Mystery Science Theater: Outsiders Style
Note: Ok, let me explain this real quick: this is really just an experiment to see how this will work. To understand this, you'll have to check out an episode of "Mystery Science Theater 3000". This is a oneshot of Ponyboy, Johnny, and Two Bit going to the drive in theatre to see some cheap movie. And, like on "MST", they start to riff (makes jokes about) it! Anyway, hope you guys enjoy! Please leave a review; if you guys like this one, I might do another.
Disclaimer: "The Outsiders" is owned my a one Mrs. S.E. Hinton, and "Mystery Science Theater 3000" is owned by Best Brains Inc.
Note #2: I would like to dedicate this particular fic to Emilio Estevez, who played Two Bit in the "Outsiders" movie, because he is a "Mystery Science Theater" fan. :)
At the Curtis house...
(Pony's POV for now; will change in a minute as you will see): Well, it sure was boring at our house Saturday night. There was nothing on tv except the president on ABC, NBC, and CBS, and PBS was having pledge season. Dally, Darry, Soda, and Steve had gone somewhere to do something (what I don't know), but Johnny and I weren't invited. Two Bit didn't feel like going with them, so he stayed at the house with Johnny and I. We just sat in the living room and played a stupid card game we had made up, called "flip to five", where each of us go through cards we have and try to get the most fives...like I said, a stupid game. We played that very unenthusiactically for about thirty mintues. Two Bit finally slammed his cards down and threw his head back.
"Man, I'm bored!" he said. Johnny put his cards down too and yawned. "Yeah, me too," he said. I just sat there for a second and thought about what we could do. "Well, we could go to Rippys," I suggested. Rippys is a ice cream hangout for Greasers. Two Bit looked quesy at me mentioning that. "Nah, I just ate a bunch of chocolate cake," he said. I rolled my eyes. Should have figured that. Johnny thought for a second. "We could go to the park and just lay there and look at the stars or something," he suggested. Two Bit raised his eyebrow and shook his head. "I ain't into that kind of stuff like you two," he said. Just then, it hit me...how about the drive in? "Hey, what say we go to the drive in?" Two Bit sat there silently, then nodded. "That sounds good, but what's playing?" he asked. Johnny reached on a table that was behind him and got Darry's newspaper. He flipped to the section that talked about what was playing at the local theatres. He read through it, then sighed. "Our choices don't look to grand," he said. He hand the paper to me, and Two Bit looked over my shoulder to see the movies. Johnny was right. Our choices were "Swamp Monster", "Aliens in Manitoba", or "Teen Beach Party Movie". I looked at Two Bit, he looked at me, and then we both looked at Johhny. "Teen Beach Party Movie"? We both asked. Johnny shrugged his shoulders. "Sounds bad, but ok," he said. We got up and headed out the door.
We got to the drive in and decided to pay our way in instead of sneaking in. We didn't have enough to buy popcorn or anything, so we just headed straight for the screen where our movie was playing. We decided to sit in the front row...
(Author's note: Here is where it changes from Pony's POV to a "script" type of style. The lines from the movie will be in regular type, like this, and the riffing by the guys will be in italics, like this. Hope that's not too difficult...)
We see silhouettes of Pony, Johnny, and Two Bit taking their seats. This is just like you would see on "Mystery Science Theater" (go check it out if you don't understand). The movies starts...
The Universal Pictures logo comes up on the screen
Pony: And by "Universal Pictures", they mean "Universal but filmed in America and stars only white people Pictures."
Johnny: And that's false advertising! It's not "universal" unless they film parts in space!
"Distributed by Belluci productions America" comes on the screen
Two Bit: Ah yes, an American movie produced by (fake italian accent) Belluci productions!
"A film directed by C.M. Huge" comes up on the screen
Pony: Given the name of this movie, it probably wasn't "directed" by anyone.
The title "Teen Beach Party Movie" comes up on the screen with goofy beach rock music playing
Two Bit: Nominated for "worst title" AND "worst movie ever" award!
The first scene shows just a bunch of "teens" dancing around on a beach; a goofy beach rock band is playing some music people are dancing to.
Johnny: So a movie about teens starring a bunch of thirty year olds?
The band is playing the music, but you can clearly see it is ad libbed and they aren't even playing the insturments.
Pony(giggling): Wow. Good job for the edititing department.
Everyone is dancing to the music and are "having fun". But the scene swings to a guy who is standing off a distance and "not having fun". He has his arm's crossed and is frowning.
Two Bit: William Shatner looks on.
A guy comes up and touches the "frowning guy" on his shoulder. He spins around fast.
Johnny: AH! Don't hit! Oh, it's you.
Guy: Hey, you ok, Fred?
Fred: How can I be ok?! Look at all these young people, dancing around like fools!
Guy: But listen to that music! It's great dance stuff!
Pony: This is coming from a guy who likes Cher's songs.
Fred stomps away from the guy.
Two Bit(to the way the Fred stomps): Wah! Wah wah waaahhhh!
Fred spins around to the guy.
Fred: I'm just warning ya. You better not act the fool like these people, or you'll be sorry!
Johnny(mocking Fred's voice): Yeah! There'll be an...uh, earthquake! Yeah!
Guy: Man, whatever! Go do something else then!
Pony(mocking the guy's voice): Go work and be a productive member of society while we act like idiots!
Fred gets mad and runs off towards where the beach goers cars are parked.
Two Bit: Mooooom, some guy made fun of meeeeeee!
Fred gets to the cars. He is really mad and is breathing really hard.
Johnny(mocking Fred's breathing): WHEEEZ! WHEEEEZ! Woof, running three yards really takes it outta ya!
Fred: These fools are gonna see what's coming to them! They'll see!
Pony(mocking Fred's voice): Then ILL be put in a mental insitute! Ha!
The screen goes black.
Two Bit: Oh, good, it's over.
The screen comes back to a new scene.
Johnny: Ah, danngit.
It is nighttime, and the SAME beach rock music band is still playing, with people dancing.
Pony(giggling): Man, do these guys ever take a break?
Johnny: Doesn't the goverment say they HAVE TO?
Singer: 'Oh, don't ya wanna dance with meeeeee?'
Two Bit: Ah...no.
Other singers on bass: 'Du wop du du du wop dance with me'
Pony(singing): 'Du wop, du wop wop wop STOP, pleeeeeease'
All the band members: 'Dooont say noooooo doooont say noooooo dance with meeeeee'
Johnny(singing): 'daaaance with poor desperate meeeeeeee'
The band finishes the song and the crowd stops dancing and start to cheer.
All three of the guys: BOOOOOOOOO!!!!
Main singer: So, what do you guys say if we sing another song?
Two Bit(loudly): NO!
The crowd claps and cheers for them to play another song.
Pony: I think I agree with that Fred guy. These people ARE idiots.
The band starts to play, but the scene switches to Fred, who drives up and parks his car in the parking lot.
Johnny: And here comes the villian to...save the day!
The camera zooms up real close to Fred's face.
Two Bit: Whoa kay, that's close enough!
Fred whips off his sunglasses.
Pony: So this guy wears his sunglasses at night?
Fred breathes deeply in an angry way. He looks out to the dancers.
Fred: Heh, you guys want to dance, huh...
Johnny(mockingly): Meh meh meh meh
Fred: ILL show ya what dancing REALLY means!
Two Bit: I'll hire James Brown to come out here!
Fred goes to the back of his car and gets out a few buckets and a big ice chest. He opens the lids, revealing...a bunch of crabs.
Pony(giggling): Oh yeah...THIS'LL show em alright!
Fred takes the buckets and sneaks behind a good size rock sitting a bit ways from the dancers. He brings the buckets and the ice chest and sets them behind the rock with him. Then, he opens the lids and starts tossing the crabs out to where the people are.
Johnny: And then they all come back and eat Fred alive and his plan fails. The end.
Fred: Go, babys, go!
Two Bit(a giggling whisper): Babys?
The crabs, which number to around fifty or so, go towards the dancers. The people don't see them yet. The camera switches to this skinny guy in glasses who is trying to look tough.
Pony: Your hero, ladies and gentlemen!
A girl walks up to the guy.
Girl: Hey Dexter, you aren't sulking over your old girlfriend who left you, are you?
Johnny: Well, since she was imaginary anyway...
Dexter: Eh. I guess not.
Two Bit: I don't KNOW, I just GUESS not.
Girl: Well, before she left, she said she loves you.
Pony(singing): 'She loves you yeah yeah yeah! She loves you yeah yeah yeah!'...ah, sorry.
Dexter: I guess that she...WHAT IN THE WORLD ARE THOSE?!
He (and all the other people) see the fifty or so crabs running up towards them.
Johnny(sarcastically): Hmm. I don't know! Maybe aliens from Venus...GEESH, WHAT DO THEY LOOK LIKE?!
The people start yelling highly and running around each other in circles.
Two Bit: Let's run around in circles and not try to escape! Ahhh!
Dexter jumps up with determination in his face.
Pony: And "Geek Boy" immediatley leaps into action!
Dexter runs over to the lifesaver's stand and happens to see a giant white net. He grabs it and runs over to the crabs, who are bunched together where people were dancing. He tosses it out.
Johnny: And with a mighty..eee uh(pathetic little whimper)!
Most of the crabs are now caught under the net. The people cheer.
Two Bit: Wow! Fred's plan failed earlier than I thought!
Dexter looks over and sees Fred behind the rock. Fred sees Dexter and know he's been spotted.
Pony: Oh man! He better watch out! "Geek Boy" has caught him!
Fred takes off for the car area, and Dexter runs for him as fast as he can. Fred gets to his car and starts fumbling with his keys as Dexter gets closer and closer.
Johnny(giggling): Ah, Fred, Dexter isn't THAT intimidating, you know.
Dexter gets close and does a stupid looking "jump kick" to Fred.
Two Bit(in a pathetic little whimper): Eeeee uhhh!
Fred stands up, and him and Dexter put their hands up to fight and start circling each other.
Pony(in Dexter's voice): You better watch out! I got a WHITE belt in karate!
Fred and Dexter grab each other and start try to pull each other down. Fred is bigger than Dexter, but Dexter somehow manages to throw Fred against his car.
Johnny: Sure, a NINETY POUND geek can do that. Uh huh.
Fred scampers up.
Two Bit(doing puppy whimpers): Hm, hm hm hmmmmmm!
Dexter: You better get outta here and never come back, or you'll be sorry!
Pony(in Dexter's voice): Next time, I'll throw some sand on ya!
Fred jumps in his car and backs up really fast, and drives off.
Johnny: Well, why don't you just run over him?
The crowd, who had been standing a little ways back and watching, runs up and cheers for Dexter.
Two Bit: Being saved by a geek isn't something to be proud about, but oh well!
Guy: Yay! Let's go have a party!!!
Pony: You've been partying for FIVE DAYS!
They pick up Dexter on their shoulders and walk off with him to where they were dancing. Big letters that say "THE END" come up on screen.
Johnny: What WAS that?!
Two Bit: A terrible movie, m'boy, a terrible movie.
Pony: Well, let's get outta here, guys.
They get up and leave the seats...
LATER:
(Pony's POV): Well, the movie we went and saw was pretty bad, to say the least. But at least we had fun making jokes about it. Johnny and Two Bit were still making jokes about it all the way to the house. Guess we'll have to do that again sometime, maybe with Dally or Soda. Man, Soda woulda made some good ones if he was there. But anyway, at least it wasn't a total waste. If the president is still doing his speech on tv when we get to the house, maybe we could riff that too...