Disclaimer: I do not own Skinwalkers nor its characters. They belong to LGF, After Dark, and whoever else screwed the movie up.
Note: Script canon. First attempt at Caleb and Rachel interaction, but this is purely script Rachel who, to me, is nothing like movie Rachel. And that's why I love her.
What a Pair
"You want to go back, don't you?"
It wasn't exactly an accusation. Nor was it a trick question. It was simple, honest, giving him the chance to be open. The fact that he had never been any of those things with her was quite a vivid fact.
Even so - it wasn't something he really wanted to answer honestly. No matter what his wife meant with her question, his answer would hurt them more. And they were already in such a fragile state as it was.
But he couldn't bring himself to lie. He no longer had the stones to do so. Nor could he ever tell the truth without shame.
"Yes."
She nodded. It might not have been the answer she wanted, but it was the one she knew she would get.
That didn't make it any easier.
She was a survivor though; now a fighter, too. She would make it through this. She'd get her son through this. And for Tim's sake, she'd try to help Caleb get through it too.
"Do you regret it?"
That was a loaded question.
Caleb stared down at the ring he still wore. It wasn't his wedding ring, it didn't signify anything with Sonja; it wasn't special.
Except that it was Varek's. It wasn't very Caleb. It wasn't who he'd been before he had left his family - and it sure as hell wasn't who he was now. It was Varek. It was a tangible symbol of who he had become for thirteen years of his life.
He suddenly felt very old. Mortality had crept up on him; sinking its teeth in the moment Tim had used his frail, tiny hand to vanquish the beast inside. He just hadn't let that thought settle yet.
Everything was taking a while to sink in. His mind was as dull as his senses these days.
"Regret what, Rachel? You could mean a thousand things."
"Regret being stopped? Cured?"
Caleb turned to look at his wife as she drove the RV.
They were at a stop light. Rachel met his stare.
Caleb looked away first. He didn't have a spine anymore.
"Well, Caleb? Should I take your silence as a yes?"
Now that was an accusation.
Caleb stared out the window, upwards. He stared long and hard at the moon. He suddenly felt very much betrayed - by her. The silvery light he once loved so much was now as cold as it had been before he had tasted flesh between his fangs.
"Yes."
Rachel shook her head and looked away from him. She focused on the road. The light was green, and she quickly hit the gas button.
They could hear the growls coming from the back. The engine dulled the noises slightly, but they could still hear them.
Rachel said nothing. She just stared at the road and kept driving. Her jaw was clenched, and her gaze was cold.
Caleb really didn't know what to say. He couldn't take it back. And even though he was ashamed, even though he felt so guilty he was near ill, he didn't want to either.
It was the truth. And she'd already been dealt so many lies.
He had a bad habit of lying to people. Least he could do was try to change that now that he was given a human life. Now that he suddenly felt the spiritual burdens Jonas had always felt.
Being a skinwalker had always kept Caleb from being very religious. Being a Naturalist meant you worshipped only the moon.
Now he was human. He was mortal. He felt painfully accountable for all of his deeds. He couldn't lie anymore.
"He's your son, Caleb!" Rachel finally snapped. She'd had too much of the silence. "Doesn't that mean anything to you?"
"Of course it does!"
"Now, right? Of course it does now." Rachel briefly took her eyes off the road. She wanted to accuse him with those, too, as well as her words.
Caleb just stared at the streetlights they were quickly passing by. He didn't know how to respond. He had avoided thinking about who he used to be until tonight. Or at least he tried to. Sometimes his mind would wander to the old days, filling him with an emptiness that ached with longing. He didn't want that to add fuel to the fire of his guilt and Rachel's anger.
"Do you ever wish I was her?"
This he couldn't take.
"Don't. Don't do this. Don't do this to us. Not on a full moon, please."
"Am I supposed to take pity on you? You tried to kill me and our son! You would have succeeded it hadn't been midnight! You killed - shit, I don't even know how many people you killed!"
All he did was flinch. What else could he do? He had no right to ask her for mercy. He certainly had never shown her any.
The driver's side went quiet after that. A few sounds of frustration, trying to figure out how to continue, and then she just seemed to give up.
"Sometimes."
Rachel almost swerved off the road. "You bastard."
"I know."
"No. No. Don't be a fucking martyr, Caleb. You aren't a martyr, you don't deserve that. You don't have the right. Don't just sit there and take it and give me that attitude!"
"Would you rather I argue? Would you rather I fight back, I shout at you that the only reason I don't kill you and Tim is because I have nobody else? Because I don't have the balls to go through with it now that I'm human? Is that what you want?"
Rachel was fighting back tears. She refused to look at him when she asked, "Is that true?"
Caleb softened. His shoulders slumped. Nervously, timidly even, he reached over. He brushed away the first tear to fall. "No. I can't give you all the answers to heal us; heal you and Tim. I can't say with all honesty that I don't prefer the life I led as Varek and the family I had as Varek. All I can say is that I'm sorry."
"You're sorry." Rachel swallowed and blinked back the rest of her tears. "That's all I get."
"Would you really want me back after everything I did? If being cured meant I was truthfully cleansed and freed from all my past sins, all my longings and wants and the bonds I shared with my pack over my family, would that change anything between us? Would that help you feel less guilty for almost wanting me back? Would it make you want me back anymore?"
"…no." Rachel swallowed. She took several deep breaths before she continued. "No, it wouldn't. You're right. What's done is done. It can never be undone, and I don't know if we'll ever fully move past it. Even if you didn't miss it. Maybe…maybe it'd be even harder if you did."
That came as a shock to him. He hadn't expected her to say something like that.
She seemed to catch on. She almost laughed. "Surprising, huh? It doesn't quite make sense, does it?"
Caleb hesitated. He simply shook his head after a moment.
"Maybe I'm wrong. But I get the feeling you didn't miss me much after you fed. And if being cured had the same affect, well…then that proves you're the one who lacks attachment. You. Caleb. Not Varek or the beast. Even if it hurts me to know Varek dismissed me easily after feeding, even if it hurts more to know you can't dismiss that life so easily, at least I know you're capable of emotions. Of love, loyalty, longing, just like me."
They'd hit another red light. Small towns were like that.
Rachel took the chance to look at him again. She even managed a tiny, wistful smile. "Sure, it stings that your love and loyalty and longing is tied to them, to her. But I moved on a long time ago as well, and I don't think I can love you the same anyway. And maybe the fact that you miss her helps me feel less guilty for missing someone else as well."
Caleb didn't respond right away. He studied his wife for a few moments. He took in the damage he'd done to her, and all of a sudden he was given another reason to a long list of reasons why his brother should have made it out of there alive that night. Not him.
He reached over. Stroked her hair. For the first time since becoming human he actually saw her when he did.
"What a pair we make."
Rachel's smiled wavered but then grew a little. "What a pair indeed."
The light turned green.