« I can't do this anymore... »
As soon as she heard those words, all her forgotten fears came back crashing inside her heart. She saw their past like flashing hideous memories: Las Vegas, tricks, hurt, South America...
Jane wasn't looking at her sudden paling face, her quickening breath and trembling hands. « It could have been you in that coffin » he went on. Lisbon wasn't listening to anything anymore, her heart beat too loud in her chest and in her ears. Like an automate she began to turn around and walked away with buckling legs. Her breath was so shallow and quick, it was hurting.
Hearing her moving, Jane turned his head around to look at her. She had her back at him, ten steps away, swaying. He stood up in a heart beat and before he could make one step, he watched her collapse heavily to the soft grass floor. Jane ran to her, kneeling at her side and turning her to her back. Pulling some of her hair away to see her too pale face. « Lisbon ? Teresa, wake up, look at me... » Jane pleaded her with a shaking voice. "Teresa..."
Her breathing was really worrying him, still too fast, still too shallow. After what felt an eternity, she still hadn't regained consciousness and Jane decided to call 911. While waiting for the ambulance, he thought at the exhausting week they just had. The hard and dangerous case, the worry he had felt for her safety every minute, the deadly shot, the announce of Vega's death in the break-room, the crying hug they shared then, the preparation to the funeral, the funeral and now her passing-out... It had been too much, she was exhausted and at the end of her forces, but such a reaction had he never expected. It took him just a second to snap. His words... His words had been too much, his words have waked up her fear of him leaving. How could he have been so stupid to come with that right now, just a half hour after burying their too young-to-die colleague. "It's ok Teresa, I'm here, I'm not leaving... I love you..." his voice cracking now, while his arms held tight her unresponsive body. He could hear the siren of the ambulance approaching. He held her as tight as he could without hurting her, whispering reassuring words in her ear. Her breathing was still too fast and her heart beat he could feel, was hammering at an abnormal rate in her chest.
The paramedics took her in charge, not without a little fight with Jane, and brought her in the ambulance. Jane jumped in in the most naturally way agony written all over his face, no one dared to tell him anything. They talked about possible heart attack. Jane sat there, holding her hand, not understanding why, how and what. It was simply too much.
At the hospital, they took her in the ER to check her up. Jane had to wait. He had decided to call Cho and let him know what had happened. He knew it would be a hard blow for the team, to find one of them in hospital again in so little time. While waiting, they all came one by one, Cho, Abott and Wylie. They all sat next to him, no one daring to speak as if it could bring another dreaded news.
After two hours, a doctor came in. Jane didn't dare to watch him, he didn't want to read his eyes while announcing the worst. "You're here for Teresa Lisbon?", they nodded. "We made quite some test. We excluded heart attack, but she is in a severe distress. It could be triggered by too much emotional happening, too much work, very little sleep or eating disorder... Do you know if anything the sort happened in the last days?", they nodded again. The doctor seemed to sense that he wouldn't become any more elaborate answer, so he thought he would let it be for the moment and ask again later, his patient was in no danger now. "We've sedated her to calm her breathing and heart rate. She will be sleeping for an hour or two, if you want to come back then". Jane stood up and said with pleading eyes "I want to see her... I... I need to be at her side when she wakes up... She's my partner, she's my love...". And that's what happened. The team said their goodbye, waiting for news later, and he was brought to her quiet, way too quiet room. The heart monitor was unplugged and she was lying in that unfriendly hospital bed. Jane didn't thought too much and sat on the bed, taking with caution her limp and cold hand in his. She was still very pale, but her breathing was calm now. He let out a heavy sigh and closed his eyes not believing everything that had happened in so little time. When she would wake up they would have to talk seriously, he thought. There was no way she could still dread for his leaving, for there was no way he could imagine a life without holding her, loving her... That should be definitively clear. But first, when she would wake up, he would kiss her deeply, lovingly and let her know how loved she is.
The fatigue of the day mixed with all the whirling emotions was now crawling on him, so he made some room in her bed and lay down, taking her in his arms. He closed his eyes.
They will work it out, they will be happy in the present looking out to the future...