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The team knew something was wrong with Ward but they didn't know how to approach the specialist and were afraid of scaring him off so they just didn't say anything. It soon became commonplace to walk into a room and find Grant crying about one thing or another. "We can't keep ignoring this because it's not helping. And we really need to talk to Sam about these breakdowns," Jemma whispered to Coulson, May, Trip, Skye, and Fitz. They all heard him crying in his bunk at night and it was time that stopped.
"It's a good idea but I want to monitor him first, see what's going on with Grant before we go to Sam. Keep a careful eye on him," Coulson urged.
"I'm worried," Skye admitted. It pained her to walk in on Ward in the middle of a meltdown at odd hours of the day. She just wanted him to get better and start healing from the lifelong abuse he had been forced to endure.
"So it's settled then. Try to calm Ward down when we can and see what's wrong." Trip should have brought his concerns to them before but he figured the other man would get better, especially once he talked to Sam Wilson during their sessions.
They nodded and dispersed so Ward wouldn't get suspicious.
Jemma walked into the kitchen the next afternoon to find Ward standing by the kitchen table. His body shook with sobs and her heart broke for the older man. She tread carefully so she wouldn't startle him and placed a hand on his shoulder. "Hi," she told him.
His voice cracked when he replied. "Hi," he replied. And Ward normally would have protested when Jemma pulled him in for a hug but he didn't have enough energy in him to do so. "I'm sorry."
"Don't apologize, baby. There's nothing to be sorry for. You're upset and that's okay. I'm not going anywhere. Do you mind me hugging you?" She was grateful when he shook his head.
"I'm a mess," Grant sobbed.
"You're our mess and there's nothing wrong with you crying. But please lean on us, okay? We are here to help you. You don't have to hide your pain from us. Do you understand that?"
"I don't want to have to lean on you."
"Well tough shit because I want you to lean on me." Jemma pulled him into her arms again and held him as he cried his fears and pain out.
He felt embarrassed that Jemma – his little sister – had seen him like that once he calmed down and pulled himself back together and apologized again. "I know I shouldn't apologize but I feel like that's all I do." Fuck, Grant hated himself with every fiber of his being because he shouldn't put his shit on other people. They were dealing with their own issues, ones more important than his own.
"It's not. And I'm here if you ever need to talk. But please make an appointment with Sam as soon as possible. That's what he's here for." Jemma patted his arm and then made a quick exit so Ward could get back to what he was doing.
This wasn't the last time something like this would happen.
When Fitz found Grant crying in his bunk two days later, he too hugged his best friend. "This is what we need to know about. Why are you so upset?" He wanted and needed to know so he could help.
"I was just thinking about Buddy again because this dog died in this book I was reading," Grant explained. The dog had been his best friend and Garrett had killed him because he couldn't do it – a weakness. The punishment that ensued had been one of the worst beatings of his life.
Fitz thought Grant needed a therapy dog but now was not the time to bring it up – he didn't need to be thinking about a new dog while mourning the old one. "What was he like?" They knew about Buddy and the woods but Grant understandably didn't like to talk about it.
Grant stared down at his floor. "He loved me and I betrayed his trust, just like I betrayed all of you. Buddy was loyal and smart as hell, and he took off running every time I took a shot. Never could figure out why but it was just a little quirk of his. And that day, I tried but I just couldn't do it. So I took a shot and he ran but Garrett shot him anyway. I wanted him to escape because he was my friend and I ruined it."
Fitz wasn't having any of this. "No, you didn't ruin it. Garrett was a psychopath who was determined to break you but you can't let him win. You're picking yourself back up now and that's all that matters. Don't let that man define you."
"I'll try." And so Fitz stayed with Grant until he cried himself to sleep, desperate to provide as much comfort as he could to the specialist.
When May found Grant cowering on a mat in the cargo bay, she sat down next to him and offered a supportive hand. The two sat in silence, something he appreciated when he came back to himself. She refused to move for fear of another episode once this happened. "You don't have to talk to me but I just want you to know I'm here," she told him.
"You don't have to do this," he murmured.
"Don't worry about it – I'm here because I want to be. You're one of my friends. And when you're ready to leave, I'll go with you."
"Thank you, Melinda."
"You're welcome."
And so they sat in silence until he was calm and ready to join the others.
Coulson didn't expect it when he witnessed a meltdown only four days later. They were in the kitchen trying to prepare dinner when Grant suddenly spaced out. He eyed the younger man in concern and just stood there, unsure of what his next move should be. The director got his answer a few minutes later when Ward snapped out of and dropped his glass. The look of absolute horror on his face made Coulson want to hurt the people that damaged him so badly. "Grant?" But he was completely unprepared when Grant suddenly wailed and dropped to the ground. He followed suit within seconds. He heard whispering but had to lean closer to hear it.
"I'm sorry, Dad. I didn't mean to drop the glass. Please don't hurt me. I'm sorry," Grant pleaded.
It was clear he was lost in a past memory, and Coulson suddenly wondered if they were dealing with Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder. It wouldn't be surprising and Sam had warned them all to look out for the symptoms. "Grant, nobody's mad at you for dropping the glass. It was just an accident." Just had many times had Grant broken something as a young child and was punished for it? He shuddered in horror.
"Dad, please." His hoarse voice was clear as a bell in the empty kitchen.
"I'm not going to hurt you. Shh, you're not in that horrible place anymore. You're safe with us, on the Bus, Grant," Coulson soothed. He stayed on the ground with him until Grant's eyes cleared.
"What happened?" the confused specialist questioned.
He tread lightly so he wouldn't spook Grant. "What do you remember?"
"Not much." The haunted look on his face betrayed his every emotion, however, and it was easy to see right through him in the seconds before Grant's wall went back up. Coulson helped him up and then went into his office to make a call.
"Did something happen?" asked Sam Wilson as soon as he picked up the phone.
"I think you're right about PTSD. We keep finding him crying and it's worse at night when it's time to go to bed. I was just with him now when he had a flashback. Are you free?" Coulson hoped to God he was.
"Steve and I are trying to help Bucky after a setback but Stark can get one of his guys that he trusts to help. If Grant needs me too, I'm there." Sam was a little strung out helping two different people who had similar issues but he wanted both of them to get better. He'd push past the exhaustion to help Grant.
"I don't want to pull you away." Coulson wished there was someone else he trusted with Grant's help but SHIELD was still low on therapists in the wake of Hydra's attack.
"You won't be pulling me away. I'll just tell Steve that I'm needed elsewhere and he'll understand." Sam hoped so at least. "I'm at Avengers Tower in New York. Swing by as soon as possible. Maybe I can deal with both issues at the same time. New surroundings may even help Ward."
He sighed. "Thank you again, Sam. I'll tell May to set a path and we'll be there as soon as possible."
"No problem, and you're welcome. See you soon!" Sam hung up the phone and got back to Steve and Bucky.
Coulson put his head down on his desk and tried to de-stress. He had absolutely no clue how Fury managed to run SHIELD for so long but he admired the man even more now.
Before they could meet up with Sam in New York, another incident occurred that shook the whole team up. Skye woke up in the middle of the night because she couldn't sleep and found Grant wandering the halls. Out of curiosity and worry, she followed him down a few before realizing he wasn't aware of his surroundings. "Grant?" she called. She wasn't surprised when he didn't answer. She tried again and plastered herself against the wall when he turned around and stared at her angrily. He clearly was still out of it but she sent a quick text to Trip to help her out anyway because she figured she'd need help.
"I won't let you hurt Skye, John. She's off limits," Grant murmured.
A saddened Skye just stayed in the same position. She didn't want to startle and upset Grant if she didn't have to. "Wake up," she softly encouraged. However, Skye wasn't surprised when he didn't respond – she hadn't really expected him to.
Trip showed up within minutes. "You need me to snap him out of it and get Ward back to bed?"
"Be careful," Skye warned.
"I will be." He carefully walked over to Ward and made sure not to touch him. "Hey, Ward. You want to wake up for me?" No response so Trip tried again. "Grant?"
"Don't hurt him." Skye was terrified one of them would end up hurting the other and she wanted no bloodshed.
"I won't." Trip turned to him again and gently tapped his shoulder. Grant flinched and awareness suddenly flooded back to him.
"Trip? Skye? What's going on?"
"You had another incident. Why don't we get you back to bed?" Trip walked with him back to his bunks while Skye slid to the floor and began sobbing for the man who had always been cruelly abused by someone in his life. She was surprised he wasn't more broken by this.
Trip stayed with Grant until he fell asleep and then stayed awake the rest of the night to keep an eye on him in case it happened again.
When they landed at Avengers Tower, Sam greeted them. "So I heard you've had some flashbacks," he gently said to Grant.
Grant shrugged. "I need your help," he reluctantly admitted.
"And that's what I'm supposed to be here for, Ward. You don't need to hide anything from me. You can talk to me if you can't talk to the others." He ushered Grant into the building and the first thing he did was march him to one of Tony's doctors.
Skye went to go spar with Natasha while the others decided they wanted to explore New York for a little while so they wouldn't have to worry about Grant. It didn't work.
Grant felt much better after talking with Sam, and the doctor confirmed the Post-Traumatic Stress disorder diagnosis. As a result, his family decided to ground themselves in New York for the time being while he got the help he so desperately needed (plus, it was always fun to hang out with the Avengers). Fitz brought up the subject of a therapy dog to Sam a day after they arrived. "I think it'd be good for him to have a pet around and Ward can focus on it."
"That's a really good idea. I know he misses Buddy, and therapy dogs are known to help with PTSD. Thanks for the suggestion, Fitz." Sam smiled at him and then went off to go find Steve to talk to him about something else.
A week later, Grant's family surprised him with his new puppy, a beagle. He looked up at them in shock. "She can come on the Bus with us but we figured you needed her. She's supposed to help. What are you going to name her?"
"I don't know but you didn't have to do this. Thank you so much," Grant murmured as he pet her.
"Yes, we did and you're welcome. We want you to get better." Skye sat down next to them and leaned her head on Grant's shoulder. She laughed when the puppy came over to play with her.
Recovery was an ongoing process for Grant Ward but he would be okay eventually. And his new puppy ended up helping him a lot more than anybody thought.