Deity can't sleep again..she slowly opens her tired eyes with a defeated gaze, staring at the alarm clock on Cole's nightstand. The glaring red numbers tell her it's three thirty in the morning..wonderful. She had..maybe a whole hour of sleep in..four hours of being in bed. She'd opted to sleep on the side away from the wall tonight-and she was glad she had. She could hear the gentle snoring of her boyfriend next to her as she slowly sat up in the bed. Flexing her new human looking prosthetic arm and leg-she slowly got off the bed, making sure Cole was still asleep. Glancing at a tiny lavender bag with flower stitching, her mind wandered. Recent events and past ones had taken a toll on her-though she hid it well from her loving boyfriend and her brothers. A mask is a mask, no matter the cracks..or the tape you try and fix it with. She had even seemed to hide it from Zane, her wonderful brother. A painful flash of the droid with a silent scream etched on his face while he coughed oil and synthetic blood onto her entered her mind. Her fault. Monster. Assassin. She shakily wipes the tears from her face as they start to spill, grabbing the tiny bag. She can't do this in Cole's room. Then..where..? Carefully tugging her slippers on, she silently walked out of Cole's room and peeked into the hall. It was dark-with maybe a few lamps lit as guidance so no one ran into the walls-and a sign of comfort given by Kai, after the corruption attack in the dark hallway. Another pang of hurt surges into her heart and she grips the tiny bag tighter. Cole had warned her. He'd tried his best to warn her before he lunged at her. She shivers and shakes her head, trying to clear her mind as she silently walks down the hallway.
Where can she do this..? It's three thirty in the morning on a Tuesday. Zane will likely be up in thirty minutes-the droid liked to get some laundry done before the sunrise. The gentle glow of the sun rising over the city had become one of Zane's favorite sights..a reminder that his family was alive for another day. She takes a breath, silently slipping into the entertainment room. A bit public, but the bathroom was a dead set target of the droid this early in the morning-he often showered as soon as he woke up. Thinking she locked the door, Deity carefully moves Jay's hoodie off the couch and onto the floor. Huh. He must've stayed up late playing video games and left his hoodie behind. She slowly sits down and tugs the tiny lavender bag open, looking at the razor blades inside. The others don't know about this bag. She's had it since the first corruption attack-she was a little surprised no one had found it. She picks one of the razor blades up, poking the edge and wincing. It's still sharp..good. Looking at her scarred up human arm, she shakes her head. It's a silent whisper that leaves her pale lips in the dark room. "Look at you..survived the lightning but now you're a roadmap of physical scars and heartache.." Carefully gripping the razor blade and slowly dragging the edge across her cream colored skin in a cut deep enough to bleed decently..she winces..but it's only out of reflex. Most of her human arm is scarred and numb from the lightning bolt as a child. She watches the crimson spill over her cream colored skin, and another hateful remark leaves her lips in a shaky whisper. "You can't feel." She wipes her eyes, dragging the blade across her skin and watching the blood spill again. And again. She sees no point in doing this to the prosthetic-despite the fact that it looks just as human as the real one. At least ten, deep but not lethal cuts across her wrist begin to bleed further down her arm.
As she slowly turns her blade to her human leg, Deity feels the dark thoughts creeping into her mind from the deepest recesses of the pain in her heart. Dragging the blade across her leg, she goes half lidded in thought. 'Look what you did to Zane. You mauled that man...you stabbed the love of your life. Hypnosis or not, you're a monster.' A clear droplet mixes with the crimson running from the leg cut and fades it as it slides down her leg. She's crying, because she thinks these dark thoughts are right. 'Look at your body. Scarred and disgusting. Cole doesn't need you. No one does. You should've died when Cole nearly gutted you during the winter festival. Even corrupted, he doesn't care. He could have anyone. Someone unmarred and lovable.' Six cuts in on her leg, she's shaking. Faded red from tears and bloody cuts spills onto the couch she sits on. Maybe she should be dead. One less person to worry about. They'd been a solid team before her, right? The pathetic blind baker who..fell in love and gained a family. Shaking, she raises the blade to ruin her arm some more. 'And your soul. Look at it. Filthy, from trauma you deserved. The blood of a killer runs through you. You wanted to kill Cole, didn't you? Make your mama proud?' Six more lines down her pretty-but scarred cream colored skin. The blood stains her arm as she contemplates what suicide would accomplish. A downward slit down her wrist at the radial artery..well placed could-. She's shaken from her bloody trance by a set of cold hands and a panicked gaze.
Zane had smelled the metallic scent of blood as soon as he walked past the entertainment room after his shower. He'd dressed as quickly as possible and run in..and found his beloved little sister like this. She's crying. She's hurting. He'd heard of humans hurting themselves to deal with the pain in their heart..but Deity? She had hidden it so well, he never noticed. But now, he looks at his sobbing sister and her bloody limbs. There were so many cuts..how did this not hurt to her? Zane slowly grips his hand around the bleeding self inflicted wounds on her wrist, trying to do the same to her leg and apply pressure to stop the bleeding. "Deity..what..what happened?" His tone isn't judgemental, nor is it harsh. Sure, he'd freaked out when he first saw her, but he was..mostly calm now. Mostly, because his voice is starting to waver. He's scared for her. When he came in, she had the razor blade positioned over her radial artery. She would've bled out.. is..that what she wanted? He shakes her again, raising a bloody hand to her cheek and carefully wiping the tears spilling down her face. "I.." Deity watches her brother's concerned gaze as she tries to explain. "Zane, it hurts.." He's a little confused. "Y..Your arm? Your leg?" The droid is shakily lifting her bridal style in his arms, carrying her to the medical bay of the ship. She slowly shakes her head, leaning against his shoulder as she's carried. "No..I can't feel there, really..nerve damage from the lightning." Right. He should know that. Zane looks at the misty eyed song elemental and carefully lays her down on a bed, turning to grab some supplies to clean her up. "My heart hurts, Zane." The droid nearly squishes the tube of disinfecting ointment, hearing the pain in his little sister's voice.
"Y..Your heart?" Zane turns around to her, slowly cleaning her arm first. Deity doesn't flinch as she's worked on. "Yes..I..I want it to stop, Zane. It hurts too much.." Zane's breath catches as he's bandaging her. "Come on now.." He sounds as though he may cry. "You..You promised me, didn't you?" The ice elemental's hands still as he looks up at her from tying the bandage shut on her wrist. "Didn't you? You said you'd stay with me. And Cole loves you, Deity." He sighs and looks at his sister as he starts cleaning her leg wounds. "Tell me why your heart hurts so much, Nightingale." Zane begins to bandage the wounds on her leg, only to hear a shaky sob come from his sister. "I..I mean look at me. I'm a roadmap of scars and heartache, and I can't feel anything in most of my body!" She shakes her head, wiping her eyes with her prosthetic arm. "I'm..I'm not paralyzed, just mostly numb in some places.." A shaky breath leaves her as she tries to calm down. "A..and all the things that Cole has done, I deserved-" Zane ties off the bandages on her leg and carefully gets up, taking her hand as he sits beside her in the bed. "No one deserves to be hurt the way the Corruption made him hurt you. Please remember that Cole could not control what he was doing." He carefully strokes her cheek with his other hand, laying down in the bed with her and tugging her close to his chest. He knows she likes the hum of his power source. Deity lays her head close to his heart, shaking her head. "And when I got hypnotized, I hurt you. I became the worst version of my mother. I-" She's starting to cry again, remembering the scared look on Zane and Cole's faces. "I'm sorry, Zane. I..I hurt-"
Zane shushes his sister, calmly rubbing her back. "You were under someone's control. That is not who you are, and you know it." He can feel Deity scooting closer and squeezing him, as though she's apologizing. He can't help it..he's starting to cry at the thought of having been one millisecond too late to catch her in the entertainment room. "Deity..don't.." Zane lays his head in her neck and starts to cry, squeezing her close. "Don't you dare leave me!" He's shaking, thinking back to the first time he almost lost her. The two year coma. Deity gently squeezes her brother, rubbing his back. She's crying, too. She'd been so close to ending everything when Zane found her. Clearing her throat, she slowly pulls away from her brother just a little bit. She's trying to find her voice again. "Zane..I uhm.." She has to think about her words carefully, as she's a little weak from her self inflicted harm. The droid wipes his eyes and watches his little sister. "Yes, Deity? What is it..? You know you can tell me anything. I wish you would've told me you were hurting..-" Deity shushes the droid. "Zane, you yourself know that pain is hard to talk about. Despite that, I.." She wipes a synthetic tear that drips down Zane's face. "I wanted to..to say thank you." Deity watches her brother. "I..I was keeping a lot in, and I still am." She looks at her bandaged limbs, shaking her head. "I..I don't..want to look like this. I don't mean Cole's corruption scars. He didn't do it on purpose, I-" She's starting to cry again..now it's Zane's turn to carefully make her look at him. "Deity, I know for a fact that Cole loves you no matter what scars grace your skin." He shakes his head. "Cole is a modest man, and often is too shy to say how he feels. But I know the way he looks at you, sister. He loves you with all his heart."
A slow smile forms on Deity's face. She knows..it's just hard for her to love herself. "Zane..I consider you my best friend and my closest brother. Please, if you're ever struggling..-" Zane shushes his sister. "If I am struggling, I know I can count on you. You are my best friend, too. My little sister. Let us focus on helping you first, hm?" He shakes his head, tugging her back down to his chest. Maybe she can get some sleep, now. He won't carry her back to Cole's room until later, when he can help her explain her wounds. Zane can feel Deity slowly squeezing her arms around him. She seems..scared. He kisses the top of his distressed sister's head, laying his head back on the bed. His eyes are a little heavy..Deity's body is warm, and is slowly lulling him to sleep. It's only four thirty in the morning..he should be awake and doing laundry..but he can let it slide for a few hours. Just for his little sister. Zane murmurs sleepily to Deity as he drifts off, arms protectively around her.
"Do not worry, Deity. Your big brother will catch you if you fall again."