As of August 16, 2009 this fic has been revised.
Hello to No One : Zack/Cloud
Maybe… a few years ago I would've thought it was funny. Maybe I would blush and try to snatch it away. You would laugh, pinch my cheek, embarrass me further. Then, of course, we'd be scolded by the General. So typical. I can see the scenario playing in my head.
But that would have happened many years ago. Tomorrow marks another year.
Yeah, back then I would have laughed. Now though, it wasn't funny at all.
I had found them, by some divine luck, in the mud. The rain bouncing against the metal, the light from Fenrir shining from the plate's surface and onto my face. ZACKARY FAIR S1st CLASS. It was engraved accurately into the front, machine created, worn and scratched with the passing of time. But on the back, something that wasn't supposed to be there. Etched sloppily on the back were the letters C.S. with a barely noticeable heart beside it.
No, I was not amused.
I was furious.
"God dammit, Zack!" I screamed viciously through the rain washing over my face, clutching the dog tags in my hand so tight that my fingers went numb. The other hand was in my hair, tugging and pulling in my anger. I snarled, tossing the metal to the ground hard, hearing the clink as they bounced against the Buster.
"Why do you do this to me?" I whispered. I'm not sure if I directed that to you or myself. Probably both.
"Every day. Every fucking day I find something. Doesn't matter how small, but it always reminds me of you… It's driving me insane, Zack, I can't take it anymore." I sink to my knees in the mud, reaching out to take hold of the metal again, gently this time, guilty. I pull the chain to my lap to stare down blankly at the inscription.
I hate crying. The burning tears and heat on my face, but I just couldn't stop. They keep coming and coming and I feel like such a fucking baby. My sorrow is hidden, though, in the dark clouds and flowing rain.
"Psh," I tsk, running my thumb over the tags, cleaning the dirt and grime from them, "How ironic … of course it has to be raining. Just makes me feel all the worse." I sigh then, rising to my feet while twisting the mutilated chain around my neck. I place my hand over the tag, place it right over my heart.
I stand for a moment and let the cool rain drip over my face and hair. Each drop feels like ice, but the sensation is refreshing. My hand is running over the hilt of the sword, feeling the roughness of the leather wrapped around it.
What's more important, Zack, the handle or the blade? Which part makes the sword really functional? If you take the blade away, then all you have is a blunt hilt. But take the hilt and you can't hold up the blade.
Why do I continue to do this to myself Zack? I can't feel anymore…
--
That night I'm lying in the middle of an endless field of flowers. I've been here before, but still I feel confused and curious. So I sit up, brush the few leaves out of my hair and look around.
The sky id white, just like it always is. My eyes focus as far as they can, until the edge of the meadow fades away like the corners of an old map. I'm silent as I stand.
Pristine laughter floats by my right ear and I immediately turn, noticing now that I don't have a weapon. Or anything, just soft clothes against my skin. What would attack me here, though?
I'm walking now. I can hear voices somewhere ahead. This place is like a maze, just no starting or ending point. That feeling of loss is weighing down on me like a wave of crushing black water.
"Oh, hello Cloud! How silly; I didn't hear you coming!" Aeris looks the same as ever, I notice, as she turns to me: hands clutched together behind her, smile so wide her eyes are closed, those awkward boots and pink dress standing out against the white petals. But I wasn't paying attention to her anymore. I was watching the man standing behind her. Nothing about him has changed either. It's too much too fast and I want to cry again.
Zack simply waves slightly at me, huge grin in place, and says "Hey buddy".
Is that it? Just like last time?
But something behind those eyes dance.
"Oh dear, Zackary, he doesn't look happy to see us. Are you alright, Cloud?" She's coming towards me slowly, one hand held to her frowning lips, and suddenly I want nothing more than to sit in those crystal flowers all around me. So I do, head in hands. Everything just feels so empty right now.
I expect to feel Aeris's soft arms wrap around my neck as she tries to cheer me up. But instead there's a warm, calloused hand running gently through my golden hair. I look up into his ocean blue eyes, into that perfect smile. He pats my head gently, "I miss you a whole lot, Cloudy," he whispers sadly into my ear.
Zack holds me the rest of the dream. Aeris stands in the distance, smiling gently. I wake sometime later with tears soaking the pillow.
--
The next morning I'm up before everyone else, just like every other day. Vincent stands solemnly in the kitchen. I don't ask when he arrived because I know that Cid will fill me in later. Where ever Highwind goes, Valentine follows.
Tifa comes down sometime later and begins making breakfast. She's glancing at me every few minutes. I say nothing.
No one remembers. No one ever remembers except her. I don't even think she was worth telling. She pities me, she always does, but that isn't what I want today. I never want it. I don't want anyone silently mourning for my losses and mistakes. I just want things to continue like normal. Maybe it'll help me forget the pain.
Like I could.
Its mid afternoon and I'm getting ready to ride up to the cliff top. Everyone's out for the day besides Tifa and the kids. She's washing the dishes, waiting to open the bar, and I can hear Marlene and Denzel upstairs playing Odin knows what.
Tifa comes around the corner just as I reach out to open the door. She reaches one hand out towards my shoulder, mouth opening "Cloud, I know tod-"
"Stop," She pulls back, shocked at my tone of voice. "Please just… don't touch me Tifa. I don't want to be reminded again and again alright?"
She just nods and I've already shut the door.
The sky was clear this time. Blue like gemstones. Everything was so perfect. The sun was glowing off some of the smoother rocks. I know what you would've said on a day like this… I don't like to think about it.
You'd reach out to ruffle my hair. I'd smack it away as you chuckled, "The sunshine makes your hair look like gold, Spike! Lemme touuuch iiit!" Then you'd try to tackle me into one of the most spontaneous embraces ever.
I'm leaning against Buster, holding a single yellow bloom in my hand. "It's the last one I could find that hadn't drowned," I whisper, twirling the flower in my fingers absentmindedly. "I… thought you deserved it."
I set it down, mount Fenrir, and ride back to the church. I don't want to have to deal with Tifa today. That was that.
--
It's black, pitch black. There's this smell of honey and sweet flowers all around me. And it's burning up, but I don't care because I've got myself wrapped around you. My clothes are somewhere in the darkness.
Panting, slick skin, heat all around me. I've got my back against the ground and you're holding me so close I can barely breathe. I'm not surprised that, like a glove and hand, we fit perfectly.
You've got your hands all over me and I feel like my skin is going to melt right off my body, but you whisper in my ear and tell me to be silent. Beneath my skin, my blood is boiling and I touch you hungrily, missing this contact, knowing it might be over soon.
That night I'd dreamt of sapphire eyes, a waterfall of charcoal hair, and the words 'I want you, I need you, I love you' repeated like a mantra.
--
A month later, I'm up there again, fingering the dog tags gently as the bike rumbles up the side of the cliff. As soon as I park Fenrir, I notice something… and I'm not really sure how I should react. Do I cry, do I smile, or do I stand perplexed? Would it really matter?
That flower I left for you is gone.
Fin
Blah blah, angst, remorse, tears. Poor Cloudy D:
Anyways, here's the revised version. There isn't much difference, though the beginning was changed plenty. I hope you enjoyed it.