August 28th 3:30 AM
This song is by Automatic Loveletter. I absolutely love them. BXE and BXJ shadows towards the end.
It'll be a bit skatty – I'm not sure who this song favours. But, we'll see. Tell me what you think.
A little bit longer than I though t it would be… but oh well.
(and just in case you didn't know, Team Jacob forevers! Edward is just a glitter pop.)
PS –I know it isn't really *realistic* - youll know when you get to it – but I was alittle sick of Bella staying with Edward because she was afraid he'd leave. So yeah, toyed with that theme a little.
Put your swords away
I'm already down
The higher we both climb
The further we fall
"Jacob! Edward! Stop it now!" I yell at them, stamping my foot. Edward immediately goes to my side, holding my hand.
"Come on, love," he whispers. "Lets leave this dog behind."
I look at Jacob. He's harsh now. Sam's Jacob. But the soft look in his eyes, he can tell that I won't go with him, even if I want to.
I nod, and suppress a sigh.
I've climbed so high in a relationship with Edward since his return – I don't want to fall.
Not again.
Now we're under looking up into the floor
And burn each other though were dying for more
We're stuck on the dysfunction, we love it to our death
We celebrate destruction by lighting up this bed
That night, I once again push Edward. His cool skin burns on my flushed skin.
"Bella, love, we have to stop."
I shake my head fiercely. This burn that I feel for him needs to be shared.
"Bella, love we can't."
I pull away from him then. I know that I'm dying to show my feelings. But he always tells me no. The rejection gets a little routine. It starts to hurt a little less.
"This is too dysfunctional," I whisper to myself, knowing perfectly well that he can hear me.
He leans over than, and kisses me softly.
"I love you too much to risk hurting you. I don't want to kill you."
I bite back the words Jacob would! Jacob would take me on the kitchen floor, cares to the wind, destruction damned!
I can't say those things. Edward will leave.
You can take you love away
But don't you ever leave me alone
Burn the ghosts we've carried home
Come on, touch me
Show me you're imperfect, too
These broken lights
They shine on us tonight
Edward didn't stay that night. I didn't want him to.
I know that he'll always be back, that he'll never leave me alone.
Our love is also our jailer.
I want to know what ghosts could have made him so paranoid about sex. I want him to touch me, to show me that he can. I mean, I know he's a virgin and all, but this…fear of togetherness can't be his only imperfection.
Can it?
We don't talk much
When there's so much to say
We don't listen, but yet we try anyway
My stomach feel sick, bitter and open
Reveries of helplessness
Have left me all but hopin'
I've noticed, ever since Jacob has said he'll fight for me, Edward and I don't talk.
Not even when there's so much to say – like the sex thing.
Like the Volturi thing.
Like the vampirism thing.
And even when we do 'talk' we don't listen. We try, but it doesn't happen.
With Jake, talking and touching are as natural as anything – like breathing or blinking.
Not with Edward.
And the thought makes me sick. Sick to my stomach.
It makes his wounds open just a little, puts a bitter taste in my mouth.
I know that I'm pretending now. I've already fallen.
But these are the reveries of the helpless. I need him to kill me so I can live.
But, now, there's not even that hope.
We strip each other's beauty
We push it to the end
We face each other smiling
And leave it all unsaid
We had out first fight today. I wanted to see the flaws.
He says that, becoming a vampire strips you of flaws, makes you 'beautiful'.
I told him that beauty is only skin deep. It can't change the internal flaws.
He looks dumbfounded.
"You don't think I'm perfect? I'm not beautiful?"
I shake my head. "You don't get it."
We push it, yelling and screaming.
I smile then, falsely, and walk out, leaving everything else unsaid.
I go to the Res, just over the treaty line, and cry.
You can take you love away
But don't you ever leave me alone
Burn the ghosts we've carried home
Come one, touch me
Show me you're imperfect, too
These broken lights
They shine on us tonight
Jacob finds me, doesn't ask questions, just holds me.
I know that Edward and I don't have the same kind of love, not anymore. His leaving has rocked things, and we have nothing in common any more. I don't think we had anything in common to begin with – save for chemistry and me being in danger. Not much to build a relationship with.
My phone buzzes.
I know it's Edward. His love will never leave me alone.
It seems that I've brought the ghost of his leaving with me. I've used it as shield to protect me form being hurt.
It won't, though.
I stop crying for a moment, and Jake looks at me, a question in his eyes.
He cups my face, and that one touch makes me ask, "Are you imperfect?"
He leans up flicks on the inside light of the car and lifts his arm up. There, just below his arm pit, is a small birthmark. Next to it, an even smaller scar.
"I've a matching scar on the other arm," he tells me.
I hug him then.
The broken light shines down on our imperfectness.
And I feel safe.
We kiss till we bleed
We feel so much it's killing us
We fight till were free
And he threatens to leave but won't let me
We cry till we see
Infatuations break us down
We're healing at three
We dance inside this tragedy
We dance inside this tragedy
I kiss him then. Kiss him with all my anger and emotion and passion. And he kisses back, his confusion and love for me.
These feeling are choking me.
I can feeling them killing me, softly.
I want to fight him. I want to fight Jacob – because I know he'll fight back.
I know he'll fight for me to be free. I want to fight along with him.
Edward is there, then, outside the car.
"Get out of the car Bella!" He yells, but I move closer to Jacob.
"She can do what she wants!" Jacob yells back.
"I'll leave, Bella." He threatens. "I'll leave if you don't get off the Reservation."
I'm crying but shake my head.
"Go away!" I cry, fresh tears coming.
And through my tears, I see him go.
Jacob holds me again, kissing my jaw, my cheeks, my nose, my head, anywhere that could possibly be comforting.
"Bells, come on, it's 3 in the morning!" he exclaims.
"3:30," I correct him.
He smiles. "You alright?"
"Half left," I reply weakly – a line I learnt of Quil.
Jake barks a laugh.
"Stupid infatuations," I tell him. "Stupid Edward. Stupid everything!"
Jake hugs me, before helping me get out of the car.
It's pouring rain – as usual.
He lifts me up onto his feet and we twirl.
"What a tragedy you live in!" He tells me.
I laugh. I laugh so hard that I cry, and the tears mingle with the rain.
I laugh so that I won't have to cry. Laughing is easier to do.
Dancing inside this tragedy.
You can take you love away
But don't you ever leave me alone
Burn the ghosts we've carried home
Come one, touch me
Show me you're imperfect, too
These broken light
They shine on us tonight
The moon cast shadowy half-light through the broken clouds.
"I love you," Jake whispers. "Imperfect, annoying little thing that you are.
I smile. "Love you too," I whisper back.
He cups my face and kisses me lightly.
It was August 28th at 3:30 in the morning, that I started my life with Jacob. It was that night.
It was alos the that day, a few years later, that we got married.
Imprinting be damned.
Jake keeps me sane.
Jake talks to me.
Jake is imperfect, just like me.