Pain. Pain was constant in my world, steady. Pain was something I had grown used to. Suffering was easy. That hard to swallow, knot in your stomach, dizzying panic had been something I had lived with my entire life and now as I stood over the open grave of my step brother, watching his casket get lowered six feet, all of those feelings were gone. I crossed my arms over my chest, my long brown hair whipping around my face in the breeze. It was a beautiful day. I tilted my face toward the sun, basking in the warmth it spread through my body. I hadn't seen the sun in weeks, hadn't felt the rays on my skin. I smiled to myself, the crying around me being drowned out by my blind happiness. He was gone and he couldn't hurt me anymore. Alec was never going to touch me again, never going to force me away from the world again. Lowering my head, I gazed around at the people gathered for the funeral. My mother stood directly across from me, tears streaming down her face, tears I knew weren't real. Renee Dwyer was keeping appearances. She didn't care about anyone, me included. My stepfather Phil was holding a black umbrella high above her, blocking out a storm that wasn't coming. The storm was deep inside me now, the bright lightening and roaring thunder forced so far back that it wouldn't see the light of day again. Phil's eyes were dark, the deep drown irises blending in with his pupils. He stood a little over 6 feet tall, his dark hair cropped short to his scalp. I shuttered looking at him, he and Alec looked too much alike. I pulled on my sweater sleeves, as I often did, covering the bruises of my past, suddenly feeling very uncomfortable. I wasn't welcomed here. I wasn't supposed to be here. My eyes grazed over the casket again, the glossy mahogany settling me, exciting me, bringing a smile to my face. And that should have been a problem. I should have felt for my family, grieved with my family, but I wasn't in the least bit remorseful. Alec Dwyer got what was coming to him. I don't know what happened, don't know how, but I was happy that it had. My chest actually hurt with happiness when I got the phone call. I backed away from the crowd slowly, feeling the smile on my face grow wider with each step. Getting out of New York would be an absolute dream, and I was getting my chance. Today was my out, right now my parents were distracted, the security team stood in the distance by the car, blue tooth in their ears, waiting for a sign from my parents that we were ready to leave. No one was watching me. I turned quickly, my stride getting ready to lengthen into a full run when I slammed into a hard body, my breath rushing out of me in a gush. I hit the ground with a thump, my already bruised body aching even more.
"Jesus." I groaned, rubbing my scraped hands against the Givenchy pants my mother had forced me into this morning. "I'm so sorry." I mumbled, fighting the urge to cry. "I really wasn't expecting anyone to be behind me."
"It's nothing." A thick southern accent washed over me, warming my body. I risked a look upward and my eyes were met with the most beautiful man I had ever seen. My eyes raked upwards, long legs, obviously muscular legs hidden behind a pair of slacks, a crisp white shirt, two buttons opened revealing sharp tanned collar bones, and then the most devastatingly gorgeous face. His jawline was sharp, chiseled. I dared myself to continue looking and was met with emerald green eyes, eyes that seemed to be staring straight into me. My gaze darted to his throat, his adams apple bobbing as he swallowed. "Let me help you up."
I couldn't say a word. I was frozen, stunned into silence, my body in the dirt. My clothes would be rumpled and dirty when I finally stood and I knew my mother would let into me the moment she got me into the privacy of the limo she forced us to ride in everywhere we went. I continued to stare up at him. His coppery hair falling in curls around his eyes, the light stubble gracing his jaw and cheeks. I clinched my fists, willing myself to say anything at all, but my brain failed me. I guess the lack of socializing for the last month really had taken a toll on me.
He laughed to himself, but somehow I knew he wasn't making fun of me. He grabbed one of my hands with one of his and I stared down at his fingers, which were long, strong. His hands were massive, they looked like they could crush me with just one touch. I breathed heavily, trying to ignore the prickling electric static tingle that graced every inch of my bare skin that he touched. Pulling my upward and onto my feet he smiled at me and my knees became weak, which of course he noticed. He caught me by the elbow and his smile turned to a frown. "Are you feeling alright?" He motioned to someone behind me before letting go of my arm, my body almost immediately regretting the loss of his touch.
"I'm fine." I mumbled, forcing myself to look directly at him. "Just a little dizzy is all." I lied. "It's just been a long day, considering." It had been a long day. I had been stuck with my mother all day. I had been forced to live in this nightmare for years. The funeral was the highlight of my day so far, of my life so far. I pulled the sleeves down again; suddenly self-conscious that he would see my marked body. "Just ready to go home is all."
"Mr. Cullen, I am so sorry for Bella's clumsiness." I stiffened when she placed her hands on my shoulders. "She just never seems to look where she's going." His eyes darted between the two of us, as if connecting us as mother and daughter for the first time.
"It was my fault, ma'am" His southern drawl soothed me again; this time sending shivers down my spine. "I knocked into her." His hand pushed a few strands of hair out of my eyes, tucking them behind my ear. His touch was extremely intimate, my eyes closing in contentment while his hand idled on my skin. "I am very sorry for y'alls loss."
My mother's crimson claws dug deeper into my skin, a hold that would be painful for anyone else. "Thank you. And thank you for being here to support Phil today, I know it means so much to him."
My eyes darted between the two of them, my mothers crystal blue eyes lit with excitement. He must have been really important for her interest to be spiked this way. Looking up at her I grimaced. Her bottle blonde hair fell in curls around her heart shaped face, her lips painted a blood red. My mother and I looked so much alike on the outside; I had been blessed with her small frame and light eyes, her full lips and button nose. I had always been slightly curvier than she, something she picked on me for, and I credited that to my father, whoever he was. My mother and I, while so similar and looks, couldn't be more different. She was vain, materialistic, things I had always promised myself not to be. I credited my father for my personality as well, thankful that I hadn't been just like my mother.
"Edward, nice to see you today." I cringed further at my stepfather's voice; a rough booming sound that was eerily like his sons. "I hadn't expected you." I watched as the two men shook hands and Phil wincing almost unperceivably at the much younger mans grip.
"We'll leave you two to it." My mother smiled too large, her white teeth blinding in the light. "Bella and I will see you at home, dear."
As she ushered me away from the men I cursed myself and the strange Mr. Cullen that had halted my run. I was so close to freedom, so close to leaving the city forever, but of course a man had stopped me. Hadn't men been stopping me from living my own life forever? I should have expected this, expected the deep ache in my stomach as my mother shoved me into the back of the waiting car. I should have been used to the tight, bruising hold of someone's hand on my wrist, and most of all, I should have been used to the disappointment.
"You ruined the day yet again, Bella." My mothers voice taut. "Couldn't you have just stood there and cried with the rest of us?" She was speaking loudly, harsh. She was furious. "If your father loses the account with Edward Cullen because of your little stunt today, you'll regret it."
My day had started out so well, I had woken up without dread, woke feeling safe and happy. I was ready to let go of the pain. Ready to forget the past, but now as the car traveled toward the house on the Upper East Side, I knew that happiness was slowly leaving me, my body fuming, the idea of safety was foreign and it was something I'd never truly understand. Dread was flowing freely. The further the car drove away from Alec's battered, dead body, the more pain I felt. My chin jutted out, angry tears brimming in my eyes. Phil was not my father. This was not a family, but I had learned early on to say nothing at all. Thoughts swarmed in my head, names I wish I could call my mother, words I wished to scream so loudly that the whole world heard, but my most predominant thought was that I hated Edward Cullen. Hated the asshole that stopped me. Hated his stupid face and stupid eyes and stupid warming voice. I hated the man with such passion that it was near frightening to me.