"...and that's when it's revealed this isn't a bear at all, but a wolf dressed in bears' clothing..."
"How are the bears dressed?"
"The bears aren't dressed in this one – they could be if you wanted them to – the wolf is wearing a costume that makes him look like a bear. It's a metaphor."
"Their clothing's a metaphor?"
'No, the wolfs' disguise. It's setting up the next book in the franchise, with Red Riding Hood and the Wolf and Grandma. See, the bears could warn Grandma before the wolf arrives, so when Red is introduced shes not just an innocent little girl but the forgotten daughter of a King...there's rival kingdoms, and only one girl has the key to peace...the bear used to be an honored member of one kingdom – he was an entertainer at court, I could work up a backstory where the bear didn't fit in at home, wanted to see the world, met a traveling jester, maybe joined a circus... But when the King was assassinated, the bear was captured and escaped, now he has to bring all the other storybook characters together to save the kingdom...It's all part of the same world but the Bear protagonist is tying it all together. It's Grimms Fairy Tales meets The Magnificent Seven."
Carlo Falsetrope (pronounced 'fells-troope'. It's British.) couldn't believe this was the ninth time in eleven months he'd met with studio brass to pitch his concept. He knew the drill, by now: Announce yourself at reception, who directs you to an office never lower than the fourth floor. Hope no one else is in the elevator as you want to straighten your tie and check your fly; even though you just did that before entering the building. As you step out of the elevator, another desk where you repeat the 'announcement-and-directions' process and are told to sit as it will be 'just be a minute'. Many awards, posters and photos of smiling screen stars in the reception area as reminders of worship at the cult of celebrity; although over the months Carlo had noticed many of the photos had been replaced with newer, more currently popular stars, reminders that in the land where everything is worshiped, nothing is valued. Following a half-hour or so of waiting, you're directed to an office where a secretary (who more often than not seems surprised at your arrival) checks the schedule and offers you a chair. This time you're asked if you'd like a bottle of water so you know you're getting closer to someone with enough influence to budget for waiting-room-refreshments. At some point within the next ten to forty minutes an assistant arrives to conduct you to the person(s) actually scheduled for the meeting. You don't know what to do with your bottle of water - should you leave it here, for the secretary to deal with – or take it with you? Which is more rude? What if I hadn't drunk it all? If I waste water, in the middle of a drought (LA is always in the middle of a drought) will that influence their decision on my project? Swig down the last of the water and pray your bladder will hold until the end of the meeting. Enter the office: A large picture window with shades kept closed; high-fashion furniture designed for status, not comfort; and, for leaders in the business of creativity, usually the most constrained, uninspired and impotent use of space. Actually, within the sequence of months Carlo had been to these meetings, the series of producers, directors, show-runners, and other deal-makers had, themselves, all began to look alike.
One of the suits leaned forward with a degree of interest; or at least of recognition.
"Like that Ogre series but with bears? Universal did well with those. Brought in big numbers. A lot of it had to do with the voice talent, I think."
"And a couple of spin-offs, but I think those ended up doing better on Video", interjected the suit lounging on a sofa in the corner. Carlo wasn't certain who made the decisions, and who was just sitting in under the illusion of importance.
"Not exactly like that, but I see your connection..." Carlo added.
"We don't want to do anything like that." said the first suit. "We think Ogres have run their course."
"This isn't an ogre; it's a bear." Carlo knew he'd lost them. Probably when they started comparing potential box office based only on what had been produced, and not on any story that could be successful.
"Large, gruff, furry. Same thing. I don't think you have what we're looking for right now. But thanks for coming in. Pam at reception can validate your parking."
When Carlo arrived back at is apartment – he'd made good time this afternoon, about twenty miles from the studio to home in just over forty-five minutes – he took off his suit jacket and collapsed on his sofa, the only surface in the living area not covered with papers, books, rejected scripts of his own and produced works he was studying; and realized he had about a half hour or so before he needed to start out to that party in the Hills. Just young would-be actors and other film-types, but 'be and be seen', you know. Within a few minutes he'd drifted off to sleep; which quickly became an extended dream of the many different meetings, set-ups and premises he'd taken his original idea to in the past few months:
Uncle ursus: Carlo's original 'Fourth Bear' concept that tells the Goldilocks story from the point of view of the bears. There may have been a fourth bear – we don't know. Maybe a visiting uncle? What's his story? Does he still live in the forest, or he's just dropped by on his way somewhere else? Maybe he's on the run and looking for a hide-out? Why? – does he have a mysterious past? Possibilities are endless. So many questions to address. Create a lot of buzz. Could be a franchise. So far every exec Carlo had talked with couldn't:
A: See how the lead would accept a role that required him to remain in a bear suit without ever revealing his face; or
B: Justify massive CGI costs that would blow the budget.
Four (paws) for Freedom: War scenario with a bear that's been trained to infiltrate and destroy enemy positions, but is now suffering from PTSD; and his companion / trainer who's recovering from the death of his former partner who was lost on a recent mission. Plus the trainer is recently divorced and has two adopted special-needs children. At first the man / bear team don't trust each other, but through a series of close-calls, personal introspection, and a growing connection between the children and the bear, the partners find that together, the two are more effective than either one alone; and through the power of love, the four create a non- traditional family based not on how the world judges them, but on who they are on the inside.
Before the concept was even under serious consideration, PETA notified the studio they would in no way agree to allowing a bear on set with live explosives. Particularly around children.
Come'onna Pine House: Sitcom featuring a family-owned Italian restaurant, set in a tiny town at the edge of a forest and where the head chef is...a bear! And the family isn't Italian, but newly- arrived-to-America immigrants not from Italy, but a city of an entirely different ethnicity – so they don't know anything about Italian food OR 'small town' living, so it's up to the bear (and his three friends) to both cook the food and help the humans adapt to their new 'out-of-place' home – all while not letting the customers, or townsfolk, know bears are running the kitchen...and providing valuable life lessons! Wacky results ensue.
In every meeting, feedback seemed to be centered around 'who would go to a restaurant where the cook's a bear? Wouldn't there be hairs in the food?'
Wasn't a problem for rats, Carlo thought.
The Bearverly Hillbearies: When an elderly animal-lover dies, he donates 30 acres of prime real- estate to the local zoo under the condition the zoo must keep and maintain, not sell, the land. Zoo decides to use the property as an animal nursery and hospital; among the the first animals to arrive are four baby bears. Lots of possibilities for comedy when neighbors who have never set foot outside of a city and are more accustomed to wild parties than wild-life realize who's moved into the neighborhood; and heart-wrenching drama when the audience is caught in a life-and-death struggle with sick / injured animals who may, or may not, survive to the next episode. Dr. Quinn: Medicine Woman meets Wild Kingdom.
Feedback was the idea is too derivative; and after pitching the concept to three producers, Carlo received a Cease and Desist Order from CBS.
Fairly Bear: A little different than the direction Carlo had originally intended, but in this one the 'bear' is a young, undercover (human) woman investigator who is forced to go out on her own because none of the three men she worked with believed she could do the job. Her name? Fairly Beare. She's not a bear, but she has a pet bear that she takes everywhere on a leash – and her trademark MO? She sets the BeareTrap. Possibility for PG-rated innuendo with double- entendre of bear/bare.
There's been some interest, but studio lawyers always question the insurance necessary to maintain a bear on-set, and the whole 'Beare' name wouldn't make sense without an actual bear.
Case File: H.A.I.R.Y.: Harry was a normal guy until one day, he woke up to find he'd been turned into a bear! At least that's what he sees – to his wife, two children, and everyone else he's still a man, but he stumbles through life with, in his mind, the body of a bear. Psychological suspense drama – what secret is Harry hiding that has convoluted his mind to think he's a forest creature – or has he been chosen to fulfill a purpose only he can achieve? And who can help him find his true self...and uncover his hidden destiny? In the style of Wes Anderson, but unexpected twists of Hitchcock.
This one looked promising. Yahoo had been discussing launching new on-demand options - Yahoo Instant Personal Entertainment Service (YIPES) – and at one point they'd even had a meeting with Marjorie to discuss contracts. Until corporate changes at Yahoo and new management wanted to take things a 'different way'.
When the phone rang Carlo noticed he'd been asleep for less than fifteen minutes.
"Carlo? It's Marge."
Marjorie Michelson, Carlos' agent. Always in there pitching, unlike some reps who you don't hear from unless you call them. Sometimes Carlo thought he was letting her down.
"How'd it go?"
"No go", Carlo replied sleepily; but it didn't matter as he'd had this conversation many times before. If he wasn't fully awake for the first few seconds he could just answer on auto-pilot.
"What did they say?"
"Not what they're looking for. Seemed to think it had something to do with ogres."
"Ogres?" Marjorie confusedly replied.
"Yeah, somehow the conversation got onto established properties and by then I'd lost them."
"Sorry. Maybe next time. Give you any encouragement – different approach, maybe take things another way, get you another meeting?"
"No, I don't think they see the potential. I mean, seeing everything from the perspective of the bears? What's not to like? Even Mia says there's not much she can do..."
"That's right, you know Mia Dolan, don't you?"
"Oh, we go way back. Well, my friend Tracy introduced us at a party a couple years ago, but she was stoked about the whole 'Fourth Bear' concept. We still talk."
Still talks to Tracy, Carlo meant. The closest he'd got to Mia was at an awards ceremony last year when she was waiting to be escorted toward the front of the house and Carlo was standing in line to have his ticket checked. Still gave him a few minutes of face-time with her, though.
"And she can't get you a meeting?"
"She's mostly doing RomComs and Musical Drama. Different offices."
"Didn't you have a treatment where the bear falls in love with the girl?"
"Yeah, 'My Den or Yours?'. But Mia doesn't think audiences are ready for a bear / girl romance."
"Disney did OK with 'Beast'.", Marge answered.
"He was a Prince all along. Not the same thing."
"So", Marge changed the subject, "I've been following up on a project that's come across my desk from Japan..."
"Japan?" This caught Carlo by surprise. He wasn't even certain they had bears in Japan.
"Yes, Kobotumi Studios. Been around for decades, but not well-known. Most of the commercial work in Japan has been done by their three largest studios. Kobotumi has worked on mostly educational, corporate films. 'We All Work Together in Happiness' and things like that. Now they want to move into entertainment, develop their own properties."
"Hmm" Carlo considered. "Yeah, tell them at Kobayashi..."
"Kobotumi"
"Kobotumi, I'll be happy to talk with them about...what do they want to talk to me about?"
Marge hesitated, releasing a less-than-encouraging sigh. "They said they're looking for a 'traditional meaning conveyed through the fresh Western concept'. Not exactly certain what that means. You know, Carlo, the Japanese market expects certain standards..."
"Sure, I could pitch them the fourth bear. Already been to every other studio in town, and taken the original idea into so many different directions I'm sure there's something the Japanese might like. About the only thing left is to make the bear a a grizzled ex-cop whose team – the other three bears - were killed and now he has a grudge...hey, Grizzled, that's not bad..."
"Maybe it's time to drop the four bears, Carlo. Move on to something else. How about dragons? Dragons are hot, now. Or cats. Always a market for cats."
"Bears are versatile. Easy to anthropomorphize. Can be both cuddly and frightening. Consistent. You always know where a bear stands. Cats and dragons, you never know what side they're on. And bears are the same size as humans so no question about where they get their clothes. All those ducks and mice and rabbits in coats and hats, and we never know where those clothes come from. Kinda creepy. Besides, I've already got a treatment and outline of the other story..."
"Yeah, the Western with the bear who makes clothing that solves peoples problems? Weren't people talking about that at one point...?", Marjorie continued, patiently.
"ThreadBear" Carlo responds with enthusiasm. "Enchanted bear and his three traveling companions journey among America's western frontier weaving magical clothing that unravels the problems of people he encounters along the way. See how his creating clothes, is a counterpoint to unraveling the problems..."
"Yeah, that's fine. We set up a couple of meetings on that. Whatever happened with those?"
"Fell through. Maybe I shouldn't have pitched it as 'Route 66 meets Quantum Leap meets The Magicians'. Disney said it was too Dreamworks and Dreamworks said they already had an itinerant bear. I pointed out that's a panda in ancient China, but no-go.
"Maybe a little too 'Kung-fu-ey'" Marge replied. "I'll set up the meeting and get back to you. Anything on your schedule I should be aware of?"
"Anything on my schedule", Carlo answered; "you probably already know about."
Carlo studied the contents of his closet. Hollywood is a casual town and most of the clothing he owned was a combination of: Non-threatening colors; short sleeves; unstructured collars; Dockers; and shoes with no laces. He reached for his one business suit – dark blue with subtle maroon pinstripes - and was sorry he'd had the pants on each of his casual jacket-and-slacks outfits cut down into shorts. It made sense at the time – most of the 'meetings' in LA start out as brief conversations at pool parties or meet-and-greets, and it's important to fit in. You never know when there might be someone in the crowd. Since moving to Southern California from his hometown of Mudsplatt, New Hampshire (pronounced 'Mauds -platte'. It's British.), his wardrobe wasn't the only thing he'd had to update.
In the two weeks between her scheduling the meeting with Kobotumi; and the actual meeting; Marjorie had reminded him – more than once – that Japanese business practices are more formal and they hold to a level of professionalism in all industries, creative enterprises notwithstanding. So on her 'encouragement', Carlo had decided to approach this more as a job interview than a pitch session.
"Kobotumi's set up a temporary office suite while they explore opportunities. I texted you the address – get it?"
Carlo checked his phone for Marge's message. "Yeah, right here. Hmm, that's an expensive part of town."
"Yes, Carlo – it is. Just a few lower-level executives and staff officed there now, but if there's something they are really interested in some of the decision-makers fly in from Tokyo. But everyone you meet probably files a report, so remember, in this situation being on your best behavior isn't just polite – it's required. And frankly, there's not many more places we can go in LA, as long as you insist on sticking to your bears. I don't want to say this is one of your last chances, but..."
"I get it, Marge" Carlo confirmed. "When they meet me, those Kobotumi execs won't even know what to say."
"I hope you mean that in a good way.", she sighed.