Sirius often wonders about things... but somehow these 'wonderings' always end up being dangerous. From getting slapped on the face, to getting half of your skin burnt off...beware the wonderings of Sirius Black
DISCLAIMER: I don't own Lily, or James, Sirius, Remus, or Peter, or any other fantastically amazing person created by the Oh so talented J.K.R. Nor do I own Hogwarts… actually, I don't own much of this story. Just a plot, some laugher, and maybe a pair of cantaloupes, an apple, and a banana.
Chapter One: FRUITY FRIENDS
Four tired boys entered the Great Hall for breakfast. They sat themselves down at the Gryffindor Table, directly in front of a bowl of fruit.
"I like cantaloupe," declared a very tired Peter Pettigrew. "it makes a nice pillow." He rested his head against a whole cantaloupe.
"Why don't you just have some coffee, mate," responded his friend James Potter. While attempting to fill a cup he over filled it and dumped it over the table. "Whoops-a-daisy."
"Whoops-a-daisy?" Sirius Black laughed at James. Remus Lupin, the fourth and most tired boy, rested his head on the table and half-fell asleep in a puddle of James's coffee.
"YOU GOT HIM WET!" Peter suddenly shouted.
"Who's wet?"
"GEORGE!"
"Who's George?"
"MY CANTALOUPE!"
"You named your breakfast?" asked James.
"I'm not going to eat him," Peter responded, looking horrified. He took a napkin and patted the coffee off of the cantaloupe, before clutching it to his chest protectively.
"You know what I wonder?" Sirius said.
"NO!" shouted James, Peter, and even the half asleep Remus. Sirius's 'wonderings' often led the Marauders towards disaster.
"Well, I'll tell you anyways. I wonder why they're called cantaloupes." The three other boys let out a large collective sigh of relief. This time it didn't seem dangerous. "I mean, why can't they all have their own names. Peter has the right idea, by naming it. If that one's George than this one can be… Frank. Yes, I like it! FRANK!" He bellowed.
"What?" Frank Longbottom, who was halfway down the table called.
"Oh…I forgot about you. Sorry Frank!" He turned back to the other three. "Well I can't name him Frank it would get to confusing. So…Fran…no, that's a girls name, and cantaloupes are definitelyman fruit." His friends decided not to comment on his knowledge of what was man fruit and what wasn't. "Fra…Fr….Fred! Yes this is Fred the cantaloupe." Just to make sure he stood up and yelled that if anyone was named Fred the Cantaloupe to speak up. Nobody said anything, and everyone gave him looks that clearly said they wondered about his sanity. "Yes. Fred the Cantaloupe. Ok, now James, you need a fruit." He rummaged around in the bowl of fruit and pulled out a shiny red apple. "Apples are a girl fruit, so what are you going to call her?"
James honestly didn't want to call her anything, but he was too tired to argue. He said the first name that popped into his head. "Lily."
Remus got a girl Banana named Brenda.
Two dats later the Marauders had grown rather attached to their fruits. None of them was worried about them rotting, as all four had spells on them to prevent it. James Sirius and Remus all had just finished potions together. Peter was 'baby-sitting' all of their fruits, because he wasn't in their potions class. They walked into the common room to find the cantaloupes 'playing', Brenda 'napping', and Peter getting a telling off by McGonagall. He hung his head and walked over to James, Remus, and Sirius.
"She says that we need to eat our fruits…or she'll take away house points." He let out a little sob. James and Sirius looked horrified at the idea.
"What if we bring them to the Kitchens and let the house elves take care of them?" Remus suggested.
"She wont let us," Peter said.
"Well, Lets….do it in style. Give them all a good send off and all that jazz. It'll be like a sacrifice for Gryffindor." As much as Sirius loved Fred, he loved Gryffindor just a spec more. He picked up his cantaloupe (which was blue because of an unfortunate potions accident the day before) and gave it a hug.
"Ok, Lets do it," James said. "hey, where's my Lily?" he added, not seeing her sitting with the rest of the fruits.
"I...I just left her right here playing with Fred and George."
"YOU LEFT HER?!"
"M…Mcgonagal made me. She was right here."
"We have to find her."
And so four sixteen-year-old boys began tearing apart the common room looking for an apple and calling out "LILY!" or "Lily where are you?" until an also sixteen-year-old girl, Lily Evans walked into the common room.
"What do you want?" She asked, thinking they were calling for her.
"I want to find Lily," James responded
"Well here I am."
"I need to find my Lily and eat her." Of all the strange things James Potter had ever said to her, this had to be the strangest.
"Excuse me, what?"
"I need to find my Lily. It's a sacrifice. We have to eat her." James said desperately, not understanding why Lily, the person, was so confused.
"I FOUND HER!" Sirius said holding up a bright red apple.
"LILY!" James cried gleefully, hugging his apple.
"Why are you talking to an apple?" Lily Evans asked.
"Because I named her after you." James instantly realized his mistake as Lily turned red.
"ARE YOU INSANE!?!?! YOU HAVE A VERY UNHEALTHY OBSESSION WITH ME!! AND A VERY STRANGE MIND FOR NAMING A FRUIT AFTER ME!!." She slapped him hard across the face. James's brow furrowed in anger. He knew Sirius's 'wonderings' were always dangerous. Sirius Held up his cantaloupe in front of his face. James, who was still attached to his fruity friend, even if it had caused him to be slapped, took a deep breath and the four boys formed what they called a "Sacred Marauder Circle" and ate their fruits.
AUTHORS NOTE: I don't know what came over me as I wrote this, but I think it must have been a temporary case of Insanity.
REST IN PEACE GEORGE, BRENDA, FRED, AND LILY, ETERNAL FRIENDS OF THE MARAUDERS!