I Promise, a spirited away fanfic

Title: I Promise

Word Count: ~8,000

Summary: Chihiro has been away from the bathhouse for 6 years, and is living a fairly normal life when memories of her time there start to return.

Author's Note: I watched Spirited Away for the first time a few months ago, and when I'd finished I felt kind of... empty, like I need to know what would happen. So, I decided to write my own ending. I don't claim my idea to be completely original, but I hope that my writing of the characters is on point, or at least closer than other things I've read! I wanted to focus on love, namely that between Chihiro and Haku, and the idea that the bathhouse has, in the film and in this story, signified a period of Chihiro's life coming to an end; first childhood (in the film), then the illusion of normality, and mortality. Chihiro has all but forgotten everything that happened at the bathhouse and beyond. I'm going to help her remember.

Six Years Ago:

This won't take long, Haku, so stop twiddling your thumbs. Sit down. Sit! Now look: Chihiro is gone, that's true, but she'll be back. It will take a few years for her doubts to clear, but she will be back.

How do you know? He asked. He tried to keep a straight face, though his insides were churning, half with relief, half with chagrin. She'll be back! But... a few years? It seemed like time stretched out before him, and right at the end was 'a few years later'. He sighed, looked up to see Yubaba glaring at him, and realised he'd completely spaced out.

As I said, Haku, my sister told me. I don't know how she knows, but she does. She always had a way with things like that.

Yubaba waddled out from behind her desk and stared at Haku's face, sizing him up. He didn't move, not a single millimetre, just stared her down. She huffed, and said, Boy, when she comes back, by which time I will be gone, you will have to tell her something. It's very important...

Yes? He whispered. What is it, Yubaba?

And she told him. Haku's green eyes widened, lit up, his hands lying still in his lap. Yubaba whispered the secret she'd been keeping safe in his ear, and Haku's usual poker-face split into the widest grin that Yubaba had ever seen.

ooo

Present Day:

Chihiro stretched out an arm and groped around on her bedside table, squeezing her eyes shut against the insistent noise of her alarm. She pressed the snooze button, yawned, and snuggled deeper under the covers, pulling them up to cover her face. The sun was shining through her window, telling her it was time to get up, but oh, she was so warm in bed that facing the day seemed the unfairest thing ever.

She heard her mother call, "Chihiro! Come and see us off please!" She groaned, remembering. Today her parents were going to see her Auntie Aya, leaving Chihiro alone in the house for a week. The idea of having so much freedom was exciting, even though it meant cooking for herself... for seven days. Who was she kidding? She was going to starve to death.

She pushed the covers away, commanding her body to move. Her room was freezing in comparison to under her duvet, but she braved the cold and rushed over to her closet, snatching up a jersey and thumping down the stairs to the kitchen. Her mother was waiting at the front door, holding out her arms. Chihiro walked into them, enfolding her mother in an embrace. She looked over Yuko's shoulder, looking for her father. "Where is Papa?" she asked, pulling away.

"He's waiting in the car; we're already late! He said to give you a kiss from him-" She kissed Chihiro on the cheek, then the other, "-and that one's from me! Bye bye, darling, we'll see you next Friday."

"Bye bye, Mama..." Chihiro said quietly. Yuko slid the glass door closed behind her and walked up the short driveway, where the car was idling. She gave her daughter one last wave and climbed in. Chihiro watched them go, shivering with cold, then ran upstairs to her bedroom. She had to get dressed and do her paper-run, right now. It was a shame to be up so early on a school holiday morning, but it couldn't be helped. She had work to do.

She dressed, shovelled a bowl of cereal into her mouth, grabbed her pack, and barrelled out the door, tripping on the loose stone in the driveway and almost going flying, as she often did. She retrieved her bike from the garage and locked up the house, then got going. It was a short trip to Natsuo's shop, where she would pick up the papers and start her route. Natsuo was the town post office's manager, which also doubled as a dairy, and that was where she had picked up her papers every second morning of the last three weeks. Summer vacation would be over soon, and then she would be back at school. She pushed the thought away, concentrating on getting down the hill into town without crashing her bike. She realised halfway there that she'd forgotten her helmet, again, but it was too late now. She'd have to risk it.

Natsuo barely spoke when she pulled up. He was already ready with her papers, which she shoved, carefully, into her backpack. He flapped his hands at her, pointing at his watch, his little eyeglasses bouncing up and down on his nose. "Yeah, yeah, I'm going! Sheesh, crazy old man..." she said, muttering the last under her breath so he wouldn't hear. She pushed her bike forward and jumped on, saving herself perhaps three seconds. Natsuo would start shouting again if he thought she was slacking.

She pedalled furiously through the park, her eyes watering from the wind. She slowed once the shops had been left behind, legs aching, and glided to the end of the main street, where she turned into the east section of town. Here, residential properties were sparse, and most of those houses were empty, so her job didn't take long.

She cycled slowly down the street, stopping to put a paper in the mailbox of every occupied house. She hummed quietly to herself, singing a nonsense tune that she made up as she went along. She barely paid attention to the cars going up and down the road, the sun glaring off their windshields, or the noise of children playing in the park. Soon her bag was more than half empty – she had reached the end of the street, and it was time to turn around and do the other side. She wheeled around, dipping as close to the ground as she dared (she was still as clumsy as she'd ever been, and covered in scars and bruises). She looked up, ready to finish her work, and almost fell off her bike in shock.

She was sure she'd seen... something. Something quite impossible. She steadied herself and rubbed her eyes with her fists, hard. When she took them away spots of light danced in front of her, and there was nothing to see but the bright street stretching into the distance, and the cars going back and forth across the intersection. She sat still, thinking hard, pouting her lips and furrowing her eyebrows in concentration. There was a niggling thought at the back of her mind, that what she'd seen was something she'd seen before.

A figure draped in black, transparent, with a mask for a face.

She put her head down and groaned, willing the image to go away, but it wouldn't. She'd seen it, there was no doubt. The spirit had been right there in front of her, staring at her from beside a hedge. The image was burned in her mind, and her mind had only one thought.

It's time now, Chihiro. You have to go back.

She saw No Face in her memory, offering the handful of gold, following her across the sea to the train tracks, sitting beside her on the bench in the train.

"Okay," she whispered. "I hear you." She put her feet on the pedals and travelled down the street, not rushing, barely thinking, barely hoping, just doing as her head and heart told her to do. She remembered the red door, the tunnel, the train station, the paddock, the...

Why was it only coming back now? She wondered, breaking out into a cold sweat as the dam in her mind broke. Why, only now, could she really remember what had happened six years ago? She thought back to when she was ten, driving away from the spirit world entrance with her unsuspecting parents. That night she'd slept like a baby in her new bed, feeling oddly at peace, simply happy to be safe and with her parents. The whole thing had felt like a very strange dream, albeit one that she didn't forget in a hurry. She remembered being thirteen, drawing dragons all over her schoolwork. The other girls in her class laughed at her when her teacher, whose name she could no longer remember, scolded her, and made her stand up for ten minutes without touching her pen or paper. At that time, her memories hadn't faded much. She still remembered.

She never told anyone, of course, for fear of being declared insane or troubled. Her parents wouldn't understand, and her friends would only tease her. She'd never found anyone to confide in. So many times she wished she had Lin to talk to, or Haku.

Haku! She swerved, almost careering into a fence, but corrected herself just in time.

It was Haku she missed most, after all this time, and of all the things that had happened, all the things she'd seen, she wished she could tell someone about him most of all.

Maybe that was why the memories had eventually slipped away. She'd never had a real outlet, to clarify what had happened. She'd never enjoyed writing, so she hadn't kept a journal. Her drawings also left something to be desired. Chihiro was not an artistic child.

She started pedalling faster, instinctively going where she needed to go, even though she hadn't been in this area of town for nearly six years. Tall trees appeared on either side of her, rushing past and rustling in the wind. There were no cars.

The road curved upward and out of sight, but before the incline began, on her right, there was a dirt road. It was dark and almost completely concealed, but definitely there. She pulled up in front of it, tires crunching the dry, hardened dirt underneath. She stared into the dark, letting her eyes adjust. Even at nine in the morning, light barely penetrated it. The trees and grass on either side of the road had become overgrown in the last six years, probably to deter anyone hoping to drive down it.

Okay, I'm here, so what now?

The answer came to her quickly, a whisper in the wind. Come back to us. Chihiro shivered. It wasn't the weirdness of hearing her answer outside of her mind – things like that happened to her, and they no longer surprised her – no, it was the thought of actually going back. Of seeing Yubaba, Haku, Lin and Kamajii again. What would they look like by now? Had anything changed? And would she even find them there when she arrived, or had they moved on? She suddenly had a terrible thought: what if she was really going mad, and when she got to the end of this road, she would find a blank red wall, with no door to lead her through?

Just go, Chihiro. Put your bike in the bush, tie up your hair, and get going.

So she did as her mind said. She walked into the darkness with her bike, stowing it carefully in the underbrush, against a tree, and reached into her pocket for a hair-tie. She pulled out her sparkly purple band, which she'd had... Oh, of course! The hair-tie that Zeniba had given her! Evidently not all of her memories had returned.

She pulled her hair back into a ponytail, letting the short parts fall forward to frame her face. She was quite unaware that it was now in the same style as it had been during her last visit. Her hair was longer now, but the effect was the same.

She started walking. The road was straight, though rocky. Three times she stumbled, and once she fell. When she put her hand to her sore knee, it came away red, though her blood was almost black in the gloom.

After her fall Chihiro started to walk faster and faster, not minding the rocks. For once in her life she was running without stumbling. Her feet found safe spots on the ground with ease, and though she was breathing hard and her legs were aching, she didn't stop. The end started to loom, and at it she found another beginning; the door, the door, the door! so she kept running, skirting past the strange statue, going towards the light. She ran into the station, but she didn't pause to look. She ran through the colourful sunlight coming from a stained glass window, and grinned, exhilarated. She left the station and emerged on the grassy field, rolling like a green sea beneath the blue cloudy sky. More of the statues littered the ground, now mostly obscured by grass. She looked up, seeing the broken down shack and, beyond that, the roofs of several more buildings in the distance. She ran up the hill, still feeling light as a feather, and when she reached the top of the stone stairs, there it all was: the long, curving street lined with restaurants, at the end of which she knew – hoped – she'd find the Spirit Bathhouse.

The street was deserted, but that didn't matter. At night the place would come alive with spirits, the sea would appear and the train would start to run, and the boat carrying visitors would dock and unload its cargo. All of the bright colours of the nights here in the spirit world started to come back to her; the red lanterns, the steaming food, the curious clothes of the spirits and the employees of the bathhouse. She remembered Lin's red work clothes and her own, smaller ones. She remembered seeing the colourful kompeitō that Lin threw to the Susuwatari – the enchanted, coal-carrying soot workers – on her first day in the bathhouse. She remembered the red and black painted bath tokens, and the handful that No Face had offered her.

She wandered slowly to the end of the street, clutching the bottom of her t-shirt like a nervous child. She hadn't felt this worried in six years, not since she was here last and spirits had started to appear all over the place. She swallowed hard, feeling a lump in her throat, and willed herself to keep going, reminding herself that she would see Lin, Kamajii and Haku soon. Even the prospect of seeing Yubaba again wasn't so bad, so long as the old witch didn't turn her into a pig.

She stopped, standing at the edge of the bridge that led to the bathhouse. What should she do now? She didn't think she could walk right in without being attacked or turned into an animal. Perhaps she could knock on the door? Or maybe just sit and wait... She would be waiting for a very long time, then. The sun wouldn't go down for nine hours yet. So maybe... maybe it would be better to go inside now, before the spirits started to appear? It was as good a plan as any.

She tentatively walked to the other side of the bridge, watching the front door. Nothing moved, and she frowned. It wasn't that she'd expected a big welcome; it was just that, well... any acknowledgement would have been nice.

She heard a creak, and looked down to see a small door swinging inward. It looked so familiar... she bent down and looked through the gap, seeing grass and bushes with little red berries growing on them, and a small tree with a white trunk. She crawled through, hunching down so as not to scrape her back on the wood, and stood up on the other side, eyes suddenly alight with recognition. This was where Haku had hidden her from the spirits. If she remembered right, Kamajii lived somewhere around here.

In her mind, Chihiro saw a flight of stairs, a warm room full of hot boilers, and then the room with all the boxes, and Kamajii with his long arms and bushy moustache. That was where she needed to go right now. Besides Haku, Kamajii had been her first friendly encounter here at the bathhouse, though at first she hadn't been sure that was true.

The stairs still looked rickety, so she stood on the edges and reached the bottom without incident. There was still a stair missing from last time – the one she had broken.

At the bottom she found the door to the boiler room. There was an orange glow coming from under the door, and when Chihiro pushed it open the light spilled out, bathing her in it.

She walked right through, turning the handle on the last door and entering Kamajii's quarters. As before, the old man paid her no notice at first, not even when she loudly cleared her throat to speak. She couldn't see what he was doing, but when he reached out one long arm and plucked a fistful of herbs from one of the drawers, she assumed he was mixing one of the herbal rinses that the bathhouse used. She coughed again, drawing up the courage to really, completely accept that this was a real thing, and it was happening to her, and said "Kamajii? Hello? It's Chihiro."

Kamajii did not turn around, but she quite clearly heard him say one word. "Sen?"

Chihiro put a hand to her mouth, remembering her second name, and as she did so dozens of the little soot sprites came skittering out of their holes. The Susuwatari encircled her excitedly, patting her feet and looking up at her face with big eyes. She looked at them, hand still over her mouth, and giggled, tears welling up. She felt so completely at home, suddenly, that it overwhelmed her. She looked up again, and saw Kamajii staring at her. He looked exactly the same – same bushy brown moustache, same black glasses, same bald head. He reached out two hands and gripped her forearms, squeezing them almost tight enough to hurt. "Sen! How good to see you, girl. It's been a long time."

She grinned, wiping the tears away. She found that she couldn't quite get her voice up loud enough to speak, so she stayed silent while he looked at her. He examined her hair, her sandals, her run-of-the-mill t-shirt and jeans combo, then released her, and asked her to sit. "We have a lot to talk about."

She removed her shoes and sat cross legged against the boxes near the soot sprites' mouse holes. They jumped up and down next to her, watching.

"What do you mean?" she said, finally finding her voice. "That sounds kind of ominous."

He smiled, rather sadly, she thought. Her stomach flipped in anticipation. "There's no bad news, in case you were worried, Sen. It's just that a lot has changed in the last six years."

"Oh. Like what?"

"I suppose the biggest change is that Yubaba is gone."

"Oh..." Chihiro had lost her words again. "I suppose... I suppose I'm not that surprised. She was very old."

"Oh no, child; she's not dead. She just moved away. She lives in Swamp Bottom with her enormous baby, in an awful mansion."

"That's... that's nice."

"It's been very nice, yes. The bathhouse is a much calmer place now, and Haku is doing very well with it." His moustache quivered; Kamajii was smiling because he knew exactly how Chihiro would react.

"Haku! He's still here? Is he running the bathhouse now? Where is he?"

"He is here somewhere. But before you go off looking for him, you have to know a few things: first, there are several guests here right now, probably soaking in the baths, so don't expect an empty building when you go upstairs. Second, Lin will want to see you. She'll be in her room, I think. And lastly, do not expect anyone to suddenly like having a human around, not at first. Some things have changed, but the spirits' feelings towards having a human in their world never really will. Do you understand me?"

Feeling like she was being scolded, though knowing that Kamajii was only doing his best to help her, Chihiro nodded, and then, spontaneously, stood up and hugged the old man, whispering "Thank you" before going to the wall behind her and sliding open the door to the storage basement, and the tall room with the noisy cogs beyond. She ran through it and found the elevator easily, stepping inside and jabbing the button for the top floor.

While the lift went up and up and up, Chihiro tried to control her breathing, whispering the words Calm down, calm down under her breath. If this was really real, and not a dream, she had to get a hold of herself. She didn't want to reach Haku's floor with a red face and sweaty palms. But did it really matter? She honestly didn't think Haku would mind. She closed her eyes and smiled to herself, opening them again moments later when the doors slid open. This was definitely not the top floor. When Chihiro stepped out she saw a bath with a figure inside, its back to her, scrubbing itself slowly with a sponge. From what she could see through the steam, it had a very long, supple nose, like an elephant's. She edged away until she could no longer see it, then looked around. The room kept rising up several floors, which meant she needed to find an elevator that would take her higher. She spied one across the room, so she ran quickly around to it, pressed the upwards arrow and watched the symbols on the panel above the door change. They seemed to change so slowly that she started to sweat again, twiddling her thumbs.

Finally the doors opened, and soon she was speeding towards the top again.

When she stepped out onto the last floor, she gasped. Everything was so different, and yet nothing had really changed. Sure, all of Yubaba's abhorrent vases were gone (they now no doubt adorned her new mansion), and it was much lighter, but the purple lamps, the carved stone bird on the wall, the big pink doors to the main office; all remained. She stood still, simply looking, for a few minutes, taking everything in. When she finally reached the door she saw that the ugly door knocker was gone, and in its place was a dragon head. It was wolf-like, with long golden whiskers and curving horns, just like Haku. She grasped it, and knocked. The door swung open, revealing a narrow corridor. She followed it, turning right, then followed that one to the end. The entire way was lit with softly glowing lanterns, and several fireflies bumped around the ceiling. The bright decor certainly left something to be desired, but Chihiro stroked the walls appreciatively, even fondly.

She pushed the last door open. It swung in without a sound, and as it did Chihiro saw... nothing. The room was empty.

She rushed in, turning in a circle, just to make sure. She wasn't mistaken; there really was no one here. She stood without breathing for a few moments, then drew in a breath and shouted as loud as she could, "Haku!" For ten or so seconds, nothing happened. She was just about to yell again when suddenly, joyously, and with a giant rush of wind, a dragon, white and green with long, long whiskers, barrelled through the open window. He coiled around her and faced her and she leapt forward, hugging his neck. While she did so the feeling of him in her arms changed, grew wider and shorter, and she stepped back to see Haku, in human form, looking at her with big green eyes.

He was much taller, and looked to be about nineteen years old. His eyes were greener than she remembered, his hair – now shorter – darker, though his skin was still very pale. He wore the same white hakama over blue clothing. And he was staring at her. Despite her elation at seeing him again, she started to feel a little self-conscious. Wasn't he going to say something? She waved a hand in front of his eyes and he blinked, but he didn't look away.

"Sen... You're really here?" he said finally.

"Yes, Haku," she said quietly. "I really am."

"I missed you so much."

Chihiro felt a lump rising in her throat. "I missed you too," she said huskily, as Haku pulled her into a warm hug. She looped her arms around the small of his back and sighed happily, closing her eyes.

He murmured into her hair, "Are you here to stay this time?" She tensed, and felt him respond the same way, obviously worried about what her answer would be. She gathered her thoughts, and pulled away, but took his hands in hers; she was loath to break contact, after all this time.

"Honestly, I don't know. My parents are away right now, but they'll be back in a week, and if I've disappeared..." She trailed off. She didn't know what would happen if her parents came home and she wasn't there. She couldn't do that to them, no matter how much she wanted to be here, among the spirits.

"Okay," he sighed. "We'll work something out." He paused. "But Sen? Before you decide on anything, there's something I have to tell you first."

The serious tone in his voice instantly caused her mind to whirl, considering all the possibilities. Most prominent in her, though, was this: The fact that he might not love her anymore. She didn't think she could take that, because she loved him. It was a feeling that came as easily to her as breathing. She did not question it, nor was she ashamed of it, and she would have admitted it to him right there and then if she thought she needed to. She was sure he already knew, and probably had ever since they had first met. The mere thought of the fact that he may not return her feelings made her eyes well up with tears. He cupped her chin in one hand, brushing a tear away with his thumb, furrowing his eyebrows in confusion.

"Why are you crying?" he said.

"I don't know," she sniffed, wiping her eyes. "I guess I'm just scared of what you're going to tell me. That you're going to tell me I should go home, or something."

"Sen, I would never say that. I only just got you back, after six years! The last thing I want is for you to leave again."

"Well, see, that makes it even harder! If you want me to stay so badly, how am I supposed to choose? I can't leave my parents, but I can't leave you either, especially if you want me to stay!"

"I'm sorry, Sen-"

"My name is Chihiro," she said. Haku stopped short, staring at her. She couldn't quite tell what he was feeling. Was it anger, embarrassment, or a mixture of the two?

"I'm sorry, Chihiro, I truly am, but I can't lie to you."

"It's okay. I have a week before I have to decide anything. We can figure things out later, right?" Chihiro couldn't quite believe that she was considering leaving her family to be here, but this was Haku, the boy – no, man – who had saved her life on more than one occasion, who had helped her, comforted her, maybe even loved her. It wouldn't make any sense to throw it all away, not just as she'd gotten it back.

"I have to go and find Lin now," she said. "Will you wait for me?"

"Yes. I'll be here."

She left the room without looking back, exited Haku's quarters by the big pink double doors, and stepped into the lift. Kamajii said that Lin would be in her room, by which she assumed he meant the quarters they had shared with a dozen other women when Chihiro was working here. She leaned against the wall, looking at her feet. The lift creaked and shuddered as it descended, loud in the quiet air.

She made her way silently to the workers' quarters, where the sounds of sleep were clearly audible. The thin walls allowed Chihiro to hear heavy breathing, sniffles and the rustle of bedcovers. It was almost 11am, but here at the bathhouse, most slept late unless there were special guests coming. Obviously today was supposed to be quiet.

Chihiro padded along the corridor, her footstep landing softly, cushioned by socks. She realised, as she neared the door to Lin's room, than she had been holding her breath for a short while, and her throat was starting to hurt. The air left her in a rush, and maybe it was that, the release of tension, which made her open the door without hesitation or worry.

There were several girls sleeping on the floor, but a few more were up and getting dressed or reading in their beds. She scanned their faces for Lin, who would be about 20 now, but didn't find her. She looked around again and realised that all of the girls who were awake were staring at her in shock, frozen or teetering in a precarious position, such as one girl who had one leg in her work pants.

Chihiro cleared her throat, wincing as the girls flinched, and said quietly, "Is Lin here?"

One of the girls lowered her book and stared at Chihiro openly – the others could meet her eyes only for a few seconds before looking away. "I remember you," she said, and maybe Chihiro imagined it, but she thought the girl smiled a little. "You're the skinny little human that Lin bought us. What's your name?"

"Chihiro," she said nervously. "But... Yubaba called me Sen."

"Ah, that's it! Sen. Little Sen. As far as I know, Lin is getting one of the baths ready for an early guest. You'd better go now. The other girls are getting antsy." She said this last in a conspiratorial whisper, glancing around, and Chihiro noticed that was telling the truth. She nodded, and beat a hasty retreat, closing the thin paper door behind her.

She took a deep breath. Her heart was pounding like a drum, and her hands were shaking. Those girls had all been staring at her, and one of them had even recognised her. It was all so unreal, being here again, that Chihiro felt quite faint. She shook her head and carried on, trying to remember where the baths had been. She spied a wooden staircase that looked familiar and started up it, steadying herself on the rail. She reached the top and saw a long corridor of several rooms. Only one of them had steam rising from it, and it was that one she headed for, trying to calm her breathing. Lin would be an adult by now, about 20 years old, and Chihiro wished with all her heart that her old friend would welcome her.

She stood in the doorway and looked for Lin in the steam, but found no one. The room appeared empty until she saw a head bobbing up and down inside the big round bathtub. She walked forward slowly, bare feet barely making a sound on the wooden floorboard. She felt sure it was Lin now – the hair had the same dark brown colour... and besides, she just knew, somehow. She scrambled up the side of the bath and peeped in. Looking right at her was, unmistakably, Lin. An adult Lin, and despite that she had barely changed from the teenager Chihiro had known. She pulled herself up properly, watching as Lin's face split into a grin, hers following suit, though it quickly changed to an expression of alarm as her friend grabbed her and pulled her face-first into the bath, hugging her so tightly and surprising her so much that for a moment Chihiro lost control of her legs in the three inches of warm, soapy water on the bottom.

Lin squeezed her tight and put her down, still not letting go of her arms. There was a giant, infectious smile on her face that soon had Chihiro grinning like a fool.

"I knew you'd come back!" Lin said happily. "I knew it!"

"I didn't," Chihiro said, smiling. "It's so great to see you again Lin."

"Come on, let's get out of this bath and go talk somewhere less... wet."

"Aren't you working?"

"Nah, I'm done. Let's go." She climbed nimbly out and Chihiro followed, her bare feet slipping a little on the rim of the giant tub. Lin lead her out of the room and back down the corridor. They climbed up a staircase, took a right, and ended up in front of another bedroom, though this one was much smaller than the one Chihiro had known, and housed only three beds. Lin sat on one of them and grinned. "This is my new room," she said. "What do you think?"

"It's definitely much better than our old one," Chihiro said. Wait, she thought. Our old one? Our? I've been here a few hours and already I'm thinking of it all as my home again. It worried her, because even though she had missed her parents then and did too now, the bathhouse still felt, like it felt back when she was 10, like a real home. She frowned, and looked at Lin. What would she think of that? Chihiro was human. She didn't really belong.

"What's wrong Sen?" Lin said. She looked so concerned that Chihiro let the usage of her old name slide. She didn't want to lose her name again, but for now it was fine.

"It's nothing, I'm just... I'm glad to be back, but at the same time I feel guilty for wanting to be here. It's not the real world for me, like it is for you. It's more like a dream I can use to escape from my real life."

"This is real too," Lin said. She looked down at her hands, fiddling with the drawstring of her work pants, and frowned, "But I know what you mean. Do you remember what I said when you were here last? I wanted to get out of here, make a fresh start. Well, I've had plenty of chances. Yubaba's gone and I got my name back – I'm not tied down here anymore. And Haku would let me leave if I told him I wanted to... but I'm still here. It is real, it's just a very small slice of reality, and I feel guilty myself for not making the most of my freedom."

Chihiro nodded. It felt good to know that someone felt the same as she did, in a way.

"What is your real name, by the way?"

"My real name is Aiko," she said. "Everyone here knows me as Lin, though, so that's what they all call me. I don't mind it."

"Haku still thinks of me as Sen..." Chihiro sighed, thinking of the way she'd snapped at Haku. She shouldn't blame him; everyone here had lost their name at some point, and if he forgot now and again, it shouldn't really matter. "I suppose... I don't mind either, so long as he knows my real name."

"Haku isn't his real name either, remember?"

Chihiro felt her face redden with embarrassment, so she covered it with her hands. "Oh god, I forgot too! Do you think I'm a bad person?" She peeped at Lin through her fingers.

"Of course not, Chihiro. This entire place is probably at fault. Yubaba might be gone, but not a whole lot has changed. It's just slightly calmer and nicer to work here, and the pay is better."

"Okay," she said, and sat up. "Do you mind if I ask you a personal question?"

"Personal for me, or for you?" Lin smiled. Chihiro smiled too and cleared her throat, feeling her face get warm again.

"Well, for me, I guess. I - Lin... do you think... do you think Haku loves me?"

Lin looked surprised, but not as much as Chihiro had expected her to. Had she seen this coming? Chihiro sat in anticipation, unable to take her eyes off the older girl, watching every little change of expression flit across her thin face. Finally she composed herself, looking at Chihiro kindly. Only five seconds had passed but Chihiro was questioning everything. She felt sure that Lin was going to shake her head, say no.

"Of course he does, silly! But why do you have to ask me? He's the one you should be talking to."

"Oh, I..." she mumbled, apologetic.

"You thought I'd say no, didn't you?" Lin said, and Chihiro shrugged.

"I had no idea what you would say, but I didn't expect you to say yes. Or to know the answer."

Lin smiled, chuckled softly and took Chihiro's hand. "Everyone knows. I don't think Haku ever stops wondering about you, pacing back and forth in his big office by day, flying up and down the train tracks by night. I've seen him staring out across the bridge so many times, I've lost count. It's only been six years, but I don't know if it feels like that long for him. It must be longer. Technically, he's very old, but he's still a young spirit, and for the young ones, time stretches like elastic, on and on. Do you feel the same way? Or is it different for humans?"

Elated at the news that Haku did, indeed, love and miss her, Chihiro gripped Lin's hand tight, and said, "My mother used to tell me that the older you get, the shorter the years seem. But I might have been away from here for decades, it feels so long ago. I forgot so much, but I saw something that made me remember and come back."

"I'm so glad you did, too. And I love that you came to see me, but Haku will be going mad without you right now."

"I should go back now, shouldn't I?"

"If that's what you want."

"It is. Really, it is, but..."

"But?"

"If I go back, will I ever be able to go home? And if I go home, will I be able to come back here? Will I ever see my parents again?"

"I couldn't say. I'm sorry."

"It's okay. I know I've made up my mind already. I made it up the moment I stepped onto the bridge, or maybe before. Maybe I made it up the moment I saw him when I was ten, and I just didn't know it."

She paused, thinking.

"Maybe it was made up the moment I dropped my shoe in the Kohaku River."

"Oh, well now you're just being silly! Go and see him, and see what he thinks. It's no use sitting here going 'what if'."

"You're right," Chihiro said, letting go of Lin's hand, standing up and straightening her t-shirt. I'm going now. I'll see you... later."

Lin smiled again, her eyes sad and warm. "I hope so."

Chihiro didn't look back as she left the room. Despite what she'd said before, she didn't really know what she would eventually decide; whether she'd return home to her parents, or stay at the bathhouse with Haku.

Several girls were up and walking when Chihiro returned to the corridor between the baths. Most of them ignored her completely, but one girl stepped out in front of her, causing Chihiro to stumble in her haste to stop walking. She was dressed all in bright pink and sporting pigtails and a pout. She couldn't have been older than 13. Chihiro didn't like the look of her at all.

Chihiro stammered, "Can I h-help you?" It felt ridiculous to be afraid of a teenage girl, but she wasn't really a girl, she was some kind of spirit – this was a spirit bathhouse, and Chihiro was the only human there to her knowledge. Age could be deceptive, too. She could very well be a few thousand years old.

"You're a huuuman," the girl said. She cocked her head to the side and stared. Chihiro felt her cheeks go red. She really hoped that no one was watching.

"Yes."

"I don't like humans."

"I-I'm sorry."

"What for?" she said, her expression stony now. Chihiro was quite sure the girl's skin was changing colour, from red-cheeked to tinged with grey. Her pupils seemed larger too.

"Well, I'm... I'm sorry you don't like humans."

"Do you think you're better than me?"

"No," she said. "Not at all! I don't think humans are great either, sometimes. We learned about the Holocaust in history class last year, and we've done other stuff, like-"

"I don't care! You're boring."

"I'm sorry."

"You apologize too much."

"Sorry – I mean yes."

The spirit's skin was definitely grey now, but Chihiro could see waves of pink beneath it. Her face, arms and neck were slowly rolling with an ocean of colours. Chihiro couldn't stop staring.

"Where are you going?"

"Upstairs, to see-"

Chihiro never finished her sentence, and it was possible the spirit never wanted to know, because all of a sudden she was soaking wet, with her hair clinging to her face and water running over her like a wave. She turned around. There was another little girl, identical to the one in front of her – albeit with normal skin – standing there, holding a huge blue bucket.

Chihiro spluttered. "Wh... wha..."

A hand gripped hers and led her away. It was Haku. On long legs he strode towards the elevator doors, half pulling her he was walking so fast. His steps felt angry but when she looked at his face she saw a half smile on his lips. "What just happened?" she said, using her free hand to wipe water from her eyes.

"That was Aei, a mischievous spirit. The young girl in front of you was a projection of her real self. In the mortal world she tricks people into thinking the projection is the real thing, and sneaks up behind them to attack. The rules for spirit trickery are more restricting here, so instead of slitting your throat, she dumped a bucket of dirty water over your head."

"Oh, well I suppose I'm thankful then. I'd rather be soaking wet than dead." Haku chuckled, and pressed the button for the elevator. It arrived quickly, and they stepped inside. Chihiro wanted to avoid an awkward elevator silence, so she said, "Are there a lot of murderous spirits here? I don't think I encountered any the last time I visited."

"I did my best to protect you from them last time."

"You did?"

"Yes. Some spirits can be vicious; those who emulate animals especially, like the Kappa, the Okami, and the Kamaitachi. Others are war-like protectors, like the Tengu. Fewer are peaceful and come from natural, yet non-animalistic beings, such as myself."

"And Lin?"

"Lin is a weasel spirit. She is peaceful now, but I cannot speak for how she operated in the mortal world."

"I went through a phase a few years ago; I would look up all the different spirits, and try to remember if I had seen any of them here, but I could never really place anyone. Everyone takes the form of a human, or of an animal. It's kind of hard to know who is which spirit."

"Have you ever thought that perhaps humans and animals take the forms of spirits?"

"Oh. No." She frowned. Haku was smiling, almost grinning. He was having fun with her, she knew. She must have appeared ignorant to him, a young human, an infant to the spirit beings, asking him these simple questions.

He might have read her mind, because he said, "You know, I am glad that you are asking me these things. It makes me happy to know you are interested in this world beyond… any personal connections you might have."

When she looked at him his eyes were a shining green, burning with something she couldn't place.

The lift doors opened and they emerged on Haku's floor. The bright walls glared in the rays of sunlight coming from a pair of long windows at the end of the hallway, and Chihiro squinted as they stepped out. They continued slowly through the passages to the main office.

"Haku I…"

"What is it?"

For a few seconds, Chihiro lost her voice, and her footing. She breathed in sharply as her wet, sock-clad feet slipped on the dark polished floor, and she felt the familiar wrench in her stomach that meant she was going to fall – but she didn't. When the falling sensation stopped and she looked up to see why she hadn't hit the ground yet, she saw Haku's face inches away, lips parted, eyes on hers. She flushed.

He pulled her up slowly but kept his arms around her. One hand was on the small of her back, the other wrapped tenderly around her wrist. Had she been more graceful an onlooker might have thought they were getting ready to dance, but her feet still didn't sit right on the floor and she was clutching the edge of Haku's hakama as if her life depended on it, and it was unusual for a dancer to be so pink-cheeked and breathless before the dance had even begun.

Once he was sure her feet were firmly planted he let go of her wrist and brushed some loose strands of her hair, the fringe she was growing out, away from her eyes, but tightened his hold on her until she was flush against him, closer and closer now, still struggling to find air for her lungs and trying to remember what she had been about to say.

And then she remembered.

"I'll stay," she whispered. "I'll stay here with you."

He kissed her then, trapping that last word between their lips, holding her to it, to him.

Chihiro had never felt more human than in those moments. She was warm and flesh and breath and all of it, with half a chance, she would have given to him in a second.

Her lips parted and he responded in turn, his breath hitching as she pulled on him with her teeth, tugging, holding on, letting go, and using her tongue to explore the inside of his mouth. She needed to breathe but she needed him more, had needed him for a long time, in this way and many others. She'd always wondered what girls meant when they said these things about boys and now she thought she knew. She didn't need him for her to live but having him here, with her, and knowing he would be there forever if she let him made everything else easier. It made her feel alive.

She opened her eyes and pulled away, and was stunned to see that there were tear tracks on his cheeks. "What's wrong?" she said.

He said, "Nothing. I'm just happy," and kissed her again.

ooo

Six Years Ago:

Yes? He whispered. What is it, Yubaba?

This human girl, Chihiro, is what we call a spiritmate. Your soul belongs to her, and if she does not return you will both be unhappy for the rest of your lives. If she comes back and you convince her to stay, she will be with you for as long as you live, and you will both know happiness unlike any other. That is, as long as you want her.

I do, he said quietly, grinning. He seemed to shine from within. I will love her forever.

Then tell her, and make sure she understands.

I will. I promise.