PT: On "Pointless but Original Talking", Salsal gave a challenge. I kind of doubt my humor...but I'm willing to give this a try. My humor fics prior to this one were...okay, I think. So, yeah. Enjoy!
Disclaimer: Idea belongs to Salsal
Prince of Tennis is Konomi Takeshi's, for obvious reasons that need not be specified.
Summary: Beneath Tezuka Kunimitsu's stoic shell is something completely different from who he portrays himself as -- and one day, it is revealed.
Warning(s): OOCness, fourth wall breaking, sexual references
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The tall, bespectacled boy hid a smirk as he squinted at the photo he had taken of another one of his stalker fangirls. This time it was Masaki Yuuki, a girl in his year. He had taken advantage of the event when she stalked him -- like so many other girls who had fallen for him did -- after school.
He wasn't stupid (he was the Seigaku tennis team's buchou, for goodness's sake!) and had noticed her at once. He was able to give her the slip, and take a picture of her while hiding in a bush. Always a step ahead of himself, his camera had no flash.
He now practically drooled as he stared at her chest.
He wasn't straight, however. He was bisexual.
Though, he leaned more on being gay; he had seen Atobe Keigo once in his swimming trunks only (he reveled at the memory) and was fascinated by his well-carved chest.
Really, though, he sometimes wondered why he did not peek at his teammates in the locker room already.
He decided to do just that that day.
"Ne, Tezuka?" Said boy's heart leapt; he quickly concealed the photo and turned around. Fuji was staring at him, smile imprinted on the cheerful tensai's face.
Inside, Tezuka's heartbeat increased by the highest number of laps he had ever assigned. "What is it, Fuji?" he asked, focusing his stern gaze upon the smaller boy. He cursed slightly in his mind; he had been busy tracing the shape of Yuuki's arm.
Fuji's smile became more pronounced. "Practice is over."
"Aaa..." Tezuka's eyes wandered over to the clubhouse, where the other regulars were crowded.
Without another word, he headed towards them, and found a bit of surprise sparking in him when he realized that they seemed to looking at something, crowding to see.
As he got closer, he could hear the dialogue coming from his teammates.
"Buchou...is so...mada mada dane..."
"No way!"
"This can't be Tezuka-buchou's stuff! I can't accept it! I can't!
"...Yet...it's there..."
"Eh...none of my data ever registered this! Ii data..." Scribbling sounds accompanied the Data Man's voice.
"UUNNNYYYYYYYYYYYYAAAAAAAAAA!! Buchou is a pervert!!"
"Fshuuu...he downloaded this porn picture off Fugly."
"How do you know, MamushI? You get porn from there yourself?"
"WHAT WAS THAT? You wanna go?"
"Stop it, you two!"
"Mah mah, Oishi..."
"Mada mada dane, senpai-tachi."
Tezuka looked over Oishi's shoulder.
A stone dropped into his gut.
Porn pictures. His porn pictures -- the ones downloaded directly off Fugly. Then there were the photos he had taken himself...of all the girls that he found hot.
Then there were those other photos...oh...
"UUNNYYYYYYYAAAAAAAAA! He took photos of Fujiko!"
"Why the hell is my picture there? I can't accept this, I can't!"
"Atobe?"
"Tezuka...why am I here? I'm just your fukubuchou..."
"UUUNNNNYYYYYYYYAAAAAAAAAAAA!! Tezuka is a pedophile! There's a photo of Ochibi and me! OIISHIII! HE HAS A PHOTO OF ME!"
It was then when Tezuka found his voice. "Minna!" he barked. "Fifty laps around the court, now!"
He felt himself go red, feeling the heat rising up his face and neck.
Only then did the team turn to face him. And to the team buchou's absolute horror, they looked...unafraid. Completely brave.
Oishi had a pained face on. "Tezuka," he said softy, "you're actually a pervert?"
Said buchou went pale at those words. Now that they were turning to look at him, he saw clearly what they had been looking at, and his worse fears were being revealed.
There was his bag, and the numerous photos that he stared at in every opportunity handed to him. They were spilled over the ground. A lump fell into Tezuka's throat.
There was his team, staring at him in shock.
"Tezuka...," Taka said.
That was it -- he was ruined. It was the end. His reputation -- spoiled. He could probably never face anyone again.
If he was already done with...then...he might as well make a quick escape.
"Minna," he said, "I need to say that I was honored to be your buchou..." He might as well muster up some dignity in any case. "Even if you call me a pervert--"
"PERVERT!" yelled the regulars, and they pointed their index fingers at him rudely.
Tezuka's eyes turned hard as flint. "ONE HUNDRED LAPS AROUND THE COURT! N--"
"BAKA TEZUKA!" More pointing.
In frustration, Tezuka lifted his racket to point, knowing very well that he was acting out of character.
"Tezuka, you can't be serious!" Taka cried out in alarm, and reached out to take the racket. Big mistake.
As soon as he gripped one end of Tezuka's racket, he changed completely.
"BURNING!" he roared, and lifted himself erect. "TEZUKA, PERVERT!! GOD DAMN!" He swung the racket in large circles around him. "SHOCKING! PERVERTED BUCHOU, BABY!"
"GAH! Taka-san!" Momo and the others backed off. "CALM DOWN!"
Tezuka had had enough, as he backed away, dodging the power player's swings.
"SAYONARA, BABY!" He ran off into the setting sun--
Wait, setting sun? What?
"I'M OUT OF CHARACTER, AND THE WEATHER'S BIPOLAR!" Tezuka yelled at the authoress over his shoulder. "Baka!"
Which got the authoress (yours truly) to lose her temper and chase after him into the setting sun. "GET BACK HERE! YAROU!!"
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"Moshi moshi? Atobe Keigo desu."
"I have very, very bad news, Atobe."
"What does this have to do with ore-sama? And what the hell are you talking about? Who are you?"
"Tezuka...has lost it. Look out your window."
"Eh?
"AAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!! TEZUKA! WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING THERE! ARE YOU A STALKER OR SOMETHING!"
"I'M BROKEN, ATOBE!"
"WHAT THE... AHHHH!! GET OFF ORE-SAMA! NOW! NOW! AAAHHHH--!"
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PT: EPIC FAILURE. I have no confidence AT ALL this time. Meh, review anyway, even though this is SO BAD. It's not even funny and I'm pretty sure I rushed it. So sorry T-T