I hate Sues. You hate Sues. One of the most common ways such a thing comes into existence is by way of an author's OTP procreating, but in a world as dark as SNK, the ridiculousness of that offspring is even more out of place. That was the spark for this story, and at first it was going to be a crack one-shot. That's… not the route it took me on. Enjoy!

Idealized

Levi is pulled from the inky, featureless depths of a perfect unconsciousness at about midnight, awakening to a loud banging sound and a deep desire to return whence he came. Unfortunately, years of self-training and horrible danger have made a light sleeper of him and he has no way of stopping the noise without getting out of bed, which will of course make it impossible to fall asleep again for at least a few hours. 'Oh for fucks sake.' Freshly pissed off and not even out from his covers yet; it has to be a new record.

Sliding his feet sideways onto the floorboards, he gets up and walks somewhat briskly to the door, unlocking it and pulling it open only to come face to face with the absolutely ecstatic visage of Hanji. He restrains himself from punching her in the face.

They'd both gotten back from the Maria territory and yet another extermination mission just before dark the day before, at which point he'd washed himself and gone to bed. Judging from her smell, she didn't do the same. How she's any less tired than him is beyond all the logic he possesses, but he's learned to disregard such things when it comes to her behavior. Hanji is Hanji, but that doesn't stop him from getting irritated.

"You have ten fucking seconds to tell me what you're so fucking happy about, and if you can't catch my interest in that time, I'm slamming this door in your face and going the fuck back to sleep." Her smile doesn't slip a centimeter, and it makes him want to kill something.

"The MP's broke up a tavern brawl barely an hour ago. Nothing especially interesting except that one of the people involved lost a finger." He doesn't care that she seems weirdly excited about something neither of them has any reason to be especially interested in. Levi's eyes narrow further and without another moment's thought his arm pulls across, closing his door.

"It started growing back on the spot, with steam and everything!" He stops short, his door barely a centimeter from clicking shut. He almost sighs, but by that point he's just awake enough to control the impulse. 'It's never going to fucking stop, is it?'

-B-

Charles wants to know why everything is so wrong.

Thanks to a very disgruntled stranger, he knows where he is: Stohess, year 850. He's been here for just under a day now, and in that time has come to the conclusion that he's either insane or completely screwed, possibly both. If his math is correct (and he takes some pride in the fact that it always is) his parents are barely 15, only recently graduated from training.

He isn't born yet and won't be for over a decade. 'All wrong, so wrong, what the fuck?'

"Oy! Shut up in there!" The guard is wearing the insignia of the Military Police. He's a bit taller than Charles, but doesn't look much older, perhaps a year or two; blue eyes, dark brown hair bordering on black, strong jaw. He's remarkably good-looking, really.

'He's also perfectly capable of killing you if you piss him off. Let's avoid that.' His mother is, as always, his voice of reason. He finds it easier to frame thoughts in her usual dry tone; somehow the ideas flow more readily.

'Keep your focus. Lose that and you lose everything else.' He inhales deeply, the way they taught him. He feels the pulse and flow of all the substances in his body, the pressures coming and going. The thumping behind his ribs slows and he expands his lungs to their full capacity before letting out the result with a quiet sigh. Finally, with everything back under control, he reopens his eyes.

His hands are tied in front of him with a thick length of rope, and he's sitting on the floor of a prison cell. By his estimation, it's about three meters by three by four. It might be cramped with a few more people, but he has this one to himself. His fellow arrestees are shoved rather unceremoniously into another to his left.

The entire cell excepting the stone-bricked back wall is made up of metal bars, iron judging by the incremental rust on them. He's sitting on a stone bench running along those same bricks. They cleared out his pockets and took his ring when they brought him in; yet another thing that sets him apart from the others. They know something about his abilities, but not everything, otherwise he'd be gagged and chained to the wall.

The city outside is a recovering wreck, like a coat that's become more holes and patches than original fabric. Everywhere he's gone in the last few hours has been at least touched by some sort of prior destruction. When he'd asked a woman what had happened, she'd given him a strange, empty look, muttered something about judgment and walked off. It doesn't make sense; he knows he can't be in Stohess. His parents never told him about anything like this happening.

And yet he's here and it clearly did.

Footsteps bring him back from a return to the brink of panic and he focuses on wondering who or what is coming. More arrests, or maybe a superior coming to examine him? Two people round the corner and the world gets even weirder.

Charles recognizes Levi immediately; though he notices belatedly that the man's hair is a shade or two darker than he remembers, his skin completely devoid of imperfections. Hanji takes a moment longer; age was evidently less kind to her than her colleague; she's without significant wrinkles and a few inches taller. He tries his best not to stare at her perfectly intact left ear, but it's a losing battle. There's a glint of metal and his eyes focus momentarily on the key that the guards hand to Levi. They leave, and it's just the three of them, plus the mostly passed-out bar-patrons in the next cell over. He notices offhandedly that the angry guard from before looks as good from behind as he does in front. 'Pity about his personality.'

"Alright, brat. I am in a very bad mood, so when I start asking questions, you're gonna give me some fucking answers, or limbs start falling off." Levi has threatened him before. Levi threatens everybody; it's just how he interacts. But as he makes the mistake of meeting the diminutive man's black-bagged eyes, Charles realizes that this is not a threat; it is a promise. Rather abruptly, he becomes intensely aware of the pulse across his right shoulder, all along the arm to his fragile, skinny fingers. He looks instead at Hanji's dark irises and is relieved to find the same mischievous twinkle that she would carry into her later years.

"What's your name?" He almost jumps at the sudden query, pulling back from one bit of contemplation and into another. Should he tell them the truth? For all he knows, they might kill him on the spot. He has no idea what sort of position his father has at this point, and if they decide he's a threat…

'A lie is best sold when mixed with truth.' She told him that after she caught him with dad's favorite shirt, shredded in a disastrous attempt to decorate it. The comparison brings some levity back to his mind, and he relaxes, if only a little. Really, he doesn't need to lie at all.

"Charles." He stands and meets the man's eyes. 'Intrigue them. Make them interested, but don't overplay yourself.' He applies his most nonchalant, disinterested face, though he knows he never quite mastered the art. Neither had dad, as mom constantly reminded the both of them.

"I guess you're the famous Levi Ackerman." He makes a show of looking the man up and down, raising an eyebrow as he goes just to further sell the display. "You're shorter than your reputation."

He barely wastes a second to watch Levi's incredulous glare develop before turning to his other visitor, smiling. "And you must be Hanji Zoe!" She doesn't quite beam back at him, but she certainly perks up. 'Do people not recognize her?'

"Stop flattering us, brat, it just makes you look like an ass. Let's see your hands." He blinks for a second, unsure until he realizes why members of the Survey Corp are there. 'Then the coup's already happened.' He does as he's told, holding up the complete, unblemished skin of his palms and fingers, splayed to either side of his bound wrists. Hanji looks ready to squeal.

"Levi, do you really think it's, uh, prudent to question him here?" She nods surreptitiously at the crowded cell next door. She's clearly trying to seem serious, but a grin keeps worming its way onto her face. "Maybe we should take him back to the HQ, so we can… interrogate him more freely?" She's almost leering now and Charles wonders if more than just her looks had mellowed with age.

It's begrudging, but as he looks at the group of slowly recovering drunks to his right, Levi nods. His glare returns full force to his newest problem and the boy wilts a bit. "Alright, shitty glasses. Go ahead and get the troops mobilized. No chances." She nods and bolts. Not five minutes later, the door unlocks and, pushed ahead at sword-point like the captive he realizes he is, Charles walks out into the last rays of the half moon.

-B-

Eren doesn't know why they're going down to the dungeons; there isn't anything of interest there. Well, mostly nothing, but Annie hasn't moved once since she crystalized, and staring at a motionless body loses its appeal after a few days.

Levi is just as silent as usual, if not more so. He hasn't said much except "Come with me," and doesn't seem about to explain beyond "He asked to see you," whoever "he" is. Erwin is similarly silent. Strangely enough, there's no sign of Hanji.

A legionnaire pulls the heavy door aside and they descend the stairs to the lower level, where he was kept before the trial. He doesn't like it down here. He doesn't know if it's a side effect of his powers, or just that ever-persistent urge for freedom, but the windowless walls, and tight corridors don't sit well in his gut.

The blazing torches cast menacing patterns of light on the stones and he is reminded just how strange it was to wake up down here. It makes him feel a bit sorry for whatever poor bastard they're going to meet.

Hanji's excited chattering voice echoes into his ears and the feeling only intensifies.

They turn a corner, coming abruptly to the cell, and find Hanji talking animatedly to a restrained boy who looks a bit older than Eren is. He has medium-length dirty blonde hair, and a face that manages to be both long and round. It's difficult to tell with the sitting position he is restrained in, but he seems to be of middling height, perhaps a bit shorter than average. The moment he comes into view, his gaze snaps to Eren and Hanji stops mid-sentence. It's difficult to tell what color his eyes are between the glinting torchlight and surrounding shadows.

"He's here, now start talking." Levi's voice is abrasive and cold as it bounces down the hall, magnified in the unnatural underground silence. The kid swallows awkwardly, and Eren thinks momentarily that until this moment, he had forgotten how stuffy it could get down in the cells with no ventilation, and blazing torches everywhere. "I was, uh, hoping that maybe I could talk to him alone." Erwin waved the comment aside, shaking his head. "That's not possible. You'll have to speak with all of us."

"Alright. But I'll warn you that everything I'm about to tell you is going to sound absolutely insane." Levi is tapping his foot now. Things might get dangerous if this idiot doesn't start getting to the point.

"My full name is Charles Yeager." Eren almost thinks he can hear the loud ringing of warning bells. He knows from his father's memories that he hadn't had any living relatives, and their name isn't exactly common. "I grew up in a small town, you've probably never heard of it. I found out about my abilities when I was five; cut my finger off playing with a kitchen knife. Five minutes later, it was back like nothing ever happened."

"And your parents were okay with that?" The kid gave an affirmative sort of shrug as if it were the most natural thing possible, smiling nostalgically. "They'd been expecting it, honestly. After all, I got the power from them."

"And who were they, then?" Hanji's head is cocked to the side in that strange, almost serious fashion, and Eren for the life of him, can't fathom why this kid keeps glancing in his direction like a lost puppy. "They were titan shifters, heroes."

"And I'm sure that they shitted gold and pissed rainbows too. Who the fuck were they?" The kid is staring down at his lap, rubbing his hands on his knees. "Well, it's like I told you, you're going to think I'm crazy."

Levi takes a single measured step toward the cell, eyes shadowed by his hair. "If you dance around the question one more fucking time…" Erwin's hand comes down firmly on his shoulder and he meets the prisoner's wavering gaze. "I think we would appreciate names, if you don't mind." Charles nods slowly and sighs. "Right… My parents were Eren Yeager and Annie Leonhardt."

For a moment, the only sounds are the torches crackling, as Eren's mind struggles to catch up to this most insane of statements. He steps forward, hands clenching into fists, teeth gritting. "Bullshit." It's little more than a whisper, but it fills the space just as greatly as the shout it precedes.

"That's bullshit!" Eren's entire world has narrowed down to this one ridiculous lie, so he doesn't see Levi's gaze flitting between him and Charles. He doesn't hear Hanji muttering thoughts under her breath, eyes wide behind her glasses. He doesn't feel the incredulous force of Erwin's raised eyebrow.

"You're insane!" And he must be, because how could such a thing be true? "You're the same age as me, older even! How could I be your father, let alone… her?" The blonde teen responds with a firm voice. "You tell me. Your guess is as good as mine."

And he sees it: the sardonic tightening of the eyebrows, slightly downturned mouth, somehow looking down on you from below. It's different, but the same. It's her.

He wants desperately to yell again, maybe punch something, but he can't think of anything more to say, so instead, he turns and stalks off around the bend. Whoever this kid is, Eren can't stand to look at him anymore.

So yeah, Ereannie is my current OTP, even though I know it has little to no chance of happening as a romantic pairing in canon, so I thought "What would have had to happen for this to be feasible?" More on that in the other chapters. I'm not sure how many there will be, but no more than five at the outside. Anyway, tell me what you think. What did you like, what are your thoughts in this vein?

Thanks for reading,

Scavenger