Hi Everyone,
Well, I know this isn't probably what you've been waiting for, but as I was writing the next chapter of Fight Back, I was looking for a reference out of SB... and then THIS popped into my head and wouldn't leave... So, here it is.
This is what I imagine the internal struggle was when Lissa brought Dimitri back.
This is all from Dimitri's POV... (well exept the Italics, that is from - someone else.) I hope you like it...
The Fight for The Soul of Dimitri Belikov
Heat, flames...
Pain...
=x=
Pain.
=x=
It burns.
Too much pain.
Love, so much love.
Hot, cold, hot.
=x=
The demon fights.
It wants to keep.
Too long it waited in the depths of hell.
Nurtured since the beginning... on a steady diet of evil, torture and pain.
Waiting... waiting its turn...
Too long it waited to be unleashed.
It won't give up without a fight...
=x=
Too much pain.
It burns.
Too hot. Flames licking.
It hurts. What's happening?
=x=
The demon claws.
Screams.
Fights.
It won't give up.
=x=
Stop! Too much...
Pain.
Burning...
Stabbing...
Ripping my soul... STOP! Please...
Agony...
Hot.
It's too hot... burning...
=x=
The demon fights.
Hot...
It likes the heat...
It knows the heat...
But its grip is not as strong as it used to be...
The demon fights harder.
It can handle the heat.
=x=
Pain... stabbing pain...
Voices, images, blood, screaming...
What's happening?
Where am I?
Cold...
It's beyond freezing.
Love. Peace.
=x=
Love, peace...
The demon scrambles, it's losing its grip.
The demon screeches like nails down a chalkboard.
It can handle the heat, it can handle the cold, but not love, not peace.
It won't go back.
It can't go back.
It's not allowed.
It fights.
It claws.
It rips.
It screams.
It shows images, memories.
Of atrocities.
Of cold blooded murder.
Ripping of flesh, screaming, pleading for mercy.
It shows unspeakable evil.
=x=
Stop! No more! Too much!
Help... please...
=x=
The demon starts to feel the love, the peace... It burns... like acid. It's not meant to feel love, only evil. It must fight, it can't go back...
Light.
Peace.
Love.
=x=
It hurts... it hurts so much. What have I done?
The heat; not so hot... but the pain... the pain of evil.
It stains...
It taints...
It lingers...
=x=
The demon laughs. It strengthens its grip. It won't let go...
More images, more memories...
=x=
No!
Not me...
=x=
The demon laughs again...
=x=
Love, peace, forgiveness...
=x=
NO! Not forgiveness...
It can't fight forgiveness...
Tearing, ripping, franticly clawing for a foothold.
It can't lose, it can't go back...
It won't fade...
It doesn't want to cease...
It screams as it slips... as it loses hold.
NO!
=x=
Light... Love... Forgiveness...
What did I do? Images... memories...
I can't have done those things...
NO!
I can't... not me... I wouldn't...
I did!
No...
Voices, yelling, fighting, screaming...
Warm.
Cold.
Light.
Love.
Forgiveness...
Not for me...
Too much evil...
Too much pain...
Oh... what have I done?
=x=
The demon screams as it scrambles.
It's fading...
It's fading in the light.
It's too weak, it can't fight anymore...
It's too weak...
The light's too strong, too powerful, too forgiving...
Nothing...
Gone...
=x=
Oh God... What have I done?
Blood...
Screaming...
Murder...
Pain, pain in my chest; my heart. What have I done?
Someone's here, holding me.
"Shh..."
The pain of what I've done is too much, too much for my soul to carry.
Guilt... It's all my fault...
All of those innocents, gone... because of me. I was too weak...
Blonde hair... blue eyes... green eyes... black hair... Moroi... Human...
All innocent, all gone...
Because of me...
"ARGH!" The pain of my crimes rips out of my body, clawing and ripping at my soul... my soul... it's black, black... Soiled, ruined, damned...
What have I done...?
"Shh, Dimitri... I've got you."
What have I done...?
"It's alright now, you're back."
"What have I done...?"
"You didn't do anything Dimitri, not you... it wasn't you."
It was me... I remember... I remember everything, everyone, every face, every scream, I remember it all... It was me... it was... "It was... it was..."
"No, not you. Never you."
All I can smell is burnt... burnt flesh, burnt...something. What am I holding onto? I turn my head... Green eyes, love, peace, forgiveness... No... not for me. Never for me...
I turn away in shame, in pain – oh, so much pain... it's tearing my heart in two, ripping it from my chest. Sobs of excruciating pain boil up and out of my body.
It's too much, I need...
Green eyes, no, but... I need...
Something...
I hold on, for my very life. If I don't, then the pain will consume me.
Yelling – all around. Screams – I remember those screams. Evil. I've screamed those screams...
"It's alright now Dimitri, you're back."
I need... to hold on. I'll fall otherwise, fall into – nothingness again. I can't, not again... but the memories, they're too – evil, soul destroying...
Blue eyes, green eyes, brown eyes.
Screaming, pleading...
Blood... hot...
Life... lost...
Pain... them, me... only pain.
Jade eyes... my anchor.
I could feel my anchor being pulled away from me... NO! I can't lose my anchor, I'll fall. My lifeline...
"No... I can't leave him. Let me go!"
I hear the words, the voice. I know that voice. I try to hold on, but I can't, I'm so weak. The pain is too strong, too much. It's in my chest, my heart, my head, my memories... I can't hold on.
I'm moving, upwards.
"Get her away from him, NOW! Kill it... Now!"
I can't stand up...
"No! Don't!" Someone else... "He's not what you think! He's not Strigoi! Look at him!"
Strigoi? Who's not...? I know that voice too.
Brown eyes...
Brown hair...
Warmth... Love... no... never again, never love again...
"Leave him alone... I'm ordering you to leave him alone."
"Don't, please..."
I try to open my eyes, to see what's going on... Too heavy.
But my head's pulled back, then there's light...
"See, they're not red, they're not red. Don't hurt him. I'm ordering you! Dimitri!"
I'm moving... feet dragging... I hear fighting, behind me.
"Watch him, one wrong move; kill him."
"He won't, he's not Strigoi."
"Princess, please let me help."
Still moving, cold... Pain, memories, eyes, blood; all still fighting, clawing their way through me for dominance of my mind and soul. Where's my anchor, my lifeline... I need...
I'm lifted up. I'm lying down... Voices, all around me...
"Watch him!"
"Like I'd do anything but..."
"What in the hell just happened? Is he alive? Is it really him?"
"I don't know! Just... watch him, be careful. Don't trust him!"
"Why's he crying?"
"Shut the hell up!"
It's quiet, other than the sobbing of pain still pouring from me. I know it's coming from me but I can't stop. All the pain, all the murder; the loss of innocent life... it's all coming out, out of me, out of my soul. It won't stop, it won't be denied.
It hurts... too much, too fuckin' much.
My soul...
Is gone...
It's black... where there was once light.
Love can't live in the black – only in the light.
No light...
Only black...
Everything fades in the black...
Even love...
Love fades...
In the black.
A/N: Well...? Review and let me know what you all think?
In case someone didn't get the crazy ramblings of my mind, in the beginning of the chapter, the italics were the Strigoi Demon inside Dimitri... Just clearing that up... :-) I see the Strigoi being a seperate entity that invades a body, taking it over and pushing the soul down deep so that it can take control. I think this because if Dimitri's soul was gone, then it wouldn't be able to be brought back.
This is a one shot, but chapters to my other stories will be up soon. Sorry for the wait, but thanks for your patience...
I love all you guys so much, and your messages of support have been absolutely wonderful. So thank you from the bottom of my heart!
Sandy