Blame Radycat on Tumblr and K-ym on Deviantart for this. I got inspired by Radycat's pirate AU of Pipeyna and Leason, and REALLY wanted to put a story to K-ym's AWESOME picture 'They Call Me Captain Hot Stuff' (check it out 'cause it's awesome and smexy and *faints*)

Also, the idea for Nico in this story is also credited to K-ym, because she drew another pic of him as a pirate escaping Percy's grasp. So, that is why Percy is in the navy here as well. Credit for that idea goes to K-ym. It won't be Nicercy, though, as I have a feeling that was what she was implying…? These are canon pairings here. Slight Percabeth, a hint of Solangelo, Frazel, and heavy Caleo.

Anyway, I think the idea of Leo the pirate is one of the sexiest ideas ever, but even though the picture has him really hot, I have decided to keep to Rick's original scrawny Leo image (sorry, K-ym). For humor and Caleo bonding sake, of course xD

This was SUPPOSED to be a really big one-shot, but I got too inspired. Now it's a three-shot! Ha ha!

So, here we go!

I own nothing you recognize as canon.

*~Captain Hot Stuff~*

Part One

The Princess, the Commodore, and the Pirates

Calypso twirled a bit of her caramel hair in between her fingers. She was bored out of her mind. As one of the king's daughter, this was not an uncommon occurrence. Normally she'd find better things to do, like tending to the palace gardens or shopping in the town square.

She couldn't do that here—on a gods-forsaken ship. There was literally nothing to do except stare at the never-ending sea and bother the deckhands. Bothering the captain wasn't really a smart thing to do, since he was a high-ranked official in her kingdom's navy.

"Madam, is there something wrong?"

Calypso turned to see the very man she wanted to not bother staring right at her. His name was Perseus 'Percy' Jackson, the commodore of King Atlas' navy. As far as looks go, he was really handsome, with wind-blown black hair, sea green eyes, and tan skin. He'd set Calypso's heart into a dance when he first spoke to her a few years ago, his voice smooth and deep. Unfortunately, he was already infatuated with another naval officer, Captain Annabeth Chase.

Since she'd learned that information, Calypso had not taken so much as a second glance at the commodore. He was just the naval escort. Nothing else.

Calypso shook her head. "Nothing's wrong, Commodore," she answered. "I'm just…trying to think of something to do…"

Percy chuckled. "I hear you. Months at sea can drive a person insane. I can't imagine having to travel the sea for months in anticipation for an arranged marriage."

Calypso didn't like that subject. She was the youngest of King Atlas' daughters, and she was traversing the stupid ocean to marry some pompous prince she'd never met. It was some sort of political marriage or some schist. Since she was the youngest, the kingdom could afford to send her away like some cow.

Calypso glared at the commodore. "You don't have to bring that up."

He shrugged. "Trying to strike up conversation…"

"Try with someone else," she spat. "How long until we reach our destination?"

"You keep asking every day, as if I can make this boat go any faster." He chuckled again. "I may be blessed with the luck of having favorable winds, but I can't control my ship nor can I make the men row faster."

Calypso rolled her eyes. "They might be inclined to go faster should they think pirates are chasing us."

"Don't jinx it," he scolded. "Pirates are no joking matter. Before I had to escort you, I'd run into the Ghost King, Captain Nico di Angelo. Twice! He'd barely escaped me last time, and next time I will get him. I don't want you on board when that happens."

The Ghost King was a mysterious pirate captain. His ship was known to be constantly shrouded in fog, and it was rare someone survived an encounter with him. At present, only Commodore Jackson and Captain Chase could retaliate or use their wits to escape. It was rumored that a privateer by the name of William Solace could also get close, but there was no such proof yet.

"I'd love a little excitement," Calypso muttered.

"'A little excitement' is not a happy wish," Percy warned. "There are others besides the Ghost King out there. Others who would rob you blind, kill you, or worse."

"What is worse than killing?"

"Becoming a personal whore, a sex slave for the ship, a prisoner, torture," he listed. "Among other things."

Calypso waved him off. "I highly doubt that. If anything, I'm sure I'd be a ransom. Anyone who saw me would know my father has enough money to make my captors richer than they'd ever dream."

Percy's eyebrows rose. "A little cocky, aren't we?"

"Just stirring up conversation," she said with a grin.

When she turned to the aft end of the ship, she noticed something unusual. A stack of smoke was rising from a single point in the distance. Was something on fire out there?

"Commodore," she said. "What is that?"

Percy came up next to her and squinted. "What is what?"

She pointed to the smoke, which now seemed to be getting closer. "I think someone's ship is burning. They might be in trouble."

The officer took out his spyglass. Within seconds, he blanched. He turned to the crew and yelled, "All hands! Battle stations! Prepare for attack!"

Suddenly the whole upper deck was teeming with scrambling sailors. Many were loading the cannons, some handed out rifles and hand guns. One sailor, a burly man by the name of Frank Zhang, began herding Calypso away.

"My lady," he said. "It's not safe up here. You must go to the lower deck."

"Why?" she protested. "What's going on?"

"You wanted excitement," Percy yelled. "Well, you got it!"

"The Ghost King is actually attacking?"

Frank shook his head. "Worse."

Worse?! Who's worse than Captain di Angelo?

Before heading below deck, Calypso stole a glance behind her. The smoke stack was now hovering above a dark splotch. She didn't understand how a ship could be on fire yet move so fast.

Within minutes, Frank had stuffed Calypso into a roomy broom closet. "Don't get out," he ordered. "I'm going to lock the door and then guard your room as a decoy. It's filled with treasure, so that should distract the pirates from searching the ship for hostages. That's if they don't destroy it…"

Calypso felt the blood drain from her face as Frank locked her in. She kept the light off, fearing someone might discover her.

BOOM!

The entire ship shook and Calypso went tumbling. A mop fell on her head and she groaned. Another boom made the ship vibrate, and screams echoed from above. Feet pounded. Guns fired. Cannons thundered. The most disturbing sound was the laughter. Men were having fun up there, and Calypso suspected it wasn't Percy's men.

She sat in the corner, hugging her knees to her chest. She didn't seem so thrilled about this whole pirate idea now. Percy's words echoed in her mind: Personal whore, sex slave, tortured prisoner…

People thundered down her hall. Calypso heard Frank yell out in defiance. Steel clashed. In a few seconds, she heard someone fall to the ground—most likey, it was Frank.

"Put him up with the others," came a gruff male voice.

A body was dragged up the stairs as the pirates kicked Calypso's room door down. They screamed in ecstasy upon seeing the treasure—Calypso's dowry—in the room.

"Hoo boy!" yelled one. "Take a look at all this gold!"

"An' the jewels!" howled another that sounded almost identical to the first.

The gruff voice from before said, "Get as much as you can. I'll search around."

"For more treasure?" the two akin voices asked.

"For the owner. I don't imagine Commodore Jackson had all these dresses for his own personal use, and I didn't see Captain Chase anywhere above deck. There's gotta be a rich lady aboard."

Footsteps echoed. The brothers (at least, that's what Calypso assumed the two alike voices were) kept making trips up and down the stairs with Calypso's dowry. She tried not to breathe at each approaching step.

Then, a shadow fell on the floor in front of her closet door. The princess's eyes widened. The handle jiggled, but the door didn't open.

"Ah," the gruff voice sighed. "What ever shall I do? A locked door…too bad I'm not a locksmith…"

His footsteps walked away. Calypso held her breath. After a moment, she let it out in relief.

Then, the door imploded. It crashed to the ground, barely missing her as she yelped and pressed up against the wall. Light flooded the room and three figures looked into the broom closet.

Two of them were definitely twins, adorned in pearl necklaces and golden earrings, bracelets, rings and various pieces of jewelry stolen from Calypso's room. They both had scruffy brown hair, smirking like they had told a joke.

The third was a burly guy with a wide chest, dirty blonde hair and dark eyes. He and the twins were all dressed in a mix of traditional pirate wear and bronze armor. The burly guy had goggles on his head and a bandage over his nose.

"Why hello, there, Madame," the guy said with a sly grin. "What could you be doing in such a dirty place? You seem like the kind of gal that should be bunking in the royal suite down the hall."

The twins snickered.

Calypso steeled herself and tried to look brave. "So, what now?" she asked. "You kill me?"

The burly guy shook his head. "Nah. We'll just bring you above deck for our first mate to examine. Levesque will want to get a good look at you and see if you're worth the trouble of a ransom."

"Judging by the goods in her room," said one twin.

"Her family's gotta be loaded," finished the other.

The guy heaved Calypso to her feet and forcefully dragged her up the stairs. Once above deck, she assessed what had happened quickly.

Next to Commodore Jackson's ship was a huge black and bronze monstrosity that looked an awful lot like a ship. Where the mast should be was a huge smoke chimney made of metal, billowing smoke and blocking out the sun. Painted on the stack was a flaming skull and crossbones. On the bow was a large dragon head that seemed to be made of bronze, with ruby eyes. Black oars, numbering maybe two hundred or more, lined the bottom. Painted on the side of the ship thing were the words ARGO II.

All figures standing on the deck were pirates. Each of them had random bits of armor on them—some on the shins, some on the wrists, some over the chest or thighs—most of the burlier pirates, like the one who had found Calypso, wore goggles. Some of them were bandaged and covered in soot. They all wore trinkets like golden bronze chains or gears strung into their fabric.

Percy's men (as well as the commodore himself) were tied to the masts, mostly unconscious.

Calypso was shoved over towards Percy and tied next to him. The commodore was knocked out, but Frank (who had a welt the size of a small country on his head) was awake and looking quite defeated.

"Sorry, princess," he mumbled as she tried to escape her bonds. "I thought that would work."

"Not your fault," she whispered. "These guys were just too smart."

"I should have known they'd figure it out…They are the Hephaestus pirates, after all."

Hephaestus pirates? Calypso remembered a story of a dreaded pirate from a few decades ago, a bit before she was born. He was feared for his traps and grumpy nature. He'd been hanged the year before Calypso's birth.

"This can't be them," she whispered. "Captain Hephaestus died years ago."

"But his legacy lives on," Percy groaned. "The original Argo was sunk when they captured Hephaestus. Recently, around the start of my career, they resurfaced under the command of one of Hephaestus's sons, Charles Beckendorf. He died in an explosion a few years ago."

"Then who is the captain now?" she asked.

"Captain Leo Valdez," Frank answered. "He pretty much single-handedly built that damn ship you see over there. The dragon masthead was one of Beckendorf's creations, though."

Valdez…Calypso had heard some sort of story about him. It was mostly gossip from the girls at parties, saying he was some flirtatious pirate who would do anything for some company. He was described as a hottie, though, so it should fit his attitude.

"What's up with the whispers over here?"

All three looked up. Coming toward the prisoners was a slim black woman with cinnamon-colored hair and large, beautiful golden eyes. Her hair was held back via red bandana, and she had golden bangle earrings. Gold makeup lined her eyes. Everything else about her resembled the other pirates' outfits, with gold armor pieces instead of bronze or steel.

Gold fetish, much? Calypso thought.

The woman kneeled down and smiled. "Hello, there, Commodore," she said.

Percy sneered. "Hazel Levesque. I should have known you'd lead this operation. Where's Valdez?"

"Playing with fire," she answered smoothly.

"I hope he burns," he spat.

Hazel pouted. "He wouldn't like to hear you say that. You know he actually appreciates your sense of humor."

Then, she turned to Frank. Her gaze twinkled a bit, but not in an evil sort of way. "New guy?"

"Frank Zhang," the commodore said. "Leave him alone, Hazel."

The woman smiled at Frank and winked. She snapped and some pirates untied Frank from the mast. They kept him restrained as they dragged him unwillingly towards the monstrosity ship. He went aboard and was shoved below decks.

Hazel giggled. "I want to see how useful he'll be," she said. "Something just clicked about him and I'd like to see what he's like." Then, she turned to Calypso. "And you would be…"

"Calypso, daughter of Atlas."

"King Atlas?" Hazel shouted. "Well isn't that a fun surprise! I guess you chose your escort poorly."

Percy grumbled inaudibly.

"In fact," Hazel said. "Why don't we escort you? I'm sure your father will be so grateful that he'll pay us handsomely for our troubles!"

The twins from before untied Calypso and shoved her away. She heard Percy calling, "No! Hazel, don't do this! Return her immediately! You can keep the dowry, but let us keep the princess!"

Hazel smiled and took Calypso's arm. Surprisingly, the pirate was very gentle. "Nah," she said. "I think we'll take both." She led the princess up the gangplank to the Argo II. "Come on, guys," she called. "Let's go! Leave the commodore to go tell the King of the change in escort!"

The pirates laughed and followed the first mate up with the treasure. The last of them lifted the gangplank.

Percy and the sailors were still struggling against the masts. The Argo lurched forward and the smoke billowed out stronger than before. Within seconds, the ship had passed Percy's boat and was leaving it in the bubbles.

Calypso barely heard Percy scream, "You'll get what's comin' for you, Valdez! Once I get free, I'll hunt you to the ends of the earth to get the princess back!"

Hazel giggled. "He's such a windbag. Not as big a windbag as the Grace siblings, though. Those two make for some interesting combat when we cross their path."

Calypso knew about the Grace siblings, Jason and Thalia. Each of them commanded a great ship in the navy. Thalia was known to be a wild card, but around her brother she was even more amazing.

"Now," Hazel said, leading Calypso toward the smokestack in the middle of the ship. "I suppose you should meet our captain, dear."

Calypso tried to keep a brave face, but she wasn't feeling too confident. She was now on a pirate ship that moved without the wind's help, surrounded by men and women that looked far stronger than even Frank.

"It's okay," Hazel said, smiling. "We won't hurt you. And neither will our captain. As feared as he is, he's actually a pretty fun guy."

Calypso didn't give her an answer, she just kept staring straight ahead as the smokestack loomed in front of her. Hazel nudged her. "C'mon, sweetie. We honestly won't hurt you."

Says the pirate who kidnapped myself and a good sailor for her own personal amusement.

Hazel opened a door in the side of the chimney. Inside was a spiral staircase that wrapped around a glass tube leading straight up and down. The tube was filled with black smoke.

"Captain's quarters are down there," Hazel informed her as she led the princess inside. Calypso had feared it would smell, but the air was actually clean. "He likes being near the engine, even though it's a bit of a walk to get up or down."

"Engine?"

"So she does talk," Hazel said with a grin. "Yes. That's what the cap calls it. I don't understand half of what he says from time to time. You just learn to trust what he's doing."

Calypso wondered what an engine was. Maybe it was like the heart of the ship? Seeing as how they were going down, it wasn't impossible.

Once on the final step, Calypso examined a room as long as the ship. Near the stack was a large metal…thing…that hummed and whirred. Tubes whirled horizontally and…Calypso didn't know what was going on. It looked like candles going out and relighting at fast speeds.

Splayed around the room were weapons and gadgets and doodads that looked so odd, yet seemed to belong on a ship.

"Yo, Captain!" Hazel called. "Got somethin' for ya!"

A conk sounded from the thing. "Ow!" a voice squeaked. "Hazel, what'd you do that for? You scared me!"

Hazel rolled her eyes. "Were you sleeping again?"

"Pulled an all-nighter," the voice said, muffled slightly. From underneath the thing two legs appeared, followed closely by a butt and lower back. "When sleep calls, it calls hard!"

This is it, Calypso thought. I'm about to meet the man who's worse than Captain Ghost King di Angelo. The hot, flirtatious man who will do anything to get a companion. The—

The scrawniest young man stood up and brushed off his pants. He was absolutely covered in grime. His curly black hair was shiny from oil, and his clothes were wrinkly. He wasn't wearing any shoes, but Calypso did see a pair of boots nearby. His eyes were hidden because he was wearing goggles that reminded Calypso of a blacksmith's eye protection, only wider in the lens.

He was terribly skinny, and Calypso had a hard time believing this man built a ship—no, built anything. He didn't even look that handsome! His face was round and youthful, with impish features like a slightly turned-up nose and pointed ears, from which a few earrings dangled down.

He grinned, which only made Calypso think of an imp more. "Hello~!" he sang. "Welcome to my humble ship, my dear lady! The name's Captain Leo Valdez of the Argo II, leader of the Hephaestus pirates." He took her hand in his grimy one, getting oil all over her fingers. He kissed the top of it as he bowed politely. "But you may call me Captain Hot Stuff."

Calypso grimaced and removed her hand. "I'd rather not."

Leo straightened up and wiggled his eyebrows, which looked weird with goggles on. "So what brings you aboard my vessel? Want to join my scurvy crew, yarr?"

He said that last bit like he was trying to be funny. Calypso kind of wanted to laugh, but held it in. Leo pouted. "Not even a smirk?" he complained. "Girl, I'll make you smile. It will be my mission."

Then, he turned to Hazel. "So, really, what's with the new girl?"

Hazel spoke in a hushed voice near Leo's ear. Leo grinned. "Well, well! Royalty? Our biggest haul yet! Way to go, Haze. You get best choice of treasure."

Hazel smiled sheepishly. "I've already got a claim on something in the brig."

"Another one?" Leo asked incredulously. "New people all around! Give me the details later on how you will woo this guy. I hope he sticks and doesn't leave you like poor Sammy—may he rest in peace."

Hazel rolled her eyes. "Shuddup," she hissed.

Calypso tried not to show how disgusted she was. Did this woman honestly believe Frank would fall for her? Sure, she was beautiful—almost flawless—but she didn't seem like the type the navy sailor would go for, even if Calypso didn't know Frank that well.

Leo cleared his throat. "Okay, so, princesa, here's the situation: You've just been taken aboard the Argo II and are now a hostage for the Hephaestus pirates. I'll send a message to your father soon of your predicament and see if we can come to some sort of arrangement. After all, escorting royalty home isn't a cheap endeavor."

Hazel and Leo both chuckled. Calypso scowled.

"Anyway," the captain continued. "We may be rough-housers, but we ain't savages. I'm not gonna lock you in the brig until I get money. You are free to roam around the ship. I just ask that you stay on board with a guard whenever we make a port call. Can't have you givin' us the slip, can we?"

Calypso exhaled, but didn't give him an answer.

"You'll be staying with my awesome friend, Piper. She was once a hostage like you, royalty and all that junk, but she yearned for adventure and decided to stay. She's got these awesome powers of persuasion, so watch out—she might talk you out of wearing shoes for a week!"

Great…

"Really?" Leo asked. "Not a tiny smile? Pipes isn't that bad."

Calypso finally decided to speak, seeing as how offending this bozo might not be so bad. "Listen here, you dirty, skinny little elf," she spat. "I am still royalty, even on this gods-forsaken monstrosity! I won't be treated like some ragdoll, nor will I be your personal whore! I'll stay with this Piper, but only because she sounds better than staying with her." She pointed to Hazel, who immediately complained. "My father will pay you any sum you desire, but it won't amount to how much enjoyment I'll get when he captures you and makes you dangle from the gallows."

Leo had a great poker face. He didn't flinch at the threat at all. He smirked. "You're kinda cute when you're angry," he noted.

Calypso huffed in annoyance. "You are so incredibly stupid! You picked the wrong princess to capture!"

The captain shrugged. "We'll see. In the meantime, how about you go meet your new bunkmate? And get some new clothes; don't wanna dirty up your cute dress, Sunshine."

"Don't order me around!" she spat. "And don't call me Sunshine!"

"It was a suggestion," he said calmly, like nothing affected him. That just made Calypso even madder. "And I can definitely tell you like me," he added with another weird eyebrow wiggle.

"I hate you!" Calypso screamed. "How could I ever like such a scrawny, dirty, disgusting imp like you!? You pompous, rude, intolerable elf!"

She stormed away, Hazel following close behind to help show her to her quarters. The captain stayed behind, smiling.

"Definitely on Team Leo," he muttered. "I think I'm in love…"

A/N: Here's a few explanations to my choices:

Leo is a captain, so he's gonna act a little high-and-mighty, more so than his Supreme Commander-ness in canon world.

Calypso is a princess, so she's gonna be a little high strung and spoiled. She'll get better, don't worry. It's a predictable plot, of course she's gonna be nicer later! xD

Don't judge me about this predictable plot, okay? I love stories like this, even if I can totally guess the ending. I'll at least add some humor so it won't be so cut-and-dry!

This world isn't ours, but the time is kind of like before Edison. So, electricity and steam power and anything that moves on its own is unknown to them, except for the Hephaestus pirates.

Yes, Percy and Annabeth, as well as the Grace siblings, Reyna, Octavian, and Frank, are Navy. Roll with it.

Pirates (just as a reminder and future reference):

Leo, Nico, Hazel, the Stoll brothers (in case you didn't get their cameo), all the Hephaestus cabin people including Harley, Clarisse La Rue, Chris Rodriguez, many Hermes cabin members, Dakota...I think that's it for now.