Duty Free Gift for the Traveler
Chapter: 1/?
Beta: Kodamasama. Livejournal: kodamasama(dot)livejournal(dot)com (thank you so much!)
Pairings: Sam/Gabriel, Dean/Castiel.
Rating: PG-13 (it may go up in later chapters).
Disclaimer: These characters do not belong to me. I am making no profit from this fanfiction.
Spoilers: Up until 6x22.
Warnings: undecided!Dean, hesitant!Cas, Mr. Fix-It!Sam, flirtatious!Gabriel, Bobby being Bobby.
Takes place right after 6x22, with a few changes (prepare for spoilers): Castiel kills Crowley, Sam's Wall is still there, and Balthazar is alive.
Summary: Sam already has his hands full with Dean's epic gay love affair with an ex-god without Gabriel suddenly deciding he wants his own piece of hot Winchester.
All chapters' names are from the album "The Return of the 5000 Lb Man", by Rahsaan Roland Kirk.
*º*º*
Chapter 1: Theme for the Eulipions
*º*º*
Sam can't breathe in fear that any movement will distract Castiel's attention from his brother. He wants to approach them, use his sweetest voice – the one he only uses for traumatized children – and help Dean convince the angel to return the souls he had taken.
But his words mean nothing to Castiel. Only Dean's ever do. It has always been about Dean, and if there's any hope of convincing the angel, his brother will be the one to pull it off.
A holy silver knife, the only weapon capable of killing an angel, lies next to Crowley's dead body, taunting him, daring him to do it. He can reach for it if he's careful - but then what? Kill the angel after everything they had been through?
And for what reason except Castiel is now too powerful and thus should be stopped from doing… what exactly? So far, he had finished off both Crowley and Raphael – the bad guys, last time he checked. Nothing that sounds like a threat had been made, and no evil had escaped Purgatory.
And that's exactly it. The door to Purgatory had been opened and nothing bad happened. Just like Castiel had promised.
The angel had asked for their trust, and they treated him like a monster. A monster that tortured, killed, and lied, just like… oh, everyone else in that room. The Great Wall of Sam is still intact, so who is to say Sam hadn't gone around killing innocent people?
Sam had been in his shoes when he thought drinking demon blood to kill Lilith was the right thing to do. And he was forgiven by everyone around him, so why not give the angel forgiveness for his misguided actions?
How is Castiel any different from him?
"Cas…" Dean's voice is only a whisper, which Sam can barely make out from the distance between them. "It's over now. Raphael is gone; you've got to return those souls before the door closes, okay?"
Castiel doesn't seem to listen as his glassy eyes continue staring at the floor. Dean rests a hand on the angel's shoulder, and Bobby looks away. Sam's grateful the older hunter doesn't move from his spot next to him.
"Please, man." Castiel raises his head, his face only a few inches from Dean's. The hunter holds his gaze. "Just put the souls back where they belong. You're not yourself like this. Hm… So- okay, I get it, you did it for a 'greater good' or whatever; what's done is done. But the Cas I know wouldn't keep this up…"
Blue eyes stare in silence.
There's no air in the room, Sam can swear it, when Dean's other hand cups his angel's face. "You don't need all this power. You're better than this, Cas; let it go. We want you back, please…" He's a babbling mess, but this is too important for him to be self-conscious about it. "We miss you… I-I miss you… so much, Cas, please… we can be a team again…"
"You said we're no longer family."
Dean's face goes white. "C-Cas… I know I- I'm sorry, man!" With wet eyes, both hands hold Castiel's face with such a desperation it shakes Sam like it's being done to him. "I'm sorry, I don't fucking care what you did, what I… doesn't matter, okay! It's done, it's over, you're still family. C'mon, Cas! Jus- just give the souls back and we can- I will-" His voice is too low, and what 'he will' Sam can't hear.
The thing that is Castiel at that moment takes Dean's right hand on his own and continues staring. Something tells Sam the angel's decision is the most important one of their lives, and what can be more important than saying 'yes' to Satan himself is beyond him.
Without daring to move, Sam prays and cries and screams inside his head, Please, God, please, please, please, let this work, send someone, anyone, help us-
God doesn't answer.
There's an eternity of whispered pleas and promises of devotion, and Sam believes they aren't just words to convince the angel, that surprisingly Dean actually means all of them. Castiel seems to believe the same, for he finally finds on Dean's face what he's been looking for.
"Okay." And with a flap of wings, he's gone.
The hunters are left alone in the middle of a room painted with Raphael's blood; the body that once belonged to the King of Hell lays forgotten.
Dean's mind fucked, Sam's flabbergasted, and Bobby's Bobby.
"'Okay'? 'Okay?" The older hunter's fuming. "That's it? That damn idjit!"
"Do you think he really went to return those souls?" Sam asks his brother, the Castiel Specialist.
Dean sighs; he looks defeated and broken, just standing there as he cleans unshed tears from his eyes. "I don't know, Sammy."
"Do you think there's still time-"
"And what're we suppose to do in case he doesn't?" Bobby interrupts.
"I can't believe this actually worked-" Sam laughs in relief.
"Ya idjit, don't go jumping to conclusions. We gotta be on our guards."
"Dean?"
His brother is already walking away.
*º*º*
It takes them the entirety of the next day to tow the Impala to the farthest motel they can reach. Bribing the motel clerk to let three very dirty, very bruised, very suspicious men in without rising a ruckus is also annoying since the hunters come in the exact moment the news report announces the bodies found by the police earlier that afternoon.
After a few hours following the on going story on CNN to find out if there are any security tapes that may lead back to them – apparently there are none - Bobby retires to his own room, leaving the brothers alone.
Dean looks more tired than Sam has ever seen him, and that's mind blowing in itself. They sit in silence for a few minutes before one of the many inevitable discussions they need to have finally catches up to them.
"…We should- the sigils…"
"No, Sam." Dean rubs fingers on his temple. "What if he comes looking for us, sees we've got angel protection, and thinks that we don't trust him… or something?"
What if he comes looking for you, you mean, Sam thinks – but decides not to share, seeing as it would lead them into another topic that was sure to make his brother lose his calm.
"But, Dean, we don't trust him. I think he gets that by now-"
"After everything I said, if Cas really gave up all that power-" his voice breaks just a little, just enough for Sam to notice how much this is affecting him, "… if he comes here, he's gotta know he still has us, Sammy. I said he could be with us again, and I meant it."
"You know it doesn't work like that. We can't just pretend nothing happened."
"Yeah, but we've got to talk to him eventually, to know where he stands. Better now than… than… better now."
It's almost seven, and Sam can't remember the last time he slept; he blames his sleep-deprived mind for the words he says next, "He still has you, Dean. For him, it's always been about you. I'm just here for the ride."
Which is kind of a pointless thing to say since it changes nothing and even sounds a little bit whiny. But Dean stays silent - he knows it to be true.
Dean had said they could all be a team again. Sam doesn't even know if he can be in the same room with Castiel again knowing he's the reason his body walked around soulless for so long.
*º*º*
The digital clock reads 3 AM when the sound of wings and air suddenly dislocating interrupts the silence in the motel room. That sound came to terrify Sam in the last few days, and it takes all his will power to close his eyes again and pretend to be asleep.
In a moment, his brother is already tossing away the covers; apparently, Sam hadn't been the only one unable to sleep after seeing an archangel exploded by sweet, little ol' Castiel. Having the Impala destroyed is never that much fun either, no matter how many times it happens. "Cas?"
"Hello, Dean." This guy opened a door to Purgatory, Sam has to remind himself, because that voice right there was too much like the old Cas who wouldn't hurt a fly, even less a soul.
"Hey." Dean sounds hopeful and out of breath. Their voices are low, and Sam's rising heartbeat in his ears doesn't help any. Sam takes a peek to find their shapes in the dark, standing in front of each other by the foot of the beds. "What's up? Everything okay?"
"Is Sam asleep?" Castiel asks.
Just in time, Sam remembers people actually breathe steadily when they sleep. He so doesn't want to talk to this guy right now… "Yeah, he went out like a rock the moment I turned off the lights." Said person rolls his closed eyes at that comment. "Why?"
"I came to say goodbye, Dean."
Sam's noise of surprise is only muffled by his brother's own hurt gasp.
"What do you-… Cas? What're you talking about?"
Castiel sighs. "I returned the souls, as you requested of me. Gabriel assisted me."
Sam feels the room go completely still. Gabriel is alive? The hunter didn't see how he actually died, but Dean's description of the whole thing was pretty clear on the fact the archangel died to help them.
"Gabriel? That Gabriel? He's alive?" Dean asks.
"When I arrived at Purgatory's Gates, he was there waiting for me. Gabriel said he doesn't know how it happened, only that one moment he just 'blinked into existence like Jack from Lost'… whatever that may mean." The low light filtered by the curtains is enough to make out Castiel's head tilt. Some things just don't change, Sam supposes. "I believe it's safe to assume my Father was responsible for this; He also engraved instructions on my brother's Grace."
If Sam wasn't already awake, he'd have been soon by Dean's raising voice. He never quite managed to keep a low tone when he was about to freak out. "What instructions? What's Gabriel got to do with you going somewhere? You can't leave, Cas-"
There's despair building up in Dean's voice, the type Sam had only heard when his brother realized the person they were trying to save wasn't going to make it. It was in that exact moment Sam knew Dean wouldn't let his angel go - whatever happened in the past year could just go fuck itself in the ass.
"Gabriel was instructed to hold the Gates open until I came back," Castiel says, voice failing miserably at keeping his usual monotone. "Now he has returned to Heaven and will restore order to the Host."
Dean snorts to show his skepticism, even though it comes out more of a hurt sound than anything else. "Oh, oh, and you're just going to trust Gabriel with that?"
"No, that's why I'll be joining him in his task, together with Balthazar. I wish to make sure his intentions are pure," Castiel says.
"Why the hell did God only resurrect Gabriel now that it's all over, and we don't even need him anymore?"
"I… do not know."
Dean looks furious, but Sam knows it's his natural reaction to heart break. "And what's up with all this crap? You're both Heaven's little bitches again? You wanna serve the same douche bag that put you through all of this in the first place?"
"Serve God once more? Not at all. I am… tired, Dean. And patience is no longer a virtue I can claim I possess."
Dean is about to protest, but the angel raises a hand to ask for his silence.
"I only came to try and explain myself once again. For some reason, the idea of leaving you with the misguided notion that-" Sam's eyes slowly grow used to the darkness, allowing him to see without a doubt that Castiel's arms are shaking, even if just a little. "I cannot leave before making my actions clear.
"Despite being accused by your brother of bringing him back soulless on purpose, I can assure you that was not the case. Sam is upset, and thinking I was responsible for his body… condition gives him something very much akin to cruel satisfaction… But not you, Dean. I can't let you blame me for this too." He hesitates before revealing, "It hurts too much."
Dean touches his shoulder carefully, as if fearing the angel would fly off at the first brusque movement, and Cas leans into his personal space the exact way he used to – like Dean was gravity, and Cas could fight the pull no more than he could change his vessel's eye color.
"I tried… so hard. I thought I was strong enough, that Lucifer was probably fighting Michael inside the Cage, that maybe I could even save Adam Milligan also, if I was careful enough." Cas tells the story as if reading it from a book. Dean fists the cloth on Castiel's arms and then releases it, only to grab it again a second later, unable to control his hands. "But Lucifer was as strong as ever, and he would not let go of Sam even if it cost him his life. I almost had my wings ripped apart when I finally banished Lucifer out of your brother's body. However, before I took flight, Michael grabbed Sam's leg-"
"He grab- What?" Both Winchesters are shocked.
"Yes, I was confused also. Yet a second later, he just… released it." Castiel takes a deep breath. "At the time, my Grace was bleeding out of this vessel, and both my brothers were trying to prevent me from leaving the Cage; I believe they knew it wouldn't be long before I was too weak to take the long flight out of Hell with my damaged wings.
"I flew as fast as I could, feeling victorious as I held Sam's body in my arms. I didn't give Michael much thought." Castiel sighs regretfully. "When I realized my mistake, it was already too late. I waited for Sam to seek you out on his own, but when he finally did, nothing happened. Sam only stared at you outside the house you were living in."
"Lisa's?" Dean asks perplexed.
Castiel nods. "He looked… different and wrong. Of course, I also hadn't realized he was soulless. I only thought that… I don't know what I thought."
"Why didn't you tell me? Sam was out there doing shit, Cas, and you didn't have the decency to stop by and let me know?"
This seems to get a reaction out of the angel. Castiel lightly pushes Dean back - the notion that this creature could punch his brother to Germany if he was in the mood terrifies Sam.
"And tell you what? That you had to be miserable again and take care of the abomination that was your soulless brother? So that you could then hate me for my incompetence at making you happy, all because I was too selfish to accept you were already happy without me?"
Dean takes a step back. Castiel takes one forward. "Cas… What're you talking about? Just, slow down-"
"I love Sam. I do. The entire time I fought to free him from Hell I kept telling myself I was doing it for him - and ultimately you. But now I see I was doing it for myself."
The angel grabs Dean's arms so the hunter can't step away again, pulling him closer. Sam sighs. It's official, they're both talking about a person they completely forgot was in the room with them.
"You were somewhat happy, Dean, and I had no place in your new life. I couldn't demand you to give it all up so you'd make my problems your own and live a miserable life on the road without your brother. But if Sam came back for you…"
The shape in the darkness that Sam assumes is his brother tries unsuccessfully to free himself from the angel's grasp, much like a shitty movie damsel who yells, 'no' before pulling the other character in for a kiss. They both stop to contemplate the almost nonexistent space between their lips, Dean's ragged breath filling up the room. Which is just fantastic - Dean getting aroused by being manhandled by Castiel is the cherry on top of Sam's surreal life.
"I watched you, at least in the beginning before my confrontation with Raphael. You smiled, but it never reached your eyes. You acted like you always do, and yet your actions were shallow and your words devoid of your usual passion." Castiel strokes the side of the hunter's face lightly, letting his hand fall away when it reaches his chin. "I suspected that perhaps you weren't as happy as we both believed you to be. But again, I had nothing to offer you. So I- I convinced myself I was helping free you from a dull life without hunting and without Sam."
Castiel lets go of Dean completely but remains inside his personal space.
"Now I see I might have deceived myself into believing this. Maybe you were truly happy, and I just couldn't accept it," the angel says, finally.
And now it's over. Castiel had explained his side of the story, although at three in the morning when they're all so tired Sam can't even bring himself to come up with a metaphor as to how much. The angel can be on his way before anyone can think of stopping him.
"I wasn't…" Dean almost sobs and it breaks Sam's heart, "I wasn't, like… truly happy, or some shit like that. I was so dead, Cas. Thinking Sammy was in hell, what they could be doing to him-"
His voice dies down.
Sam knows how that feels – knowing with absolute certainty your brother's in Hell while you're powerless to help him, always wondering what horrifying creatures were doing to him and never getting an answer.
"But it wasn't just him," Dean continues. "I missed you, you know? Ben is amazing; I really wish he was my kid… but he isn't. A-and Lisa! She's just… not you. Don't even ask me how the fuck that happened, but I just wanted you so bad, Cas! To pray for you and hit the road and just… have you. But I promised Sam I would stay at Lisa's to play house, and you had your own stuff-"
Castiel's lips prevent Dean from babbling on further, and Sam loves him for it. Anyone who can shut Dean Winchester up deserves respect.
Sam closes his eyes, caught by surprise at how natural it feels to be in the room while his brother gently kisses Castiel. He never felt comfortable seeing his brother get the girl at the end of the day - hell, he can't even keep a straight face when a gay couple kisses on TV. Yet, somehow, this moment feels right. Probably because Castiel is family, and he just witnessed with his own eyes how much Dean wanted him to stay that way.
He opens his eyes, amazed at his own thoughts. Cas is still family…
Cold, horrible regret wraps itself around Sam's chest. Dean hadn't been happy with Lisa, hadn't loved her, hadn't wanted a life with her. He'd been in love with Castiel the entire time. When had he even figured that one out? How come Sam dismissed all evidences of their feelings for each other as brotherly love, tucking away their interaction as a slight attraction that meant nothing and would lead nowhere?
God, his brother is in love.
With his male angel.
Dean's angel. There was never any doubt in his mind that, even if his brother denies Castiel being his angel, Dean is certainly Castiel's human.
And Sam is the stupid, screw-up brother who sent Dean to live with the wrong person. The sudden urge to fix everything almost makes Sam jump from his bed and hold on to Dean like a needy child crushing a teddy bear to his chest. It's a good thing he doesn't, though, since his brother would probably have a big gay freak out right after finally growing some balls to confess feelings – merciful God, feelings – for his angel.
"What about Sam?" Castiel steps back to ask.
"What about Sammy?" Dean pulls him to his chest again like that answers it.
What about him indeed. You know, the guy everyone talks about but no one seems to remember exists, all at the same time.
"What if he doesn't want me here? After everything that's happened, I can't blame him," the angel is gasping, overwhelmed by the intimacy of Dean's lips. "I don't want him to hate me-"
It isn't the brotherly love confession from earlier, nor the long explanation on how his body came to be soulless – hell, not even the fact the angel will finally make his brother happy, and Dean fucking deserves it. It's that sentence right there, muffled by kisses and carrying so much fear, that wins Sam over.
"It's gonna be fine, Cas." Dean laughs fondly. "We'll talk to him; of course he wants you to stay."
And Sam does. He just wants all the hurt to be over…
"Tell Gabriel it's gonna be a half-period gig, 'kay?" The shape of hands in the dark caress Castiel's face with care. "Can you do that, Cas? Leave the manual labor to Gabe and get a desk job or something?"
The angel is apparently too dazzled to try and figure out what all that means. "I don't understand…"
"Cas." The angel is encircled by strong arms in a desperately tight embrace. Dean's voice is breathless and deep, travelling easily around the room to Sam's ears. "Stay with me."
It could have been a request, a suggestion, or even an order, but Sam hears it as the plea it really is; so does Cas. "Yes." The sound of a low, needy moan and the outline of Dean's hands squeezing his angel's arms are strong indications Castiel is an enthusiastic kisser, like a kid who had a taste of a delicious candy and now can't settle for only one. "Yes, Dean," Cas whispers again, planting wet, sloppy kisses on the hunter's lips, ripping out desperate little gasps from Dean that reveal just how much he really wants the angel to stay.
Despite the red painting his cheeks, Sam smiles under the covers. Who needed television when you could just watch the epic gay love story of an angel and his human?
Dean finally palms Castiel's face to rest their foreheads together for what had to be one of the most romantic gestures he had ever witnessed his brother partaking in.
Dean has Sam, Dean has Cas, and the world is – relatively – saved. Everyone can finally be gay and happy, with the exception of Sam who is neither of those things and needs to buy popcorn for the next episode of the soul opera he titled 'Destiel'. Gabriel will keep Heaven under control and Cas, sweetly naive Cas, ex- soul addict Cas, will make it all possible.
The hunter steals one more heated kiss before letting go.
"See, Cas, we don't walk out on family."
*º*º*
TBC