Rei felt numb. The sounds around him were muffled as if his head were surrounded by cotton. He felt someone tap his shoulder.
"Rei-chan? We have to go now. Mako-chan and Haru-chan have to wake up early tomorrow so they can move to their new apartments," Nagisa said, sounding deflated.
"Rei, you feeling okay? You look kind of down," Makoto said, reaching a hand out to touch Rei's shoulder. Rei nodded his head.
"Yeah, just feeling a bit worn out." The words soured on his tongue; he hated lying to people he was supposed to trust with everything. Somethings, it seemed, were too much for even his closest friends to handle. Rei got up to stand by Nagisa at the door. The noise around him once more became muffled as he could see Nagisa giving Makoto and Haru a bubbly goodbye before the two left for university. Rei forced himself to smile and closed his eyes, giving a quick wave. As he opened his eyes, they locked with another's. He felt daggers of ice lodge into his heart and his body get heavy.
"Don't worry Rei, we'll visit soon," Makoto said cocking his head to the side. Rei forced another smile.
"Of course. Thank you. See you both soon," Rei said with mock relief. He and Nagisa went out the door of Haru's house and off to catch the train home.
"See you tomorrow, Rei-chan!" Nagisa yelled as he walk in the direction of his house. Rei smiled and waved at him solemnly. Rei hurried home, giving his parents a quick hello as he walked in.
"Rei, are you sure you want to go to bed? Your brother isn't home very often, you should talk to him," his mother said with knitted eyebrows.
"Sorry, I'm not feeling too well today, I'd really just like to sleep. I'll spend time with nii-san tomorrow I promise," Rei said, giving that fake smile once more.
"Well, alright. I just hope you haven't caught anything. If you need anything, don't be afraid to shout, okay?"
"Yes. Thank you, Mother." He walked into his room and dropped his things on his bed. He stood there awhile before he himself dropped on the bed. "We'll visit soon." He covered his eyes, willing them not to leak. Crying was about the most un-beautiful thing a man could do, but here his was on the verge of tears. He sat up and wiped furiously at his eyes.
His eyes. They had looked right at Rei. He could still feel them, burning holes into his own. Blue on purple. Rei slapped his face.
"Stop it," he internally scolded himself. That ship had sailed and there was no going back now. If he had wanted to make a move, he missed the opportunity. Tomorrow, those blue eyes would be off in Tokyo, miles away from Rei.
Miles away. Rei lost his fight, tears were falling from his eyes at an alarming pace. Miles away. Miles away. Rei laid down again. Miles away. Miles away. Miles away. He ignored how wet his face was getting. He laid there for hours it seemed, never once moving from his spot until, finally sleep took him.
Haru stared at the ceiling above him. He had been waiting hours to fall asleep, but to no avail. Finally, he stood up and started walking to his school, swimsuit in hand.
"Maybe the water has an answer," he thought to himself, shaking off a chill. He stopped walking. The pain in his chest was slowing getting more and more unbearable. He grabbed at his heart, trying to force it into submission. He hadn't said a single word to him, he had let him leave. Haru squeezed his eyes shut, begging for the images to leave him. He had planned to tell him tonight, tell him about his laugh and the way his eyes sparkled at anything "beautiful." Haru gave a sad smile and felt a hot droplet slide down his cheek. He had really blown it hadn't he. He had missed his chance. He would always just be "Haruka-senpai" and nothing else, when he ached to be so much more.
Haru started back home, deeming that even the water couldn't fix this mess, he was too far gone for that. He stopped soon after at the sight of Makoto who gave him a smile that never meet his eyes. Haru started to walk again, ignoring Makoto, but was stopped ere long by a large hand on his arm.
"You know, he loves you too," Makoto whispered warmly. Haru broke from his grip, continuing back home. "I'm not lying,you saw his face tonight, he was devastated." Haru continued to ignore him and walked into his house, closing the door a bit too hard for how late it was. He slumped on the door.
"Liar," he muttered to himself. Rei had always had a thing for Nagisa, not him, he was only sad tonight because his friends were leaving town and he would be starting a new year of school without them. Rei had never had a thing for Haru, his feeling had always been one sided. He got off the door and went to his room. Without changing or even taking his swimsuit out of hand, he laid down and shut his eyes tightly. "You know, he loves you too." His eyes started to leak hot tears as sobs racked his body.
"Liar. Liar. Liar. Lair," he muttered to himself over and over. It had always been Nagisa, never him. Never him.
Makoto opened the back door to Haru's house after he didn't answer the thousand doorbell rings Makoto had done. He first checked the bathroom, Haru's usual spot to ignore people, but it was empty. Makoto let out a sigh and walked into Haru's bedroom. There Haru was lying on his side, far from his room. Makoto shook him gently and Haru came back to his room, eyes vacant. Makoto frowned and brought Haru into a hug. Haru began to shake and Makoto knew he was crying. He gently rubbed his elder's back.
"Just like with Rin," he whispered.
"but, God, just notice, you're both looking at the sky."