Title: Wufei to Meilan
Summary: Wufei is hiding something, a secret that could change everything.
Warnings: swearing, violence, future shojou-ai (lesbian) relationship. Nothing graphic.

Prologue
I knew Winner and Barton were together from the moment I first saw them. It was obvious—in the shy meeting of eyes, the hesitant touch of hands—that they were deeply in love.

It took me a bit longer to understand the game Yuy and Maxwell played. It was a sort of cruel dance, with each advancing and retreating in turn. It hurt to watch, so I avoided them whenever possible.

So it was that even when staying with the other four pilots, I was alone.

I let my mind clear as I stared at the map, my eyes tracing the fine lines as I listened to the conversation around me.

"Heero, you'll take the air route, here. Aim for the primary target." Winner's voice was quietly confident.

"Hn." Of course.

"Duo, you're Heero's backup. Stay cloaked as long as you can."

"Don't worry, Q-man! The God of Death leaves no survivors."

"Right." An undercurrent of amusement. "Trowa, you and I will provide distraction along the ground route here and here."

Silent acquiescence. My eyes narrowed, a hundred possibilities running through my mind to be dismissed as quickly as they came, leaving an uneasy feeling in the pit of my stomach.

"Wufei." My eyes focused on the high-rises in one corner of the map, and my uneasiness deepened. "Wufei!"

My gaze snapped to Winner. "Yes?"

"Will you be joining us on this mission?" Ah. So they still weren't sure of me.

I hesitated, glancing around the room—at Winner, his eyes worried; Maxwell, sprawled in his chair; Barton, whose expression was carefully blank; Heero, slouched in the doorway—then glanced down at the map again. The sound of the chair scraping the floor as I stood was loud in the small room.

"Have a good mission." I gave Heero a curt nod as I left, leaving stunned silence behind me.

They wouldn't have believed me anyway.

I wandered the empty house like a ghost, my light steps echoing strangely. I ended up curled in an armchair in the small library, an old paperback in my hands.

For a time I felt only the steady draft of air against my cheek, heard only the quiet tick of an ancient clock, smelled only the familiar scent of old paper.

A noise tore my attention from my book, and a quick glance out the window confirmed that the sun was setting. The uneasy feeling was back, and I was caught in a sudden wave of guilt. I wanted to contact the others, warn them, call them back--

No. They were on a mission. They could take care of themselves.

In the garden I took a deep breath, letting the familiar feel of the cool air and grass against my bare feet settle me. Exhaling, I centered myself, ignoring the tight ball in my stomach. Closing my eyes, I began.

Punch. Kick. Block. Turn. Why do you fight? Duck. Leg sweep. Double punch. Block. To uphold justice.

I gritted my teeth. Justice? Do you really think such a thing exists? Kick. Punch. Kick. Block. Duck. No. No! NO!! hands fumbling at unfamiliar controls harsh breath echoing in the small cockpit

The air changed subtly, an easing of tension, and my harsh movements ground to a stop. Head hanging, chest heaving, my loud panting filled the small clearing.

It was over. whatever it was. And it hadn't been good.

I was hiding in the garden when the others returned, the sound of the Gundams loud in the night. I was there when they disappeared into the house, their grim silence telling me all that I needed to know.

I was still hiding when Maxwell cornered me in the darkness, his expression furious. He halted in front of me, glaring.

I refused to step back.

"Dammit, Wufei!" He hissed, his eyes burning into me. "You knew this would happen!"

"So eager to blame someone else, Maxwell?" My cold tone stopped him. I spoke again before he could regroup himself. "Maxwell. Report."

Maxwell's eyes focused on a point over my left shoulder, and I had to repress the urge to glance behind me. "We went in as planned, took the base completely by surprise. They weren't even able to retaliate." He gave a hollow laugh; I suppressed a shudder. "Maybe that was the problem. A civilian high rise got caught in the explosion."

a tall building blossoming orange-gold falling falling screams dying suddenly

"There were no survivors." Maxwell's voice broke, and I realized with alarm that his shoulders were shaking. Was he crying? "We killed them, Wufei. Thousands of innocent people, and we—" He broke off with a muffled sob, sinking down onto a low stone bench. When he looked up his eyes were dry.

My fault. All my fault.

"But you knew, didn't you, Wufei." His fingers dug sharply into my wrist when I tried to step away. "Shit, man. You knew, and you didn't try to stop us."

What could I say to that? I sank down beside Maxwell, gazing helplessly at his trembling shoulders. A memory came to me—

warm safe scent of flowers warm skin against my cheek warm hand against mine

I moved closer to Maxwell, laying an arm hesitantly around his shoulders. He leaned into me, burying his face in my shoulder.

Too close.

I ruthlessly stomped on my desire to run, wrapping my other arm around him instead. Guided by another long-forgotten memory, I gently rocked him back and forth, the old lyrics coming easily. I sang them softly, relishing the familiar feel of them on my tongue.

"So many tears: they stain your cheeks and run down across your chin;
Better not to tell with flowing tear the sorrows of your hear
And neither should you play your phoenix pipes as tears come on,
For surely then your heart would break in two..."

"What're you singing?" Maxwell's voice was slurred. I stiffened.

"It is nothing." I closed my eyes and finished the lie. "Just a song my mother used to sing."

"It sounds sad."

I chose not to respond to that. "What I did was not honorable. I apologize." My fault.

"No." Maxwell's voice was quiet but firm. "We—" he hesitated. "We wouldn't have believed you anyway."

It was eerie, hearing my thoughts echoed in such a tone.

"Will you sing for me again?"

My breath caught.

Another voice, asking hesitantly, "Will you sing for me?"

A rough voice, singing softly.

" About to speak,
But still reluctant… "

I fled.

I was curled up in the library when I heard voices through the closed door. Maxwell and Yuy; they didn't enter the small room. I shrugged mentally and returned to my book.

"... he knew, Heero. He knew what would happen, and he didn't say anything." My hand stilled on the page. I tilted my head towards the door.

"Are you sure?"

"He as much as admitted it. And then—" Maxwell hesitated. "He apologized to me." He was obviously bewildered.

I had to strain to hear Yuy's next words. "Wufei apologized? The end of the world is near." I smirked painfully at the old joke as Maxwell sputtered with laughter.

"Man, that was good!" He caught his breath. A pause, punctuated by the ruffling of fabric. I waited.

"There's something else bothering you." A statement. Another pause. I wanted to leave, but I was rooted to the chair, unable to move.

"His hands were gentle, Heero." Maxwell's voice was quiet. "His hands were so gentle, and his voice was so soft..."

I couldn't breath. Too close. Blood was pounding in my ears, staining my vision pink. Too close. I was only slightly surprised to see my hands trembling.

The book dropped from my fingers with a faint thud. Silence from the other room.

The knob turned.

I brushed past Maxwell in the doorway, but a strong hand on my wrist stopped me before I could go any farther.

"Wufei, wait." Was that a hint of pleading in Yuy's voice? I hesitated. Maybe...

No. It was impossible. I was an idiot for thinking otherwise.

I tore my wrist from Yuy's grasp and kept moving

The night was quiet as I snuck out of the safehouse, a small bag slung over my shoulder. Behind me, the faint sound of talking blended with the television and slowly faded away.

There is no honor in running away. A memory sneered at me. I ignored it; I refused to begin talking to myself.

Another memory, of cold and pain and desperation. Don't order me around! This is a battle to uphold justice! My steps faltered. A voice so like my own...

No. I had little honor left, and I did not deserve justice.

"Wufei." I stopped, my eyes searching the shadows. I needed to be more alert if Barton was able to get so close without my noticing.

"Barton." I nodded at the shadow that stepped out from the darkness.

"Leaving so soon?" The voice was cool, unemotional.

I nodded sharply. "Yes."

"It wasn't your fault."

I stiffened. "I will not deny the consequences of my actions."

He acknowledged the point with a slight nod. "Quatre will be disappointed."

What sort of game was he playing at? I started forward again. When he fell into step beside me I had to suppress a groan.

"Where will you go?"

I almost told him. I almost broke down and asked for his help, told him—

a warm head on my shoulder a limp hand falling from mine

When I spoke again my voice was steady. "I have missions that are best done alone. I will not lack for things to do." I stopped momentarily, then continued, more for the benefit of the other pilots than for the one walking next to me. My voice was cold and hard.

"Do not search for me. Do not attempt to assist me. I work alone."

"I understand."

When I looked up he was gone.

Author's note: Well, that's it, the prologue to my Wufei story. I've been working on this for a few years now, and I'm kind of wary about posting it. I hope you liked it! I'll be editing and posting more chapters soon.

Oh, and the songs Wufei sings are from either Japan or China, about a thousand years ago. I've lost the details, and my humble apologies to these long-dead poets.