So Eren is ftm. Let me know if you have any questions. Remember though, google is your friend and can probably tell you better than I can.

Eren POV

How.. how long had I been here now?

I looked around the cell that seemed to be my new home and sighed. It felt like I had been here forever. I didn't see why I was even in here in the first place! After the trail, Hanje bandaged me up and brought me right back down here. Why? I was a scout now, was I not? That had been the decision!

I huffed like a child, sitting up in the bed. At least they didn't chain me down anymore. That had been really annoying. Especially since I couldn't adjust my binder. I had thought about asking the guard to go get Hanje and explain to them what I needed to do and why I needed to do it, but the thought of coming out to someone made my chest ache.

What if they no longer called me by my right name and pronouns? What if they made fun of me? What if they kicked me out of the military? What if they killed me for being even more messed up than they thought?

Oh why, why, why did I have to be a god damn titan on top of being trans? Wasn't my life hard enough? Wasn't I already enough of a freak? Of an outsider?

At least my titan form looked like a cis male titan. I don't think I could have kept in the closet if my titan form had gigantic tits and curves.

God, I still remember coming out to my family like it was yesterday.

I was ten. My girly name was grating down my spine every time I heard it.

"Call me Eren."

I had told everyone it was a nickname. It was easier than telling people the truth. The truth that I was trans. Only Armin and Mikasa knew the truth, I hadn't even told my parents the truth at that point. Armin had accepted it right away; Mikasa took some work. She still agreed to help me though. She was the one who had fixed my hair after I had hacked it up myself trying to get it long. Armin had given me some of his old clothes that his Grandpa said he could give to me, and Mikasa patched them up. I stashed them under my bed, and wore them when I could. Mom preferred me in dresses because we had lots of them, and she always made me wear a nice dress when we went out or when dad was home. I hated it.

Mom had been upset with me cutting my hair, as I figured she would be, but when she saw how much more comfortable I was with my hair short, she had relented. I had gradually gotten Mom used to seeing me in "boys" clothes, and was so much more comfortable. I started wearing pants underneath my dress when I had to wear it, but I was already planning my coming out to my parents.

It happened a couple of months before Mom died. Mikasa had sat next to me, and Mom and Dad had sat across from us. I tried to explain what trans was and that I was it. Immediately, Mom started firing questions at me. I had started crying and Mikasa took over. She had listen to almost everyone of my rants, after all. I had begged them to used he/him and say Eren instead of my horrible birthname.

Things had been tense for a few weeks after that. I felt tension mount inside of me and was almost physically sick. The pity in my Dad's eye, the worry in Mikasa's voice, and the confusion in my Mom's actions were all making me sick. I wondered constantly if I was loved. There was one moment when the tension had finally snapped, though.

Mom had come into my room and announced that we were going into town for a little while, and that I was expected to come. I curled up on the bed, dread creeping up. She opened u my dresser, as she always did, to pull out my town outfit. I saw the long pink dress fabric as she pulled it out of the dresser and felt my stomach roll. No. No. Please. Tears fell down my cheeks and I stared up at her with a horrified expression. I saw her brows knit together in confusion before her face lit up in clarity.

"Oh!" she said, as if she had forgotten something. She turned back to my drawers and instead of putting the dress back into the dresser, she placed it lightly on top of it. She bent down to the third drawer, where I kept Armin's clothes, and my heart skipped a beat. She selected a red button down with patches in the sleeves and some blue overalls that were just a little too short.

She laid them on the foot of my bed before sitting next to me curled up at the top.

"Eren," she said and I cheered inside. That's my name. That's my name, mom. I am Eren. She stroked my hair and whispered to me.

"I'm sorry I keep messing this up...I…." she wrapped her arms around me and leaned into my ear, "I love my beautiful baby boy. Know that no matter what, Eren." I cried while she rocked me for what seemed like hours. I was loved. I was loved and accepted.

"When we are out today, let's get you some new clothes. That dress belongs in Mikasa's drawers. Also, remind me to bake something for Armin and his family as thanks." I cried until I couldn't cry anymore. Tears of happiness.

My family and Armin became my protectors then. Mikasa would deal with my bullies. Armin comforted me with books about trans people and facts about gender and sexuality. (It was this research that lead him to find out he was homosexual.) Mom dealt with the teachers and school when I was suddenly signed up under a different name. Dad answered all my questions about the medical side – e.g. when will I grow body hair? Can I grow a beard? Is it possible to increase my testosterone?- with patience and understanding.

It was only about a month before Mom died that I had really started to feel… okay again. It was beginning to feel like we had always been a family of Mom, Dad, and their daughter Mikasa and son Eren. It didn't last long, though.

I shuddered. I hated thinking about Mom's death. I felt the panic rise inside of me, and the anger brewing in the pit of my stomach. I wanted to chomp down on my thumb and burst through the building to hunt the titan responsible down.

I needed to think of something else, quickly. That line of thought could only end in trouble.

I thought instead about Mikasa and her reactions to me being trans. She didn't understand, though she tried to. We still fought sometimes.

"Are you completely sure? Once you put down 'Male' on the enlistment form, there is no going back. You will be put in a male bunk with the guys." Then in a softer voice, she added, "You won't be in the girl's bunks… with me."

"Fuck-a-doodle-doo, Mikasa. The cock isn't in my pants but it's still crowing for you to wake up." I was angry. I belonged in the male bunks and I would fight to get there.

"Eren," came her patient response, which just made me even angrier. I hated it. She was always so cool. I envied her ability to keep calm. Despite what everyone thinks, I hate feeling angry. It was an automatic response, though, to a challenge. I disliked being angry, but I was a fighter.

"I will be in the male bunks with the men because that's where men belong and that's what I am. I have always been a man, Mikasa. We have been over this a million times." I was exaggerating. Mikasa had taken it very well and had helped me a lot. I was just angry right now.

"Okay, Eren. I understand." She had looked away then, bringing her scarf up to her nose and inhaling. I had felt like shit in that second for snapping at her.

I was brought out of my thoughts by someone coming down the stairs. I stared expectantly at the entrance to the cells. Levi, Hanje, and Erwin rounded the corner and came to a stop in front of my cell.

"Hi there, Eren! How are you doing?" Hanje asked me excitedly while Erwin and Levi stood stoically.

"Fine." I croaked out.

"Great! So we are getting things wrapped up for you to be officially in the scouts! We just need to do a medical questionnaire and pat you down, okay? I'll be writing everything down, and Levi is here for security, so Erwin is going to pat you down." What? What the hell do they mean "pat me down"?

"I don't have any weapons on me, if that's your concern." I said. Levi snorted while Erwin unlocked my cell.

He stepped in and my attention narrowed in on him immediately.

"That's not our concern, Eren. Now, let's begin. First of all, is anything hurting?" Hanje was looking down at their list of questions now.

Just my fucking chest under this binder. "No."

"Feeling sick?"

"No."

Erwin was standing next to the bed now.

"When's the last time you felt sick?"

Right now, with Erwin so fucking close. " I- I can't remember."

Hanje looked up from their clipboard. All three of them had their eyes glued on my face.

"Are you okay, Eren? You look panicked, and you are turning red."

"I'm fucking fine." I rushed out. If Erwin weren't about to "pat me down" I would have been more worried about my bad habit of curing when stressed.

"Are you sure? What's making you nervous?"

"I-I don't fucking know." I curled my legs up to my chest and put my face into my knees, wrapping my arms around my legs.

Don't have a penis. Don't have a penis. If he touches me he'll know. He'll know. He'll kick me out of the scouts. My hard work to avenge my gentle mother, gone. Disappeared in an instant. My life's mean will cease to exist.

"Is it me, Levi, or Erwin?"

"E-erwin." I choked out.

"You're afraid of Erwin?" I could hear the confusion in Hanje's voice.

I heard movement from where Erwin stood and I lifted my head to see what it was exactly that he was doing. He had knelt down next to the bed and had placed his hands on the mattress in front of me.

"Is this because I ordered Levi to hurt you?" He was close now. I know he thought showing a little submission by getting lower and placing his hands where I could see them would make me feel better, and it did, to an extent, but it also meant that he was closer.

"No." I said, and I was surprised by how firm my voiced sounded. I looked up into Erwin's blue eyes. If I wasn't so scared, I would probably be attracted to him and enjoy this closeness.

He looked confused, so I went on. "I don't like being touched."

"By me?" Erwin asked, looking like he had just figured it out.

"By anyone." I answered.

I looked to Hanje and Levi now. Levi had moved close to the cell and had placed his hands on the bars. Hanje was leaning as far in as they could get.

I wondered what they were thinking. I shook myself back into line. I had one chance to communicate this, and I had to do properly and tactfully. I looked back at Erwin.

"If you touch me wrong. I will turn into a titan." His eyes were ice now.

Hanje's clipboard clattered to the floor. Levi let go of the bars.

"You will do no such thing, brat." It was Levi that had spoken, and his voice was full of warning.

"Levi" came Erwin's voice, his eyes still on my face, equally full of warning.

"If you transform, you will be killed." Erwin stood as he said this, not submissive or comforting in the least anymore.

"I accept that as a consequence." I said simply. All three of them turned hard on me.

Great job with the tactfulness, Eren. A++.

"You can't touch me and not expect me to defend myself." My voice wavered toward the end. I felt like begging. I hated this so much.

"I'm not going to hurt you, Eren. I'm going to pat you down and see if there's anything out of the ordinary about you."

I couldn't help it. I picked up my pillow and screamed into it.

THAT IS EXACTLY WHY I DON'T WANT TO BE TOUCHED.

When I finished, only then I looked up and noticed something. Levi was in the cell, moving toward me quick.

He grabbed my hands and pinned them on either side of me on the headboard, effortlessly swinging his body onto the bed and coming down before my shaking form.

"Calm down, brat. Does Hanje need to sedate you?"

"N-no. J-just don't to-to-to-" I broke off into sobs. God, this was going awfully. Levi's face softened slightly when he saw me cry.

"Erwin." It was the only thing Levi had to say and Erwin exited the cell.

Levi let me up slowly, sitting at the foot of the bed. I curled in on myself and sobbed.

"You wanna tell us what's wrong?" Hanje's soothing voice came through the bars.

"Don't touch me. I- I'm begging. Just kill me Levi," I looked up into his face to find his normally stoic expression had turned shocked, "out of mercy."

He suddenly turned angry. I felt it before I processed it. Pain on the right side of my face. He had slapped me.

I held my cheek while he exited the cell, pulling the door closed behind him.

"No examination. Just the questions." He stated.

"But Levi-" Hanje began.

"No examination. Just the questions." He said again.

Hanje looked at Erwin.

Erwin looked at Levi. Levi looked back and Erwin and even Eren could tell they were communicating just through sight. (I would wonder later how they got to be so close.)

Erwin nodded at Hanje and I felt a rush of gratitude.

"Thank you, Captain Levi!" I cried out. He turned swiftly back towards me.

"Shut up you shitty brat."

Erwin rose, turning on his heel.

"I will leave now, and attend to other duties. I am sorry to have frightened you, Eren." Erwin left with that.

Hanje asked the questions, and I answered them as quickly as possible. The only one I had stumbled over were the sex questions.

"Are you sexually active?"

"Ah! What does that mean?" Levi had tsked at that, leaning further back in his chair outside the cell.

"Are you having sex with anyone?" Hanje was patient.

"No."

"Are you a virgin?"

I blushed and looked down. Levi leaned forward in his chair.

"Yes."

"How many times approximately do you masturbate each week?" I must be glowing bright red.

"Ah!" I said, covering my face with my hands.

"I know, Eren. We need as much information as possible, though."

I couldn't help but peek between my fingers at Levi. He was looking back at me stoically. God. How many time had I thought of him while I masturbated?

"I don't fucking know. It fucking varies." I squeaked out.

"Then give me a min and max number, silly."

I kept my face covered by my hands.

"I just fucking depends."

"On what?" They said, leaning forward, their eyes sparkling.

On my fucking period. I wondered what their faces would look like if I actually said that.

"Things!" I was squeaking again. Levi's eyes were glued on my face.

"Hmmm… just give me a min and max then and we'll move on…," they trailed off only to add, "though I would love to know what a titan finds attractive."

Well, other men for one. Specifically dark hair men. Small, dark haired men. Small, dark hair men named Levi.

"0-7" I squeaked out, trying and failing not to make eye contact with the man that was featured in 99% of my fantasies.

"None at all to every day?"

I nodded weakly.

They scribbled it down and moved on to the next question. I sighed.

Please, let this be over soon. I want to shower and sleep and, most importantly, take my fucking binder off!

*nervous laughter* yeah, this is my second fic. So uhhh, let me know if I'm any good at this fic writing thing.