Hi everyone! Gusto here.

Now, I'm feeling weird, and so I decided to do a 'crack ship' as it's called. And as I've been re-watching a frick-ton of RWBY, I decided on my favorite crack ship, Cardin x Velvet.

And while I'm here, I wanna go on record by saying that this has nothing to do with 'Team RTZU' (which will be returning real soon), as evident by the fact that I have a completely different OC helping in this scenario. I just randomly got the Demonic urge to write this, and as I always go on instinct, I pretty much just said 'F**k it! I'm writin' Cardin x Velvet!'

And I was also inspired because I found one of the cutest little comics about the two, made by 'shami-heart' on Deviantart. Not inspired in the sense of what happens in the story. Just inspired to write the two together (but not 'together-together'... I think.)

Lastly, this was originally gonna be a oneshot, but I figured 'might as well have some fun with this', and now it shall be a multiple chapter slapstick fic.

And with all that said, LET'S GET TO THE DAMN STORY!

It was a normal day at Beacon Academy. Everything was going as normal, or as expected. Everyone was going about their normal everyday lives, not expecting anything to happen. In fact, the only one who wasn't doing something normal was Cardin Winchester.

Cardin was currently cleaning his dorm room, expecting nothing to happen, but planning on getting a package from home. He was planning to just sit there, play some video games, and wait for it.

Or at least that was the plan, until Dove and Sky came into the room, and told him they're going to get some breakfast. Feeling hungry, he decided to follow them. And on the way, they had decided to make small talk.

"So Cardin," Dove said, "We heard you talking in your sleep. It sounded bad."

"Yeah," Sky added, "And you were saying something about a shoehorn... Is something up?"

And in truth, something was. Cardin had a horrible nightmare, involving someone from his past. And it was terrifying, because he knew that if this person found out what he's done, the end result would not be pretty for him. And if he had found out what he did to a specific group...

He was doomed…

Velvet Scarlatina and her team were out in the courtyard, when they saw someone they didn't recognize, currently in a fight with Russel Thrush. He was a young man, about 15, standing about 5'8, quite lean, with midnight blue hair, swept back and spiked up, with a few loose bangs here and there (A/N: Imagine Jin Kazama's hair, just midnight blue), and dressed in a midnight blue sweatshirt, black sweatpants, and black sneakers. And his piercing golden eyes had made it clear that he was very confident, but with a childlike innocence still in his mind.

"Hey Yatsuhashi," she whispered, taking note of the young man, "Do you recognize that guy?" And all Yatsuhashi did was shake his head slowly, signifying he didn't know. "Well," Coco said, breaking the short silence, "Whoever he is, he clearly knows what he's doing."

And she was clearly right.

Team CFVY just stood there watching the newcomer as he fought. He was unarmed, and only seemed to be dodging Russels attacks, not even seeming to care about the fight. His movements were clumsy looking, but the way he did them made it seem more like artful technique more than clumsy dodging. And to top it all off, he had his hands behind his back, his left hand gripping on his right wrist, and vise-versa. And it was quite obvious that these things were making Russel annoyed.

"Hold still so I can cut you," Russel said, his annoyance very clear. But the young man denied the request, continually dodging, until ending the routine, and hitting Russel straight in the face with a spinning hook kick, knocking the older boy straight to the ground.

"No hands," the young man said, "Just like I said. Now are you gonna take back what you said, or am I gonna have to break you?"

"Just who are you to be making threats!?"

The young man flicked his nose with his thumb, before saying "The name's Hawk. Hawk Alexandrux!"

"Never heard of ya," Russel sneered.

"Of course you haven't" Hawk countered, "But I heard your comment. And I have very little patience for anyone messing with Faunus."

Russel was confused, but still responded with "You want to defend those frea-" But his response was cut short by the fact that he received a punch straight to the face. And upon covering his broken and bloody nose, Hawk just stood over him and smirked.

"You mean the freaks" he said, putting an annoyed emphasis on the word 'freak' "that I grew up around, and grew to respect for everything they've done to help me? Yeah. I think I wanna defend them." And with that, Hawk walked away casually, as if he hadn't just broken a guy's nose for calling Faunus 'freaks'.

And of course, all of Team CFVY was a bit confused. But at least, as far as opinions on Faunus goes, they were sure which side the guy was on.

Later on, during Professor Oobleck's class (which Cardin had decided to skip), all anyone was doing was focusing on Hawk. From what they had heard, he had broken Russel's nose without even trying, and without a second thought. So naturally, everyone had a lot of questions, which he was more than happy to answer.

"Why'd you do it," was of course one of the first, and it came from Ruby Rose. Hawk smiled, and responded with "He was insulting Faunus. And I have very little patience for people like that."

And of course, Blake Belladonna smiled at this, saying "Well that's quite impressive. I've never known someone to be so direct about something like that."

"Well, I'm an Alexandrux. My whole family loves Faunus."

"Alexandrux? Are you by any chance related to Falcon Alexandrux?"

"Yeah, he's my Grandpa. Why?"

"I heard he was a legendary General during the Great War, and that he and his son, Eagle Alexandrux, were major figures in the Faunus Rights Revolution, despite the fact that they were humans fighting on the 'Faunus' side."

Hawk was confused, and asked, "How did you know that? I thought that on-" before noticing her bow, and then it clicked in his mind. "Oh… gotcha." Blake blushed slightly, realizing that Hawk had just figured out she was a Faunus. But it seems like the others (who didn't already know this) were curious about it.

"So," he said, making up a lie for her, "Since you know that, you must be some kinda book type."

And it appeared that lie satisfied the others.

"Mr. Alexandrux," Oobleck said, before taking a sip of his coffee, "If you don't mind me asking, why was your approach so direct when fighting Mr. Thrush?"

"Simply put, professor."

"Doctor. I didn't earn the PhD for fun, thank you very much!"

"Right," Hawk corrected himself, "Simply put, doctor: It's the way I was trained. My dad told me 'If you have the skills, use them', and my grandpa told me 'Anyone willing to hurt you over your beliefs deserves a punch in the face'. It's that simple."

"Hm. And is these beliefs that you practice commonly?"

"I'm devout to them."

Everyone stared at him, some confused, some relieved, some indifferent. Professor Oobleck walked up to the boy, and said "Well, I question your methods, but considering that I am a firm believer in 'everyone deserves a chance', I will approve of them, but only if they are used in self-defense."

And this was when Hawk changed his tune. "Listen teach," Hawk told him arrogantly, "I'll use 'em for self-defense, sure. But if I see a Faunus getting bullied, I will not hesitate to beat the bully's face in."

And the first thought in most everyone's mind is 'Then he is going to HATE Cardin.'

And there you have it. This is the first chapter of 'The Bird, The Bunny, and the Moron'. I felt I should introduce Hawk right off the bat, considering I have some damn big plans for this guy.

And can ANYONE guess what will happen when Hawk meets Cardin? ;)

Heheh. But seriously, stuff's gonna go down.

And I wanna explain this beforehand. I will be trying to update this story, as well as my other Cardin story, 'Silent Pain', in sync. So whenever there's an update for this, an update will be coming out for 'Silent Pain', unless it's some serious writers block. Like, if I have one done, and I'm about halfway through the other, I'll post that, and then try to get the other up ASAP. But other than something like that, I will be trying to update these two stories around the same time.

But for now, I am forced to leave you guys in suspense. Next chapter, we shall see what happens when Hawk and Cardin finally meet…