felt like Mustang could get to places even Ed didn't dare; but he kept silent.
It's not that the Fullmetal Alchemist didn't try to make his intentions clear. He'd done everything he could think of without making a complete idiot out of himself, intentionally using innuendos when he spoke to him, especially when they were alone or making sure to prove just how fucking awesome he was with his great looks and brilliant mind. But none of that seemed to help.
He realized he fell for his commander almost six months ago. Not too long after he retrieved Al's body from the gate and helped him recover, he was finally able to focus on something other than his mission. He could suddenly see a side of the Flame Alchemist he'd never noticed before: despite everything he'd been through, he never once failed to offer his help. He seemed genuinely happy that Alphonse was back, and was telling Edward he was looking forward to see what they will do with their lives, as he was sure it was going to be something remarkable. But it wasn't just that; it was the little things that caught Ed's attention. The visits every morning, no matter just how much work he'd have to do or how many hours of sleep he'd gotten the night before. The offer to let them use his house to rest, so there won't be too much noise around them and there won't be anyone to disturb Al's rehab. It was the tiny, almost invisible smiles Roy offered every now and then. Then, Ed suddenly started to notice how the hideous uniforms fell on his commander's body, and he found himself trying to imagine just how well toned he was under all these clothes. Suddenly, he noticed just how pretty the features of his face were: beautifully mature, with just the right amount of adult wisdom and hints of childish mischief. He started noticing the way Mustang laughed, so full heartedly and happily, and he was terrified to find out he even liked it when the Brigadier General was teasing him.
Then, came the butterflies fluttering in his stomach just from the thought of meeting him, soon followed by very straight-forward dreams, and he finally understood what it was that he was feeling.
It took him a while; but eventually he confined in Al that horrible truth, but his brother just laughed, smiled, shook his head and then said that he always knew it'd come one day. Even when he was a suit of armor, he could see the stares they were exchanging and decoded the tension that caused all their fighting better than they did.
Ed called him an imbecile idiot, and claimed that while Al might be right about his older brother, there was no way in hell he interpreted Roy's emotions correctly. He was embarrassed as fuck as it was, and he definitely didn't need his own, only brother to mock him by claiming the inappropriate feelings he had for his commander, a man who was about fifteen years older than him, were mutual.
But Alphonse just laughed again, and said that if he thinks that way, he's blind, and he's willing to bet anything that Edward was wrong and that if he only dared to make a move, he'd find out that all Mustang needed was a little push, a hint of approval, and he'd do the rest himself.
Eventually, Ed was convinced, and thus he decided to get what was rightfully his: only it seemed that the owner of that thing wasn't really willing to give. Time and time again the young Alchemist found himself confronting his younger brother, telling him how wrong he was, and time and time again Alphonse found the way to convince him that he just didn't try hard enough.
But Ed felt like he had nothing more to do. He exposed himself, and got nothing in return. From the stare in Roy's eyes he knew there was no way the bastard didn't figure it out yet, and the fact that he wasn't doing anything simply meant that Al was wrong, and Ed was right, and that was it.
After almost six months, even Alphonse ran out of excuses to make him believe it was a mistake, and they set their minds to leave Central and go back to Resenbool, where they belonged. Ed had already decided long ago: the moment Al has his body back, and is healthy enough to walk and handle the world as a flesh and blood human being, he would hand back his silver watch and turn his back on this period of his life forever – including whatever feelings he decided he had for Roy Mustang.
Once both he and Alphonse were packed and ready to leave, Edward made his way to Brigadier General Mustang's office. His mind was set to throw that cursed watch on his pretty face, tell him exactly what he thinks about him (well, parts of it, anyway – he had no intentions to tell him how gorgeous he looks or how witty he thought he was and every intention of telling him how big of a jerk he was) and walk away. Dressed in casual clothes, he barged into Mustang's office without even bothering to knock. Not that he ever bothered to, especially not when the door was open. He walked towards the loaded desk, where Roy was currently bent over reading some document or another, and with a decisive gesture pushed the silver jewelry right in front of his eyes.
Mustang looked up at him. He wasn't really surprised; everyone knew that one day, soon, Ed would leave them – he made it very clear during all the six years he served the military that he didn't want to be there and that he was only using them as a tool to get Al's body back. But still, there was something in Roy's eyes, and unfamiliar emotion, that made Ed choke on his well prepared speech about how happy he was that he's finally leaving and what an ass Roy was.
Then, just as quickly as it appeared, it was gone, and back was the smirk that usually adorned those perfectly shaped lips. "Finally leaving us, Fullmetal?"
"About fucking time." How typical of him, looking so relieved that he was finally getting rid of Ed. The blonde cursed himself for being big enough of a fool to believe any of Al's words: how could he ever have even the tiniest hope Roy might feel anything other than hatred? How could he believe that in anyone's eyes, and especially his commander's eyes, he was anything other than a foolish, annoying brat who was selfish enough to absorb every information and any piece of bone thrown his way and give nothing back – and more than that, leave the moment he didn't need them anymore? He was disgusted by himself. He deserved falling for his commander and being the victim of a denied love.
"Yeah, I have to agree with you." The Brigadier General pushed himself from the table and then stood up. He let out a sigh and started walking towards the younger man.
Ed watched him getting closer, and realized his now ex-commander was probably waiting for years to be able to punch the hell out of him, and now was finally allowed to, as they were no longer an officer and his subordinate, but simply two men with the history of pretty much nothing but fighting behind them. "I've been waiting too long to be able to do this." The words only made Edward surer of what he thought, and he braced himself to defend against any fist thrown his way. When Roy took one step forward, now standing at a reaching distance from him, he automatically raised his arm to protect his face. If he feels anything he'd just knee the bastard in the balls, and it would feel so good to finally hit him and hear him groan in pain: a payment for all he'd put him through during his years as his commander, and, more than that, for making Ed feel that way.
A gloved hand was placed on his defending arm, gripping him hard and forcing it down and away from his face. Ed stared at Roy, and prepared his knee to kick him if he makes any sudden movements. But instead of punching him, the older man brought his other hand, slowly, to rest on Ed's chin, gripping it gently and lightly forcing him to remain in place.
Ed's heart started throbbing, beating so fast and so hard in his chest he was sure not only could Roy hear it, but the entire office could as well. There was no way he understood what was going on correctly; there must have been some kind of mistake. A practical joke, and an especially mean one at that. Roy leaned a little bit closer, and the butterflies in Ed's stomach fluttered as strongly as they could, flying all around his insides and making him so nervous he thought he might throw up, but then he could feel Roy's mouth closing on his and everything stopped.
No way. No. Fucking. Way. His eyes were wide open, and he could see the strands of black hair framing the face that were so close to him, close enough to tickle his forehead and cheeks but he didn't care. All that mattered now was the feeling of Roy's lips, and he suddenly realized he was kissing him for too long for it to be a prank. He allowed himself to close his eyes, and he let out a soft moan as he opened his mouth to allow the older man to deepen the kiss.
Roy did that, his hand letting go of Ed's chin and dropping instead to pull on his waist and draw him closer, a non verbal request the blonde was nothing but happy to follow. Finally feeling a little bit more relaxed, he moved, placing both his palms on the small of Roy's back, but just then the older man broke the kiss and looked at him.
The taste and feel of Roy's mouth lingered on Edward's lips, and his mind was racing with thoughts that made no sense at all. He wasn't even sure if he was happy, mad or scared, and he kept his eyes closed for a short moment as he tried to figure it out. When he decided, he opened his eyes and glared at the other man. "What took you so long?" The question was blaming, meant to make Roy understand that he made his decision a little too late. What the fuck was the point in kissing him on the day he was leaving? He and Al would go back to Resenbool, and then they'd probably start traveling again and the chances of ever being back in Central were pretty close to zero.
"Me? You're the one who stayed a soldier too long after you didn't need to."
Was that bastard actually blaming him for staying around and trying to make him understand? His astonishment was probably visible on his face as Mustang smirked, and let out a sigh. "I had to wait until you resigned from your duty. I couldn't risk my position, and I didn't want you to be drowning in rumors about sleeping with your commander because you were fishing for a promotion, better conditions or as a getaway from a punishment. People were already eyeing me for not putting you on a trial, with all the troubles you gave the office. What do you think would have happened if someone caught us kissing on top of that?"
Ed opened his mouth to answer, wanting to defend his actions and throw the fault ball back at his ex-commander, but he had to admit the man had a point. Relationships between coworkers were forbidden, and it was even worse when there were commanders and subordinates involved. Having anything unprofessional between the two of them would have led for Roy's dismiss for sure, and they wouldn't let Ed get out of it easily as well. Waiting was actually the right thing to do, but he was too much of an idiot to understand that.
But now he was leaving. He wasn't going to stay in Central just for Roy; he loved him, or at least thought he did, but he wasn't the kind of person who'd leave everything and abandon their free will in love's name. He simply wasn't, and he knew for a fact that Roy was the same. He worked so hard getting to where he was today, and he knew the Brigadier General didn't desert his plans to get to the top, but only became more sure of getting there. He won't dump everything he achieved and tag along Ed's journeys, and there was no way the man would settle in a place like Resenbool. He needed the action too much, and a quiet place like the small country-side village wouldn't supply the needed thrills.
What the hell was he thinking in first place? This thing, even if started long ago while he was still a soldier and waited for Al to be strong enough so they could leave, didn't have a future. They might have been able to spend some fun nights together, but that was pretty much it, and Ed… he wanted more than that.
"Think I didn't notice what you were doing these past six months? You were killing me, giving me so many openings to have you but still so far from available, making me realize that all these years I wasn't wrong in hoping you might feel the same," Ed almost cut him to let him know that actually, until he retrieved Al's body, he didn't even think about anything of the sort. "But I knew I had to wait."
"I'm leaving to Resenbool," Ed found himself saying, and he lowered his gaze to the floor. He knew it wasn't the right thing to say, but he couldn't just say he understood, or apologize, or whatever. "Tomorrow morning."
"I didn't think otherwise." The hand that rested on Edward's waist clenched for a second, and the relaxed. "But I can live with that."
"So… what?" Ed found himself being mad again. His hands left Roy's body and he took a step backwards, escaping the hold. "You thought, 'what the hell, he's leaving tomorrow so I'll kiss him?' Was that all that mattered to you? Proving you were right?"
"No, of course not. Do you think so little of me?"
"So what do you expect would happen now?"
Roy let out another sigh, and brought both his hands back to the sides of his body. Ed could feel the weight of Roy's stare on him, and he raised his eyes to meet the deep gaze that pierced through him. Again he felt exposed, naked in Roy's eyes and all his thoughts laying there for him to read. Every strand of pain at the thought of finally getting what he wanted for months, maybe even years without realizing it; every ounce of anger for being played like that, both by Roy and by their circumstances; every residue of hope for something better – all bare as if he was shouting it all out loud.
"I have no idea. What I do know is that I've been waiting for this to happen for too long to be able to give it up only because of a little bit of distance and some difficulties. The question is… are you willing to try?"
It was a damn good question. Was he? The obvious answer would be hell yes; he didn't spend the last six months boldly hinting his intentions only to be kissed once and then let it all go. But then again, he knew it wasn't going to be easy: Roy pretty much said that out loud that he really had no intentions of moving to Resenbool. Truth was, if Mustang would have been willing to leave everything to start a relationship with Ed, the blonde probably wouldn't have fallen for him in the first place. Could he take it? A long distance relationship, or whatever it was going to be? Would his feelings still be the same while seeing his… boyfriend? Lover? He wasn't even sure how he'd have to call it – only once in fuck knows how long? Will they be able to remain faithful? Could Ed trust Roy to remain faithful? Was it really worth all the trouble?
Ed scowled, realizing it was harder to decide than he first thought. He licked his lips, suddenly realized how dry they were, and he could feel Roy's taste still lingering on them. He raised his eyes to look at the other man, and the butterflies in his stomach burst into life again. Without even realizing it was happening, a small smile crept onto his mouth.
That was his answer. Without saying a word, without touching him, Roy could make him genuinely smile, so maybe he could make him happy, too. And now he knew that it was the same for the other man… it was something so many people have searched for years, and he'd found it so easily. It wouldn't be right to give it all up just because they were going to have distance between them. He'll just have to swallow his fear and insecurities, and man up.
"I am," he said finally, looking straight into Roy's black eyes. They moved slightly, hinting that the older man was smiling. "But you'd better not disappoint me."
The Brigadier General chuckled, and reached to hold Ed's waist again, pulling him close enough to hug him. He placed a small kiss on his forehead, making the smaller man frown with confusion. "Don't worry, Edward. I won't."
A/N: Feel free to leave a review ;)