AN: This story came to me one night after re-watching Dream scenes and listening to music. The angst was inspired by the song "The Scientist" by cold play and also my mood when watching PCPD post breakup scenes again. For now it's gonna be a one shot/chapter, I do plan on continuing it though. I didn't think I'd enjoy writing the angst as much as I did in this, but it was fun. If anyone wants to be my beta reader in the future for stories and help me edit them properly please PM me, I don't know how the whole beta thing works lol.

Location: PCPD. Date: March 27th 2018

He walked away, barely looking in her eyes, barely speaking to her, he was hurt, he was broken. She broke him... She was crying, staring in his eyes, trying, hoping, willing him to look back into hers. She stared after him, tears flowing, heart breaking, falling faster and faster to rock bottom the further away he got. She was in pain, she was broken. He broke her. He was dying inside, he was broken. She broke him... 'Forever and beyond… if that's possible' she told him. 'Forever and beyond' he told her. Words, declarations that meant so much suddenly seem to mean so little, so hollow now. Those arms that made her feel so safe are gone, it's her fault. That anchor that centered him is broken, it's his fault. He's lost, she's exposed. She was his lifeline, he was her world. Four words tore it all apart. 'I still love him' that's what she told him and suddenly her world went dark.

She never expected that to be their breaking point. Why would it be? After all just because she still loved him didn't mean she wanted to lose her world, it didn't mean that her heart was suddenly his again. Her heart still belonged to the man that was her world. Her husband was after all her heart, her soul, her compass, and she loved him more than anything. She was so in love with him, she was his, but one moment made her doubt her heart. One moment made her doubt her 'forever and beyond' one moment made her wonder if she should've at least tried to give the man she "still" believed she loved a second chance before committing to her world wholeheartedly. One moment lead to an admission of something that would shatter everything she built, everything they built. One moment would shatter her world. One moment would finally make her world go dark, but it wasn't the moment she used to think that would do it.

She tried to be strong, she tried to find some light in the immediate darkness that followed her world leaving her. She tried to convince herself it was for the best at the time. That changed when she got that phone call from the PCPD. For a moment her heart stopped, for the briefest second she thought the impossible happened. For the briefest moment she was about to let that darkness consume her. She let out a breath that she didn't realize she was holding when the officer told her he was arrested and needed to be bailed out. She didn't know what to expect when she left his best friend with their kids and raced to the night clerk's office to post his bail or when she finally got to the police station to get him released, but she didn't expect what happened. She didn't expect to almost break down at the sight of the bruises on his face, she didn't expect for him to not look at her, she didn't expect him to walk away again, she didn't expect him not to look back.

Somehow she still had hope that he'd at least look in her eyes, cause then he'd be able to see that the love they shared wasn't some illusion, he'd be able to see that she wanted nothing more than for him to come home with her. That she wanted him to come back to their children, to come back to their bed, to come back to their life, to come back and fight for their marriage… their family. She still had hope that he'd let her take his hand and that they'd fight together. That hope shattered into a billion pieces when he walked away, the last words he said to her being 'I know'. That's when she knew that he knew, that she had hope, that he knew she loved him, that she wanted him… needed him, but that the damage was already done and there was no turning back. That was when she hit rock bottom and her world lost any spark of light it had left…

He walked out of the PCPD shattering with every step, he wanted to turn back, he wanted to take her hand, he wanted to go home, hold his kids in his arms and fight for his marriage… their family. He loved her with everything in him, she was everything to him, but he was broken. The light that love used to bring, the happiness, the peace, it's as broken as his heart. All that's left is a hole, darkness, pain. It all fell down, everything that they built together, all that he gave her was gone. Nobody ever said it would be easy, but nothing prepared him for it to be this hard. He never thought it would hurt him to look into the eyes of the woman he loves and that's why it was easier not to. Some scars just can't be reversed, some damage just can't be repaired and that's how he was feeling at the moment. Her tears killed him, but he couldn't bare to wipe them away… not this time, no matter how much he wished he could.

The love he had for her is still there, that's what hurts the most. He wished he could just stop loving her, he wished he could just love someone else too, maybe then it wouldn't hurt. 'She sure seems to be able to' was the bitter fact that ran through his mind on a loop. It's not as if he was delusional enough to believe that she didn't still love him, but he hates that he let the love they shared blind him to thinking that she wouldn't see it one day. He hates that he thought that if she didn't say it out loud, then maybe he was wrong. He hates that he reacted the way he did after she finally did say it out loud. He doesn't regret walking out, he regrets that at least momentarily he let him win. No it's never been about winning, it's always been about loving her and just being secure in her love for him, but just the thought that he could have her, that he could "win" and take HIS spot in THEIR life made him angry. He almost wanted to go back to her just to spite him because he knows that she would never walk away from their marriage, their love, the life they built no matter how much she still loved him.

He knew that no matter how much she doubted that she could commit to either one of them as long as she still loved them both, that she would commit to the one that she's with regardless at least until it all fell apart, but he didn't want that. He would never want that, he isn't that selfish, he isn't that stupid, or desperate, he isn't that guy. He loves her, unconditionally, unselfishly, wholeheartedly. She's it for him, that's why he could never be with her while she's still in love with him and her ex. He couldn't be with her while she was halfheartedly committed to him. He couldn't be with her while she was capable of loving two men at the same time when he was only capable of loving her. He meant it when he said those words to her, he's only ever loved her, for him there has never been anyone else as far as he can remember. Even if he did remember his past he just knows that he never loved anyone like this. That's why he's shattered seemingly beyond repair, that's why his world is dark. That's why he'll drown in a sea of alcoholic bliss, sorrow and pain, embracing the darkness as it comes. That's why there's no hope of a spark of light being left…

She didn't know where she was going when she left the police station, but she knew she couldn't go home, not now at least. The kids couldn't see her like this, and she couldn't look at them and pretend that she didn't just blow up their world as well as her own. They've been curious as to where their father had been the last couple of days and it pained her to know that while he was fighting his way back to them that she had been selfish enough entertain any thoughts of Jason. She laughed bitterly at herself because had she listened to her heart, she wouldn't be here. How could she go from being so sure of everything and having her mind and her heart in sync to everything falling apart? How could she doubt herself? How could she doubt the life she made with Drew? She walked away from her past with Jason, she buried it and she was content with that.

The feelings that he brought back along with his old face had faded after that kiss on New Years Eve. She thought she would've felt something then, something that would've stopped the train wreck that just hit before it could even leave the tracks. That night he kissed her was filled with nostalgia, and she missed him for the briefest of moments. When the fireworks started she was living in a moment in time years before the present and then his lips touched hers. She kissed him back for a second but then she cringed. Why did she cringe if the love she held for him for so long had made its way to the present? Well that was easy to answer because in that moment she knew it was a mistake, her heart wasn't in it, her heart wasn't his not anymore. So why is it that she let that past love come in between her present and endanger her future? What changed? She was content, she was happy, she was at peace… then that earthquake came. At first all she could focus on and worry about were her kids and Drew, they were everything. She made sure her kids were safe and Jason was there to help her get back to her love, but the universe was fucking with her that day.

She couldn't get to Drew and then all of the shit with Franco and Mike, the adrenaline, reliving the past again with the man she used to love, and almost dying by his side. It was that moment after surviving the explosion where she thought, where she truly believed that maybe she made a mistake, that maybe she should've explored a new life with the "real" Jason before going all in with Drew. 'Maybe you're not as over him as you thought' was what the little voice in her head told her. 'Maybe you're still in love with him' she ignored the doubt in her heart at the thought, ignored the little stab of pain those thoughts brought her soul. She ignored the rings on her finger, she ignored the vows ringing in the back of her mind and she said three words that she couldn't take back. Three words that she meant in the moment, but three words that she realized when it was too late didn't have the context she lead herself to believe they had. Yes, she would be a liar to say that she no longer loved him, she did… she always would. They had shared a life together, a son, a love that she thought she thought was irreplaceable, history. She never thought that she'd find something deeper, something truer, something everlasting... but she did and what fucked her up, what fucked her world up, what shattered her heart was the realization that the damage was done before she came to the conclusion that she wasn't actually in love with Jason anymore. It was somewhere between the conversation she had with her mother and Curtis that she realized just how badly she screwed up, how quickly she jumped the gun.

Somewhere between the nostalgia, the guilt of not trying, the fear of almost dying with him, and the adrenaline after surviving she confused it with still being in love. Somewhere between being happy to still be alive, grateful that he saved her, and him popping up constantly she got lost in her past. Somewhere in between being stuck in the days of yesteryear, all of her selfish little moments with her ex, and letting the days of old take over her present state, her husband was in danger of losing his life. She missed everything that was happening in front of her face, and then she found Drew's wedding ring on the floor of Jim Harvey's hotel room and her heart hit the floor. From that moment she couldn't focus on anything but finding him and getting him home, feeling guilty and hating herself for letting herself fall back into old habits with Jason, for doubting her choice, for doubting her heart.

It still wasn't enough though, to keep her from pulling the trigger that sent the bullet tearing straight through the love of her life's heart. It wasn't enough to stop the bleeding and keep the wound from becoming fatal. It wasn't enough to keep the tears out of their eyes as he pried himself away from her while she desperately tried to hold on. It wasn't enough to keep that ring on his finger or her from sliding down to the floor, staring at the door hours after he left crying tears of loneliness and pain wishing he'd come back. It wasn't enough, that she hated herself for what happened before and after everything imploded and it wasn't enough that she even came to the realization at all. She can't do anything to change what happened, but she realized that if she wanted to have even a glimpse of light back in her world that she couldn't let it end like this. She had to get herself together and she had to fight, even if he wouldn't fight with her. She was going to fix what was broken, or at least try, because at the end of the day what they shared is worth fighting for. Her wallowing in self pity was over, at least for now. Now she has to find her husband because she wouldn't let him surrender to the darkness.

He was walking aimlessly down the streets of Port Charles, the bottle of whiskey in his hands nearly finished now, hating himself for wallowing in his pain. Hating that the liquor didn't remove the memories replaying in his head over and over again. Memories of his life with her, memories of her life with him spinning together. All of the 'I love you's' all of the tears, all of the laughter, the pain, the happiness, the heartache. He had fifteen years worth of memories in his head of her, and until November of last year he thought that they all belonged to him. He remembered seeing her for the first time at Jake's bar in 2003 and meeting her a few months later in the interrogation room, but that wasn't him. No the first time he saw her was outside of sonny's house in 2014, the first time he met her was in General Hospital, after the facial reconstruction healed and after he had already forgotten "his" name. He remembered seeing Elizabeth for the first time in 1999, but that wasn't him. No, the first time he saw her shortly after he woke up from his coma in 2014. He remembered the first time he held Danny on the roof of the hospital after finding out he was alive and saving him in 2012, but that wasn't him. No, the first time he held Danny was in the Elizabeth's house on thanksgiving in 2014. He remembered meeting Jake for the first time the day he was born in 2007, but that wasn't him. No, he met Jake after lucky brought him home from Cassadine Island in 2015.

He had all of these memories of everyone that he met in his days as Jake Doe, everyone he thought he loved in a past as Jason Morgan, everyone he grew to love over the last four years of the new life he had built. Sometimes he didn't know where Jason ended and he began, he can see the last 20 odd years of his life so clearly, it still shocks him that only four years worth of those are his and his alone. Maybe that's what tore him apart the most, the fact that his whole life was a lie and now the love of his life shattered the trust he had in her. He didn't believe that it was all a lie between them, at least he didn't want to, but he couldn't help but doubt it. Everything was on repeat in his head, every interaction they've shared, every interaction he thought they shared. Did she love him because of him, or because he was a better version of Jason than the one with his old face? Deep down he knew the answer, she wouldn't have chosen him if he wasn't the one that had her heart. But does that matter now? Nope. 'I guess I'm just another casualty of love after all.' he thought as he downed the rest of the bottle in his hand before tossing it over the railing of the dock he ended up on. 'Maybe it would be better to just sail away forever.'

The thought had merit, but he wasn't the type of man to run away from his problems, at least that's one part of him that is not like his dear brother. He couldn't leave his children, he couldn't even leave his wife not until they figured everything out at least. The thought of divorce made him want to drown in the ocean beneath him, he wasn't ready to face that possibility, although he wasn't ready to fight or even think about fighting for them yet either. Therein lies his problem, he doesn't want to let go, and yet he doesn't want to hold on either. How do you let go of the only life you've ever known? How do you walk away from a family that brings so much joy, even in the worst of times? How could he look his kids in the eyes and tell them daddy's not going to be living with them anymore? Danny already has to bounce between his and Sam's house and Jason's every other weekend, he didn't really want to tell him that he's going to have to be bouncing between his other daddy and mommy now as well.

Since he and Sam have been together neither of their kids have had to go to bed without being tucked in by both of their parents and they never woke up in the mornings to a breakfast where Drew wasn't cooking and Sam didn't bring them down to help him with the food and setting the table. He couldn't remember a morning where Scout wasn't being silly beating pans under the counter, making a mess with pancake batter when he let her help, or where Danny wasn't trying not to spill some orange juice, or burn the food as badly as his mom does when she tries to cook. He couldn't remember a morning where he didn't open his eyes to Sam's head on his chest or feeling her lips on his as soon as she woke up and caught him staring. He couldn't remember a night where she didn't smile at him before saying she loved him after they finished making love for the millionth time. In fact since the first time they said it, with the exception of the last few nights that he hasn't been home they never went without those three little words or the actions to prove them. Hell after the first time they made love there hasn't been a day that they didn't even do it once, even days after Scouts birth they still engaged in sexual activities. He didn't realize how hard it would be to even think about living without the intimacy that they shared, without the bond that their family had, without the love that they built from the ground up.

Maybe it was the alcohol or the depression talking but he had a sudden need to find his wife and at the very least talk to her before allowing the darkness that settled over his world consume him. He needed to find his wife because no matter what he couldn't just let everything become just another memory…

Neither one of them knew how it happened but suddenly there they were, in front of each other at the place that their feelings for each other changed forever; Julian's garage. Both flash-backed to that spring day in 2015 when they had their first bike ride together, it was a moment between them that stuck with them, a moment that brought on feelings they would work hard to deny because they were with other people at the time. They never said a word to one another back then but it was the first time that they both realized that what they felt was more than friendship. Ironically enough it was also a moment that spurred them on in their other relationships. The bond they built though after that day was one that was stronger than anything they've ever shared with anyone else. As fucked up as it may seem they fell in love over the last few months they spent with him as Jake Doe, finding out he was Jason seemed to make all the coincidences fall into place. Drew would admit to her after they got together that he regretted fighting it for as long as he did, he regretted fighting his love, he regretted pushing her and Danny away. He always hated that he wasted that time, and he always tried to make up for that lost time. Sam was just happy back then that Jason wasn't dead and that she had a chance to get to know him all over again. She fell for him before she even knew who he was, she wasn't with him to relive the past and as happy as she was when he finally got "his" memories back, a part of her had been scared that they'd lose the new life they built to the one they had in the past. She never could express how grateful she was that they didn't.

They had been through so much since they met, but through it all the one consistent thing had been their connection. It was the strongest, most incredible bond that either of them had ever known. It all started with Danny running into his hospital room that fateful October day. Sam had never been more grateful for her son's adventurous/rebellious side, not to say that she didn't think that she and Drew wouldn't have ended up together regardless, but she couldn't imagine having to wait any longer to meet him. She wishes they met sooner or that she had stayed in that hospital room to see him wake up. Both of them have often wished that she was the one he opened his eyes to that day, but after all they shared neither would change a thing about how they ended up together. Looking at each other now, regardless of the hurt they were currently feeling both knew that, that statement still rung true.

"Hi" he spoke first seeing as how she seemed to be speechless and that the tears were about to start again, he didn't want to see her cry again.

At the sound of his voice she ran into his arms and held onto him for dear life, vowing to never let go again even if he didn't hold her back. She ignored the darkness threatening to swallow her whole as he just stood there without embracing her back, just taking solace in the fact that he hasn't pushed her away from him. When she was about to let go there was a brief moment where she felt him rub her back before he pulled back and told her they needed to talk. That was the understatement of the year, she thought before agreeing with him. There was an apartment above the garage that Julian had given to Drew when he was trying to at least give his "marriage" to Hayden a try. He still had the keys to the place and Julian never really kicked him out, for that he was grateful because on his bike rides during the whole who's the real Jason drama he would come to this place a lot, whether it was to just drink beers in silence or finish the work on the custom bike he was building for Sam. He planned on giving it to her for her birthday, but he couldn't even think about where they'd be months from now at the moment and he didn't want her to see it and start asking questions so he took her through the back and straight to the apartment. She was a little confused as to why they were going to the apartment upstairs and why he even still had the keys to the place at all but she asked no questions as she followed him.

When she walked in she immediately saw the pictures of them and their kids along the walls and it brought tears to her were so many questions running through her mind, starting with how long he's had the place and did he plan on living here now? 'No, don't go down that road right now' she told herself. Drew could see the wheels turning in her head and knew he should stop that train before it leaves the station. He wasn't in the mindset to answer the questions he figured she had coming.

"You want a beer or something?" he asked as he chucked the keys on the kitchen counter.

"No, just a water is fine." she answered softly.

"Water it is then." he said opening the fridge grabbing a bottle of water for her and a beer for himself. Cracking the bottle open he figured he'd answer the question that was probably at the forefront of her mind before starting the conversation that will decide the fate of their marriage.

"Your dad let me keep this place after the whole Hayden situation. I didn't want to keep staying in the metro and I didn't want to live off of Elizabeth so I stayed here most of the time."

"So, why not stay here after you moved out and everything? Why buy the other place?"

"No room for the kids. I mean granted that place didn't really have any room for them and I was sleeping in the front room it was bigger, and had a yard. You know me, I didn't mind the minimalist lifestyle." he told her.

"Yeah, well this suits you better than that place ever did." she responded.

"Yeah…" taking a swig of his beer he sighed. "We really need to talk about us Sam."

"I know. I'm glad you want to talk, I know you probably don't want to have this conversation though. I was looking for you tonight after you left the police station. I didn't think I'd find you."

"You're right, this isn't really a conversation I really want to have, but we're married, we have children, and we're adults. We have to handle this situation like adults. I started to look for you too after some thinking."

"And some drinking, I see." She stated softly.

"And a lot of drinking." He responded sardonically.

"Are you sure that now is the best time to have this conversation?"

"No, but I know if I waited any longer we probably wouldn't have it at all. We've always talked about things no matter how hard, I'm not trying to find out how things could spiral if we just let this fester."

"Okay, you've got me there, I don't want to think about how badly things could've turned out if we didn't end up here tonight, but I don't want you to have to drink your way through a conversation with me, that's never been you. Why start now?" she asked, her heart breaking some more at the sight of him in his current state.'I did this to him'

"Wh- Why start now? Why start now?" he asked incredulously. "For fucks sake Sam. Why do you think I've been drinking? Maybe it's because after spending three days away from my wife wondering if I was going to die in some sealed off tomb of cement with Franco of all people, I just wanted to come home and hold her close, kiss my children and thank God that I didn't leave them. All I wanted to do was make love to you again and just go to sleep with your head on my chest after telling you I loved you before closing my eyes tonight, but did that happen? No! No, instead I took a shower, kissed our kids goodnight and came downstairs to you thinking that all was finally right in my world again only to have the rug get pulled out from under me yet again. So yes, I'm drinking, I've been drinking from the moment I left the house and I don't really plan on stopping anytime soon. You say it's not me, well I gotta be honest honey, I'm not feeling too much like myself at the moment." he finished sadly. He was hurt, angry and yeah he was drunk, and no he didn't feel like himself but no matter how he was feeling he still couldn't bring himself to yell at her.

She noticed that too, he didn't lash out at her, he never did, he never even yelled at her, not after the first and only two times a few years ago. He always tried to take care of her, always stayed gentle with her even when he was pissed. It was one of the many reasons she loved him, but boy did she wish he would just yell or scream at her now, the anger would be a lot more easier to bare than the sadness. She could heard the pain in his voice, the hurt he was feeling was palpable, it was the same hurt she was feeling, the same sadness. She was angry at herself even more now, seeing how bad the damage is now she didn't know how to get through to him, to make him believe that she loved him and that she wished she could take this whole week back. She wished she could at the very least rewind back to six hours ago where they were happy just to be back in each other's arms.

"I'm sorry baby, I'm so sorry. You have no idea how sorry I am, you have no idea how much I love you. Do you think that I didn't want all of that too?' her voice broke as she tried to keep the tears at bay. 'That's ALL I wanted to do, that's all I STILL want to do. I didn't want any of this though Drew! I didn't want us to be like this. You and our family mean everything to me! Don't look at me like that okay, I know I have had a funny way of showing it these last few days, but I swear you're everything. I'm sorry that I was so wrapped up in nostalgia, guilt and reliving the past that I've endangered our chances at the future we were planning on having. I'm sorry that I didn't take the time out to deal with my feelings like I should've in the beginning, but honestly babe after that kiss there was nothing for me to sort out. My heart is yours, my soul is yours, my body is yours-"

"Except you're all his too right?' he interrupted, not really being able to take anymore of what she was saying. She was about to dispute that but he continued 'You're right, you've had a funny way of showing your love lately, not that I've been around to really catch on the last couple of days being stuck in hell with Franco after all. You say that you've been wrapped up in the guilt and nostalgia, you've been reliving your past. What about your present? What did you think would happen? Were you going to be sneaking around my back whispering words of love, having moments, and pulling a Jason and Liz type of emotional affair behind my back? Or did you think that you'd tell me the truth and that I'd just say 'okay honey, that's fine sort your feelings out' while I what? Continued like nothing happened? Was I supposed to wait until the day I came home to you telling me you choose him? I mean I'm curious as to what was going through your mind, did you even think it through? In what way would this have not only endangered our future together, but obliterate it completely? Huh? And what do you think is supposed to happen now? How do we make it from this place? Because I have no clue, I went looking for you because despite everything that happened tonight you're still my wife. We still have a family, I still love you and even though I'm hurt and angry I can't think of going back to a life where you're not in it. Not now at least, if ever. So what do we do? What now? We can't change what happened, but I'm not sure we can move forward, so what can we do?" He asked hopelessly.

How can they fix this? How can they get past the pain and back to the love? Neither of them knew, but that's why they're here now.

The tears kept rolling down her face as she shook her head to all of it. Every word, every question twisted the knife in her heart, she could feel it twisting in his as well. Her heart was begging her to find a way to get rid of this pain. There were a thousand emotions running through the both of them at the moment, but for Sam the main ones were hurt, pain, anger and denial. Anger at herself for being so stupid. Hurt because of the doubt of her love, seeping off of him. Pain because every question he asked felt like it's own individual knife to the heart. Denial because she still can't face the fact that their entire future was on the line now.

"No, no, no, no, no, NOOO! God No! Drew, No! Everything I am is yours! You have to believe that. I know, Drew I know that just hours ago I was singing another tune and saying that my heart couldn't let him go. But I swear baby I swear that the second you walked out of that door everything in me left with you. The thought of living without you again, kills me. The thought of sleeping without my head on your chest every night, is suffocating. The thought of not waking up to the sound of your heartbeat every morning is not a life I can bare living.' Her voice broke again and a sob let loose as she continued 'Was I going to be having an emotional affair behind your back? Is that what you think of me now? I don't know what I was thinking, truth be told I wasn't really thinking at all. All I know is that suddenly I was caught up in all of these emotions that I thought I had put to bed months ago and my mind didn't go beyond that. Losing you didn't even cross my mind, and yes that was naive and stupid and maybe even a little pathetic of me to have believed, but not once did I think of leaving you, or think of you leaving me. I guess my love for you makes me delusional in that aspect because I didn't think that the feelings I felt for him would come between our marriage. Why would I? Those feelings didn't overshadow the love we share, they didn't make my heart scream out for him, they didn't make me want to lose the life that we built together. It was all just spiraling and when Jason's involved spiraling is just the norm. You weren't around and suddenly after that explosion my whole world fell out of sync. I lost sight of who I am now and fell into who I used to be; ie the girl that was in love with him. He had just saved my life and it was after having to convince him to save Franco which had already pushed me right back into 2012 as if the last six years hadn't happened, as if I hadn't already forgiven the bastard and moved on. It was like I hadn't already been down this road with you four years ago, it was like he had just come home and we had just gotten our son back and we were starting fresh and Franco was just more baggage to clear out. And for a moment after he saved my life, I stayed in those feelings and let them take over. I took you, our life, and our family for granted. I treated my present life as an afterthought and was just basking in the glory of old. I was stupid enough to come to aurora to try and tell you of my sudden epiphany and you were gone and then there was that phone call where you rushed me off the phone and before I could dwell on it there he was. I guess what confused me and spurred these sudden feelings on was his constant appearance. He was just always there and I just… The last few days, tonight, it's all been… I don't know, I can't explain it. I haven't been myself lately, and I think I've lost sight of who I am."

Drew took a minute to look at her in his drunken haze, she was still beautiful even if she looked like a puppy that had just been kicked, snot nose and all. That thought almost made him want to laugh, almost. He hated that she could still draw him in, but she had and he knew she always would. She was always his kryptonite and that would never change, but it's only been less than a day so maybe just maybe he could build some resistance to her over time. Sure Jan, good luck with that one came that sarcastic thought. He didn't know how long he looked at her or how much time has passed since she finished talking, but before he knew it she had her hands on his face telling him that she was sorry over and over again almost frantically with words of love in between. It was in that moment that Drew felt like something else was going on with her. Was the toxoplasmosis back? He didn't know but somehow he knew that wasn't it, boy how he would love to blame a disease for what's going on with them now.

After a minute he realized that he was starting to get too introspective again as he felt Sam's hands slide from his face to her own and as her head his his chest he could feel her literally shaking from the intensity of her sobs. Every sob cracked his soul a little bit more and he couldn't take it anymore before wrapping his arms around her tightly and kissing her head. He loved her and he's never seen her this… fragile? This broken. It ate at him, and no matter how much it killed him, he knew she'd have to be the one to make herself whole again...

Sam didn't know how long she stood there waiting for him to say something, anything as he looked at her but every second chipped away at her killing her slowly. It was when she saw his eyes lose focus as if he was no longer looking at her but through her that broke the camel's back. She couldn't handle that look it was the one he gave her at the PCPD. She all but ran to him putting her hands on his face begging him to forgive her, apologizing over and over and trying to get him to see that she loved him. For a second she saw him click back in focus again and she thought he would speak, but the moment was gone before she could blink and she broke down.

The intensity of the emotions that hit her was shocking to her, but she couldn't keep the sobs from coming, she couldn't keep herself together. This wasn't her, she always thought she was stronger but in this moment she felt fragile, and she was already shattered. When she felt his arms wrap around her and his lips on her head she cried even more. She loved him and his arms used to give her a sense of peace, security, safety and completeness, she still felt three out of four of those things but she wasn't complete anymore, because she knew he was incomplete too. Their broken parts couldn't put each other back together this time. No matter how out of sync they seemed to be right now and no matter how much he comforted her tonight she knew he wasn't going to be the one to make her whole again, that was her responsibility. That fact being confirmed as soon as he pulled back and started to speak.

"I never doubted your love for me Sam. I know you love me, I feel it everyday. That's not the issue, the issue is him, the love you have for him that's what I doubted, that's what had me waiting for the other shoe to drop. You might feel like you've had an epiphany when I left you tonight but what am I supposed to do with that? Take you back? And then what? Sam I can't wait for you to wake up a year from now to tell me the same damn thing you told me tonight, I can't wait for the day you come and crush my heart again. I don't want you to resent me and the life we have because you wake up one day and realize you've wasted too much time and didn't try with him. I wouldn't be able to take the pain of that again and then what about the kids? You think that you lost sight of who you are? Well how can you be sure of anything if you aren't sure of yourself? I love you Sam, that will never change, but we can't change what's happened. We're broken, I can't complete you and you can't complete me. Not like this… we need time. I want you to be my wife again and I want to be your husband again, and I hope one day we get back to that point because everything I am is yours. It always has been, and I want it to stay that way, and I want to believe that the same goes for you but right now I can't. Right now things are just too damaged, our marriage is in shambles. We can't go back to the way things were. Right now we can't be anything other than parents to our kids." He told her with his hand on her face caressing it softly as if it's the last time he'll ever get to touch her like that again.

His words and his hand did nothing to soothe the pain in her heart. She wasn't sure of herself that was true, but the one thing she knows for a fact is that she loves him. It didn't matter how damaged she was, every piece of her shattered heart was screaming out for him, HIM. Sam could feel that darkness starting to take over what's left of her heart and she was trying to keep herself together. She couldn't lose him, ever and damn sure not like this. They had to fix this, she wanted her husband back, she wants to be his wife again. She knew he was right about not being able to go back, but he wanted to get back to them and so did she. That had to be enough to quell the darkness for now, because for now there was still hope that they could get back to who they were before this last week ever happened. So for now she'd do it his way, she'd work on herself, for her own sanity, for her children, and for their family. They started over before, they beat the odds before so they could do it again… right?