On being a mort –Long Distance E-correspondant school for Dark Evil Wizards

A/N: I don't know how this happened, but it did. Some of this is a bit pathetic. There is a Flame-O-Rama if you want to participate.

Moreskewt, School for Dark Evil Wizards (DEWs)

Dear Reader,

You have been accepted into the Worlds top school for Dark Evil Wizards

Equipment you will need:

· Your very own dark mark (Trademarked & Copyrighted.
From Duke Draco's Dark Designs,
35 Knockturn Alley, London)

· Wand

· Sword/Lightsaber or other defensive weapon

· Pet Snake/Basalisk/Manticore, electric eel, 'Fluffy' etc

· A set of loyal followers: Death Eaters of similar, who know how to cast your dark mark, perform dark spells, etc, etc.

· Self-writing spell book. Includes techniques and pronunciation.

· Your very own double agent to infiltrate the opposing DEW or GEW.

· Stupid title – 'Emperor of Evil', 'Doer of Dastardly Deeds', 'Duke Draco of Dark Designs', or similar

· Broom (for sweeping the castle floor)

· Cauldron 19" Silver, to brew all those nasty potions

Textbooks Required:

· Historical Dark Evil 'Morts', by V. Mort, Z. Mort, P. Mort and F. Mort.

· Dark magic/Sith spell book, by D. Sidious, D. Maul, and D. Vader

· You and your Adherent Admiring Hanger-on Consort, by L. Malfoy

· 100 ways to annoy that really stupid Muggle next door by T. Riddle

· How to get to the right place while apparating by Ivan Ished

· Torture, disembowelment and keeping the contest of your stomach in place by SPEW

Uniform Required

· White pancake (base) and overdone eyeliner. This is compulsory for that morbid just-returned-from-the-dead look. You will receive instruction on how to wear your makeup when you get to school.

· Psychedelic Purple flares, (for that really uncool look fluorescent green socks, an electric blue jumper with a visible orange shirt and the fluorescent pink platforms are required) Get these from Evil WizFashion, 12 Knockturn Alley, London.

· Frilly Dress under robes: shirt x 4 (Starched white with frilly collar and cuffs) and black pants x 4 (2 pairs each velvet and leather) To make you look like a transvestite. (For when you need to wear something under those robes. It gets a bit draughty under there in winter)

· Black Cape with hood to hide face

· Black Cape with high collar with white silk lining

· Black Cape with high collar with crimson silk lining

We await your reply with interest and expect that you will accept.

A/N: If you want to flame, you can. If you want to join, you can. If you want to be a good little reviewer and review, you can. FLAME AWAY!! But bonus marks will be given if you flame and include these words: Claustrotriskaidekathanatopyroxenophobia (more points if you can find out what it actually means)-(email me to find out!!), deoxyribonucleic acid, dichlorodiphenyltrichloroethane, grunky and silly. I will give extra bonuses if grammar and spelling are correct.

:-}