GemNika and I were discussing the book of eligible bachelors that Lucy had at the beginning of the series, and the fact that not only was Loke in it, but so was Jellal, hahaha. And thus, this was born.

I was originally going to post this in December, and upload something else for the final day of my update spree, but then I realized that I wanted to write another 1000 word plus scene into it before I posted it. So you guys get this instead for the meantime. I don't think you'll be disappointed, however.

It's been a challenging month, and I'm proud I was able to see this project through.

Enjoy this weird little harem oneshot.

Virgo quietly picked up her master's clothes from the floor of her apartment. There was no need to be so quiet, however. Lucy was sleeping soundly on her bed, dead to the world. In fact, she was so incredibly unconscious that Virgo planned to run the vacuum later. No doubt she was so absolutely exhausted due to the latest job she'd gone on with her team. It was the first major job they'd gone on after the war with Alvarez, and things had been pieced back together. Of course, things had been destroyed on said job, maybe a few bandits had their bones broken (it had been a fun job for Virgo, too), and plenty of revenue lost. A typical job for the team, all told. Lucy deserved her rest.

Once Lucy's clothes were placed into the laundry hamper where they belonged instead of strewn about like Lucy was some sort of caveman, Virgo turned her attention towards locating the vacuum. Lucy had been happy to buy one for her the year she'd had a steadier paycheck as a reporter. She still didn't understand why Virgo felt the need to clean for her, but she appreciated the spirit's efforts and showed it with praise (though Virgo would have preferred punishment).

The truth was that Virgo didn't strictly need to perform maid duties on Lucy's behalf, but she still felt an obligation to do so. What Virgo liked to give her key holders was a fantasy, which she would sell to the utmost of her ability. The spirit took great pride in modeling her appearance and role in her key holder's life according to what they most preferred. What Duke Everlue and Lucy both had a penchant for was maids, so Virgo remained as one. Which entailed the duties inherent in that fantasy.

The only personal concession to her appearance were her chains, which were a token of duty to the spirit. Not to mention they were great for smacking into people's faces during combat.

Virgo enjoyed maid work, however. It was surprisingly calming, and punishing enough to set Virgo's nerves aflame. Yes, she very much enjoyed it.

Finally, she located the missing vacuum in Lucy's closet. In pulling it out, she accidentally knocked a shoebox over and the contents spilled out onto the floor. A black bound book caught Virgo's interest as she scooped the odds and ends back into the box. Curious, she glanced over to see if Lucy was still sleeping, and then proceeded to open the book.

The contents had her jaw dropping.

Hurriedly, she closed the book and shoved it into the pocket of her uniform. Then she placed the box and vacuum back into the closet and shut the door. She dashed out the door, taking only a few moments in her rush to lock it with a spare key she'd made (and had then distributed to a number of Lucy's friends). Making straight for the Fairy Tail guild, she could barely contain her malicious glee over her discovery.

Big Brother just had to see this!

It was a fairly typical day off for Loke. Contrary to popular opinion, he actually preferred to hang out in the Fairy Tail guild hall with his friends rather than go on hot dates across Fiore. Though sometimes he did bring his dates to the guild. Today, however, he had chosen not to, instead preferring the good company of Gray and Cana for the afternoon. The harmless flirting between the three was a longstanding tradition, and all in good fun. Plus, there was now the added entertainment of pestering Gildarts with it – something Cana took deep joy in, and Loke felt somewhat secure in knowing that the worst that could happen to him was being forcibly returned to the Celestial Spirit World. Prior to becoming Lucy's spirit, Loke would have been much more cautious around any offspring of Gildarts while the man hovered nearby, fuming.

Ah, Lucy. Now there was a lady who was more or less immune to his charms. He adored his friend, far beyond mere flirting. Lately he'd toned it down around her, sticking to the occasional marriage proposal. Loke wasn't actually sure what the rules were for dating one's key holder, but he was not all that keen to find out when Lucy was so clearly not interested in him like that. If she ever did reciprocate, though… Loke would make it his number one priority to find out what the rules were and how to circumvent them if necessary.

Spotting a pink head of hair, he looked on curiously as he saw Virgo approaching him. What was she doing at the guild? Normally, she stuck to Lucy's apartment in her maid duties, and almost never came to the guild unless she was summoned. If it weren't for the mad gleam in her eyes, and the almost smile on her face, he would have assumed that something was wrong. But as it stood, he was extremely curious.

"Virgo," Loke greeted. "What brings you to the guild?"

"I found something I thought you should see, Big Brother," she stated, pulling out a book from the confines of her uniform pocket. How she managed to fit things so much larger than the pocket into it was something Loke never wanted to know the answer to. She offered the object to him, pride emanating from her entire being. "Here."

Confused, Loke took the book from her.

His eyes nearly bugged out of their sockets once he opened it, and processed what he was seeing. "Where did you find this?" he wheezed, feeling like he'd been punched in the diaphragm.

"In the Princess's closet!" the maid replied helpfully.

"Princess?" Gray said, edging in closer to the two spirits. "You mean Lucy, right? Hey, is that her finished novel? Sweet, I've been wanting to read it!" Before he could stop him, Gray had snatched the book out of Loke's stunned hands. Gray promptly froze, staring gape-jawed at the contents. "What in the world…"

In short order, Cana had grabbed it from the rigid ice mage, wanting in on whatever juicy thing was going down here. "Let me see!" She raised an eyebrow, flipping through it. "Oh, wow, Lucy." Then she grinned and let out a whooping cheer. "That's my girl! Always been a go-getter. Who knew she had it in her?"

This drew the curiosity of Erza and Levy. "What is it, Cana?" the redhead questioned. "What about Lucy?"

Cana waved the book at them. "It's Lucy's book of potential boyfriends!"

"Let me see!" the two immediately demanded in concert. Cana gleefully passed it over to them, and they laid it open on the table in order for everyone present to see.

The entire book was handwritten, complete with photographs and incredibly detailed articles for each of the men listed as well as their overall ranking. A good number of them were crossed out – Loke's own photo being one of them.

"Lucy!" Erza gasped, idly paging through. "How scandalous of her!" She paused, her burgeoning blush intensifying threefold. "Siegrain!" she choked out, pointing to the photograph of Jellal in his Council persona. "How did she even get that photo of Jellal…?"

"More importantly," Levy pointed out, tapping it, "why isn't his crossed out?"

"Probably forgot after the Tower of Heaven incident," Gray offered, having recovered enough to rejoin the group in perusing the damning text.

"Hold on," Cana said, flipping halfway through. "Here, this is where it gets good."

"Wait a minute, she updated it?!" Gray squawked.

"Guess she considers womanizing a worse crime than trying to revive ancient dark lords," remarked Cana with a laugh and a pat to the shoulder of her ginger-haired friend. "Tough luck for you, buddy!"

"Hey, guys… there's girls in here too," Levy observed.

That surprised Cana. "Really?" She peered over Levy's shoulder. "Hey, Mira! You're in here too!"

The barmaid let out a giggle as she brought drinks over to the group, which had expanded while they weren't looking. "I'm not actually surprised by that. She confessed to owning all of my centerfolds from Sorcerer Weekly when we first met."

Levy giggled too. "Yeah, she adores you, Mira. …Wait, I'm in here, too?" Levy's eyes had expanded to the size of saucers. "Lu! I didn't know you thought of me like that!"

"Sorry Erza, you're crossed out," Cana observed with a swig from her wine bottle. "She also wrote, 'too scary,' next to it."

Erza let out a huff of indignation. "Well I never!"

"Out of curiosity, who else is in there?" Gajeel asked, joining in. "Am I in there?"

"Crossed out. 'Rude, violent, likes bunny costumes way too much,'" Levy read aloud. "You do seem to have a thing for them, Gajeel."

Gajeel rolled his eyes and scoffed. "I think I like them just the right amount," he grumbled. Loke patted his shoulder sympathetically. "See? He gets it."

"I like them, too!" Mirajane chirped. "They're very cute." When prompted, she gave Gajeel a high five.

"Boom," he said with a smirk. "You see? The bunny suits are great."

Flipping back to the front, Cana suggested, "Let's start from the beginning! I wanna see just how many people we know are in this thing." She smirked at the first one. "No surprise, Mira is number one. Not crossed out, either. You go girl."

Mirajane curtsied at the praise. "Why thank you!"

"Hibiki's number two, huh? And crossed out. Can't say I'm surprised," Gray said, peering over the entries. "Those dingus's at Blue Pegasus are a bit much. Loke, you were number three before she crossed you out."

"A small comfort," Loke said, a tear of remorse in his eye.

"There, there," comforted Virgo. "I'm sure you still have a shot. She considered you once, you know."

"There is that…" the spirit mused. "Hmm… I'll have to think about it."

"Can't believe that Jellal was number four, though," Natsu interjected, leaning over Gray to see the book.

"Council persona," Erza reminded him. "A lot more socially acceptable as a boyfriend than an international criminal dark mage."

"Still not crossed out," reminded Cana, with a grin.

This elicited another huff from the armored mage. "Why is he still in there, while I'm crossed out?" she wondered.

"That's your beef?!" Gray and Natsu chorused, bewildered.

"You want to be an option?" questioned Levy, with a sly smile.

Cana cheered on the diminutive script mage. "Atta girl, Levy! Asking the real questions, here!"

It was foiled a second later by Erza's matter-of-fact, "Yes."

Gray and Natsu could not stop staring at her, but the rest processed that confession with a few raised eyebrows and shrugs, and then moved on.

"If she had any taste, Laxus would be in there," Freed interjected. Normally he was against this sort of crass behavior, but his curiosity and loyalty had gotten the better of him.

Levy flipped quickly through the book until she found him. "She didn't even finish writing his down before she crossed him out."

"What?!" Unbelieving, Freed leaned over the table to get a better look. "How dare she call him an asshole!"

"Wait," Levy said, flipping further. "She's updated it, remember? Maybe she has a different opinion now. Laxus was kind of an asshole to her back when she first wrote this, remember." Freed had to acknowledge the legitimacy of that while Levy continued searching. "Yup, here he is. Not crossed out. Ranked in the top ten too, wow."

The man in question, though present, was not nearly as interested in his ranking as Freed seemed to be.

"He should be number one," Freed huffed. "But I will accept this."

Levy checked. "Number one is still Mira."

"She's got good taste," Macao admitted. The rest found themselves agreeing that this wasn't really a surprise, and quite understandable.

"Lisanna coming in hot at number two, though!" Levy exclaimed, the declaration garnering a blush from the girl in question. "And dark horse Elfman in third."

'She really likes the Strauss siblings!' was the thought running through everyone's heads at that particular reveal.

"Lucy knows a real man when she sees one!" Elfman declared.

"But your sisters beat you…" Levy said, sweat running down her forehead. "You know what, nevermind."

"Nonsense!" Freed declared, pounding his fist on the table. "Mirajane and Lisanna I will accept as having Laxus beat in… certain… areas, but I will not accept Elfman being ranked higher than Laxus!"

"What was that?!" Elfman shouted, offended. "Maybe Lucy doesn't think Laxus is MAN enough!"

"Actually, Freed," Levy interrupted before a brawl broke out, "You're ranked higher than Laxus, too."

That brought a screeching halt to Freed's crusade. "…What?"

"Yeah, you're ranked eight, while Laxus is number nine."

He blinked in mute shock, unaware that Lucy regarded him so highly. All the fight sucked out of him, he stared blankly at his entry in the book. "…Laxus and I can switch," he stated. "He can have my spot."

Bickslow shook his head at his friend. "I don't… I don't think it works like that, Freed."

"More importantly, what rank am I?" demanded Erza, her stare intense.

"None! You're crossed out, Erza," Gray told her. "You're out of the running!"

"Before I was crossed out!" She crossed her arms and tapped her foot. "What rank was I?"

"If it makes you feel better, you were number six."

"And Jellal?"

She would just not let that go, would she? "Um… twenty," Levy informed her, flipping ahead a bit. "Still not crossed out, though."

Erza stood a little straighter, her chest puffed out. "But I'm ranked higher than Jellal!"

"No, you're not!" Gray insisted. "You're crossed out! Making Jellal higher!"

"Six beats twenty, Gray. Six beats twenty."

He gave up with a sigh. "Whatever you say, Erza. Whatever you say."

"Incidentally, Gray is fifth," Cana stated, unable to stop herself from stirring the pot.

Erza immediately turned on the ice mage. "Gray…" she said threateningly.

Yelping, Gray shrank from her gaze. "I didn't do anything!"

"Juvia knew that Lucy was a love rival!"

"You're fourth, Juvia."

The water mage hesitated, unsure what to do with this new information. "Love Rival… is more a Love Rival to Gray than to Juvia…? Love Rival is more of a Love Rival than Juvia thought."

Leaving the poor girl's world to implode, Cana skipped to six. Only to see her own photograph. "Huh. I'm here, too. Nice, Lucy." Filing that information away for later, she looked for number ten. "Oooh. You guys are gonna like this. Max! You're tenth!"

"Me?" the unassuming sand mage wondered aloud, perplexed. "Are you sure about that?"

"Yup." Cana showed the entry to him. "Says here you're one of the nicest people she knows, and the only one she can talk business with."

"Didn't realize that would give me a good ranking. Can't say I'm unhappy about it though."

Levy looked over the rest of the entries. "Yukino is in eleventh, which I can't really say is a surprise. She does seem to have a thing for white hair. Looks like Bickslow and me are tied for twelfth, though."

"Really? That high?" Bickslow seemed surprised. "With all the teasing I give her about her outfits, I would have assumed I ranked lower than her best friend."

"I think she likes all the cosplay stuff, actually," Levy admitted.

"Ooooooooo," his babies chanted.

"Where am I?" questioned Natsu. "Am I on there?"

Levy shook her head. "Just an entry labeled, 'Salamander,' with a question mark. And then, 'NO,' written large next to it."

"That's fair," Happy stated, earning a swat from his foster father.

"Who's unlucky number thirteen?" Cana grinned as she flipped the page. A grin she promptly lost at seeing the picture in front of her. "It's Dad?!"

Gildarts looked surprised. "Me? I mean… I can't say that she doesn't have good taste! I've been known to be popular with the younger ladies."

Putting her face in her hands, Cana let out a small wail at the thought of her friend and her father. Knocking boots. A shudder rippled through her. No. No she did not want that mental image.

Her cohort out of commission, Levy stated the rest of the top twenty. "Minerva, Evergreen, Lyon… Jura? Really? Wow, Lucy must have a thing for older guys. Then Sting and Rogue, and Jellal."

"Is it just me," Gray interjected, "or are there a lot of girls in this potential boyfriend list?"

A hand suddenly reached between them, scooping up the book. "You have met yourselves, right?" Lucy stated, her face a crimson so dark it rivaled Erza's hair. "But I wouldn't worry about it after today. I am going home to burn this, now."

With that, she promptly turned on her heel and all but ran out of the guild.

Everyone stayed in their places, feeling very awkward.

"We should apologize the next time Lu comes in," Levy stated. "She's gotta be mortified."

The rest agreed.

"Big Brother and I will check on the Princess," Virgo informed them with a bow. "It is largely my fault that this transpired, after all."

Loke nodded. "Yeah, let's go."

To their surprise, Lucy wasn't offended at all when the spirits apologized to her. "No, don't worry about it," she said, her blush undiminished. "I kinda brought it on myself for ranking my friends for their potential romances, anyway. Never again." She passed them the book. "Can you guys destroy this? I did it out of boredom, originally. Which isn't any real excuse, but I feel pretty bad about it now."

With a small smile, Virgo took it from her. "Nevertheless, I shouldn't have shared it with them when I found it, Princess. Punishment?"

Lucy stiffened. "Wait… you shared it with them? I just thought I left it at the guild and they picked it up by accident."

"No, I brought it to show Big Brother," Virgo readily admitted. "Deliver whatever punishment you see fit, Princess!"

Loke facepalmed.

Well… all's well that ends well.

Right?

Once Virgo had been successfully sent off (after Lucy refused to give Virgo a punishment, and Virgo blushed dark mumbling, "denial play," before completely vanishing), Loke sat down next to Lucy on her bed.

"Hey," he said. "I really am sorry for contributing in airing your dirty laundry. Gray may have taken the book from me, but I could have taken back at any time and didn't. That really wasn't cool of me. I'm sorry."

Lucy shook her head. Raising her hand, she patted his shoulder twice, and then let the limb rest there. "I doubt there's anything you could have done to stop them once they got started, even if you wanted to. And really, I'm still at fault for making the stupid thing." She let out a heavy sigh. "No one was upset, were they?"

"Not exactly," Loke admitted. "Mostly just entertained. Freed did think Laxus should be higher, though."

"And that's why Freed is ranked higher," Lucy confessed. "I admire his dedication. A lot."

"Erza also protested about being crossed off. She threw quite a fit about it."

Sweat ran down Lucy's forehead. "Did she? Wow."

The slight smile on Loke's face faded. He hesitated for a moment, but tried to summon some of the courage his zodiac was supposedly famous for. "Hey, Lucy? I noticed that… I was crossed off. And I wasn't in the updated version." Then he hurriedly added, before she could reply, "You don't have to answer if you don't want to, though. It's cool, either way."

With a tired smile, Lucy shook her head. Then she leaned into the spirit's shoulder. "Loke, I crossed you off on the first day I met you."

"Ouch. Do I really make that bad of a first impression?" he asked, extremely aware of Lucy's cheek on his shoulder.

"Yeah," she mumbled. "But Loke, that was long before I got to know you. I adore you, you know? You're great. Besides…" Her voice trailed off for a moment. Then she tilted her neck so she could look up into his warm gaze. "Besides, if I ever end up dating someone, it'll be because we share genuine feelings for each other. Not because of a stupid list I made."

Loke held her gaze for a long minute. "Understood," he answered softly. Then, in a more cheerful tone, he added, "I don't think you'll lack for prospects now, though. A lot of people on your list seemed like they might be interested."

She groaned in exasperation. "How can I get them to forget this ever happened?"

"I have no idea. By the way, I've been meaning to tell you something."

"Hmm?"

"Minerva?" he questioned. "Really?"

"She's hot, what can I say," Lucy told him. "You've seen her."

"I can't argue with that. You have excellent taste in women," Loke informed her. "And not so bad taste in guys, either."

Lucy giggled. Then she pressed a kiss to his shoulder and withdrew. "I'm not doing a threesome with you, Loke. I don't even know how to date one other person, let alone two at the same time!"

"Fair enough. Takes some finesse." He reached out and ruffled her hair affectionately. "I think I'm gonna head back to my world now. I think I've had enough excitement for one day."

"Same here." Lucy smoothed down her hair once more. "I think I'm going back to bed."

Loke smiled at her, and she returned it. "Whenever you need me, call me anytime," he told her.

"I will," she promised.

"Good night, Princess. I love you." It had been on instinct, this confession. And though he'd confessed his affections to the celestial spirit mage before, this time it felt a little different.

Lucy seemed to feel the difference, too. "My silly, silly lion. I love you, too, Loke."