Disclaimer: I own nothing of Kim Possible.
You're Such a Peach
By: Imyoshi
Ah, Smarty Mart—where smart shoppers shop smart.
A cornucopia of everything you could possibly need and then some. From aisle to aisle, shelf to shelf, and sale to sale, Smarty Mart had everything. Gorillas, hotel mini-soaps, those tiny things at the end of shoe laces, if it happens to exist then they have it!
And today Ron Stoppable was on a mission to secure a pack of special edition plain black tees that were both water proof and a made from a soft cotton blend. They came out today and the sidekick was beyond determined to have one. And he guessed while he was at it he could shop around too. Why not? There were bargain sales everywhere.
Practically running towards the shirts and love aisle, Ron skid forward in seeing the last pair of black water proof cotton blended tees for the taking. He swiftly walked over to grab the pair when another hand clashed with his.
Frozen, Ron turned to looked at his potential competition. The sidekick was no stranger to cranky shoppers. And he would be lying if he said he didn't have experience wrestling a package out of someone's hands. Granted it was a granny that one time, but she was strong. And he swore she was carrying bricks around in her purse.
When he spotted his challenger, he froze again.
"Shego?"
"Stoppable?"
Both sidekicks glared innocently at each other for who knows how long before Ron reflexively quickly pulls back his hand with the bag of tees clutched in his grasp. Shego's hand is left there in the air... tee-less.
The seconds pass and finally Shego's confused stare sharpens to a nasty glare. Her senses went to overdrive and she grabbed the blond by the collar, bringing him uncomfortably close to her face, her snarl only upping her viciousness.
"What are you doing here?!" she let go of him. "Wait a minute? If you're here, then that means—where's Possible?" Shego grabbed him again.
Scared, Ron closed his eyes, waiting for the inevitable pain. It never comes. Instead an intense shaking brings him back.
"I'm not going to ask you again Stoppable. Where is Possible?"
Ron opened his eyes incredulously, "You remember my name?"
That momentarily stopped her.
"Ah, doy," she mocked. "You know how many times you yell it out to Dr. D? It's basically engraved into my brain. Thanks for nothing by the way. The headaches were much appreciated."
"No problem, it's my pleasure," he grinned.
Shego dropped him, "That was rhetorical sidekick."
"I know."
Rolling her eyes, Shego folded her hands waiting, "So where's Possible?" she asked in a softer cold tone.
His grin wavered a bit and Shego took quick notice of this. What? It pays to well... pay attention. "She's not here. Kim isn't a fan of Smarty Mart. She rather shop at Club Banana and overpay for everything and... wait a second? Why aren't you at Club Banana?" he asked recalling an incident with a black—green coat.
She snorted, amused, "And why would I be at Club Banana?"
"Oh I don't know," Ron mocked throwing his hands up. "You shop there! Last time you bought a green jacket from them—!"
"Ah, ah, ah sidekick," she cut in, wagging her finger. "I stole that from them. Get the picture? Stole, not bought. Quite the opposite of bought."
He paused, looking around the store, "And do you steal from Smarty Mart as well?"
"Uh, please... with prices like this! They're practically giving them to me."
"So you're not going to rob this store?"
She glared accusingly, "Against popular belief, Stoppable, I don't rob from every place I visit. And I rather not be banned from Smarty Mart. See?" Argo the filled shopping cart beside her.
How did he miss that?
Looking at the shopping cart filled of various items and hearing Shego's explanation sent Ron's brain into overdrive. The naked mole rat running in the wheel in his head slips on a bar and falls off while the wheel breaks apart, falling to its side and catching on fire—spontaneously.
"And why don't you shop at Club Banana again?" that's the only thing that comes out of his mouth.
Hmph, "I'm not a retail snob."
And the mole rat got on a new deluxe super wheel and he forgot the enemy was standing in front of him. "See that's what I told KP! But would she listen, uh, no! Apparently brand matters more than quality or something like that? Either way if it doesn't have the Club Banana sticker, then it's not worth buying."
She smirked, "So the princess ditched you then?"
"I wouldn't say ditched," he says. "I would say more like she had other things she would rather do."
"She ditched you." Shego's smirk grew.
"Oh ok, fine!" Ron glared, "She ditched me alright. She went with our friend Monique to this poetry club thing. What about you huh?" he asked. "Where's Drakken?"
The smirk vanished and turned into a glare, "Please, as if I'm gonna have Dr. D shop with me. It's hard enough living with him. I don't have the time for him to be whining about all the pros and cons on whether or not to buy sugary brand cereal."
"Hey don't mock sugary cereals till you try them."
"Oh believe me I've tried them and I very much so mock them."
Ron readied himself for another witty comeback but came to a sudden halt as he remembered the bag of new black t-shirts in his hands. He remembered that Shego too wanted the shirts and if I had any chance at keeping them, then he better disappear like 5 minutes ago.
Stretching as nonchalantly as possible which proved to harder than it looked, Ron began walking backwards away from Shego with a forced smile.
"Well seeing as I can't change your mind and that Kim isn't here; I think I'm going to go now. I got a lot more shopping to do, things to buy and sales to see. I'll catch you later Shego at Drakken's latest plot."
Ron was about to walk away with the shirts in hands when Shego's voice stopped him.
"Hold it right there, Stoppable."
So close.
"And where exactly do you think you're going Stoppable with those limited edition shirts?" she eyed the pack of shirts in hands expectedly and had one hand reaching out. "We both know you are going to give me those. Why don't you make it easier for me and hand them over now?"
Fear crept up him, but also some untapped bravery. Luckily or not the pack of shirts were already in his hands and he be damned to let them go now. Hell, he already faced his greatest fear. What's a national wanted criminal going to do?
"No one is gonna get between me and these new pair of black shirts." Ron warned without thinking.
Surprised at the sidekick, Shego leaned on the handles of her shopping cart, studying his idiocy. "Oh? Really now? You know from where I'm leaning… I can hurt in you ten different ways alone."
Oh right, bravery was foolish here. This was Shego. Bravery equals pain. Lots of pain.
Ron sighed in defeat, handing her the t-shits.
She smugly grabbed them, "Thank you, Ron. I'm glad we could come to an understanding."
"At least I don't steal things," he mumbled loud enough for her to hear him.
Shego huffed, looking over her shoulder.
"Oh please, sidekick, I don't steal everything I need. I also buy things when I need—59.99! Heck, never mind, I just might steal these."
She shrugged, tossing the bag in her shopping cart. She might steal them later. Probably. Ok most likely. Yes. But as of now other items she needed for the week begged to be bought and Smarty Mart was a big place. A majorly big place. She had at least a few more hours to kill here before getting her shopping done.
Ron watched her take out a list and cross out what he presumed to be shirts. Then he watched as she ignored his presence and began descending deeper into the aisle. And that's where he came to a startling thought.
Shirts gone, Kim-less, always never be normal, and nothing else to do this fine Saturday morning, Ron figured what the hell? He had time. Shego seemed less mean when Kim wasn't around and—he had time!
"Hey you wanna shop together?" he called out to her.
She stops pushing her cart to turn around at him, face blank not believing what the clumsy sidekick just said. A moment of silence passes. Seconds later she chuckles and then laughs a bit more, but when she takes notice at his innocent expression, she stops.
"Wait? You're serious?" she asks slightly confused.
"Sure, why not?" Ron ran up besides her grinning like a fool. "It could be fun. And what's the worst that can happen?"
Famous last words.
"A lot. A lot of things can happen. They always do." she deadpanned.
He rubbed his neck glancing slightly wide eyed, "So no?"
Stranger things have happened, "Sure why not. It's not like you're a threat."
"I'll take that as a compliment."
"You'll take anything as a compliment." she mocked.
"I'll take that as a compliment too."
Shego eyes were trained on him as she pushed her cart forward, him a step behind. "You know your weird right, Stoppable?"
He grinned, "Coming from woman with freakish glowing hands and green skin, I think I'll live."
...
Pushing the cart through the bath aisle, Shego is rambling to Ron about Dr. Drakken's latest plot.
"And then he was like," she cleared her throat to impersonate the doctor. "Ah-ha Shego! With my new fool proof plan! I will finally be able to take over the world! By using the feet from rabbits I can—and that's where I tuned him out."
She looked over to see him drinking his soda they got at the snack and go aisle, slurping the contents down hastily. Patiently, she waited for his response for a few aisles back down in the clothing pants section, Ron Stoppable proved to be a fairly good listener and contributor when she asked for his opinion off a pair of slick black pants and a green matching tank top.
Turns out him having a girl as a best friend gave him an actual opinion on clothes... well at least on others. On the sidekick himself was a whole entirely different story.
Still, this made him higher a bit on the male gene pool.
"Ah, that hit the spot," he slowly smiled, tossing the cup away, grinning like a total fool now. "Rabbits? Really? How can you take over the world with rabbits?"
"Ah, ah, Stoppable, it's the Rabbits' feet... it makes all the difference when you're taking over the world." she grinned back.
"Oh silly me, how could I be so stupid?" Ron paused for dramatic effect, "Rabbits' feet! That does make all the difference. Wow! My take of reality is shattered!"
Shego tried to suppress the smile on her face but it was hard to do with Ron clutching his chest like a dying b-rated play actor. And when he collapsed to the floor she laughed. A second later she forced herself to stop. Laughing with the enemy was not something a villain should do.
No matter how funny the enemy proved to be.
...
"I just don't get it? How can Kim not see that Club Banana and Smarty Mart buy their clothes from the same place? The lady at Club Banana even told her herself and she still doesn't believe it?" Ron asked as he looked through the rows of air fresheners, trying to decide between an incense of cinnamon and forest lush green.
Shego shrugged, leaning on her shopping car as she waited for him hurry up. There was a sale on black nail polish and she'll be damned if she missed that.
"Beats me, Stoppable, let her waste her money," she growled. "Are you almost done yet? It can't be that hard to choose an air freshener?"
"Hey," Ron frowned, "choosing an air freshener is serious business. It's like choosing gloves." He recalled when his last pair of mission gloves ripped too easily. "You got to make it count. Don't you worry over the many types to choose from?"
"I only wear one style of gloves," she countered. "I don't need different types. One style is good enough for me."
He smiled, picking two different air fresheners, "Well I like to change it up a bit. Step away and be something different."
She raised her brow, skeptical, "Yea… I noticed with your everyday outfit choice. Very different. Very suave. Sometimes I wonder if you own multiple copies of the same shirt or if that's the only shirt you own."
He ignored her mocking and showed her two air fresheners. "Which one would you choose?"
"Don't know, don't care. Hurry up and pick one."
"Don't you care about how the lair smells?" he asked.
Shego stared, "Oh yea, because when Dr. D's lair blows up the first thing on my mind is I'm glad it at least smells lemony fresh."
...
"What are you doing, Stoppable? I can carry my own bags." Shego attempted to grab hers bags from Ron's hands, but he swiftly tucked them behind his back, grinning.
"Nope," he answered. "It's the rules to escort a lady to her car—ugh, hovercraft. And carry her bags for her."
Shego suddenly felt a brain cell in her head die from shock. And not the good kind of shock where you win the lottery and your brothers get eaten by rabid bears. No, the bad one like when Electronique use to fry her and her brothers back in her hero days.
Ugh. Those split ends in her hair usually took her hours to get rid. And burning hair did not smell good— ever!
"The rules?" she asked slowly, resting one hand on her hip and glaring. "What rules?"
Ron stopped, he appeared stunned, staring at her wide eyed, "You know the rules! The rules where I'm suppose to carry the ladies bags and help her."
Shego's glare softens, "Stoppable, I'm a villain. My job is to not follow the rules."
"But I'm a hero," he paused. "I got no choice but to follow the rules. It's a crime really. "
"Last time I checked, you're the sidekick."
He sighed, "So are you."
Silence followed after. In a strange way they were both right. However neither knew how to use that.
"Hey," he started, breaking the small silence. "I don't write them, I just follow them. I'm a guy, a good guy. Helping is what I do."
Walking out the store with her bags Shego remained hot on his trail, observing him more closely this time, trying to find a hidden motive. Life as a criminal taught her to trust no one. No one ever just held someone's bags for someone else, especially not hers. Anyone who tried was either brave or very stupid. Stoppable proved to be both at the same time.
Or maybe he proved something entirely different?
She didn't quite know.
The walk to the hovercraft happened far too quickly. One second they were shopping in Smarty Mart, fighting over bath soaps and the next they stood beside her vehicle. Never had shopping at Smarty Mart finished so quickly for her. Had they really been shopping there for hours? That's how long she normally takes to gather all her things.
She just didn't realize how fast time flew by.
Watching Ron trying to sort his bags between hers made her wonder. It gave her a precious minute to think and reminisce.
She wasn't ever going to admit it, especially not to Stoppable, but she had fun. Fun wasn't something she did often. And having shopped together with Ron proved to better than if she brought one of those dumber than a brick henchmen to accompany her. They wouldn't know the difference between black, onyx, and charcoal. Didn't they know that a shade of black matters for sneaking around? Colors mattered.
They didn't, but Stoppable did.
His job required he know the differences. That small detail could cost him the mission or worst yet, his life.
Already now he surpassed most of the male gene pool.
Finally done sorting between their bags, Ron presented Shego with hers, gesturing for her to enter her hovercraft in a gentlemen fashion.
Rolling her eyes, Shego grabbed and threw her bags simply into the hovercraft only stopping momentarily to study the sidekick. She eyed, and then paused before playfully poking him in the chest.
"You know what confuses me here?" she wondered, resting one hand on her hip as Ron rubbed his chest. "What kind of sidekick hangs out with the enemy and then carries her bags for her?"
"Uh, a good guy?" he answered. "Besides, you didn't exactly do anything too evil today. Mean and hurtful maybe, but evil... not today sister."
"Oh so because I didn't do anything evil today, you didn't go all freak out sidekick on me? Me being wanted in 11 different states and beating on the princess on a weekly basis doesn't spark your sidekick mode?" she teased.
"What about me?" he asked. "I'm Kim's sidekick and best friend and I've destroyed Drakken's lairs more times than I can count, yet here you are not trying to break my bones and stuff?"
She mocked glared, "Don't temp me Stoppable, the day is still young."
"You wouldn't hurt me and I know it."
"You're feeling really confident here. Are you so sure about that?" Shego took a step forward, moving much closer to his body.
Nothing on him wavered, "Oh, very sure."
Standing close to him, smirking at his blind confidence, Shego flipped her hair before jumping into her hovercraft. A moment of silence passed them as if she was contemplating the next words she was going to say.
Eventually she found the perfect words for him.
She smirked her evil Shego way. "You're such a peach you know that?"
Ron Stoppable actually took offense to that.
"I am not a peach!" Shego's grin didn't falter. "I'm not!"
She bit back a sarcastic remark. "Oh really?" she encouraged. "And how exactly is the little sidekick going to prove that? Hn?"
"I'll find a way just you wait." he promised, arms crossed.
"Sure you will and maybe one of Drakken's plans will actually work out this time." Starting up the hovercraft, she stared down at the sidekick a few feet below her, going by pure impulse. "Hey! Be here by 10 am next Saturday."
His eyes widened, "Why?"
She rolled her eyes at him like it was the most obvious thing, "So we can shop together again, doy. Oh, while I'm at it, don't invite the princess; I don't need to add a headache to my shopping list."
Ron had trouble believing that left Shego's mouth. He stared at her ascending craft, wondering what to say back. Finally something caught up to his mouth.
"Uh, what if I can't make it next Saturday?"
"I wasn't asking, Stoppable," she smirked when she knew he couldn't see it and left.
...
Later when she got home and began emptying out her bags she noticed one of her things was missing. Searching through all the bags she discovered that her pair of new black tees was missing. She looked back in the hovercraft wondering if she had accidentally left them behind. No? Then where was her new pair of black tee's? She remembered buying them and then nothing?
Her new pair of water proof cotton blend black shirts just vanished!
The very same item Ron and her fought over and... It was missing?
Everything suddenly clicked into place and her eyes narrowed dangerously.
Carry her bags her ass! That sidekick just pulled one over her. Completely distracting her with his rules of chivalry lies. If she wasn't so mad she might actually have been proud at that—very proud in fact. But she was fuming mad and needed to vent out her frustrations. Pray for whatever poor unfortunate henchman that crossed her path in the next hour or so.
Maybe he wasn't exactly like a peach. Not entirely. But she knew he bruised like one.
And next Saturday the sidekick was in for a world of hurt.
After they go shopping of course.
Author Notes: One-shot practice attempt at the Ron and Shego dynamic—gotta practice for my upcoming Rongo story.
Rewrite 8/2/15