Would you believe I was listening to Serj Tankian's Lie Lie Lie when I wrote this? Ah, anyway. I've been quiet for long time with Hero, so I decided I'd post some of the one-shots I've written during this time. I'm not droppin the Hero, I'm just ...waiting for inspiration to continue its writing. I'm a bit more into tenipuri at the moment. sorry, guys.
This is dedicated to Hopeakaarme, who challenged me to write this.
Kippei, dear Kippei. Don't cry. Oh, I know your eyes are dry. I believe that there hasn't been a day after your birth that you've shed a tear. You were a quiet child, never disturbing your parents' sleep. You mother told me this. She been crying for you. An too – remember your little sister? – and she didn't even like Atobe. Yet you don't leave this dump of a room. The pretty silver-haired dude who loved you is dead. Now move on.
That's right, come out to the sun with me. I don't care if you want to sit in the shade, just look at all the life around you. You don't know how happy you made your mother and sister this morning, when you finally came out and ate breakfast with us. I could see tears in their eyes. I'm sitting here next to. Here's a shoulder, lean on it – you look tired. Exhausted by the little walk? That's what not eating does to you. You can sleep there, alright. It'll just like the old days.
You know that thing you said to me when I first came to you – You're wrong. I never hated Atobe. I enjoyed teasing him, I did. I'm going to miss that. But I miss you even more. Even if I now put my hands on you, you wouldn't respond, not even to push me away. You're so pathetic, Kippei. Just let him go. He can't come back to you anymore. Look, here's your old team. Remember when you told me Kamio was cute? How can you live with yourself, putting these kids to tears?
Stand up and face it, Kippei! I'll be here to support you through this, and I'm not the only one. Where is the lion I love? The Kippei I know is not weak. Come to the sun. Come to the court. Here's your racket. Remember what it's like to be alive.
Watching the light in your eyes slowly reborn is the most beautiful sight I've ever seen. Hearing your deep laugh after so long makes my heart beat so fast it hurts. It's like a gift from gods. Whenever something reminds you of him your eyes dim, but the life is bound to return. Don't fight it, Kippei. No one can die of losing someone they love. Not you at least, the beast who only knows tears in his heart. You have so much to live for.
It's been a year since then. You're doing great. I'm so proud of you. Come, let's sit in the shade and watch your gang play. No? Figures you'd rather sit in the sun. That's fine by me. Just yesterday you surprised me by kissing me. Even in the old days you never did that. It was always me who kissed you. You didn't have to thank me – like I would leave you alone when you need me. Silly Kippei.
No need to rush something that's always been there. Let it grow on its own. I love you, Kippei. This time let's wait – Like I do, love me a bit more everyday. Until you no longer seek for my acceptance for you grief or letting go of it. Until you no longer lean on me so heavily you'd fall if I let go. Until you stand on your own, like adults let's build a lasting relationship, and then find the depths of this love. We can now that no one stands between us.
02.08.2008 - the second anniversary of Atobe Keigo's death. We went to see his grave this morning. You didn't tremble, and I held your hand. You still love him, but you're now strong enough to love another person as well. He'd have wanted you to be stuck on him forever, you know. He underestimated your strength. I never did. I won't chain you to me, so I won't be in turn chained on the ground.
You're sleeping naked next to me, and I indulge in my guilty pleasure of watching you sleep. It's been a long time since you murmured his name in your sleep. I won't have you worry – I'll take care of you for as long as you want me to. Now there is only one thing left for me to do.
I get up, careful not to wake you, and go to the kitchen where I from time to time burn paper in the sink. You don't like it, because sometimes the alarm wakes you up. The lock of hair you keep in your personal drawer, in the locked box, burns away fast, like melting ice in a hot desert sun. Next I set fire on the note I've kept with me for the last two years. The one in which he told me to meet him on the cliff by the sea.
I hear his voice telling me he's about to propose to you. I feel his hand in mine, when it was the only thing he was hanging from above the rocks down below. I see his eyes when he understood why I suddenly stopped pulling him up. The look on his face when I let go fades from my memory as the words written in his handwriting disappear to the red, yellow and blue flames.
I didn't hate him, Kippei, but I love you.