Advantage Miss Doolittle

WHAP! Higgins' hat, which had been covering his eyes, flew across the room, and he now clearly saw Eliza clutching his slippers, recovering from the follow-through.

"What... what... " Higgins sat up and spun around, alternating glares at Eliza with scans for his hat. It had landed smartly on the handle of the fireplace poker in its rack. He stalked over and seized it, unsuccessfully trying to suppress a grudging good shot in his mind. He wheeled round at Eliza. "You VIXEN! Complaining that you thought I would strike you, which I never would, and then turning round and striking me first! Treacherous wretch!"

"Your hat. I meant to hit your hat." Was she smiling?

"The devil you did, you..."

"At any rate I succeeded in getting your attention. Since you were very clear about how things would be with you if I returned, it is necessary that I make clear to you how things would be with me."

"How things..."

"I have enjoyed acting as your secretary and scheduler, it has been a great help with my spelling, and I am glad to continue. Since I have limited experience, I would never dream of asking more than 16s a week."

"Sixteen sh... What on earth do you need sixteen shillings for?"

"For my room of course. Mrs Pearce has recommended a very nice women's boarding house. Her niece is learning millinery and can attest to the proprietor's good character."

"Boarding... That's absurd! You can stay here, same as you always have! If you have worries about appearances Mrs Pearce can always act as your chaperone like she..."

"I'm sorry, Professor, but in this world a woman has nothing if she does not have her reputation. As lovely as your home is, and as attentive and helpful as your household has been, I must insist on residing off the premises."

"Is my mother lending you any money?"

"I would not dream of putting her in that position; I have too much respect for her."

"Pickering?"

"I would never ask him either, and anyway I haven't seen him since we returned home from the ball."

"Ah, then it's true, after all that you are casting your lot with that worthless Freddy! And you dare to enter my presence under that circumstance and ask for employment! You selfish...!"

"Save your righteous rage, Professor, I'm afraid I broke it off with Freddy about an hour ago." He recognized the enunciation, projection, and lowering of pitch that he taught her when he had complained her "proper" voice was too soft, and now regretted offering that lesson. She sighed. "You were right on that account. I was just using his affection to solve a problem, and that was not at all fair to him. It was hard on the poor boy, but I think I saved him some heartache in the future. Hopefully the experience will help him grow up a bit."

"Your father, then."

"Really, Professor?"

"Right. Of course not. Well then, where on earth are you getting money for lodging?"

"From my position as your scheduler, of course."

Oh you poor silly girl, he thought as he grinned widely. "And what makes you so certain that I would hire you, after you have treated me so villainously?"

"Because I know you will be needing your appointment book at some time soon, maybe even tomorrow."

Higgins paused, stared, and bolted to the desk. The appointment book was not on the desk, nor was it in the top drawer. "You snatched it! That, young lady, is a matter for the police!"

"I did no such thing. I merely put it... did not put it in the usual spot during preparations for the ball last evening. I thought nothing of it at the time."

He knew that now he could never turn her over to the police. He knew she knew he would never turn her over to the police. "Appointment books are lost all the time," he said hastily. "I'll get in touch with my colleagues and students and ask them to remind me of the engagements. I could reconstruct the entire upcoming year in a week's time at the most."

"Of course, Professor," she smiled. "All you need is your address book."

His jaw flapped weakly for a moment. "Which is... of course... where the... Oh, bloody hell, Eliza, you're hired! Eight SHARP tomorrow morning and NO EXCUSES." He slammed some coins down on the desk.

She took no outward notice of the shocking language, gracefully placed the coins in her purse, turned to face Higgins, and grasped his hand, shaking it cordially. "Thank you very much, Professor; you will not regret it." Their eyes met more than briefly, and as she turned and left, he found it more and more difficult to remain properly angry with her.