He loved this feeling. The feeling of a hot steaming shower after a long battle. The drops of water rolled down his beaten and bruised toned body. The cut on his forehead bleed slightly as the water rushed down. His naked tanned skin slightly burned from heat but still he loved it. The bathroom was one of the only places on a battleship with forced gravity. Going there help him to pretend he was somewhere else, anywhere else. He was free to think of whatever he wanted. To think of anything and everything away, far away from the war. But with everything he could think about his mind seemed to keep wandering to her.
Anytime he closed his eyes he saw her face. Her voice haunted his consciousness. He couldn't figure out why... After all she was a weakling, a natural. She in his opinion, or at least the one that was forced down his throat his whole life, was beneath him. Yet still she was the only thing on his mind.
He began rinsing the soap from his wavy blond locks. While memories of moments spent with her flooded his mind.
Tolle's gone, and he's never coming back! And yet this creep... what is this scumbag doing here!?
He was in a skygrasper...on the island... When you guys attacked us. A fighter plane. A blue and white one.
I'm the ship's CIC. Besides... Orb is my home.
So, what is your point? Weren't you listening to Kira? This is what he meant! Would killing him bring Tolle back to me? Of course it wouldn't. So, why don't you just stop talking about it?
"Please tell me it's not true!" The voice echoed off the walls of the shower. His eyes shot opened from shock as continued to look forward. His whole body froze. It took a moment before he realize this voice was not in his head. The girl he was thinking of was standing behind him. "You can't. Pl-please answer me?" Her voice quivered. He could tell she was crying.
Slowly he turned around enough so he could see her with exposing her to a full view of his soaking wet body. Only a couple feet away she stood breathing heavily. Tears rolled down her cheeks. He could tell she had hurried to find him. She had removed her shoes, socks and EAF jacket. Only her skirt and white t-shirt remained. Water splashing off both Dearka's body and the shower itself drenched her. Her hair fell flat and her white shirt began to show her lacy pink bra beneath. Her bright teal eyes staring him down begging for an answer. She was so beautiful he couldn't help but stare for a moment.
"Haww..." He said in a sympathetic voice. He still had abided by her request not to use her name. He had gained a great deal of respect for her. He had always believed naturals were weaklings. But after meeting her even after all the tears she shed in front of him he still believed she was one of the strongest and bravest young women he had ever met.
"They...they told me you're going back! But you can't. You just can't. You're a traitor to ZAFT. If the convict you... Then... Then...you'll!" she couldn't bring herself to say the words. The penalty for what he did, if convicted had only one punishment... Death. Slowly she fell to her knees sobbing uncontrollably.
He looked at her. Sorrow filling his eyes. He turned to face her fully. Her eyes were to the ground as she cried. It broke his heart to see her in so much pain. Slowly he knelt down in front of her. Water still beating down his back. Steam filling the room. Both of their bodies soaking wet. He reached up and place his right hand on her chin. Tilting her face upwards to meet his gaze.
He looked her straight in the eyes. Never breaking contact. She saw the serious look in his lavender eyes but also a deep amount of concern. Finally he spoke. "I'm not him" her eyes widened at this remark. Suddenly, before they both realized what was happening, they began to lean in towards one another. Slowly their eyes closed as their lips touched in a tender kiss. She reached her hand up and placed it on the side of his face.
Dearka felt a strange sensation. It was one he had never felt before. Although he had kissed many girls before he had never felt anything like this. It felt like lightning or butterflies fluttering in his stomach. He deepened the kiss. His heart pounded so hard and fast he thought it would burst out of his chest. His found it hard to breath and goosebumps covered his body.
She felt much the same way. Tolle never raised such feelings in her. With him a kiss was just a kiss. She didn't understand why she was feeling this way. She tried her hardest not to get close to him. But now she was kissing him. She was terrified at the thought of him leaving.
Finally they broke apart. They looked into each others eyes. A bright shade of pink crossed their faces. They were both suddenly very aware of just how naked he was. This caused them to break eye contact. "I should go" she said beginning to turn. Only to be stopped but a hand grabbing hers.
"No. Stay and have a shower." He said in a husky voice "You're soaked anyways. You really planning to walk the halls dripping wet?" A small smirk came on his face with his last comment.
"No... I guess not-"
"-Then you stay here." he exclaimed quickly "I'm done now. I'll get dressed and go find you some dry clothes." She nodded yes keeping her eyes towards the wall so not to look at his perfectly sculpted body. He stood up a left the room to get dried Off. He looked back through the fogged shower door. He could see the shadow of her body as she stood up, removed her clothes and walked under the running water.
He didn't quite understand what had just happened between them. She was a natural and he was a coordinator. So why did kissing her feel more right than anything else in his young life had ever.
After he was dried off and dressed he headed towards her room. He greeted everyone he passed with a distant distracted wave. Finally he made it to her room. He had never entered before. Part of him worried he was going to be invading her privacy. All thoughts of that left his mind when the door opened.
It was not what he expected at all. There were only two women on the ship. The captain and her. So naturally Dearka assumed they each would have their own rooms. Instead it seemed she shared with many men. The room he entered contained eight beds. He walked over to the bed with her name engraved above it.
He sat down on the bed. It was slightly uncomfortable. He found it strange. Even he, a former enemy was given his own room. But she was forced to share. It saddened him slightly. She really was a strong woman. He looked carefully around her bed. It was made neatly and with care. As he scanned the bed a box caught his eye. He pulled it over towards himself and looked inside.
On top was a instapic camera. It was very worn. It had obviously been used a lot. He moved it aside and picked up the pictures in the box. Some of the people in the pictures he recognized. There was Sai and Kira, along with their friend Kuzzy in many of them. They were wearing their EAF uniforms. All smiling big. Of course there was lots of her too. Looking at her face brought a smile to his. He had never seen her smile before. She was even more beautiful with a smile, if that was even possible.
A frown crossed his face when he notice the guy in the picture. He had his arm around her in most of the pictures. He had never seen him around the ship before. The guy wore a EAF jacket just as the other boys. He had pale skin and brown wavy hair. It didn't take Dearka long to realize this was him. The boy she had lost. The pilot of the blue and white skyscraper. He looked weak. Not like a strong pilot like he was. It was no surprise he had been shot down.
As he put the pictures back he noticed a crinkled partially folded piece of paper. It looked like it was tear stained. He picked it up and unfolded it. It was a letter. At the top of the page was a date. It was the dated the day before the attack on Heliopolis. He stared at it a moment. Wondering whether or not he should read it. But curiosity got the best of him. So he began to read the letter.
My dearest Tolle,
I know things have been awkward between us for the past few days. As it should. I know it must have taken a lot of courage to tell me what you did. And it must have hurt even more when I didn't respond. Saying I love you for the first time... It must be the most difficult thing either of us have been through.
I'm sorry I didn't say it back. But in all honestly I couldn't lie to you. I don't feel that way about you. Not yet. What we have at least what we have right now doesn't fall into what I believe love is.
To me love is a confusion of feelings. It's a uncontrollable feeling and need to be with someone despite everything. Love is when you can fight with someone, be angry to the point of almost burning hate but still you need them there. Love is when no matter the distance between you, you know they will always be there for you.
I believe when love first starts, when it really starts you can't get the other person off your mind. They haunt you, and excite you all at the same time. And the thought of losing them in anyway crushes you. And when you kiss for the first time... It's like fireworks.
As for us... That's not how I feel. Not now, maybe not ever. I think we should talk. About this. A real talk. How about after we meet with the professor tomorrow. Let's say around noon?
Till then
Miriallia Haww
P.S.
Lets not tell our friends know about this. We'll just smile and pretend everything is OK for now.
He couldn't believe what she had wrote. Not only did this letter seem to be a pre-break up letter but the meeting time stood out. They never got the chance to have that meeting. He knew this because Dearka and his team attacked more than an hour before that.
He began to wonder if she had ever talked to Tolle about the letter. But then again she wanted to break up. Yet they were still dating at the time of his death. Maybe being hurled into the war caused her to fall in love with him. Or maybe the war was more important than their relationship status.
Another part of her letter stood out to him. It was her description of love. It perfectly described the feelings he had been having. It explained the kiss and the butterflies. Could he really be in love with Miriallia?
Realizing how long it was taking him he quickly put the letter back. Placing the box in it's original spot he got off the bed. Looking down in her drawer below the bed he grabbed her civilian dress along with some dry undergarments. He stood up and headed back to the shower. Mir was still in there. "Women" he thought as he placed her clothes on top of a towel and leaving.
He chose not to say anything. Things were awkward between them now. With the kiss. Him being naked in front of her. The letter he read. He just needed time to figure it all out. After all none of this changed the fact that in a few short hours he would be heading back to the PLANTs. As he left the room he decided to head down to the hanger and help with ship repairs.
Miriallia turned off the water. She took a deep breath. She couldn't stop thinking about the kiss. Why did they do it? Why in that moment did she have the uncontrollable need to kiss him. Then again why did she run into the shower with a very naked Dearka. She blushed at the memory if his body.
She had never once seen Tolle naked. After all they were only 15 when they were in Heliopolis. Since then she had turned 16. And with her living quarters it was unlikely they would ever advance their relationship in that way until they could leave the ship. Not that she wanted to at all. Not with him.
But there was something about Dearka. Maybe it was the mystery that surrounded him? His cool confidence or his cold demeanor. The distance that he tried to make between them and yet still it seemed like he wanted to pull her close. Whatever it was she was drawn to him. And the thought of him leaving tore her up inside. She couldn't watch another man walk out of her life for good.
When Tolle left for that final battle she begged him not to go. She had a bad feeling. In that moment when he left the bridge a small part of her knew he wasn't coming back. Now the thought of Dearka leaving the ship gave her the same feeling. Did that mean he was going to die?
She shook her head of the thought. She reached for her towel and dried off. "Why do I feel like this? It not like..." She thought as she began to get dressed "it not like that kiss meant anything. He just caught me off guard with his comment." She tried to convince herself. "So why… why was I so desperate to find him when they told me? Why didn't I wait for him to finish showering? Why did I need him then?"
Her mind was flooded with questions as she made her way to her room. She laid down on the bed for a quick rest. "He's not leaving for a few more hours. I'll rest for a few minutes. Then… maybe I can convince him to stay?" she thought as she laid in her bed and drifted off into a deep sleep.
Miriallia finally woke up. Her eyes scanned the room. They stopped when her eyes met the clock. She felt like her heart was being crushed. She had overslept. Really overslept. Dearka would be leaving in a little over half an hour. She needed to hurry. Maybe if she could get to him soon she could still convince him to stay. She jumped out of bed and ran towards the hanger.
"There you are Dearka" He looked up from the computer with a surprised look on his face.
"A-Athrun, what are you doing here? I thought you were on the Eternal?" Clearly he didn't expect to see his comrade.
"Ah yeah but with the shuttle coming to get you in a little bit they needed to hide the it. After all it is a stolen ZAFT ship." He replied
"Right... Probably the best decision."
"And what about your decision? Do you really think going back to PLANTs is the right choice? What if they call for a trial? If you're convicted of treason you know what they'll do to you right" he asked, concern dripping from every word.
"They will take away my life." He said simply. "But even with that risk I need to go. It's my home. For you and Lacus it makes sense for you to go to Orb. There is nothing left for you there. I still have family and friends in the PLANTs. I know it sounds selfish but for weeks they've thought I was dead. And it's time I show them I'm still alive"
"And if they convict you. You'll die and they will lose you all over again."
"I'll be fine. Trust me I never fought against any ZAFT soldiers, only EAF. Which means I stand a chance to be deemed innocent."
"Dearka..." Athrun said sadness in his voice.
"Dearka?" Both their heads turned towards the newcomer. There stood a vision of beauty. Miriallia had a refreshed look she had be lacking for so long. She had gotten some much needed sleep. They found it nice to see her in something other than that damn EAF jacket.
Dearka felt it again. Looking at her he felt that feeling again. The butterflies. A slight blush went across his face. "Haww what are you doing here" he asked standing up.
"I should go" Athrun said as he turned to leave.
"No" She exclaimed quickly "Please... Stay". She had heard their entire conversation between the two boys. As much as it hurt to admit, she needed to let him go. She couldn't ask him to come to Orb. She could tell he missed his family as she did hers.
Athrun stayed at her request but felt very awkward. He was the one who had torn the man she loved away from her. Or at least the man he assumed she loved.
"I-I just wanted to say I'm sorry for what I did earlier. I had no right to invade your privacy like that" both their face turned a bright pink. Athrun looked at them both confused. "When I heard you were going back to the PLANTs I panicked. But I should have had better control of my emotions."
"I seem to bring out the extremes in you don't I" he said referring to the time she attacked him in the sick bay. "Listen I'm sorry too. I was out of line with what I did too. I had no right to steal what I did from you"
This confused Athrun even more. How did Mir invade Dearka's privacy? And what did Dearka steal from her? Of course what he was referring to was him stealing a kiss from her. Her first kiss since Tolle.
"Good luck" she held out her hand "it was a pleasure meeting you... Eventually" a small smirk crossed her face.
"Til we met again Haww" he replied as he shook her hand.
"It's Miriallia"
"For now... It just Haww. When next I see you I call you by your name"
"And if I never see you again?"
"Kid the shuttle is in sight! Better get ready!" They heard Murdoch shout. Dearka let go Miriallia's hand a picked up his duffle bag.
"Goodbye Haww" he said mimicking a EAF sault before turning and walking away.
She stood there with Athrun watching Dearka walk towards the shuttle bay. Part of her thought it was the last time she would ever seem him. But every part of her hoped it wouldn't be.