Reawakened – Short Story
After ten years in a coma, Alice - the closest thing I would ever have to a sister - was awake and home again. But then, so was Jackson Montgomery. Alice's return was joyous, but Jackson's reemergence was another story. Even though I knew he was back, I was still unprepared for how fast my world could be obliterated - altered into an unrecognizable disaster zone.
It had been a decade since Jackson had turned his back on me without so much as a goodbye. Now, there he was, staring out the window in the hospital cafeteria; waiting for me. Why can't the man just take "No" for an answer? Because of him, I lied, fornicated, and coveted. Hell, I practically killed my best friend with my selfishness. Just the sight of him filled me with hatred, despair, and most of all, guilt.
Unable to stop myself, I took advantage of his preoccupation to fill my senses with the sight of him. Jackson had grown into his manhood remarkably well. His blue button down shirt did nothing to hide the broad muscled shoulders contoured beneath it. His hair had more reddish brown highlights from the sun. The style was now modern and spiked instead of just parted on the side. His angular jaw line no longer looked out of place, and was now accompanied by a few days of stubble.
Still frozen at the cafeteria entrance, I struggled to see "Jack", the boy I had loved beyond reason and common sense. It was impossible. I had changed too much. The naïve, infatuated kid I used to be stopped existing a long time ago, thanks in no small part to Jackson Montgomery, and my own recklessness. Reluctant but resigned to face him, I dragged myself to his table.
"Claire ... hello," he said.
His honeyed voice turned my insides to a churning jumble of confusion and anxiety. I felt like a ping pong ball having my emotions smacked from one side of the table to the other. First, the unwelcome pull of attraction, followed by trepidation. Then – smack! – euphoria, and quickly back to panic. But the one emotion careening to the forefront was fear.
"We need to talk," I said, surprised by my clear bold tone. "Right now. Let's go."
I walked out of the cafeteria and through the door of the nearest stairwell. I pulled nervously on my scrubs as I waited for him to follow me.
"Jackson, what the hell do you think you're doing? I told you on the phone that I didn't want to see you – not now, not ever."
"I'm just catching up with an old friend."
His arms hung loosely at his sides. The slight smile that curved the corners of his mouth also sparkled in his turquoise eyes. While I was a nervous wreck, he seemed at ease leaning against the wall. He looked – happy. "I've missed you, Claire. I know you've missed me too."
"Absolutely not!"
"Look," he said with a sigh, "I understand why you're angry. I messed up. I did, but Alice is not the only one getting a second chance. I never wanted to hurt you. I just felt so guilty about everything – especially about taking advantage of you the way I did." His face twisted with some emotion I couldn't discern. "After Alice was hurt, it seemed like you'd be better off with me gone."
Determined to maintain my mask of anger, I labored to process his words. What happened between us was exactly what I'd wanted. Even though it would help to ease my guilt and embarrassment, I could hardly accuse him of taking advantage of me.
"You taught me the hard way that things are not always what they seem."
That wiped the smile off his face. There were a few heart pounding beats of silence before he responded. "Claire, I'm sorry."
"Don't waste your time. Just stay away from me."
"Claire, I know I don't deserve your forgiveness, but I have the opportunity to make things right between us. The way they're supposed to be. I'm not going to waste it."
"How dare you presume to know how things are supposed to be between us! You don't know me anymore, Jackson."
"You're wrong. I may not know the details of the last ten years, but I'll always know you."
He had no idea just how wrong he was. Even Jackson could not recognize the person I had become. Everything that had happened had changed me in ways he would never understand.
Nevertheless, he ignored my obvious disagreement. "I know you're smart, kind, and impulsive. I know you're an overachieving perfectionist who's just as beautiful on the inside as she is on the outside. Most importantly, I know you don't let very many people get close to you, but once you do its forever." He took a step closer and looked deep into my eyes. "Claire, I'm not sure what it will take, but we both know you're generous enough to forgive me eventually. So you better get used to seeing me around."
Despite my best efforts, his voice stirred feelings more potent than anger. I sunk down on the steps and closed my eyes against the onslaught of the pleading, turquoise pools of emotion and the way his words made me feel like melting from the inside out. I couldn't afford to let my emotions get the best of me especially not when I had so much to lose. What about Alice, my heart, my reason for living? I thought reluctantly. I looked down; almost afraid he could hear what I was thinking. He can never know the truth.
"Am I supposed to believe that after all this time you want to be the guy for me?" I snapped.
Oh, crap. That's not what I meant to say.
"Yes." His reply was short, sweet - heart-stopping. "Tell me what you want, Claire. What kind of guy would make you happy?"
Flustered and unable to explain even to myself why I couldn't just tell him to go to hell, I said the first thing that popped into my head. "I don't know. I guess - I want my Edward. You know, an Edward for my Jane." My head jerked up at his soft chuckle.
"Always studious, even when it comes to love. I never saw you as a Cinderella type of girl, but I don't see you having a thing for married men who lie to you either."
"I don't have a thing for guys who abandon me when I need them either."
This time, neither his smile nor his gaze faltered for a second. "Claire, I'm not criticizing you. I just need you to explain it to me. What's so great about Jane Eyre? It's the most depressing love story ever written."
"I don't expect you to get it. The best part is when all their secrets come out. He loves her no matter what odds are against them or how much time they've been apart. He's her sure thing. Having someone love you like that makes everything else unimportant."
"I still want you, and ten years is a very long time to be apart."
He sat next to me still staring into my eyes, searching for something that was beyond me. I was just trying to remember how to breathe.
"You're ignoring the most important part. How can I ever count on you to be there once you know everything?" Even though I asked, I already knew the answer. I can't.
"Of course you can. I'm your sure thing," he said, using my own words against me.
My heart stuttered painfully in my chest. My resolve was melting already. I was so close to yielding to the dangerous desire inside me - again.
"Claire, I know it may be a little hard to believe because I left before, but those were extreme circumstances. I had to be there for Alice, but nothing can change how I feel about you. It's always been you for me, and it's past time you know that." Every word dripped with unmistakable sincerity.
"That's crazy. What about Alice? You know, our best friend who's in love with you."
"I love Alice with all my heart."
My quick gasp of air caught in my throat. The simple truth of his statement made my eyes sting in protest.
My pain went unnoticed as he continued. "There's nothing I wouldn't do for her, but it's always been more of a brother-sister relationship. You know that, right? That's not going to change just because our parents fantasized about a romance for us."
At some point, he had taken hold of my hands, and he was rubbing them in slow, intoxicating circles just above my fingers. Preoccupied as I was, I only became aware of it when I looked down to see what was spreading the unfamiliar warmth from my arms to the rest of my body. I shifted uncomfortably and listened intently to what he said.
"Things have always been different with you and me, Claire - even when I was five. Whether you amused me with your humor or infuriated me with your big mouth, I just wanted to be near you. That last summer was unbearable," he said, taking an unsteady breath.
"That doesn't make any sense," I accused. "You did everything you could to distance yourself from me then. It really hurt to realize you didn't want to be my friend anymore."
Embarrassment prevented me from meeting his eyes. I felt like a petulant child telling on someone for not playing with them. He lifted my chin, leaving me no choice but to stare directly into them. His hand lingered and caressed my check.
"Claire, I could barely stand to be around you, but I sure as hell didn't want to be away from you either. All I could think about was how much I wanted to touch you, to kiss you. But I knew it wasn't the right time for us to be together. We were both going off to college, and I was also going to start working with my father." He hesitated, seeming ill at ease for the first time. His hand dropped from my face.
I was riveted by his every word. What if he really wanted me back then? It was too much for me to take in all at once.
"Look, I also knew that being with me wouldn't have been easy. I doubted we would have had the time we needed for each other back then. I knew the baggage that comes along with me being a Montgomery would scare you away. I didn't want to mess up our friendship before we had a real chance to be ... something more. The more time that passed, the harder it was to face you."
"Well, that worked out great. I'm supposed to believe this was all part of your master plan?"
"No, of course not. I hoped to wait a few years, and then tell you how I feel. But then, after Alice's accident – well, you know what happened instead."
"Okay, so before Alice's accident, you just expected me to wait around for something that I had no idea was ever going to happen?"
"I know how crazy that sounds. What can I say? I was eighteen."
We both laughed at the inanity that comes along with teenage ideas and hormones. I shifted again, sliding deeper into the heat of his eyes. Those beautiful eyes branded me to my seat, melting away any desire to escape. Suddenly, all laughter, all air seemed to disappear from the hallway. Our faces were so close. His hand was still doing magical things to the hand he held, and his other hand once again reached for my face.
"Damn it. I should hate you. You left me."
"I'm sorry, Claire, but I-I love-"
I jumped up, terrified. What am I doing? As wonderful as this all sounded, it could never be like this for us. Even if I could make things right with Alice, and that was a big if, there was something else I couldn't make right. Something that made me doubt whether Jackson Montgomery could ever be my sure thing.
"I'm sorry. I have to ... I've gotta ... uhmm work," I stammered as I ran out the stairwell wiping the tears from my face.
I wavered on the other side of the door, aching to push it open and throw myself in his arms. I needed to tell him how much I loved him, and always would. But the reality of the situation held me back. I knew I was grasping for a fairytale that my reality would rip to shreds piece by painful piece. No Jackson, I'm not a Cinderella type of girl, I agreed as I raced to the elevator.
Once I was away from him, I couldn't convince myself that our conversation had really happened. Was it possible the one thing my heart wanted was something I had irreparably destroyed? I considered his version of the past while I paced in the doctors' lounge. Then, I tried for the first time in ten years to remember every detail of that last night we had spent together.
#
It was the first weekend after high school graduation. I'm sure there was an unlimited supply of parties going on, but I was trapped into going to Jackson Montgomery's. Even the thought of it caused me to clench my nails deep into my palms. How could I explain to Alice that I was not welcome? The fact that Jackson did not invite me was of no concern to her at all.
"Don't be silly, Claire. We've been friends forever. Of course you're invited too," she said, trying to reassure me.
It didn't work. Jackson had been increasingly distant as the end of the school year approached. At first, I thought it was just my imagination. Why would he be avoiding me? But, he almost never seemed to be with Alice when I was and we never spent any time alone anymore. Does it embarrass him that I am a year younger, even though I graduated with them? Maybe it's because I'm the daughter of Alice's nanny instead of being wealthy like him and Alice.
Whatever the cause, my pride would not allow me to ask what wrong I had done to lose his friendship and my pain would not allow me to acknowledge the loss. Alice was too preoccupied with the romantic future she planned to have with Jackson to notice. She dismissed my concern by reminding me how busy Jackson was getting ready for college and his internship in his family business. She didn't realize, as I did, that he wasn't too busy for her - just for me.
#
After an hour at his party, I had already reached my limit. Emphasizing how separated our lives were becoming; Alice and Jackson were the only people I knew in attendance. They made a striking pair. It was just my bad luck both of them were too busy having fun with their other friends to waste time entertaining me. Alice fluttered from person to person like a beautiful golden butterfly. Jackson ignored me unless someone was talking to me. Then he was quick to find a reason to get their attention to escort them away. It probably wouldn't do to have his rich, pompous friends knowing that he had ever consorted with the likes of someone like me.
When one of the drunken idiots came over and spilled beer on my top as he tried to feel me up, I was pushed past my limit. The jackass would never treat Alice this way, but someone like me was fair game.
"Touch me again," I threatened through my teeth, "and I'll break each one of your useless, privileged fingers, you jerk."
"Oh, come on, baby," he snickered as I stalked away.
I told Alice I wasn't feeling well and I would get a ride home. I didn't want to ruin the party for her with an early end to her night. Besides, she was exactly where she wanted to be; by Jackson's side. I went into the house from the pool to search for a phone to call a cab.
"Looking for something?" a familiar, masculine voice asked in close proximity.
I spun around, surprised to see Jackson appraising me from the doorway of the study.
"Don't worry; I'm not casing the joint. I just need a phone so I can get out of here. Don't rich people have phones?"
"Are you okay, Claire? Do you need me to get you a dry shirt?" he asked, sharply.
Well, isn't this just perfect? I've managed to make him think even less of me than he already did. You would think I'd just entered a wet t-shirt contest the way he was ogling me. I finally snapped. I could almost hear the sound of my shattering heart echo around the room. How dare the jerk treat me this way when he's supposed to be my friend? I resolved not to endure another second of being ignored or denigrated by the likes of Jackson Montgomery and his stupid friends.
"Don't bother," I replied angrily. "Girls like me are used to cheap beer and losers like your friend out there. I was actually thinking about taking my shirt off all together. What do you think Jack? It's awfully hot."
His hand jerked, twisting the knob before he walked into the room and slammed the door behind him. "What are you talking about Claire? Have you completely lost your mind?"
"No. I'm just trying to make it easier for you to keep treating me like trash. I'm not good enough to be invited to your party or talk to your uppity friends. I bet there's something I'm good for, though, right? Tim, Tom, or whatever his name is seems to think so."
Damn it! I wish I knew how to be sexy or alluring. I plastered a smile on my face as I started to undo the buttons on my shirt. Maybe I was losing my mind, but I had his attention now and the beer I had downed earlier was making me brave ... or stupid.
"Knock it off, Claire. You're being ridiculous," he barked.
My shirt hit the floor. Jackson swallowed and clinched his hands at his sides. Probably so he won't wring my neck, I mused. The quivering lace of my bra was the only tell-tale sign of my awkwardness. I walked toward him, my eyes never leaving his face. I fooled myself into thinking I could see the hunger in his eyes and a desire that matched my own.
"Put your shirt back on Claire. You're just embarrassing both of us."
I felt my blood pulse to my head, making me dizzy. It throbbed through my body, no longer from desire but annihilating humiliation and pain.
"What's the matter Jack? You can't get it up for the help?" I said, scrambling to hide my devastation. "Do you need to go ask Daddy's permission first? If you send Tom in here on your way out, maybe he can show you what to do."
I heard a vicious growl coming from his direction. The next thing I knew, my body was on fire. He grabbed me roughly and slammed our bodies together. His lips were on mine, prying them open. The cool shock of surprise changed into a blistering heat. I wrapped my arms around him eager to accept whatever he was willing to give. I moaned in both pleasure and pain from the fierce ambush.
His hands were tangled in my hair, trying in vain to draw my mouth closer to his. He pulled away and stared down at me.
"Is this what you want, Claire?" he demanded.
I secured my arms around his neck. "Yes! Is this what you want, Jack?" I whispered.
His hands tightened once again in my hair and his face rested against the top of my head. He took a deep breath and mumbled, "God help me, yes. It's all I want. It's all I think about."
Clothes flew around the room in our haste to be closer. I needed to feel his skin against mine. His shirt was the first to go, followed by his pants. My heart lurched wildly and heat spread from the center of my body as he slid my panties down my hips to join my bra on the floor. His kisses made my head spin, leaving no room for embarrassment. It was unbelievable ecstasy - touching him, kissing him, and hearing his hungry response. Somehow, we made our way to the couch, giving him better access to the rest of my body. I took a moment to appreciate how perfectly our bodies fit together. Greedy for more, I ran my hands down the slick muscled contours of his back.
"Oh, Jack. I want you."
"Me too, love. All of you."
No one's first time is supposed to be this good. Every inch of my body was infused with the warmth of his. I was spellbound by the texture of his skin, the scent of his hair, and the way his body reacted to my touch. I savored the agonizing sensations Jack created with his mouth and hands. My stomach quivered as his tongue dipped inside my navel, and then lower. My back arched off the couch as I writhed in uncontrolled pleasure. I could feel myself on the brink of ... something. I trembled, equally with apprehension and excitement. He kissed a spine-tingling path back to my lips. One look into his eyes was enough to calm my fear of the unknown. I pulled him closer and braced myself for the pain. Still, I was not able to hold back my cry when he thrust himself inside me. Jackson stopped immediately, moaning with the effort.
"Oh God, Claire, I- ... -ahhh, I'm sorry," he moaned.
"Please don't stop, Jack. I want you so much!"
He kissed my cheek and took a few deep breaths. A trickle of sweat made a path down the side of his face. His eyes were clenched together and his struggle for control was evident in the way his entire body was coiled tightly above me. Uncomfortable beneath his unfamiliar weight, I shifted nervously. His muscles contracted and a sharp gasp of air hissed through his teeth.
I froze in panic. No, don't let this be over. "Jackson, I'm sorry. Please ..."
He looked into my eyes just as my first tear escaped. Gently, he kissed the trail my tears made until he reached my lips.
"I'm sorry, love. Please don't cry."
"Then don't stop," I begged as I pulled his mouth back to mine.
Once again, the room filled with the sounds of our passion. It had slowed and gentled, but his deliberate teasing only intensified the tingling, throbbing sensations exploding through my body. Before that moment, I had never known such pleasure could exist.
#
My heart swelled with love as I held him in my arms. I played with his hair while he traced intoxicating patterns down my spine, occasionally searing me to the bone with feathery kisses in the curve of my neck where his face rested. I didn't know what to say and I didn't want to ruin this magical moment, but the real world had its own ideas.
Alice's sweet voice shattered my fairytale. "Jackson ... are you in here?"
Both our heads whipped toward our best friend, mouth agape, frozen in horror in the doorway. Slowly, her head moved from side to side as all color drained from her face.
"Oh my God! Claire!" she cried, before running out the door.
Frantic, I tried to shove Jackson off of me.
"Hey, Claire, it's okay. She's just a little surprised," Jackson murmured. "We'll straighten it out tomorrow."
"Are you crazy? Get off of me. We have to-"
A voice shrieking in the distance froze my feeble hands pushing weakly at Jackson's chest. It froze my heart.
"Jackson, help! Alice is hurt! She slipped at the pool and hit her head. We need a phone to call 9-1-1," the voice screeched in the distance. "Jackson!"
The time for make believe was over, and cruel reality was once again in charge. He pulled his pants on and grabbed a phone before he sprinted out the door. My trembling hands fumbled through putting on the rest of my clothes. She's going to be okay, I chanted over and over in my head. She has to be alright. Why didn't I stay with her? Why didn't I think about Alice even once before I betrayed her this way?
I rushed toward the commotion on shaky legs. The earth was spinning twice as fast as it should have been. Everything whirled around me; the music still playing in the background, the flashing lights on the ambulance, the small line of blood slowly trickling into the pool, and then Jackson's voice.
"Claire ..."
I looked up from Alice's motionless body on the stretcher to see my anguish reflected in his eyes. His pain, on top of everything else, was too much to take.
"How could we ... I did this," I sobbed as I ran away.
It was the beginning and the end for us. That was the last time I had seen him – until now.
What am I going to do now? If they find out about Jazlene - when they find out about Jazlene, there will be no where I can hide.