Disclaimer: Like I said, if he was mine, not JK Rowling's, that snake would wish it had never been born.
…
The clock ticked midnight.
But the tall figure reclining slightly on a large black leather armchair seemed oblivious to the change of day. In fact, he remained as still as a marble statue frozen in contemplation, saved only for his elegantly-formed hand nurturing a crystal tumbler filled with fine elf-made scotch. His deep dark eyes stared blankly at the dancing orange flame, teasing and scorching the helpless dry logs trapped in the fireplace.
The wood, seemingly unyielding and strong, cracked at the flame's tender caresses.
He sighed.
Downing the glass in one gulp, Severus Snape stood up.
He walked slowly, forfeiting his usual purposeful stride, and placed the emptied glass into a wooden cabinet. The pale moonlight shining through the window casted a ghostly hue onto the crystals. The spy in him instinctively scanned the surroundings.
Hogwarts was as quiet as a tomb. Framed by the tall window of its Headmaster Office lied mesmerizing endless snowy moonlit landscape drenched in silver. The ground sparkled and shone, lighting up the foliage of the Forbidden Forest. Yet, its eerie splendour held no appeal to the master of the ground. For his heart had long lost the ability to appreciate beauty.
His wooden heart. That had burned. And cracked.
And turned… into a stone.
…
…
"Sev, come on. You are as slow as Professor Binn! We'll get caught!" shouted the thirteen-year-old girl wrapped tightly in a thick cloak. Her red locks bounced and danced as she trudged up the snowy slope towards a large tree by the lake.
"What's the rush? It's not as if your precious McGonagall is on patrol," drawled a pale dark-haired boy who strolled slowly behind. Almost too slow… as if he wished to stretch every second into eternity. "Trust me, my Slughorn is probably taking a secret nap somewhere in the corner."
Lily huffed and waddled back towards the smirking boy, "Oh, you are impossible, you know that?" Her pout elicited a rare small smile on the thirteen-year-old boy's pale face, before he gave a startled yelp as the redhead's small hands landed on his back… and pushed, or more likely, shoved him forward with all her might. "Walk. Faster. Severus!"
Rolling his eyes, he complied. As always.
…
…
Knowing sleep had long been a rare luxury he could hardly indulged, Severus, the newly installed Headmaster of Hogwarts, sat back behind his large wooden desk. Unlike its previous disarrayed state under the previous occupant, the desk was nearly empty saved for a neat pile of papers, a single raven feather quill …and a small deep black river rock.
His tunnel-like eyes rested on the last item. For a split second, the bitter solitary man allowed a fleeting streak of hope to slip into his frozen heart. He reached his ashen hand and ghosted his long pale fingers over the rock's smooth surface, as if he was afraid to touch the seemingly harmless object.
From a hollowed soul, his thin lips whispered into an empty room, "…Lily."
…
…
Half-dragged by the breathless skinny redhead, the equally thin boy made it to the tree by the frozen lake. Together they sat, leaning on the thick tree trunk looking at the sparkling silvery landscape.
"Isn't it the most beautiful thing in the world?" the girl murmured. Her warm breath danced in the freezing air. Strands of red hair loosened from her ponytail. Her freckled rosy cheek even rosier from the long walk.
"…Yea, I guess," whispered the dark-haired boy almost inaudibly as blood shot to his pale cheeks. Only he knew the most beautiful thing to him had nothing to do with the dazzling snow.
Lily turned to face Severus. Her green eyes sparkled with excitement. "I hope you're not too cold, Sev. We have to wait here for a few more minutes. Please say you'll wait with me. Please." She nuzzled closer to him, resting her head on his shoulder and hugged one of his lanky arms tight as if she was holding it ransom.
His blush deepened at the touch. Severus prayed to Merlin she would not notice. Finally, he mumbled, "As if I have a choice."
…
…
He carefully placed his finger onto the smooth black surface. It felt cold to the touch. Severus sighed as he took the stone and laid it on his palm. He closed his tired eyes and squeezed the rock tight.
The room was silent, saved for the clock ticking and the wood crackling in the fireplace. But his hollowed heart was screaming. Howling. Crying.
Open. Please, Lily. Open it for me.
…
…
"Okay. It's time." Lily declared. "Close your eyes, Sev. Give me your hand."
Without question, he did. His little thirteen-year-old heart fluttered. Severus Snape was anything but dim. He could guess what she was doing – she had been doing the same thing for the past four years that they had known each other; but each year, he refused to let himself believe, or even hope, that she would keep on repeating this annual gesture.
For it would be too painful if one day she decided to stop.
Something cold and smooth was placed onto his palm. She covered her small hands around his and squeezed them tight. "Happy Birthday two minutes in advance, Sev."
With his eyes remained closed and his hand still in hers, Severus chuckled, "Two minutes in advance? Why can't we just wait two more?"
"Open your eyes." She released his hands and looked at him expectantly.
On his palm lied a small deep black river stone. "Ah… Thanks, Lily," he muttered. If he was perfectly honest to himself, the rock seemed slightly an odd choice for a birthday present. But Severus couldn't care less. As long as she remembered his birthday, nothing else mattered.
Alas, his simple acceptance more than irked the redhead in question. "Oh, come on! You're not wondering what it is?" pouted Lily irritably.
The dumbfounded boy eyed the huffing girl in front of him in bewilderment. "What do you mean, Lily? It's… a stone… right?"
"Why would I be giving you a stone for your birthday?" Lily looked as him as if the answer was glaringly obvious. To Severus dismay, his utter confusion was also glaringly clear. Seeing the sheer perplexed expression rarely painted on the young Slytherin's face, the girl burst out laughing… and hugged the boy tight. "Wait one more minute, Sev. You'll see."
…
…
The black stone laid unmoving on his palm. The flickering flame vaguely reflected his weathered face far beyond his age onto its smooth surface.
Slowly, ever so painfully, Severus brought his hand up.
His chapped thin lips touched… and pressed tightly onto the cold unfeeling rock.
… It remained cold.
…
…
The bell sounded its first note.
In utter amazement, the dark-haired boy watched as the stone on his palm slowly morphed… into something silvery. With two more strikes of the bell, the rock fully turned into a plain silver locket. The slip of a girl beside him was more than beside herself. Her green eyes sparkled brightly with excitement and pride as her arms wrapped even tighter around his thin torso, almost crushing him to death. Yet, the boy did not mind in the least. "Open it, Sev. Open it!" Lily grinned madly like a Cheshire Cat.
Without question, he did.
…And was faced with an identical brilliant smile… and a shy smirk. It was them. Carefully placed inside the silver frame was their wizarding photo that she had both verbally threatened and physically dragged him into a photo shop on Diagon Alley to get it taken during their visit for school supply. Severus swallowed hard, and looked up at the conceited Gryffindor next to him in pure admiration.
Taking his silence as a need for explanation, Lily fired away quickly, "I know. I know. You are a boy and you don't wear locket. I get it. That's why it will only turn into this once a year. On your birthday. See? This way it will always remind you of the day. You never seem to remember your own birthday. I wonder what you would do without me!"
But he was speechless. There was no word he could say to convey how much her sheer brilliance both fazed him and amazed him; how her friendship was the only source of happiness he had ever known; how she was truly the most beautiful thing in the world in his eyes…
…And how much he wanted to kiss her.
All he could muster was "…I don't ever want to find out."
Seeing the blush creeping onto her face, he changed the subject, not wanting to risk losing the only safe sanctuary in his life. "This is worthy of at least sixth-year level Charms and Transfiguration, Lily. You are going to be the best student ever graces this place."
"Look who's talking. You're the one topping all the classes, Sev. Not me. But thanks anyways." She flashed him another bright smile.
"You said it turns into a locket only on my birthday? What if… I want to… ah… open it… more often?" Severus felt his cheeks burned. He tilted his face down and tried to cover the mad blush on his face with his curtain of black hair.
But Lily's cheeks had turned the colour of tomatoes. She buried her face onto his narrow chest and muttered, "Well… ah… ummmm… you'll only have to… ah… a-hem… kiss it."
…
…
The cold stone remained cold, unchanged, unmoving. The same way it had been for close to twenty years. Yet, the pain was still as fresh, as raw, and as feral as the first time the heartless rock had failed to transform.
The first year her magic was gone.
The first year when Lily… was no more.
Many a time he kissed and kissed the unfeeling rock, praying to gods it would allow him one last look at them. Many a time he roared of pain, and tried to pry the rock open with his hand until he scraped his nails open. Many a time he shouted with anger, and held the tiny stone at wand point ready to blast it into dust.
Yet, every time, he dropped the wand and fell crumpled onto the floor, clutching that cold, cold stone close to his cold, cold heart.
The heart not unlike this very stone. The heart that fiercely held and hid that fragile image of the two happy children deep inside its solid impenetrable shell.
Severus had no more tears to shed. Crying had also been a luxury he could not indulge. There was heat in his eyes, but even his tears remained frozen. Swallowing the lump in his throat, the empty man slowly stood up, the stone clutched in his hand, and sank back down to the big leather armchair.
The clock kept on ticking.
The flame kept on burning.
He remained unmoving.
…
…
"Lily…"
"Hmmm, Sev?"
"Look at me."
"No."
"Don't be silly. Stop hiding your face on my chest. Look at me."
"What if I don't?"
"Then…" The boy's hands suddenly made its way under her thick cloak and seized her waist. He knew she was ticklish. He knew that had always been his last card… and, ever so Slytherin-like, his excuse to be closer to her… than he should. "Then you'll laugh to death." Severus started tickling the redhead who squealed of laughter and tried in vain to push him away. "Stop it, Sev! Stopppppp!"
He didn't. He didn't want to let her go. Not yet.
"Pl—ea—sssse. St—stop. Hahahahaha. Stop."
"Will you look at me now?"
"St—o—p"
"Will you loo—Ouch!"
Blood spurted out of his already crooked nose. In a wild attempt to escape, Lily's elbow had landed… onto Severus' most hated feature. The pale boy loosened his grip and grabbed the assaulted broken bone instinctively. Lily's squeal of laughter turned a muffled scream, "Oh Merlin, Sev! Oh gods, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to. Oh gods." She stammered, tears rising and rapidly rolling down her green eyes. "Let me see, please. Let me see it."
As always, he did what she asked. With tears still streaming down her stricken face, the girl took a deep breath and pointed the wand at his bleeding nose. Sniffing just lightly, she asked. Her voice small, yet determined, "I can fix this. Do you trust me?"
His dark eyes pierced deeply into hers. The boy declared, resolutely, firmly, …proudly, "Always."
…
…
The loud crack of a log in the fireplace snapped his tunnel-like tired eyes open. Clutching the stone in his hand hard as if trying to feel all of the long-lost happiness trapped deep inside its core seeping through his skin, the man flicked his wrist gingerly.
"Expecto Patronum"
Silvery light shot out of his wand, forming a ghostly galloping doe. It trotted gracefully and stopped right in front of him. His sad eyes set on the eerie flowing figure. The doe inched in closer, cocking its silvery head, looking curiously at its creator.
Slowly, it lowered its head, and rubbed his tightly clutched hand gently.
The lump rose again in the lonely spy's throat. He reached his hand to touch the beautiful doe. But the ray of light just flew and floated around in the air. Untouchable. Unattainable.
Dead.
Like daggers to her heart, he launched, leapt out of the chair. Kneeling. Arms flinging open, trying to trap the ghostly figure. Trying to touch it. To hug it tight. To feel it.
To feel her.
His lips whispered brokenly… begging… pleading, "Stay. Just a bit longer. Stay with me."
But the silvery doe evaporated, just like the vague recollection of happiness in his heart.
He howled.
…
…
"Are you feeling better now?"
"Yea… I'm fine."
"I'm so sorry."
"Stop it, Lily. Seriously." The boy tightened his arms around the redhead, still snuggled together behind the tree.
"Why did you want me to look at you?" mumbled Lily softly. Her face glued to his chest, hidden behind shiny red locks.
He wished she would not hear his heart pounding madly. He wondered if he should tell her. He wondered if he… could. Severus sighed, and mustered all of the courage he knew he did not possess. "Because… Because I wanted to tell you how much I love y…" The boy swallowed, and muttered. Defeated. "…your gift."
This time, Lily did look up from his chest. "I'm glad you love it." Her plump lips stretched and awarded him with the brightest smile that put the sparkling snow to shame.
It took Severus all of the control in him not to bend down and place his thin lips onto hers. The thought tied a knot in his stomach and sent an unknown spark down his spine. The boy shivered.
Disappointment flashed immediately in Lily's pair of green eyes. She mumbled softly, "Oh, are you cold? …Do you want to go inside already?"
"N—No," stammered the boy quickly. "Are you? I mean, we can go in if you want. But I don't mind staying here… for a while… I mean, if you want to."
"Just for a bit longer."
"Yea. For a bit longer."
With a content sigh, Severus met Lily's starry green eyes that were peeking at him shyly. Then, gingerly… as if he was approaching a flighty young doe, the boy with a heart pounding madly out of his chest placed a trembling kiss… onto the red-haired girl's forehead.
She blushed beet-red and smiled. "You know, you're like it. The stone. You look so indifferent. So strong from the outside. I just hope… I mean, I want to be ah… allowed… inside. To be kept inside… your stone."
A sentence caught in his throat. The sentence he had wanted to tell her since the first time he had seen her. The sentence he wanted to shout out loud whenever he saw any boy approaching her. The sentence he was dying to confess. Yet, the insecure boy could not bring himself to voice his secret aloud. So, he just tightened his hold on her, and closed his eyes. Someday I will tell her. Some day.
…
…
Steadying his breath, the weathered spy stood up, regaining his usual stoic composure. Severus strode, this time purposefully, to the wooden desk. His long finger caressed the deep black stone softly as if it was his lover. As if it was… her.
He bent down, and placed a longing kiss… a yearning and painful kiss… onto the stone. Its unfeeling shell left only a touch of ice-cold bitterness on his lips.
Severus let his mind drown into the sea of wistful memories. Of that night she gave him this most precious gift. Of the feeling of her slight body curling up in his arms under the tree. Of the sparkles in her green eyes. Of the blush of her freckled cheeks. Of the smell of her fragrant red strands. Of his lips… on her forehead.
Of her voice… Her request…
He finally let out a whisper. A sentence.
The sentence he had longed to say, "There's only you… inside the stone, Lily."
Always.
…
…
The young redhead opened her eyes. She smiled to herself at the sight.
Severus' arms still wrapped loosely around her, but the dark-haired boy had fallen to slumber. His usual sneer disappeared, replaced by a small peaceful smile. Lily felt her breath quickened. It's now or never, Lily, thought the girl to herself. He'll wake up and tell you you're being silly.
Gathering all of her Gryffindor courage, Lily stretched herself up.
Unbeknownst to the sleeping boy, the red-haired girl pressed her plump lips on to his, and whispered, "Happy Birthday, Severus. I… I… love you."
He remained still.
She sighed. Some day I'll tell him again. Some day.
…
A/N: Happy (belated) Birthday, Severus.
For those of you who read my long fic A Life Worth Dying For, big applause for anyone who notices that this is the event mentioned in Chapter 26. I couldn't resist the temptation to write this one-shot down, but I promise the next chapter (for the long fic) is coming soon :)
For those of you who haven't read it and longed for the couple to be reunited, well... it's just a click away ;)
Please please pleaseeeeeeeeee... In the spirit of our favourite byronic heroe's birthday (what has it got to do with it?), I can't beg you enough to R&R.