Global Warming?

Just an idea that popped into my head during—you guessed it—Biology. Enjoy.

Fang never realized how annoying Angel could be sometimes. He loved her to death, sure, but she had her moments where you wanted to rip your hair out and scream at the top of your lungs. Now was one of those moments. Max had told everyone of Angel's new problem; she got hyper when she had candy. And Angel loved candy. Max managed to teach her not to use her mind powers to get things she wanted, but Angel used her own powers. Her cute little girl charms.

And now she was begging Fang for candy, and he caved in almost instantly, and thrust a bag of skittles and a Hershey bar at her. He had bought them for later, but he couldn't concentrate on his homework he was procrastinating on. Yes, the Flock was in school, having been forced by the kind Lady Max seemed to like. And right now this homework crap he was forced to do was pissing him off, so he didn't bother looking at Angel when she pranced off.

The morning went by, and soon enough school was here. Angel was by then hyped up from the candy, twirling on her feet lightly and giggling, spazzing out at random people and laughing loudly spontaneously. She was soon in her science class, and twitched when the bell rang and the teacher called for attention. She announced the essays on their view of what's causing Global Warming was due today to present, and offered for people to volunteer before she called on names. Of course Angel happily offered, and the teacher sat down and watched as she stood and walked in front of the class, paper in hands. She spun around to face the class, and held the paper to her face, clearing her throat and smiling.

"Global Warming." She began cutely. "It's complicated yet simple. For one thing, it was discovered that every time a hot guys sneezes, an ice cap melts!" She continued on before anyone could laugh or say a thing. "Also, the polar bears are selling nuclear weapons to the Germans and Canadians, and the nuclear energy is messing with the Ozone Layer! It's also all caused by child abuse! Seriously! The Penguins told me so! Beware of the cheese crackers, they said! Oh yeah, and the North Pole is just a giant light bulb on a turtle's back, and the turtle woke up and the light bulb turned on, so now the ice from his ice cream is all melting and stuff! And then the turtle farted, so his fat is polluting our air! And now that his ice cream, and our ice, is melted, there will never be night again because the light bulb will be like a night light. IT'S ALL A CONSPIRACY! And the giant turtle is in alliance with the Canadian Squirrels! An army of Canadian Squirrels, by order of the spaghetti master, king of all pasta, banded together and kidnapped all of Canada's male children under the age of two, and devoured their intestines at the North Pole! And their left shoes, too! And now the blood is melting the ice from its warmth. But there's a twist! Half of the Canadian children weren't eaten, but recruited to become mini Hilters and Castros! I like cheese. Oh, and yeah! The giant monkey in the sky likes to practice his ballet a lot. And he needs to take potty breaks, so he pees in the oceans. SO that's why the water is so warm! Darn monkey! Ah, the end!" She chirped, letting her arms dangle by her sides.

She caught a gaping boy's gaze, a hot one, and glared at him angrily.

"It's because of people like you who touch themselves at night that global warming is real!" She snapped, looking truly serious and angry. The boy burst into tears and whined, "I'm sorry! My momma said it was normal! I'll stop!"

She huffed, sat in her seat, and grinned brightly at all the shocked stares she got. The teacher fell out of her chair and scrambled to her feet, eyes wide and cheeks flushed pink.

"Ah…oh…wow…um…RECESS!" Everyone screamed happily and darted from the room, no one in the room now but the young female teacher. She slowly pulled out her cell phone and dialed numbers, bringing it to her ear. A click was heard as someone picked up, and her tone was low and serious, tinged with a monotone tone to it.

"They know."

PS: The Turtle Light Bulb thing and the Canadian Squirrel army rant was all created by my friend Alexis. She's a crazy one, that Alexis…