A/N: I don't really remember anything specific inspiring this particular story. I've been working on it off and on for about a month, so I hope you enjoy. The title is kind of lame, I have to admit. I hope it makes sense. In case it doesn't, it's from Alice in Wonderland.During the tea party scene everyone is celebrating an "unbirthday" because it wasn't anyone's birthday. So I thought if it was someone's birthday, that would be a not unbirthday. I must also give some credit to my favorite ninja for her suggestion about Conner's present for Artemis. It seemed too good to pass up, given all the TV that Conner watches.
Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters that you recognize. They are property of DC Comics and Cartoon Network. I do not own Alice's Adventures in Wonderland, though I do own a copy of The Complete Works of Lewis Carroll.
Artemis's Very Merry Not Unbirthday
Artemis was going to kill Robin. As soon as she could catch the little troll, she was going to kill him. Preferably slowly and painfully.
To be honest, it didn't surprise her one bit that Batman kept a file on each member of the team. It also didn't surprise her that Robin had hacked into said file and read all the information the world's greatest detective had gathered on her. Information that included her birthday.
Then the little troll had mentioned to Megan that her birthday was coming up. Lover of all things pop culture that she was, Megan had decided that Artemis needed a sweet sixteen birthday bash.
Artemis let out a savage grunt as she shot another arrow at the picture of Robin she was using for target practice.
It was hard to resent Megan's enthusiasm. The Martian girl was sweet for wanting to throw Artemis a party. The archer had been repeating this to herself for the last three days as M'gann floated around hanging decorations and working on the menu. She was almost starting to believe her little mantra had some truth to it. At least Megan hadn't coated the cave in a layer of pink.
The reason for Artemis's discomfort at her teammate's effort stemmed from her home life. Birthdays in the Crock household were never much of a celebration. Money was always tight, though her mother had always managed to get each daughter a simple present on their birthdays as well as a small cake. Once Paula had gone to prison, birthday celebrations were not high on the priority list.
But now that she had friends like M'gann and Robin, Artemis knew birthday parties were going to become a tradition that she would have to get used to. Everyone would make a big deal about "Artemis's Special Day" every year for the foreseeable future. The archer supposed were worse things to have to get used to and that a birthday party might not be such a bad thing.
Just for good measure, Artemis shot another arrow at Robin's picture. The tip pierced through the photo right where his eye would be had it been the real Robin.
Bull's-eye.
0o0o0o0
On the morning of her birthday, Artemis woke up to the smell of waffles. She pulled on her Gotham Academy uniform in a hurry and made her way out to the kitchen.
Her mother had just set a plate stacked with waffles on the table when she arrived. "Happy birthday, Artemis," Paula Crock greeted her daughter. Artemis managed a smile for her mother as she bent down to receive Paula's hug. "Eat your breakfast while it's still hot," the elder woman lectured. Artemis took her place at the table and began to spread butter on her waffles.
As Artemis occupied herself with her breakfast, Paula wheeled herself down the hallway to her bedroom. She came back a short while later with a package wrapped in cheerful yellow paper. The teenage archer bit back a groan. She had hoped her mother wouldn't make a big deal about her birthday, but of course that was not the case. "You can have this when you're done with breakfast," Paula informed her.
Artemis would have liked to eat as slowly as possible to put off having to open the gift, but her mom's pleased expression was kind of endearing. After all, this was the first birthday that Paula was home to celebrate for the last seven years. It was probably a big deal to her. The blonde girl dutifully swallowed her last bite of waffle before washing it down with a swig of orange juice.
Paula placed the present on Artemis's lap before taking the dirty dishes and putting them in the sink. "Okay, open it," the Asian woman instructed once she had turned to face her youngest child again.
The archer peeled back the yellow wrapping paper to reveal a brand new school bag. It was made of sturdy black canvas and just the right size to carry all of the textbooks Gotham Academy required. Artemis also noticed a small Green Arrow iron on patch had been attached to the side pocket.
"This is so expensive," she blurted without thinking about how ungrateful she sounded.
"Artemis!" her mother reprimanded. "Don't worry about such things. I wanted to get you a nice present for your birthday. Let me worry about money. Do you like it?"
Truthfully, Artemis did like the messenger bag her mother had bought for her. "Yes, Mom. It's just what I needed for school."
The pleased look returned to Paula's face. "Well, I'm glad that you do. Now, you have just enough time to brush your teeth and put your books in your bag before you have to leave. Have fun at the party tonight."
"I'll try," Artemis promised, and that was all she could do.
0o0o0o0
The day actually shaped up to be a decent one. Artemis was pleased to learn that she had received a B+ on her Advanced Algebra test, which she had studied intensely for and she felt she had definitely earned the grade. She sat with Bette and Babs at lunch, and for once Babs's weird freshman friend Dick wasn't hanging around. Her P.E. class was starting its archery unit which she would definitely ace. All in all, Artemis was having a good day.
She almost hated the idea of having to go to Mt. Justice for her birthday party. It was only out of the sisterly affection she had developed for M'gann that she was going to show up at all.
Artemis changed out of her uniform and into her civvies after the final bell. Then she left the school grounds and grudgingly made her way to the zeta transport tubes. She set the location to take her to the cave and hitched her new school bag up onto her shoulder.
Recognized: Artemis. B-07.
Artemis saw Megan's head snap up at the sound of the computer's voice. "Artemis!" Miss Martian exclaimed happily. She floated across the cave's entryway to where Artemis stood and wrapped the blonde archer in a hug. "Happy birthday! Come in, come in. Everyone is here already, and now that our guest of honor is here we can get started!"
Artemis tried to match Megan's enthusiasm with a smile. M'gann grinned back and tugged the birthday girl into the living room, where the party guests were assembled.
Green Arrow was the first to approach her. "There she is!" the Emerald Archer announced. He gave his "niece" a big bear hug. Artemis was surprised to realize he really was happy to see her. "Happy birthday, kiddo."
Black Canary greeted her next, followed by Batman, Kaldur, Robin, Conner and finally Wally. The redhead looked less than pleased to be celebrating her birthday but Megan had mandated that the full team had to be in attendance. So Wally had done his duty and showed up. He didn't really greet Artemis in words, but he did nod in her direction before helping himself to more of the snacks that had been laid out.
"So, Artemis, what do you want to do first?" the Martian girl asked. "We can eat, or watch a movie, or dance…"
One thing Artemis hated was being put on the spot. "I don't know, Megan. What do you think we should do?"
Megan was all too happy to offer her input. "Well, I thought we could finish the snacks while watching the movie, and then have dinner, cake and presents."
"That sounds good," Artemis replied. Megan beamed at the blonde girl. It was never too hard to make the Martian girl happy, Artemis mused.
She watched as Miss Martian rejoined the others and began to relay the plan to them. Everyone nodded, agreeing to Megan's schedule and then began getting everything set up for the movie. Miss Martian reappeared at the archer's side. "I want to show you the cake."
The newly minted sixteen-year-old followed her friend into the kitchen. They were greeted by Robin, who was popping a gigantic bag of popcorn in the microwave. "Enjoying your party yet, Arty? I think you're going to be so whelmed by the time it's over."
"Don't call me Arty," the older girl bit out. Robin laughed his creepy laugh and disappeared back into the living room.
Meanwhile, Megan had opened the fridge and was now using her powers to levitate the cake she had made onto the counter. The cake was a large rectangular one with green frosting and white icing spelling out, "Happy 16th, Artemis," in perfect letters. The Martian girl beamed down at her admittedly spectacular creation before giving the specifics. "This is butter cream frosting dyed with green food coloring. The inside is chocolate with vanilla ice cream between the layers. It's going to be delicious."
Artemis was kind of touched by the effort M'gann had put into preparing her birthday party. "Thanks, Megan," she said finally. "Really."
Megan merely smiled in response. At that moment, Green Arrow poked his head into the kitchen. "Girls? The movie is all set up and ready to go. Are you ready?"
The younger archer nodded. "I think so. What movie are we watching, anyway?"
"Sixteen Candles," Megan answered proudly. "I thought it sounded appropriate because of you turning sixteen. I've heard it's a very good movie."
Artemis didn't really have the heart to tell Miss Martian that Sixteen Candles was the kind of movie she generally tried to avoid. But the least she could do was pretend to enjoy it for Megan's sake. The Martian really had put a lot of thought into ensuring Artemis had a good celebration. She nodded in response to Megan's statement and followed Green Arrow back into the living room.
The team settled in on the massive couch. Artemis noted that Wally was as far away from her as he could possibly get, crammed in between Robin and the arm of the sofa. Artemis was perfectly content to be nestled in between Kaldur and Black Canary, so she decided not to call Wally out on this particular choice.
Megan pressed play on the DVD remote and the opening scene began to roll. Artemis helped herself to the bowl of popcorn as it was passed to her. A mostly unfamiliar feeling began to come over the archer. It was nice to be here with her friends. Having a less than ideal childhood had always made Artemis feel uncomfortable around others. But now she was beginning to think that maybe this was what it felt like to belong.
0o0o0o0
After the movie was over, the team, along with Green Arrow and Black Canary, sat down to a spaghetti dinner, courtesy of M'gann. Batman had disappeared about five minutes into the movie, but no one really seemed to mind this.
The blonde girl had to hand it to M'gann, though. The Martian had come a long way with her cooking skills. The spaghetti and garlic bread were probably the best that Artemis had ever tasted. She mentioned that to the redhead, and Miss Martian looked genuinely pleased at the archer's compliment.
When dinner was over, Black Canary produced a lighter and lit the giant candles shaped like a one and a six respectively. Artemis felt her cheeks warm as the group broke into the traditional "Happy Birthday" song. She blew out the candles obligingly before accepting a kitchen knife from Green Arrow and starting to slice into the cake.
Megan had been right about her cake. It was delicious. Artemis was almost sad when her piece was gone. She made a mental note to wrap a few pieces up to take home for herself and her mom.
The dirty dishes were whisked away and then Megan turned to Artemis. "It's time for presents!" she announced in her usual preppy tone. "Come on!" The green girl took Artemis by the hand and led her back to the couch. The rest of the group filed in and gathered around the birthday girl. While all of this was going on, Miss Martian was busy levitating the birthday gifts to sit in a small pile next to Artemis.
Artemis picked one of the gifts up at random and saw that the tag had the names Uncle Ollie and Aunt Dinah written on it. She peeled back the wrapping paper and opened the gift box to reveal a beautiful black leather jacket. The archer lifted the garment from its box, fingering the butter soft leather. "This is perfect," she said, glancing up at her mentor. "Thanks." Artemis shrugged off her normal olive green coat and slipped into the new one. "It fits perfectly."
"Looks good, too," Oliver replied with a chuckle. "I'm glad you like it, kiddo."
"I knew you would," Dinah added.
The teenager took the new coat off again and carefully folded it before placing it back in its box. She picked up another present from the stack, a small oval shaped item wrapped in a shade of deep blue.
Inside was a bracelet woven out of some material that Artemis didn't recognize. A single silver charm dangled from the middle section of the bracelet. It was in an unfamiliar shape.
"It means 'sister' in Atlantean," Kaldur explained.
The archer could feel a lump forming in her throat at Kaldur's gift. "I'll always wear it," she announced softly as she pulled it over her left wrist. "That means so much."
The next present was from Conner, if the clumsy wrapping job was anything to go by. Artemis had to admit that she was definitely curious about Conner's gift. She knew that Robin had explained the concepts of birthday parties and gift giving to the clone, and it would no doubt be interesting to see what constituted a gift in Superboy's mind.
It was a Magic Bullet blender, complete with a red "As Seen on TV" emblem on the box.
Artemis didn't really know what to say about Conner's present. It appeared that he didn't know what to do either, judging by the blank stare the clone was giving her. "Uh, thanks, Conner. I needed a new blender."
Superboy looked pleased at the blonde girl's statement. As pleased as Superboy ever looked, anyway.
Next, Artemis received a brand new iPod from Robin ("Loaded with songs that will make you feel the aster."); a new quiver from Green Arrow ("Your old one was looking a little worn, kid."); and finally a scrapbook from M'gann.
The scrapbook was dark green in color and bound in leather. It was empty save for one page. The occupied page held a picture of the team's two girls with their arms around each other's shoulders, taken on a day when Artemis had been in a rare good mood. Above the photo were alphabet stickers spelling out the word "Sisters."
Between Kaldur's charm bracelet and Megan's photo album, the blonde archer was feeling kind of emotional. She turned to the green Martian next to her and gave Megan a hug. Megan didn't say anything and merely hugged her back.
When they ended the hug, Megan was frowning. She looked at Artemis's pile of gifts and ticked them off on her fingers. "There were two presents from Green Arrow and Black Canary, one from me, one from Conner, Kaldur, and Robin… Where's Wally's present? Wally?" The redheaded girl looked up and scanned the room for the team's speedster, but he was nowhere to be seen.
"Honestly, Megan, it's fine," Artemis said. "This is more than enough. Thanks again everyone."
M'gann looked less than convinced but didn't press the issue. The little group broke up then as Robin turned on the game console and Green Arrow and Black Canary began getting ready to leave. Megan went off to wrap up leftover cake slices and Artemis was left to pack up her new items. The rest of the team bid her goodnight as they went home or to bed.
Artemis pulled on her new coat and lugged her very heavy book bag over to the zeta tubes. She was glad she'd managed to stuff her gifts into the bag so she wouldn't have to juggle them on her way home. She had just finished programming the tubes to take her back to Gotham when she heard Wally's voice call her name.
"Artemis, wait!" the speedster called. The archer rolled her eyes but stayed where she was. She switched off the zeta tubes before spinning around to face her redheaded teammate.
She stood with her arms crossed over her chest and an annoyed look on her face, a clear indication that Wally's audience with her was not going to be very long. "What do you want, West?"
He skidded into the kind of neat stop that only came with years of practice. "I just didn't want you to go without getting your present."
Artemis arched an eyebrow skeptically. "You got me a present?" she asked in a flat tone. "Then why didn't you give it to me earlier when everyone else did?"
Wally's whole face flushed bright red. Then Kid Flash took a deep breath and spoke in a rush. "All the other presents were great and mine is lame."
The archer desperately wanted to laugh, but she had a feeling that would only embarrass Wally more. 'I must be going soft if I'm caring about Wally's feelings,' Artemis thought with a silent groan. To Kid Flash she said, "Can I have it anyway? Since you already bought it, I might as well have it. Right?"
After a moment, Wally nodded. He took his backpack off of his back and plunged his hand inside. He came up with a slim rectangular package wrapped in Green Lantern paper. "I know everyone else got you something cool and special and this is going to seem really stupid in comparison. But it was the first thing I could think of that fell within my practically nonexistent budget. So just don't laugh, okay?"
"I'm not going to laugh, Wally," Artemis scoffed as she reached for the gift. "Honestly." The younger girl ripped open the paper to reveal a paperback copy of Alice's Adventures in Wonderland. Her jaw dropped in surprise, and she wondered how Wally could possibly have known about her secret love of all things Alice. She asked him as much.
"I saw your copy in your backpack once when I was looking for a pencil to steal. I noticed it looked kind of beat up, so I thought you might like a new one. I hope that's okay. I'm sure the one you already have has sentimental value and-"
"Wally." The blonde held up a hand and the speedster fell silent. "This is great. Really. It was really…thoughtful of you to get this for me." She gave a half smile and held up the book for closer examination, feeling nostalgic. "This was my favorite book as a kid. My sister used to read it to me."
Artemis glanced up to see Wally looking at her with a curious expression. "I didn't know you had a sister," he said.
She shook her head, annoyed at herself. She hadn't meant to say that out loud. "We…um, had a falling out a few years ago. But there was a time when we were close and knew every line by heart."
"That's too bad," Wally said quietly. "About your sister, I mean. I always wondered what having a brother or sister would be like."
Artemis shrugged. "Depends on the person you get as your sibling, I guess."
Kid Flash nodded. "Well, I have to be getting back to Central City now. Happy birthday, Artemis." And before she could do anything to stop him, Wally zipped forward and hugged her.
Even stranger was the fact that Artemis hugged him back. She wasn't sure why she did it. Maybe it was because he had shown that he was capable of doing something sweet. "Goodnight, Wally," she said when she let go of him.
Artemis set the zeta tubes once more and was transported back to Gotham. When she got home, she wished her mom goodnight and walked down the hallway to her room. She hung up her new coat in the closet and carefully set her gifts on the desk. Her gaze lingered on the copy of Alice's Adventures in Wonderland and she picked it up. A faint smile formed on her face.
She settled down in her bed with the book and began to read. For the first time she could ever remember, Artemis Crock was glad it was her birthday.
And that was a good thing. She didn't really want to kill Robin, anyway.