Disclaimer: I don't own anything related to Veronica Mars, or anything else for that matter.
Notes: This is my first Veronica Mars fic. I have no idea how it's going to go over. Feedback is much appreciated.
Cold, Cold Kisses
His kisses are hurried and thoughtless. He calls them fast and frantic and says it's because he wants her so badly. He needs to touch her. She doesn't believe him. She tries to slow him down and show him the way she wants to be kissed. She tells herself she wants to like being kissed by him, but she doesn't.
Her phone rings and they both sigh. She's grateful. He's annoyed. Unknown Number flashes on the display. A smile tugs at her face as she excuses herself. He sits alone and twiddles his thumbs, waiting for her to return. She gets a phone call like this every few months. He doesn't mind.
She climbs into her bed and presses the phone close to her ear. She's been dying to hear his voice - to hear the way her name rolls off his tongue just one more time. He asks what's wrong and she tells him she misses him. He sighs - hating the way his absence eats at her. He tells her to move on. He can't be anything to her now. Love someone else, he says. Remember me, but love someone else. It's not that easy.
It's a conversation they've had a million times over. He tells her to let him go and suggests it would be better if he didn't call. Just one more time, she begs. He argues and tells her it's not good for him. They'll find him. She says they won't. Three phone calls a year from places you won't tell me aren't going to get you caught. She says if she can't find him, then no one can. He says it isn't good for her. He's always bringing her back down. She tells him not to worry about her. Veronica Mars can take care of herself. He laughs at her detective voice. The sound of his laughter delivers the first genuine smile her face has seen in months.
They talk about nothing and everything. He talks about Lily. She's walking now. Veronica smiles, as tears roll down her face. She misses him so much. Misses the little girl she never knew. He hears the tremble in her voice. Don't cry, he begs softly. I'm not. Either she's a bad liar or he's gotten way too good at figuring her out, he knows it's the latter and now he's the one that's sad.
I think about you all the time, she murmurs. When I'm eating breakfast, I wonder if you're eating breakfast or dinner. I wonder where you are and when I'll see...He interrupts her. Veronica. Don't. She corrects herself. If I'll see you. And then it's too much and she has to say good-bye. It's supposed to get easier each time. That's what she thought anyway. You'll fall out of love with him. Out-of-sight, out-of-mind, that's the way the saying goes right? She doesn't believe it. Absence makes the heart grow fonder. That's her motto.
He says good-bye now, but not before he apologizes for calling. He tells her to let him go, but he's the one doing this to her. He's the one opening everything he's telling her to lock away. She tells him not to be sorry. She isn't. Call again, she begs. He whispers his love and then silence. She waits and she waits. Hoping he's still on the other end, but the unknown number is gone now.
She's angry. Not with him, but with herself. She never should have let him go alone. She should have gone with him. He'd never ask, but she shouldn't have given him a choice. She's thinking on pure emotion. Letting her heart fantasize about all the dreams she had. Thinking what it would be like to open her eyes one morning and see his body sleeping next to her. A few more moments of daydreaming before reality sinks it. She never could have gone with him. She would have gotten him caught and he would have lost his little girl. This wasn't about her or him. He didn't want to go, but he had to. It is what it is, she says as she dries her eyes one last time.
He hears the door open and pretends that he doesn't see the tear stains on her face. She smiles. It's forced and they both know it, but it doesn't matter because he never really smiles at her either. They're kissing again. She begs him to slow down, but he won't. He refuses to kiss her the way that Duncan did. He won't help her imagine she's kissing Duncan instead of him. He knows that's what she's doing and it isn't because of the time she accidentally moaned the Kane boy's name into the air as he poured inside of her. It really has nothing to do with her. It's about him, like everything else. She wants to use him to remember Duncan, but he's already using her to forget Lily and kissing her the way she wants is the same as kissing her the way he kissed Lily and he just won't do it.
She doesn't mind that his kisses are cold. Truthfully, she only wants to be kissed by Duncan. The only reason she even continues all of this is because she promised him she'd try to move on. She's keeping her word, but she's smarter than he realizes. She chose Logan because she knows he can't and won't give her what Duncan wants her to find. True love stories never have endings and she intends to keep it that way.