So here's the deal. I like to write, but feel I could use some serious peer review. Fan Fiction gives me a good place to start for a number of reasons.
Plenty of people to see and critique my work.
Anonymous. Besides my pen name and my (very common) first name, you have no way of identifying me.
Using a setting that's already in place allows me to work on something that I feel I really need: Character development.
I have a decade of DM experience under my belt and can cook up a setting idea in about ten minutes. I can flesh that shit out in an hour. Plot? Same general process. Since NPCs in DnD are generally throw away characters, there is almost no character development to them. As for the villains, the players tend to flesh them out through juxtaposition.
That leaves my writing with a glaring weakness. I suck at character development. So I present for your reading and review, a story set in the Naruto world. I chose to use my own original characters instead of the ones provided so that I had to start from scratch. I can't fall back on the normal characters' cliches. Of course, the normal gang will be there, affecting and being affected by these characters.
Feel free to leave me whatever opinion you have on the story, but please be sure to say why you have that opinion. I can't get better if I don't what I'm doing wrong. Thanks for your time.
Cosmic Jackass,
James
The death toll was high, so very high. Sarutobi continued down the list of the confirmed dead, and it never seemed to stop. This was just his shinobi, too. He hadn't made it to the civilian list yet. There were more than a few missing persons reports as well. The Sandaime had personally seen more than one person get completely vaporized by the Kyuubi's attacks, so most of that list would be pronounced dead.
He placed the list down along with his reading glasses, and with a heavy sigh rubbed his hands over his face. He had put the town in good hands, and then retired. Few ninja ever made it to his age, and he was, to his knowledge, the oldest kage in history. He should have been able to rest and enjoy his twilight years watching a younger and much abler man carry on the duties of Hokage.
Before he could really get into self pity, a knock sounded timidly at the office door. He had stated at his emergency re-appointment that the policy of his door being open to any who wished to speak with him was still in place. Most understood that he needed time to sort through this mess and had left him be. Those that had come to see him had mostly been civilians looking to help in whatever way they could. He had set up a table in the lobby for volunteers after the first few. A few, like his political rival Danzo, were bothering him about their new jinchuuriki, but he had waved them off until the aftermath had been managed. What else was there to press him with? Almost everyone was engaged in some task.
"Enter," he said simply, unable to conjure a reason for the disturbance.
The door opened, then closed, with no apparent visitor. He felt a presence and prepared to defend himself from attack.
"Please," a frightened voice, young and probably female, quavered, "I just need your help."
A girl, no more than seven or eight years of age appeared before his desk. Beside her a solid black cat was just beginning to groom itself. She bowed deeply to him, then raised her head. She looked haggard and exhausted, but watched him intently with yellow-green eyes that looked as if they belonged to the cat next to her.
"I am Sakibou Ren," she introduced herself, then gesturing to the cat, "This is Mikazuki."
The family name sounded slightly familiar to Sarutobi, and those eyes and the significance of introducing her pet cat were important too. He took her measure more carefully. She was most certainly not over the age of ten, but looked like a war refugee. She wore garment that, while badly damaged, indicated that she was either a shinobi or training as one. Her hair was cut short, but as if in haste, like a blade had been used to shore it off. Through the mud in it he saw it was jet black. Her skin was a few shades darker than the locals; where it wasn't caked in dirt anyway. Sarutobi could place all of the clans and most of the families in Konoha. This girl was from none of them. To the Sandaime's mild surprise, the girl met his scrutiny with patience.
"I am Sarutobi Hiruzen," he finally said, "Hokage of this village. What brings you to me?"
An audible sigh of relief could be heard as the girl gathered her frayed wits, "I seek protection from my clan's enemies, Hokage-sama."
"Who are these enemies? Why do you need protection? What of your clan?" he fired off.
"Kumogakure, They seek to kill us, My clan hold is destroyed," she fired back just as quick.
Sarutobi suddenly remembered where he had heard her name before. The Sakibou were said to be one of the last undeclared clans. Almost all of the others had declared allegiance to a hidden village. Her clan, if he remembered right, was geographically near Kumo. This girl was far more than she seemed; far more trouble. He had already decided to hear her out, though. With his town hurting so bad, it was hard to turn his back on yet another lost soul.
"Start from the beginning, child... leave nothing out."
XxXxXxXxX
Ren woke with a start to the sound of her newborn brother crying. That in and of itself was not unusual, but something, some deep feeling, tugged her out of bed to investigate. She followed the cries of her brother and the gentle cooing of her mother to her father's study.
"... and it isn't even confirmed yet," she heard her father say through the slightly ajar door, "I just think it's wise that you and the children get to the shelters."
Her mother sighed, "I am a clan kunoichi, love. I should be fighting, too."
"So soon after such a difficult birth?" he countered, "You've been bed ridden until just yesterday."
Ren jumped as she felt something cold and damp press against her leg. She looked down to see her fathers golden tiger sniffing at her. He gave her a quizzical look and motioned its head towards the door. If she refused his invitation, he would probably just push her in.
"You sly old cat," she chastised jokingly as she rubbed his ears, "I know I'm caught."
She left the purring tiger in the hall as she entered the study. She noticed her own companion, Mikazuki, lying on her father's desk and he meowed at her in greeting. The black cat's presence explained her earlier unease. The Sakibou had a deep connection with their feline companions and they could communicate empathically. Zuki had been spying for her. She could hardly chastise him for it; she had trained the cat to do just that.
Like most of the clan, her father was a smallish man. He had barely manage to make the halfway mark between five and six feet, but was still one of the tallest in the clan. His hair was jet black, a trait he had passed to his daughter and newborn son. His eyes were striking, a mismatched blue and green, and had the trademark feline appearance.
Her mother was from a distant branch of the clan, and while she had golden marquis eyes, that was where the resemblance stopped. She was taller than her husband by a head, but just as slender. Her hair was a thick mane of gold that matched so well with her mountain lion companion, who was currently sitting at her feet in his smaller form. She still held her fussing newborn who, despite a week of life, had yet to be named. Ren's mother had been too weak to perform the important ceremony that would give her son not only a name, but the seal that would allow him to fully bond with his companion spirit and its host cat. Ren had offered to stand in her mother's place; all the members above the age of four were drilled in its execution. Despite profuse thanks, however, her mother had turned her down.
"Ren..." her father seemed about to send her away, but then thought better of it, "I'm glad you're here."
That caused her a bit of excitement. Her father had a tendency to shelter and baby her, but she was set to become the third youngest kunoichi in her clan's history; fitting for the daughter of the clan leader's second son. She would be a full fledged ninja at the age of nine. It seemed her father was beginning to acknowledge that his daughter was growing up.
"Ren, someone may be about to attack the clan hold," he told her, "I want you to take your mother and brother to Matatabi-sama's cave. Many of the other young shinobi will be there to help protect our non-combatants. Can you do that for me?"
"Yes, father," Ren replied without hesitation, "I won't fail you."
The smile he gave her had her beaming up until the first explosion went off.
XxXxXxXxX
Running.
They were running, and running fast.
The past... was it an hour? Or a minute?
Ren couldn't tell. She remembered flying into her room to retrieve her gear, the deafening roar of an avalanche in her ears. The next she remembered she was putting her brother, lulled into sleep by some herbs, into a special harness and putting him on her back. They had run for Matatabi's cave as they had been told, but had turned away when they had seen it under attack already. Her mother had frantically pulled her down a less traveled mountain trail, and had set a pace that might have gotten them killed.
Soon the shock of the situation wore off Ren, and training kicked in. She began to pay close attention to her surroundings, and realized they were headed to a postern gate in the south western wall. Zuki was shadowing them, using his genjutsu to help mask their flight, but his powers were still not fully mature. Her mother's companion was gone; she had veered off to intercept an enemy that had seen through Zuki's genjutsu. Ren's attention was grabbed by the glint of flying steel.
"MOM!" she screamed, "DOWN!"
Her mother didn't hesitate, and lost only a few strands of stray hair to the barrage of shuriken aimed for her head and chest. The sudden stop and drop did its own damage, however; as she came to her feet, Ren could see blood seeping through her shirt in the same spot they had cut her brother out.
"Mom," Ren said weakly, "You're bleeding."
Ignoring the reopened incision, her mother captured Ren's face in her hands and locked her with an intense gaze.
"Take your brother and go, Ren," she said with alarming calm, "go south and west as fast and far as you can. Find somewhere safe and make me proud."
She planted a quick but loving kiss on Ren's forehead, then turned to face the three shinobi that had thrown the shuriken, the cloud symbol glinting in mixed fire and moon light showed the girl who their enemy was. There was an odd presence about them, and a gleam to their eyes that bespoke terrible consequences should they catch her.
"All done, sweetheart?" One asked with exaggerated kindness.
"Polite of you to wait," her mother replied, "Ren... I said GO!"
The paralysis induced by seeing her mothers blood broke suddenly, and she did as ordered. As she ran she heard the beginnings of pursuit and then a cry of pain.
"Oh dear," she heard her mother say in a chiding tone, "You need to be careful running on these mountain paths. You could trip and hurt yourself."
The last she heard was another of the attackers screaming about her mother being akin to a female dog in heat.
She ran as fast as she could, then went faster.
It seemed like an eternity, but she reached the postern gate. It was already open, and a lone shinobi leaned against the frame. He turned in surprise as she came pelting out of the trees trying to use speed and her small size to slip by. Despite that, he caught her in one meaty arm, her momentum knocking the breath from her.
"And just where are you off to so late at night, girly?" he asked with feigned concern, his eyes glinting cruelly, "Girl your age might run into an unsavory sort gallivanting about like you are."
To drive his point home, he turned her to face him and made to lick her cheek. She rewarded him with nails to the face, using chakra to sharpen them. His surprise gave her the chance to drive a stiffened finger into his eye. She felt a sickening, yet oddly satisfying, pop as he wailed in agony. He didn't loosen his grip as she hoped, but tightened instead.
"YOU LITTLE WHORE!" he screamed, "I'M GONNA GUT YOU AND CHOKE YOU WITH YOUR OWN ENTRAILS!"
She clawed at his face again, but he grabbed her long hair with his free hand and jerked her away. She had put it up in a tight bun to help prevent just that, but it had come undone in the wild flight. His hand clenched in her long black hair, he let go of her torso to draw a wicked looking knife. Fear made her frantic as she kicked and punched wildly at her attacker, but she was only a nine year old girl and could do no real damage to a fully grown man in her state of panic. Her last desperate thoughts turned to her brother, helpless in his harness on her back.
She felt a pain in her scalp and suddenly she was free. She went to her knees, not expecting the need to support her own weight. She looked up in time to see another man, wearing the symbol of Kumo, slam a kunai into its new home in her attacker's heart. Her rescuer gave her an irritated look.
"Go damnit!" he growled, "More will be coming."
XxXxXxXxX
She looked back at her home from a nearby mountain pass. She had no clue how long the attack had been going on, but the battle still raged. She saw gouts of blue-black flame that signified Matatabi fighting and held to a shred of hope that the great one would win and punish the assailants.
Her hopes were dashed when she felt the stirring of a great power.
She felt more than saw the dark aura rising from the ground where the fighting was happening, and despite her fears she channeled chakra to her eyes. She had never seen a death god before, but there was no mistaking the massive spirit she saw as anything but a shinigami. Shortly after, the blue flames died, and her hopes with them.
XxXxXxXxX
The herbs wore off shortly after sunrise, and her little brother awoke with a wail.
She eventually managed to calm and quiet him with a bottle she found in a pack she hadn't realized she had. Mikazuki had shadowed her the entire way out and continued to scout the area for her, but had noticed no signs of pursuit. That was good, since she figured everything for nearly a mile had heard the baby wailing.
After eating, the boy went right back to sleep. That freed her up to look after the little kitten destined to be her brother's companion she had also found bundled in the pack. She wondered at the luck of the tiny feline making it through the whole ordeal unscathed. She turned her thoughts from the night before they could fill her with despair and bottle fed the kitten.
This was her first time meeting her brother's companion, so she looked it over. It had an odd rust brown color along it's back with the faintest signs of black speckling that would later become spots on an otherwise light brown coat. It's underside was a creamy color, and it had a black face and paws.
"A lynx,"she declare holding it out to Zuki for his inspection.
"Browww," he agreed, though with a fair amount of uncertainty.
"You don't think so?" she asked him, "Well I bet I'm right."
Zuki proceeded to implore her to rest. He hadn't found any sign of danger nearby, and she needed to sleep. She tried to argue, but soon found herself nodding off. She made a bed of pine needles and a blanket, curled up around her brother and his kitten, and fell into fitful, nightmare laden sleep.
XxXxXxXxX
She awoke to the sensation of wet, fine sandpaper dragging across her cheek.
She opened her eyes and met the green eyed gaze of Mikazuki who meowed in greeting. Sitting up Ren saw it was still light out and decided she had to move. Her mother told her south west, so she would go south west.
The thought of her mother brought tears to her eyes. She was about to break down when she felt a furred flank rub against her leg. Looking down, Ren saw her jet black cat working a figure eight around her legs purring deeply all the while. She sat down and scooped up her feline friend and cuddled him. He would normally have bitten her for such embarrassing treatment, but he bore it for the time being.
"What am I going to do, Zuki?" she asked.
"Mroooww..." was the only answer he gave.
The cat had conveyed nothing but confidence in her, but that was the most he could do. Few in her clan had the ability to truly communicate with the cats as one did with people. Her parents had been able to talk with their cats...
That thought almost started her back towards despair when she heard her brother stir. The poor boy didn't even have a name yet, since their mother had been too weak to perform the naming ceremony. An idea hit her then, and she went rummaging through her pack. She found what she suspected; a jar of sealing ink and a calligraphy kit.
An ironic laugh escaped her. Her mother had thought of everything including vials of her own and their father's blood to activate the ink. Ren stowed the precious items needed for the naming and resolved to find a better and safer place to perform one of her clan's most sacred rites.
It wasn't long before she had packed up her meager camp, and slung her brother in his harness. She placed him to her front this time, his face outward where his bright golden eyes could take in the world. As she moved off he cooed and looked up at her.
"It's okay," she said with conviction, "I will always protect you."
XxXxXxXxX
The Hokage leaned back in his chair and steepled his fingers in thought. Ren was worried he might disbelieve her. She had revealed her brother at his request part way through the story. The old man had seemed very relieved to see the golden eyed boy both unharmed and rather happy. Ren had absentmindedly fed him from a bottle while she finished, and now he slept soundly in her arms, his kitten asleep on his belly.
"A few questions, Ren," the Hokage finally said, "You know of no other survivors?"
Ren had to fight back tears, but she managed to answer, "I can only hope, but I met none."
To the mans credit, he seemed genuinely sad about that. More and more she was beginning to feel she had made the right choice in coming here.
"You claimed to see a shinigami," he went on, "Normally only the summoner of such a being and its target can see it. How can you?"
"It's called the Reimokushi in my clan," Ren answered, "Not all of us have it, but it is common in my family. Many believe Matatabi-sama gifted it to us when we first protected her."
"What of this... Matatabi?" he asked, "You spoke of this person as if they held great power and respect, but I have not heard the name before."
This was where Ren had to gamble.
Considering recent events in Konoha, a truthful answer may have caused serious problems. She weighed the odds of slipping a lie past the old Hokage, but looking into those piercing eyes, she decided against it. This man was the only hope for salvation she had. Should he turn her away, her clan was doomed to disappear forever.
"You may know Matatabi-sama by a different name," she said carefully, "She is also known as the Nibi no Nekomata."
Sarutobi nearly slipped from his chair in surprise. The power of the Sakibou clan... It's ability to stay autonomous had come from a biju of all things.
He inwardly cursed his lack of composure as he saw the girl's apprehension from his reaction.
He schooled his features and asked, "Your clan served a demon?"
"Matatabi-sama was not a demon!" Ren shot back indignantly, "Her aura was pretty, and she was too kind."
He could feel her killing intent spike rather high for someone her age. She truly felt that the Nibi was a respectable benefactor, and evidence pointed to that conclusion as well.
That gave the old man some pause. If the the Nibi had coexisted peacefully with a clan of shinobi, even granting them power, what had happened to the Kyuubi? Was it so different from its fellow biju?
"My apologies, Ren," Sarutobi offered in repentance, "Understand that we just experienced a severe tragedy due to a biju. I would not go around gushing about the Nibi."
"Does... does that mean you will let us stay?" she asked timidly, the cautious hope in her eyes almost enough to extract an unconditional 'yes' from him then and there.
The Hokage sighed. He could ill afford two more orphans despite his desire to help, but the girl had given him some good intel on Kumo. If he was right, they now had the Nibi sealed to add to their arsenal. Another thought occurred to him, though. This girl had escaped a large scale assault and made a long trek through hostile territory. Perhaps he could take in a new shinobi and her brother, if not a pair of orphans.
"You said you were about to be made a full fledged shinobi..."
"A week from the attack, Hokage-sama."
"What are your areas of greatest ability?" he asked, "What was the focus of your training?"
"My father told me that I excel at taijutsu, and Zuki can do genjutsu," she replied with a tinge of pride, "I was specifically trained as a diplomatic liaison. I was going to be sent around the land with my mother as she brokered deals and spied for the clan... Why do you ask?"
The Hokage thought about where a girl with her training would be best suited. He smiled inwardly as he decided to use her as one of his watchers, a loose group of spies that provided him with intel and data on his own village. It would give him another set of eyes in the village, and allow her to raise her infant brother. His choice made, he gave the girl a small smile. Luckily, since she had no ties to any village, he could simply give her citizenship.
"Normally, we test our prospective shinobi before assigning them the rank of genin," Sarutobi explained as he rummaged through his desk, "but you have demonstrated drive and determination in getting here, stealth and resourcefulness in sneaking into my very office, and a great strength of character by speaking truthfully to me. These are all skills and traits of a Konaha ninja."
He pulled forth a plate of metal with a stylized leaf design and held it for her to see, "The mark of a Konoha shinobi."
He stood and rounded his desk to hand it to her directly, "I name you a citizen of Konhagakure no Sato, and bestow upon you the rank of genin."
"I..." was all Ren could manage.
"You will, however, not be assigned to a team," the Hokage went on, "I have a different assignment for you."
"I will preform it to the best of my abilities, Hokage-sama," Ren replied with conviction.
"You will observe the people of this village, civilian and shinobi alike," he explained, "I want you to observe groups, not specific people. Log their general activities and conversation topics. Note what people buy and sell and where from. Log even where people choose to eat. To anyone but me, you will be a civilian. Can you do this?"
"I can..." he could hear hesitation in her voice, "But what will doing all that give you?"
"An understanding of the way my people think and feel," the Hokage answered, "You may not understand yet, but even the most innocuous information can lead to insight."
"You will be given a continuous stipend as if you had completed a C-rank mission once a week, so long as you report once a week," he offered, "In addition, some land within the village seems to be going very cheap. I can loan you a sum from my personal account to acquire some and build a home. Your repayment will come from your weekly pay... with interest of course."
"That... that's very kind of you Hokage-sama," Ren stammered out, "I don't know what to say."
That was true enough. The Hokage had blown her wildest hopes out of the water. She had hoped only for a safe place to raise her brother. He had given her so much more. A thought occurred to her then.
"Hokage-sama," she ventured, "If I may ask you for a small honor."
The Hokage looked at her with a bit of surprise. The girl was amazingly bold to ask for something else just after he had given so much.
Taking his incredulous silence as an invitation to continue, Ren went on, "My brother is still without a name... The ritual of naming is very important in my clan."
Now the Hokage was intrigued, "Go on."
"Normally, our mother would perform the rite, but she is most likely... dead," she nearly choked on the word, "As his remaining relative I can perform it, but normally a clan elder would witness it... to make it legal."
"I believe I see what you are getting at, child," Sarutobi smiled gently, "I would be honored to preside over the naming of your brother."
XxXxXxXxX
Sarutobi was impressed with the girls fuinjutsu. He had no doubt that every Sakibou was drilled endlessly with the seal she had placed over her brother's heart, but the intricacy of it should still have given her trouble. The radial design had a blank space right over his heart when she was done. At the end she had placed his name in the spot.
"I name you Sakibou Osamu," Ren intoned, "May you carry his strength as you carry his name and blood, and may his spirit guide you to greatness."
After the short ceremony, he had given her guest quarters in the tower normally reserved for diplomats. Now he sat, smoking his pipe in contemplation. The Nibi, Kumo, Sakibou... what did all this mean for Konoha. Only time would tell, he supposed.
He hoped that one day the Sakibou would be another of Konoha's great clans. His support of them today would leave them beholden to the office of Hokage. He knew he and those who followed him would need all the support they could get.
At the very least, he had another watcher amongst the people. His network was large, but loose to keep his political rivals from compromising it. Few brought him directly valuable intel, but he had gleaned more than one assassination attempt from the data.
He looked down at his lists and sighed. He needed all the help he could get.