A VERY GRUNKLE CHRISTMAS
On the night before Christmas, when all through the Shack;
Not a creature was stirring, not even a goat.
The stockings were hung by the chimney with care.
"HEY!" screamed Grunkle Stan. "WHO PAID FOR THAT CHIMNEY?"
Dipper looked outside with a confused look on his face. "Uh. . . why is it snowing? It's the middle of June!"
"Oh, no!" said Ford. "The setting has changed because of. . . because of. . ."
Everyone listened to Ford closely.
"BECAUSE OF 'SPECIAL CHRISTMAS EPISODE' PURPOSES!" Ford blurted.
Soos fainted.
Wendy walked out the door. "G'bye, Stan. It's quitin' time. See you next year."
Stan turned his head quickly. "Oh, NO you don't! I expect you to go to work tomorrow morning!"
"What?! It's Christmas tomorrow!" complained Wendy.
"We've got tourists tomorrow!"
"Uh. . . no one's gonna come here on Christmas, Grunkle Stan." said Mabel.
"Gee. . . If only I didn't exist." sighed Wendy. That night, she had a wonderful adventure and learned that it's a wonderful life, but our story focuses on Stan.
It was 12:00 midnight. Grunkle Stan was tossing and turning in bed.
"Pines. . ." hummed a voice.
Stan sat up.
"I am the ghost of Christmas past. . ."
"DIPPER!" screamed Stan. "THERE'S A GHOST IN HERE!"
Dipper burst into the room carrying a silver mirror. "Got it, Stan!"
After Dipper captured the ghost, Stan fell back asleep.
"Merry Christmas! I am the ghost of Christmas present!"
Stan sat up. "Well?" he said expectantly. "Where's my present?"
"Huh?" asked the ghost. "Oh, yeah. Here you go." Stan was handed a box. He ripped it open. Bill Cipher popped out.
"HI! I'M THE DISTRACTION!"
Stan woke up, drenched in sweat. The whole 'Christmas present' scene was a dream.
"Merry Christmas! I am the ghost of Christmas present!"
"NOPE!" screamed Stan. He threw his alarm clock at the ghost and fell back asleep.
Stan woke up a third time.
"Pines. I am the ghost of Christmas future. . ."
Stan's eyes widened.
"If you continue your behavior, then this is what will happen. . ."
The ghost waved a hand. An image appeared. It depicted Grunkle Stan firing Soos out of a cannon through a sheet of glass and into a pit of wolves with guns.
"Hold on a moment!" shouted Mickey Mouse.
"What?" said Alex Hirsch.
"This is an unsafe action. I'm afraid this kind of stuff cannot belong on our channel."
"What's so unsafe about it?" asked Alex.
"Well, you see, this 'Grunkle Stan' character does not have a seat belt on while firing the cannon. I ask that you change this immediately.
Alex Hirsch fumed. How dare that Mickey Mouse questions his artistic vision!? Alex Hirsch decided to quit. Then, explode. Beard hair went everywhere.
Umm. . . I guess we'll never know what happened that Christmas night. . . Umm. . . Happy New Year?