A/N: A big thank you to Lou(InkyCoffee) for giving me permission to write this after I read her fic and totally got inspired. Her story is perfection. Check it out here: fanfiction dot net /s/11710205/20/
An even bigger thank you to Olya for kindly reading this and giving me the best pep talk/confidence booster ever. You have my eternal gratitude. x.
Disclaimer: Not mine.
The first time Castle returns to the precinct with a bloody nose, Beckett tries to talk some sense into him. The next time he comes in, it's torn fists and bruised ribs. He tries to hide it but she can see it in the way he walks and talks. She reads his body language all too well – guarding, slowed movements, general skittishness – they've been partners for four years now and she can read him like an open book (barring the past few days), but he's adamant on going down this path.
She puts her foot down when she hears of the gun stand off Ryan and Esposito had to pull Castle and Slaughter out of. Castle has only been shadowing Slaughter for a while but this is already the second time he's facing down the barrel of a gun. Guns.
The widow maker.
Well. If Castle insists on running head first into danger, he should at least learn a few self-defense moves, or at the very least, learn to throw a punch without injuring himself.
She corners him on his way out and tells him, "6pm at the gym upstairs. Be there, Castle." He begins to protest but she shuts him down with one look, communicating that it is non-negotiable.
He relents and tells her he'd be there, right before running after Slaughter. Again.
They spar for over an hour and Castle turns out to be an attentive student. She teaches him a few defensive and offensive moves while taking the time to correct his form. His bulk and weight gives him an advantage, but Beckett uses her agility and experience to keep him on his toes.
By the time she's sufficiently satisfied with his abilities, they are both drenched in sweat. "Do you want to change in the locker rooms and then maybe grab a bite? Remy's?" she asks, checking the time when she hears his stomach rumble.
Their camaraderie while sparring made things feel as though they'd gone back to normal for the past hour, which is why his sudden biting tone comes as a surprise. "Why bother? Why are you even doing this, Beckett? Coaching, dinner, what's the point?"
Beckett drops the bottle of water she had been offering him. She feels winded, as though she's just had the air punched out of her lungs when she echoes, "Why I even bother? Castle, what's going on?"
He stares at her in disbelief and such animosity she actually takes a step back. She's never been on the receiving end of one of those looks from Castle before. It makes her feel small and ashamed despite not knowing what she's done wrong. He opens his mouth and then clamps it shut in a tight line, as though he's changed his mind, scoffing at her instead. Is she not even worthy of a response? Some sort of verbal reaction?
Castle tries to walk past her but Beckett grabs his arm in passing and takes him down before he realizes what's happening. He huffs and disentangles, rolling away from her before getting on his feet and walking away from the sparring mat.
She takes him down over and over again. Anything to make him stay.
Beckett growls in his ear, "I'm not done with you."
Her inferior weight does nothing to keep him down. "Yeah, well I'm tapping out. I'm done, Beckett."
She doesn't even bother fighting fair, swiping her legs under his so that he goes down in a heap. He doesn't sound like he's talking about sparring.
"No, you can't be," she protests. Beckett refuses to believe that he's- that he is ready to move on from whatever this is. Them. Castle sighs – the damned man, and rises again. She'll be damned to let this opportunity slip through her fingers. She's not going to give up without a fight, both metaphorically and literally.
"No." She repeats, this time there's a hint of anger behind her words. That catches his attention. He glares at her but still doesn't break his stubborn silence.
She doesn't even know what she's done wrong. Well, she might have an inkling, but-
She cuts off her own thought, too much of a coward to finish it. This time she lunges onto his back, taking him down with her momentum. "No, please Castle, just stay."
He actually snarls at her. "I'm not staying down."
She transitions into another maneuver to get him to stay put but this time Castle evades her, holding her by the arms against him.
"Rick, I'm not asking you to stay down, I just want you to stay."
He looks down at her, using his size to his full advantage. Their bare feet only serve to make their height difference more pronounced. From this angle, she looks… soft. A little weary, maybe even vulnerable. She's at the perfect height for him to tuck her into his body, if he so wished it. Her use of his given name does not go unnoticed, but he tries to steel his heart instead.
"Beckett, what are you doing? What's the point of teaching me moves to defend myself over and over when- when I have no defense against you breaking my heart? I can't- I don't have a single defense against the things that matter. The things that hurt me more than any… physical altercation. Just what do you want?"
"You," she chokes on a sob. "I just want you. I thought we had a deal. I thought we had a deal," she repeats, slumping against him. She continues, softer now, feeling as though the fight is slowly draining out of her. "I thought you knew. I was trying to get myself better for you. To… to be the kind of person who can be with someone, to be with you, Rick, only you, and be able to be there for each other, and we could just dive into it together."
If this is to be her last stand, her last chance to fight for him, for them, there's no longer a need to speak of hypothetical people in their speculative futures.
She's laying out all her cards.
Castle hears her words from all those months ago echoing back to him. He is caught off guard, stunned into silence.
Beckett starts hitting against his chest but he knows it's just for show because there's no real force behind it. A punctuated statement follows each punch.
"I was getting there, damnit. Seeing a-"
Punch.
"-therapist to get to some place better."
She hits him twice more.
Wait, she had been seeing a therapist?
"I was getting there already."
A final weak punch.
She finishes, "I was there."
Castle senses there's more to her "there" so he catches her fists easily and tugs her into his chest, tucking her into his embrace as she starts sobbing. Did he get it all wrong before?
"Kate…?"
Her cries peter off and she begins pulling it away. "I'm sorry I'm not blonde and uncomplicated. I'm sorry I can't-"
"No," he cuts in vehemently.
She's got it all wrong.
He lets go of her hands to cradle her head and guide her to look up at him. "Don't you ever dare wish you were someone else. Not because of a guy," he says, exasperated.
She stares at him with wide doe eyes. He's surprised to see insecurity reflecting in her eyes. Tall, badass Detective Beckett without her armor. Rick continues softly, "Not because of me. I fell in love with you Kate, warts and bumps and all. I didn't love you despite your imperfections; I loved you because of it. They're what makes you Kate Beckett."
Before he could finish with "They're what makes you extraordinary", she stiffens and pulls away.
"So it's true then. Loved. You're… you're done waiting. I took too long and you're done with me."
How is it possible their communication lines have gotten so tangled? They used to finish each other's sentences. Their minds used to be so in sync.
He finally lowers the mask he's been wearing for the past few weeks. He lets her see his overflowing love for her. The pain he's been in. He lets her see the misery underneath the covers of nonchalance.
"Kate, I could never be done with you. It's not something I can flush out of my system. Trust me, I tried," he admits.
Her mouth drops open in surprise.
"So… So you still love me?" she asks tentatively.
Castle gives her a crooked smile. Well, if he has to spell it out for her.
"Yes, I-"
She kisses him. Surges up and kisses the rest of his words away.
Everything leading up to this point, every moment of heartache and pain, it was all worth it. One kiss from her is all it takes to soothe the anguish. A cool balm that numbs and heals the jagged pieces of his heart.
He feels cleansed. "Kate, do you-"
"I love you Richard Castle. I love you."
And then he kisses the rest of her words away.
Fin.
A/N: Thank you for reading! Hope you enjoyed my take on this idea :)