This story has been inspired by two pictures drawn by the talented crimson-chains (tumblr: crimson-chains, instagram: crimsonchains) and a short story written by the wonderful kitten. on .ice on instagram.
The cover image is made by crimson-chains.
We are no angels. Angels live inside the gates of heaven obeying His orders or down on earth among the humans executing His plans. I can't put into words how much I hate these humans. It's their fault we are here, it's their fault we are fighting every day, it's their fault we are dying. Just because of His creations we are guarding the gates and walls of heaven. This is our destiny and the only reason why we are existing.
We are cloud keepers. We fight against demons, sinners and lost souls that try to invade the holy land. It's our job to kill and risk our lives just to protect His sacred creations. Sacred – as if. What we battle against is nothing more than His rotten offspring that turned its back onto Him and wandered of His path. Sometimes it seems to me that we were designed as janitors and garbage disposal, left outside the walls to deal with the scum that didn't turn out as He wanted, while his beloved children and angels play around in this golden cage he calls paradise.
I've only seen the Garden of Eden once when I was born. We don't know who or what we were, we don't know anything about our past, we just awake. We don't have parents, we are born when we are given our name. The only thing I remember is that I was floating around somewhere and nowhere, feeling nothing and everything. For an eternity I was sleeping. I had a dreamless but nurturing rest. And then, I suddenly heard a voice. It was warm and kind while it clearly called out for me. The next moment, I opened my eyes and I existed.
After I awaked, I exactly knew what my job was and what I had to do. I was brought outside to the clouds and I never left this place. Alongside my friends and comrades, I am trying my best to keep all the redeemed souls, all the angels and – of course – Himself safe. You might think this job should be easy because we are filled with His power. But I am sorry to destroy your image of Him. He is not the almighty, all gentle Father you imagine He is. He might be powerful that is true. But besides, He is cruel, indifferent and egocentric. He creates and destroys just as He likes. Everything that exists is just an enormous playground and we are toys as well as actors in His play. There is no sense in it, neither a goal or plan behind it. We were formed to amuse Him. Nothing more, nothing less.
His cruelness is His worst trade, if you ask me. He must love torturing, so he can bring out the greatest despair in everything he created. Why would He create us with a self-consciousness while we could also have been robotic soldiers, if our thoughts wouldn't amuse Him? Why would He form us as social creatures, if He didn't enjoy our cries accompanying our fallen comrades? Why would He design us with the ability to feel, if He didn't wallow in our desperation?
We have sensations, feelings and thoughts. We aren't invulnerable, we suffer from every blade that cuts through our skins. We aren't indifferent, we bemoan the loss of every friend that falls at our side. We aren't compliant robots, we are questioning our existence every day. But there is no way out. No possibility to escape this madness. There is no promotion that gets you a job inside the gates if you fought well enough or survived long enough. The only exit is death. It takes a bunch of hits for us to die, but eventually, we will. We can recover if we pray, but this takes time and quiet. Often, I just want to end this. All this blood that sticks to my hands and all these screams around me make me go crazy. Even if there is peace, I can hear and see it in my mind. When I close my eyes, I relive every combat. I stopped counting how many good friends I lost on this never-ending battlefield. Thousands of times I thought about giving up, cutting my wings off and jumping off these clouds. But I couldn't.
There is one reason I was able to keep my sanity. Something I fight for. Someone I want to protect with my life no matter what enemy is approaching us. Someone I love.
He is my best friend, the only person I look up to and the best fighter I have ever seen. When he's by my side, I can bear our destiny. He is the only one who is able to draw my thoughts away from death and darkness. I want to see him smile every second, because it reminds me that there are things worth living for. The times he talks to me are the most precious moments I keep save in my heart. That times, I feel like l am someone. Like I matter. He doesn't talk a lot, but every word ascending from his divine lips reaches my inner depths. I hope that, if I die one day, he would miss me at least a little bit. Because his death would be my end.
The first day I met him was after the second severe battle I endured on my duty. I was hurt pretty bad, so I knelt down covered in blood and begged for His mercy until I heard someone calling my name. I looked up and the second I caught his gaze, I couldn't take my eyes off him. When he told me his name, my heart stopped beating at the sound of his voice. It filled me with warmth and comfort. I still think that his name is the most beautiful word I ever heard. Otabek. He offered me his hand and helped me standing up. His touch sent shivers through my body. I wasn't able to move, I just stood there and stared at him. I even forgot about my injuries. Everything about him seemed just perfect to me. His edged and determined features. His strong and athletic body. The dark hair that was cut off in the back. These eyes. I still get the chills every time I look at them. Even though Otabek seems expressionless most of the time, his eyes are the mirrors of his soul. Although I am unable to read them, they look at me as if I was an open book. The first time I was able to lose myself in this dark and endless brown, I found myself in that very state before my awakening. There was nothing but these eyes. I never thought I'd experience this feeling of completion and peace again. I finally felt home somewhere. This was the time I fell for him.