The spiral steps had never seem to take as long as they were now, although they might have been going the same pace as they have always went but to harry it felt like it was going at a snail's pace. Especially since all he wanted to do was get out of the narrow path way. The walls them self seem to be closing in on him making him hyperventilate and the claustrophobia was getting worse as he was forced to stay in one place as the steps took him down.

Finally, the steps came to a stop at the bottom revealing the opening in which the gargoyle, who once stood guarding the entrance to the headmaster's study now laid lopsided. However even before the stone steps had come to a full stop Harry had took off running he did not know where he planned on going but he just had to get out of the castle, because although he was out of the confining narrow path he still felt as if the walls were continuing to close in on him making it much harder to breathe.

There has to be a mistake, how could it be true? Any of what Dumbledore had just told him. NO! He chastised his self; he would not think about that right now because those were the thoughts that were making him feel like he could not breathe. Running as fast as he could Harry ran down flight after flight all the while trying to force his self to even out his breathing even just a little bit so he would not past out before reaching the outside of the castle. With the doors to the exit in sight he began trying to pick up his pace as much as his oxygen deprived body would take him. Making it to the exit without even slowing down, Harry busted through the doors to Hogwarts all the while thanking Merlin that everybody was still in the great hall. Despite the fact that he could now breathe admittedly with alot of pain in his chest Harry continued to run making it a few more feet before tripping over something hard enough to hurt his toe and falling flat on his faces. Sitting up into a sitting positions Harry turned around to see what had tripped him spotting that all too familiar beaded bag that Hermione had not let out of her sight for the past year. This in turn caused Harry to start laughing hysterically, how had he made it all the way out of the castle which was 

littered with debris without falling but as soon as he got outside, where there was much less debris he trips over the small bag? Anybody within hearing distances of his laughter would have had the hair on the back of their neck standing up. It was laughter that contain no humor what so ever, only pain and grief mixed with sorrow, hurt and confusing in that laugh they would have assume him to have gone mad and in fact at that moment he sure thought so as well. However after a few good minutes of non-stop hysterical laughter he suddenly stop almost as if somebody had sent a silencing spell his way. There was no reason to be laughing he berated his self while getting back to his feet and placing the little beaded bag in his pocket.

Looking around, almost as if he was a lost child searching for its parents, he noticed that Neville and the other had succeed in removing all those who had lost their lives from the grounds along with Nagini. Thinking about that cause a whole bunch of emotions to arises. So he turned away quickly so he would not have to think about all that he had just learned. Turning towards the lake his eyes took in the white marble casket which made him immediately start walking towards it tapping his pants pocket to make sure that he had not dropped the elder wand in his rush to leave the headmaster offices.

Making it over to the casket he stalled for a few minutes, as he reasoned with his self. Replacing the wand was nothing like taking it, after all he had explained to the headmaster just what he planned on doing and he had agree whole heartedly. However it still disturbed him to no end to have to see Dumbledore in his coffin. Sure he had seen when Voldemort had opened it the first time but it just was not the same seeing it through someone else's eyes as it was being here and having to do it and see it yourself. Throwing all caution to the wind Harry focused all his thought on what could happen if someone got their hands on the wand that now lay in his pocket, if it was not returned to its rightful place and with that in mind he withdrew his phoenix feather wand and opened the tomb of his beloved old headmaster. Staring down at Dumbledore as he retrieved the other wand from 

his pocket, he noticed that Dumbledore look almost as if he was sleeping. He was exactly as Harry had remember him, there was no decomposing of the body at all making Harry wonder if perhaps the wizarding world cast charm on the dead, making it a point to ask Hermione before he Pushed that thought to the back of his mind. However Harry was confronted with another puzzling sight when he began to place the wand back into Dumbledore hand, that is when he noticed that he no longer had a blacken wither hand, it had returned to its original state. An identical match to the other hand and no longer looked as if it would not work had the headmaster been alive. Ignoring the confusion that he was feeling Harry just put the thought to the side as well while promising his self that he would indeed ask Hermione if the curse would have left the hand once Dumbledore had passed away. (Although that would not explain why it had returned to its original state) staring at the headmaster's perfectly peaceful body once more before closing the tome back he began casting the spells at the marble casket just as Dumbledore had taught him.

Harry! Yelled Hermione from the entrance door of the castle as she made her way over to him with Ron right be hide her, just as he finish the last of the spells. This made him have a sudden urge to fleet, that he had not had since leaving the castle. As well as making him remember the conversation that he had had with Dumbledore right before leaving the castle. Funny he thought as he began walking towards them how had seeing the headmaster his self not remind him of the talk they had had. To preoccupied with trying to save the wizarding world he concluded to his self bitterly just as he reach Ron and Hermione.

"We were looking all over for you!" said Ron with Hermione going on without letting him speak. "Did you put it back?"

"Yes, it is back where it belongs" replied Harry as he tried to look causal so as not to alert them to his feelings.



"well ", "that must have been some conversation you had with Dumbledore seen as you have been gone for almost two hours and I can't imagine that you been out here that long" commented Ron. Waiting for Harry to start telling them what Dumbledore had said after they left the offices, just like every other time Dumbledore had wanted to speak to him in private. However Harry was not ready to tell them just what the headmaster had said and he wasn't sure he would ever be fully ready to tell them.

"Harry are you ok" questioned Hermione. Turning to his friends Harry replied, "Look I know that you have been with me through it all and you do deserve an explanations but this is not like all the other times I just need some time to let it all sink in". "I'm sorry," was the last thing he said before he took off in the direction of the Hogwarts gates.

He could hear Hermione and Ron calling for him to come back but he just keep on running, never thinking that he would live to see the day that he would not want to be around his best friends as well as, living to see the day that he would want to get away from Hogwarts but here he was running away from it now. It hurt all the more to know that he was being horribly to his friend the ones that had been with him through it all however he could not bring his self to stop, so he just continued to run until he reached Hogsmeade. Finally deciding to stop in the alley, were just last year he and Dumbledore had set out to find the Horcrux. However all that seem to do was cause him to think about the past twenty- four hours of his life, Voldemort had cause him so much in the last seventeen years of his live but by far the past day had taking far too much from him and not only him his best friend had lost his brother alone with the lasts living Marauder and his wife leaving their son parent less not to mention many, many others including his. No! Harry berated his self again while shaking his head to try and clear his mind. Focusing only on trying to find a place to go, Harry began to think of where he could go and not be found he knew it was wrong to think like that but he just 

needed some time to think. Deciding that he could probably leave from here since Voldemort was dead instead of having to walk into the forbidden forest which he could not imagine having to do again so soon. Thinking that he knew the perfect place to go where no one would believe him to be, harry decided to go to private drive seeing as the Dursleys were in hiding and no one would ever think that he would return to that place it was absolutely perfect. So with a crack he Disapparated to the place he thought he would never set foot in again indeed this had been a day for, I never thought I would see the day. To Harry it felt weird he never through that he would ever go back to private drive let alone think that he would be able to find peace there. They would never think to look for him here so he would stay until the Dursleys came back from there hide out. Since the war was over it would be just a matter of days before they were able to come home so he know that he would have to think of a place to go. However he was not prepared for what he saw once he reappeared in his old bedroom.

--howcoulditbe?howcoulditbe--

"Did you find him?" asked Mrs. Weasleys as soon as she saw Ron and Hermione enter the great hall.

"Yes, we found him outside by the lake but he look like there was something wrong with him but he wouldn't tells us when Ron asks, however he just said he was sorry that this time was different and he could not explain it to us right now, then he ran off". Explain Hermione to McGonagall, and the rest of the Weasleys who had gathered around her as she explained.

"What happen upstairs in the headmaster office" asked Mrs. Weasleys.

"We don't know, Dumbledore asked us to head back to the great hall so he could talk to Harry in private". Harry told us he would meets us back here but I think that whatever he and Dumbledore talked about is the cause of his weird behavior I know for a fact that Harry would never not just tell us was going on", Replied Ron.

Well, we are just going to have to go up there and asks Dumbledore what he said to Harry than.



Mom, Dumbledore never told us the truth when he was alive. Do you think that because he is dead that he will start telling us the truth now?

Ronald Weasleys! do not talk bad about the dead; however I suppose you are correct. Well I guess we just have to wait until Harry decides to tell us. He is not in any danger so let's just let him be for now maybe he just needs some time to his self.

--howcoulditbe?howcoulditbe?--

A/N: The first thing I want to say is that I have posted this story before but under a different name. I did not like the way it was going so I took it down made lots of improvements and now am reposting it. So please R&R.

Secondly I am in the need of a beta and would appreciate if someone with the time would do the honors.

Old title: Internal struggle. By munchies 21.