Okay, so this is what happens when two people spend too much time being corrupted by evil fanfiction. Yay!

WARNING: May be quite suggestive, and will cause mental scarring.

We are afraid to say that we are not liable for any damage or injuries caused by this story. If you don't like it, we don't care, you shouldn't have read it to begin with.

DISCLAIMER: We don't own Naruto. Okay? And we love you yaoi shippers, you are awesomely cool. And all the crazy people who inspired this are cool too (but it's still your fault that this was ever written)! So don't kill us, 'kay?

"If this is what it takes to be Hokage," said Naruto, "Then it's what I've got to do."He put on his pink fluffy slippers and walked solemnly towards his fate.

Using the many secret passage ways he had discovered in his many years of pranking, Naruto made it to the Hokage's bedroom in less than 3 minutes. He wasn't even cold (which is weird, considering what he was wearing). He knocked on the door to the old man's chambers, and breathed in deeply as he heard footsteps pacing towards the door. This was it. He was finally going to earn what was rightfully his.

Sarutobi (the famous 3rd Hokage) was awoken late by a knock at his door. He was old and crumbling so it took him a long time to reach the door. When he finally reached the door, he carefully opened it slightly so he could see who was outside. Seeing Naruto, he opened the door wide to let the young genin in. When he saw what Naruto was wearing, his pipe dropped out of his mouth.

He stood there in shocked silence for what seemed to Naruto, still framed in the doorway, to be an eternity. Then, with a voice coated in deeper meanings, Sarutobi croaked out:

"I take it you're not here for just tea then?"

Naruto nodded.

"I'm here for biscuits too." Naruto smirked, trying in vain to win some more time before his task must truly begin. "But maybe more, if it's offered."

"What, are you expecting cream and sugar as well?" The 3rd Hokage said back.

"If it's being offered," said Naruto, desperately trying to avoid entering the dark, dingy room.

The old man winked suggestively.

"Whipped cream."

Naruto, hardening his heart to the task ahead, swallowed his already shattered pride, and stepped into the room. It was cold and dark, and smelled strongly of smoke. Naruto took another trembling step across the threshold, and in doing so, tripped spectacularly over Sarutobi's long pipe.

The old man chuckled as the boy got to his feet.

"Please, make yourself comfortable," said the Hokage, gesturing towards the bed, "I'll be right back."

The now panicking genin shuffled quickly over to the bed, where he then sat quivering from both cold and fear. His aim now seemed so much harder to achieve, even though his goal was closer than it had ever been before. The Hokage stumbled into a separate room, and Naruto allowed himself to relax a little, savouring the time when he was not around the old man. He breathed in deeply, trying to control himself. He stared up at the ceiling above him, trying to calm down, and blinked. Why did Sarutobi have a mirror on his ceiling? His reflection stared back at him and - for the first time since he left his own house - looked at himself properly. He was a disgrace. How could anyone who looked like that be a Hokage.

His thoughts were interrupted as Sarutobi hobbled back into the room. The aging man settled himself calmly on the bed, staring at Naruto with an indulging smile. In his eyes Naruto could see an understanding that only special people shared. A bond that nothing could break. A common desire.

"Shall we begin then?"

Naruto nodded silently.

"I'm sorry if I'm a little rusty, I haven't done this in a long long time," the old man added.

The smell of smoke grew stronger as the Hokage leant forwards towards the boy. Naruto's heart sped up, an unknown emotion coursing through his veins. The very air around them seem heavy with it, and it only increased as Sarutobi drew closer. His heart pounded in his chest, and his eyes darted up to the mirror above his head. He didn't have to do this, he could give up now… No. That'd only make things worse. He'd promised himself that he'd go through with this. He had to achieve what he set out to do, no matter what the cost. It was all worth it, in the end. His eyes returned to the Hokage, who was closing in on him slowly. The old man was breathing heavily, Naruto could almost feel his breath on his face. One of his hands clenched into a fist.

"I hope you've been practicing those new techniques," grinned the old man. His eyes were full with the very essence of delight. "I hope you don't mind, but I've been trying that one that you do, your signature move, if you will."

"It wouldn't be my place to object." Naruto mumbled, his voice faint and his mental strength weakening.

The old man smiled as he looked at the young boy.

"Get yours out then."

Naruto shrunk back from the Hokage, his face a mask of horror.

"Well, you did bring one - didn't you?" said Sarutobi his face dropping.

"Yes, b-but it's so soon. I expected to have more time, you know, to prepare for this." Naruto was defiantly shaking now, his plan wasn't working at all. He need more time to prepare himself. Surely the Hokage could understand that. This was a big step for him, being so open about this whole affair.

"Go on - that's the fun part!" Said the Hokage, "I've got mine."

"Yes but - this is my first time," said Naruto, trembling where he sat.

"Fine, I'll go first."

The Hokage drew back from Naruto, and reached into a draw next to the bed. The look of glee had returned to his eyes. He drew his hand out again, bringing with it a tall thin object. Naruto gasped.

"It's so beautiful!" he said, awe filling his voice. "Mine seems so plain now, but I guess I must show you it anyway."

"Talking of beautiful - that dress really suits you.""Thanks, I didn't think that pink was my colour."

He reached into the satchel that he had slung over his shoulder, and pulled out a simple doll. All nerves gone, he placed it on the bed in front of him, and in a high-pitched voice said:"Hello Mrs. Twinkletoes - can I have some tea?"

You thought it was yaoi didn't you! You people are sick!

Be kind (we are but fragile souls). If you're unlucky, we may well write more.