Stronger
by Bil!
K+ – Angst – Caldwell, Elizabeth/John – Oneshot
Summary: In her place, Steven knows he couldn't have given that order. Episode addition for Common Ground. Elizabeth/John.
Season: 3.
Spoilers: Intruder (very minor), Critical Mass, Common Ground (major).
Disclaimer: The characters, universe, and events referenced here are not mine. But you already knew that.
A/N: Unbetaed. I really have no idea where this came from. But suddenly I'm really rather fond of writing Caldwell.
Will make no sense if you don't remember the events of Common Ground.
Steven's learnt a lot since his first trip to the Pegasus Galaxy. He's learnt that rank doesn't mean anything when you're in the middle of death and battle, that people won't automatically respect him just because it says Colonel on his uniform. He's learnt that the worst prison is his own body, that watching his hands – his own hands! – try to destroy his people is the most horrifying thing in the universe.
He's learnt that Atlantis doesn't need him, doesn't want him. He wanted to join them, to patch the holes he could see in their organisation and help them to be better. It was something he wanted to do, a challenge, some useful and productive thing that he could do because he knew he could help them improve. But it turns out they like their holes and they have their own ways of doing things and he's just an outsider. Even if he wants to be an insider, he can't be.
He's learnt that the people on Atlantis are more like a family than any posting he's ever been to and that they look after their own, that they'll go to ridiculous lengths on a slim chance if it could mean a rescue. And yet sometimes looking after their own means letting them die.
Still, despite all that he's learnt, the reports about Sheppard's capture by Kolya and his experiences with the Wraith are a shock. Steven is appalled, if not entirely surprised, by Kolya's brutality – it's a shame, but Steven has known men like that before; after all, it's men like Kolya who mean people like Steven still have jobs – but he is amazed by the reactions of the Atlantis people. Or, more particularly, by the reaction of one of them.
After all, it's no real surprise that Sheppard would order his own death; it doesn't take a genius to see that the man's too self-sacrificing for his own good. But Steven had thought these people too compassionate to obey that order, too determined to risk everything for the sake of a single life when anyone with a semblance of tactics could tell you it's a bad idea.
Yet Weir left Sheppard out there to die. She refused to negotiate.
Steven is surprised.
Because there's something else he's learnt since his first visit to Atlantis, and that is that Weir is way too close to her second in command. Way too close. She'll take his recommendations over Steven's any day, she'll give him his head regardless of the consequences – and there are usually consequences. Not that Sheppard's a bad man, but he's reckless, he doesn't think things through, and he's a much better pilot than he is a leader.
And if Weir isn't head over heels (and completely unprofessionally) in love with him, Steven'll paint his head green and profess his undying adoration for Hermiod.
But she let Sheppard die. Or thought she had, at least. She let him die, tortured to death at the hands of Kolya's Wraith.
And suddenly Steven's reconsidering some things. Like that maybe she supports Sheppard's recommendations because she agrees with them, not just because she's in love with him. Maybe she keeps him as her second in command not because she's infatuated with him but because she thinks he can do the job. Maybe she lets Sheppard have things his way because she trusts him.
Because Steven knows a lot about acceptable losses, but he knows that if he loved someone the way he thinks Weir loves Sheppard then he wouldn't be able to let her die. He wouldn't be able to give the order to condemn her.
She was willing to let him die. And Steven's suddenly waking up to the fact that, actually, Elizabeth Weir is a whole lot stronger than he'll ever be.
Fin