Authors Note: I needed to write this for myself because I thought about the wreath in this episode because I know how it feels to have that and have to deal with it, you halfway wish it blows away and you don't have to see it again but then you also don't want it to and you're relived when it didn't; even when its dry and brittle and crunches when you go to touch it and makes this horrible noise under your fingers like the first leaves of fall did under my shoes today and it just got in my head and I had to get it out before I kept hearing and feeling it and it resulted in this…so …enjoy…I guess Written: 10/07/18

Disclaimer: This is written purely for fan purposes only. I own nothing. My greatest thanks to this show, its characters, and everyone involved.

Unknown

That puddle had never scared him but he had no desire for what he had to do today. It was one step into the cold nothingness of nowhere that was to transport him and he found himself that the one moment the journey took would stretch out infinite so that he'd never have to deal with his own reality again and all of its unknowns. What if he was right and they'd left a man behind. What if he was wrong and that man was truly gone. And even more pressing, what exactly did that man mean to him? Would he break the general's window and be thinking so seriously about retirement again over just any man in his command? How could he move on in life after losing so much again? He was listed as the damn next of kin for crying out loud, it shouldn't be this hard to sort out his feelings. But the moment had spanned its entirety he exited the blue puddle onto a familiar scene of P3X-866 and found his chest tight at the sight. Movement was the key though, things don't hurt so long as you keep moving, and he needed to get out of the way for carter and Teal'c coming right behind him. His boots move to hit the stairs leading down from the stargate.

Crunch

He looked down. That was all it took. The wreath from the service, a full military funeral ceremony, already dried and browning, lay slightly crushed under one standard issue boot. What would he have thought about that? "Damn you Daniel." He softly intoned. There was a slight bump against his back.

"Sorry sir…sir are you alright?"

Of course he's not; he's standing here struck dumb like a statue all because of some cut dead greenery beneath his shoe. He didn't need to turn around to acknowledge her and with the strange moisture building up in the corners of his eyes he felt that he couldn't. "I'm fine Carter." he said gruffly while shoving up his sunglasses to cover what must just be some dust in his eyes.

Part of his mind heard Teal'c exit the wormhole and carters following footsteps as he started down the stone steps of the stargate dais. The other part of his mind was remembering Daniel rambling on about the symbolic nature of different plants across history as they had cleared Jacks yard in the weeks before Daniel had finally managed to get his own apartment. It'd been a nightmare of paperwork and waiting times getting him declared officially undead but as much as he knew the hassle would be he desperately prayed for the chance to do so again.

There was a path leading from the stargate to the beach, to the water where all those horrible memories, real or not, were set. It was time to find out what was real, to stop living in the unending possibilities of unknowns, time to find his archeologist again. "Let's move out." His hand gave a vague wave of a gesture in the desired direction while his feet yearned to run but he held back with a stomach full of acid and dread. The jangle of P90's and utilities on tac vests followed him as the thuds of multiple boots on the terrain announced their presence to this world. And maybe, just maybe, if he managed to find his lost archeologist alive, then he'd never let him out of his sight again. Because the pain of bad news was bad but this unknowing was just an unending drain upon the soul.

Yeah, unknowing was the worst.