A Moment In Time ~ Heero
He's watching again.
I don't have to look up to confirm it; I can feel it. His green eyes are locked on to my beautiful Duo, memorizing every detail of his face and body. He watches a lot, though he tries to hide it. But I see it. I see the glances that last a little too long; the expressionless gaze not revealing his true thoughts. He wants him. He wants my Duo. But he can't have him.
Duo loves me, and that's all there is to it. He's talking to me, telling me how his day went and how much he's enjoying the warm weather. And I listen. Though I only donate half an ear, I still listen. I know he'd prefer to have my full attention, but I have work to do. He knows how important it is to prepare for the upcoming mission; he understands that I have to get this done. He knows I love him . . .
Right?
Ok, so I haven't told him. I've tried to say the words, but for some reason I just can't. It comes so easy to him. From the moment he first realized his feelings for me, he told me. And he tells me every chance he gets. "I love you," he says, so I don't forget. As if I ever could. But I can't seem to say it back; I'm not so in touch with my emotions like he is. I've been trained to not have emotions, because feelings give weakness. Somehow he managed to dig his way into my heart, and now he's stuck there. He's touched the 'Perfect Soldier' in more ways than one, and I can't even bring myself to tell him. It's not that I'm ashamed or scared (what's there to be scared of? I already own him), it's just that such words aren't natural for me. But I show him. When I hold him and kiss him, when I make love to him . . . I'm telling him with my actions.
So what were my actions saying when I hit him? That I hate him? No, I hope not. That's the last thing I want him to think, and luckily he doesn't seem to have taken it that way. Did it say I was angry with him? Well, I was. Sometimes he goes too far with his joking. Honestly, asking if we should invite Trowa to join us?! Of course I'm going to get mad. As if Trowa's oogling didn't grate on my nerves enough as it is.
I did tell Duo about the other pilot's little fixation. He just blew it off and laughed, telling me I look into things too much. I was a bit upset. Then he made the joke. Yeah, I was angry.
He's stopped talking long enough to take a drink. I finish typing the sentence I was writing, then glance over to see him set his glass down. He smiles and waves at Trowa.
I can't believe it, he's flirting! Right in front of me! He probably thinks I didn't notice, that I was paying so little attention to him he could get away with it. And Trowa waves back! It's not like the stoic pilot to give any kind of reaction. Maybe they do have something going on that I don't know about . . .
Now I'm pissed. Here's an emotion I'm familiar with. How dare he flirt with other boys when he's got me?! I turn my glare back to the computer screen, feeling like a laser is going to shoot out of my eyes and destroy it. I can't believe Trowa thinks he can move in on him. On my Shinigami! And he is mine. Looking at him, I feel like jumping him right now to prove it. To show everyone that Duo belongs to me, and me alone.
Trowa is looking at Quatre. The poor guy. He's in love with the Heavyarms pilot, that's quite obvious. He couldn't hide it if he tried, which he doesn't. I wonder if he knows of Trowa's obsession with Duo. I doubt it. More than likely, if he knew, he would move on; find someone else to love. Someone who could return his feelings, maybe. Or maybe he's stuck on Trowa, like Trowa is with Duo . . . Like I am with Duo. Though his face doesn't show anything, I know what is going on behind the mask Trowa wears. He feels sorry for Quatre. He knows he can't give the little blond the happiness he deserves, because he's too busy dreaming of someone he can't have. I guess in a way we all feel or have felt like that.
Except Wufei. He's lucky, and smart to have kept to himself.
Not that I regret getting with Duo. I love it. I love being able to share my days and my nights . . . my life . . . with him. And nobody will ever, EVER take him from me.
So, continue to stare. Go ahead and refuse Quatre's kindness, for nothing. But if you ever try to lay so much as a finger on my Duo . . .
Omae o korosu . . .