Author's Notes: Another one-shot, for the DOTM new guys, Mirage and Wheeljack. Or Dino and Q. Whatever XD
This fan-fic was made in honour of Francesco Quinn, the voice-actor of Mirage in DOTM, whom tragically died in August this year, aged 48, assumedly of a heart attack. Rest in peace, Francesco, and thank you for giving voice to the most bad-ass Ferrari of them all.
Italian words (in italics, LOL) are done with Google translate, so forgive any mistakes XD
Enjoy.
The lush tropical island of Diego Garcia was a beautiful place indeed. A peaceful solitary area surrounded by magnificent blue ocean, sparkling in the sunlight, sandy beaches dotted with lush palm trees, their leaves bright green and healthy. Coconut crabs scuttled around the beaches, and dolphins could be seen leaping across the surf sometimes. The sky was blue, with only a few pristine white clouds dotted about the wide expanse. The centre of the island, however, contrasted with the more natural, hosting instead the main operations centre of NEST: Network Elements, Supporters and Transformers.
The military centre's most secure bunker, filled with metal, projects, weapons and devices, quite cluttered, was currently in use by two individuals: A pair of Autobots, one blue, one red, standing within this bunker, the blue one leaning over a large table, muttering softly to himself as he worked on a kind of human-sized gauntlet, his left hand in the form of a laser scalpel that was carefully welding a set of thin metal plating to what appeared to be the wrist area. The red one, meanwhile, was simply leaning against the wall, talking cheerfully and excitedly in an Italian accent, his English occasionally dotted with Italian:
"-And believe me this, Q my amico, I seized the idiot, held him in front of me just in time for the other idiot to shoot him! Ha ha, I love it when the Decepticons fallire! Ha! Oh, and this-"
"Dino." The blue Autobot, Q, stated coolly, turning from his work to glare at the other robot. "I completely understand your enthusiasm in your successes, truly I do, but I am working on a highly precise prototype and require full concentration!"
The red Autobot, Dino, looked affronted: "Amico, why must you be so condescending? Dammi una pausa!"
Q sighed and turned back to his project. "No offence intended, but please, I need to concentrate. This prototype grapple glove is the perfect tool to aid our human allies against the Decepticons, and I need to get this done and show it to Optimus, so mass production-"
There was a thumping sound on the bunker's door; someone was knocking on it. Que was indignant about this interruption of both his rant and his peace, but his comrade was a polar opposite, jumping up in excitement.
"I'll get it!" Dino stated cheerfully, darting towards the door with stunning agility. "I have an idea on who it will be!"
Opening the door, the Italian-accented Cybertronian was greeted by Breakaway, the massive jet, largest Autobot on the island, looking somewhat uncomfortable, blue optics locking onto the smaller Autobot with some relief. With that, the flyer immediately stated: "Hey, Mirage, I-"
"Dino. Call me Dino. That is my codename."
"Fine. Dino, you have, um, guests. Lots of them. Tons. Enough of them to weigh more then Ironhide on a bad day."
"Magnifico! I shall attend to them, straight away!"
With that, Dino shifted into his alternate mode, a glorious Ferrari 458 Italia, sleek and sexy, and drove off. Breakaway watched him go, before leaning in and addressing Q: "Um, Wheeljack, I think-"
"Q. Call me Q. That's my codename."
The jet mentally counted to three, softly vented some air, before continuing: "Q. I think you'd better leave that project thing for later. Believe me, the peace is over for today. You're better off facing it then having it lubricate on your work, so to speak."
The inventor hesitated, staring at Breakaway with a pleading expression, but when the jet shook his head, Q sighed and gently placed his prototype within a protective case. Closing it with a trace of resentment, he sighed again and walked out of his bunker, optics taking in the bright sun light with some concern, which was displayed in his next sentence:
"So, what's the problem, Breakaway?"
Breakaway merely sighed and motioned for Q to follow him. The two walked along the beach for a while, until the distant sound of feminine squeals suddenly became audible. The smaller Autobot shot a confused glance at his larger companion, whom shrugged in defeat. As the sound of squeals and cries of adoration and joy got louder, the inventor saw what all the commotion was about:
A massive horde of female humans, ranging in age from eighteen to mid-twenties, were jumping in place around the main hangar of Diego Garcia, squealing and cheering loud enough to form a thick atmosphere of sound, their little forms seemingly conjoined in a hulking mass of adoration around none other then the smug-looking Dino. Observing this was a sickened Ironhide, a horrified Ratchet, a nervous Jolt, a face-palming Sideswipe and a stoic Optimus.
Q recognised this for what it was, fear flashing over his human-like features, and he whimpered: "Fangirls?"
"Fangirls." Breakaway grunted gravely. "Pit if I know how they got here, how they found out where we were, but I do know that I am flying away and NOT DEALING WITH THIS. See you in Hell, suckers."
With that, the jet transformed and flew away to somewhere safe. Jerk.
Q sighed softly and turned his attention back to the fangirls, in time to hear Dino call out, his Italian voice predominant even in this noise-fest: "Ladies, ladies, per favore! There is enough of me, Dino, the sexiest mech alive, for all of you!"
The screams of joy heightened to an abominable decimal level, and particularly audible shouts were being heard above the din: "He's so hot! Oh, his car mode is AWESOME! His voice is sexy! Marry me, Dino! MARRY ME!"
"I think I may be sick, if that were physically possible for a robotic life form without any kind of connections between mouth and fuel-tank." Ironhide muttered.
"Me too." Sideswipe added.
"Slag my life." Jolt sighed.
"With pleasure." Ironhide said, punching Jolt in the face.
"This is the worst day ever." Ratchet muttered. "At least I can take comfort in that they are distracted by that guy. In time, though, they will come for us, and we will be doomed. Doomed, I say."
"I envy the dead. They do not suffer this." Sideswipe added.
Optimus merely stared.
However, contrary to the negative attitudes of his fellow Autobots, Dino seemed to be positively enjoying this mass of attention. The vain mech, standing proud and tall, gleaming crimson in the light, made a show of whipping his lethal blades around, slicing the air around him in a show of speed and agility. Despite the flashes of metal being dangerously close to the adoring fangirls, none of them were injured, though one girl did squeak in shock when a particularly flashy slice snipped off a single strand of her hair.
Of course, this only served to impress the girls more, and now, Dino spoke, confident and almost seductive: "Ah, my little femmes, it is with great pleasure that I see you all today. Truly, never before have I felt such joy then now!"
The resulting screams were intense, pleasured and caused the other Autobot's to flinch at the volume of it all. The girl's spouted out such wonders as: "He's so sweet and deep! He's the best! DINO FTW! His voice makes me wet myself in a good way! Hooray!"
Tired of this nonsense, and desperate to get back to the sanity of his workshop (LOL, sanity in a Wheeljack lab, see what I did there?) Q moved forward, carefully stepping over the horde of fangirls, until he reached his comrade and firmly grasped his shoulder, forcing the other mech to look at him: "Dino, please! Stop this nonsense! Sure, I enjoy human company as well- Pleasure to meet you, girls, I'm Wheeljack, better known by my codename, Q- but this? This is insanity!"
The Ferrari scoffed: "Per favore, amico. I assure you, the situation is mine to control. No worries."
The fangirls, of course, were immediately getting fractious at this interruption of their worship: "Who's this guy? Looks like a robot Einstein. He's annoying Dino! Blasphemy! Go away, robo-Einstein, we're talking to Dino!"
The Mercedes was indignant, but before he could retaliate, the Ferrari spoke up, silencing the fans with his magnificent voice: "Ah, ladies, have no fear; Q may not possess such intense sexiness as myself, but he is an intelligent fellow and a good friend."
"Implying that intelligence and decency have meaning in a species dominated by physical appearance?" Sideswipe snorted sarcastically, a sneer worthy of Starscream on his face. Ratchet smacked him for that.
Ignoring the Corvette, Dino went on: "Of course, none of my Autobot comrades possess such gleaming magnificence as myself, naturalmente, but they are wonderful amici, and I enjoy their company. No need to fear, my ladies; further interruptions will not happen."
The fangirls squealed with joy, and Q tried to protest, but Dino shook his head slowly, almost pitying, and stated: "Q, it is best for you to move back to the others. This is out of your territory, no?"
"I hate you."
The Ferrari merely laughed, before turning back to his fans, as the Mercedes sullenly stalked over to the other Autobots, Jolt giving him a gentle pat on the shoulder, before turning back to observe the carnage. Currently, Dino was now stating: "Enough about me, however glorious it is; tell me, my ladies, any questions from you?"
One girl perked up instantly: "Um, mister Dino, sir, um, I was wondering... do you ever, you know, let people ride in your vehicle mode?"
The crowd let out a collective "Whoa.", and the Ferrari smirked like the magnificent bastard he was, before replying: "Why, occasionally. Though, only to those fair females who know how to, ah, grip the gear stick."
One blue optic shuttered in a wink, and the girl fainted.
Other girls added questions to the ranks: "Are you the best Autobot there ever was? Is Optimus really a face-stealing psychopath? WILL YOU MARRY ME? Could you beat Chuck Norris in a fight? How is it you're so damn sexy? MARRY ME! Is there any Autobot who could be as sexy as you?"
Dino answered the questions with confidence, magnificence, and other general descriptions of a sleek sports car/robot/assassin/alien: "Of course! Indeed he is, the mostro pazzo. Maybe later. Of course I could. Because I'm me. Not yet. Sideswipe has a nice car and Optimus has the voice, but no, no-one is sexy like me."
"His vanity has reached new levels." Sideswipe muttered, face-palming with a clink of metal.
"I fear his egotism circuits will overload and destroy us all." Jolt whimpered.
"I just wanted to work on stuff..." Q sighed sadly.
"I hate my life." Ironhide grunted. "I hate his life as well."
"May the Allspark have mercy on our sparks." Ratchet said gravely, writing down his will on a data-pad.
Optimus just stared, perhaps thinking he was in a nightmare.
By this time, the Ferrari was now relaying stories of his accomplishments to his adoring fans, purring in a sensual, dramatic tone that caused many of them to faint: "And thus, there I was! Surrounded by vicious Decepticons, led by the terrifying Grindor! It must have been fifteen against one me. But fear not, belle donne, I am DINO! Using my superior agility, I leapt from soldier to soldier, cutting heads, kicking the ass and taking names! I used the grapplers on my blades to forced someone to strangle themselves to not-death. Then I kicked his head off. Grindor tried to kill me with his energy cannon, but I used a fat guy as my shield, and beat the notizie out of him! He and the other survivors ran home like bambini! And thus, I was victorious! Magnifico!"
"Oh wow!" One girl sighed. "He's so awesome!"
"The best!"
"AMAZING!"
"YAY!"
As the Ferrari flexed his mechanical limbs and spun his blades around, causing many to swoon, Ironhide, refusing to tolerate crap for long, grew tired of it and stated: "Slag this scrap. Jolt, shoot that alarm with lightning so we can pretend we're under attack and get away or something."
"I'm questioning the logic of using lightning to solve our problems."
"Lightning can do anything the plot demands."
"... There are so many ways I could deconstruct that idea and then prove that statement wrong, but right now, I don't care."
With that, the blue mech shoot an arc of electricity at the alarm on the nearby hangar, and sure enough, bells started ringing, lights stared flashing, and Ratchet, catching on quickly, cried out: "Emergency! DECEPTICON ATTACK! ALL FANGIRLS, RETREAT! ALL AUTOBOTS, ATTACK!"
Of course, Dino jumped in shock, before crying: "To the death! I shall return, fair maidens, when the enemy IS ALL DEAD! FEAR MY SEXY WRATH!"
With that, he ran off in search of his (non-existent) targets, the other Autobots, sniggering amongst themselves, following him, as the fangirls squealed with joy, before heeding the warnings and vanishing into thin air. Somehow.
Breakaway chose this time to return, and asked upon landing: "Hey guys, what did I miss?"
Q and Optimus, whom hadn't followed the others, ignored the jet, before the Mercedes muttered to the truck: "Remind me to kill myself if this crap ever happens again, chap. I think this stuff is way too mental..."
Optimus perked up, the alarms finally getting through his horrified state, before those horrible hooks extended from his arms, the Prime screeching: "DECEPTICONS! WE WILL KILL THEM ALL! I MUST HAVE THEIR FACES!"
As he ran off, Q began to sob in despair and Breakaway simply sighed. Fangirl invasions and crazy Prime's.
Stupid sexy Dino.
Author's Notes: ROFL